The gentle rocking of the train threatens to lull me to sleep. It's dark now; we had to wait for a while in the train station to catch the last train back to New Ridge. So far, the return journey seems to be taking longer. Maybe it's because we couldn't convince Naomi Harm into caring about her daughter enough to forgive her.
I texted my parents and told them I'm hanging out with Max. Max told him that he was hanging out with Heather.
"Trust me," he told me earnestly, "They'd rather I knock up a girl than be on a train alone with another guy."
I simply nodded, wondering if this is how I made Max feel whenever I was too busy with Chance to even think about him. Betrayal stings.
"I wish we could help Felix," I murmur, forcing my eyes wide open to look over at Max. We're separated by a table again.
"Can't we just save one Harn at a time?" There's no malice in his words as he shakes his head sadly, undoubtedly relating to Felix's predicament. "You can't save everyone, Rory."
I want to save you, though, Max. I want to save you from your dad and all the awful things he does to you and how he makes you feel like you're not worthy of love, I think but don't bring myself to say the words.
Instead, I say, "Do you want to sit next to me?"
Max is up like a shot. "Yeah."
I swing my legs off the seat beside me to make room for him. His proximity, I realise as he slides in next to me, makes my nerves thrill inside me.
I wonder if he feels this too.
So I shut my head off from overthinking and ask him if he feels it too. Embracing the fact I need to open up to my feelings to feel the good stuff too — just like Max said at the bonfire.
"You might have to specify what you're on about." Max's mouth twists into a smirk.
"Like, a sort of excitement when we're close. Even if we're not touching. It makes me feel... tense, but in a good way," I explain as clearly as I can; it's tough to explain the inexplicable.
"Are you telling me that I make you horny, Rory Brewer?" His knee nudges against mine and he leans closer to me, and I feel that rushing excitement escalate.
Taking advantage of this newfound sexual confidence, I counter, "What if I am, Max Bellamy?"
"Then I wish we weren't on a public train."
"We're in an empty carriage." I point out.
"But anyone could walk in any minute..."
"Can I kiss you?" I rush out before he can say anything else.
"Rory, you've no idea how badly I've been wanting you to ask that question," he admits, his cocoa-brown gaze resting on my lips.
My heart flutters in my speechlessness.
Bringing a hand to the back of Max's neck, I lean in and press my lips against his. He moves closer and kisses me back. Even this gentle, soft kiss sets my body on fire — I don't let myself dare imagine what a hard kiss would feel like.
As if reading my thoughts directly, Max gasps and intensifies the kiss — sliding his tongue against mine seamlessly. His hand finds my leg and slides up my thigh, curving in towards my crotch.
I break off the kiss to suck in a breath — it's my turn to gasp.
"I— Sorry." Max starts moving his hand away, but I grab onto it and replace it.
"That was a good gasp," I reassure him.
"Okay." He forces a smile onto his face, but he seems to have startled himself — I guess this is almost as new to him as it is to me.
Even though I don't really want to take things slowly at all, I murmur to him, "How about we slow this down?"
Max nods but again, there's that magnetic pull drawing him to me — and drawing me to him. It's hard to stay apart from him.
Then the train pulls up into the station at New Ridge and Max's face pales. He moves away from me and is waiting for the door to open.
Frowning, I glance out the window. Ian Bellamy is standing on the platform with a thunderous expression clouding his face.
Nausea rises in my stomach; while I get to go home to loving parents, Max has to face a completely unjustified and absurd punishment because he loves me.
He doesn't glance back as he rushes out of the train.
The search for the truth continues the next day at school. I get in early to meet up with Lilia and Heather, as they asked me to over text. We meet in the library, which is always quiet in the mornings.
After explaining to the two of them very briefly the fact that Ms Harn doesn't give a damn about Chance, I ask, "What is it?"
"So we broke into the police station last night—" Heather starts.
"I thought you were grounded?" I frown at her.
"Well, I am — but my mum works at the station, so technically I wasn't doing anything wrong—"
"But you broke into the police station?" I ask incredulously.
"I did," Lilia corrects. "Heather distracted the officers and I snuck into the evidence room. They don't have much on Chance's case, but I did manage to steal her phone."
"And?" It doesn't faze me that the police barely have any evidence to help Chance's case.
"There's an app that Heather's brother developed at uni this year, and when installed, it can track the phone's location and calls throughout the day," Lilia explains, pausing when she sees me open my mouth.
"That's great and all, but I'm guessing Chance didn't just happen to have this app on her phone on the day she went missing. And how did it survive the waterfall?" I'm glad that Lilia and Heather actually did something — and that Heather seems to be being useful — but I can't help but be doubtful.
"We downloaded the app and I hacked into the mainframe to rewire it. And then we'll go through the phone's history — especially since it wasn't used after Chance went off the waterfall — and try and figure out if anything major happened," Heather tells me.
"And the police found Chance's phone in the middle of the woods; it must've fallen out of her pocket while you and she were running..." Lilia explains.
"Right..." I take a moment to let this information overload sink in — particularly the fact that Heather has hacking capabilities. "How long will it take you to do the hack?"
She holds up Chance's phone, where a loading bar reads 36%. "It's already underway. I don't think it should take much longer."
"Okay, that's great," I tell them, "Thank you both. I think that'll be really helpful."
"We can meet at mine tonight to go over the data," Lilia suggests, pulling her bag onto her shoulder. "My mum's out, so we'll have the house to ourselves."
"I can tell my parents I'm doing a group project." Heather nods quickly, revealing herself to be eager to continue helping.
"Well, technically, it is a group project." Lilia grins at her, then her expression morphs into shock. "Oh my God... What happened to Max?"
I whip around to see Max limping over to us in the library, which is steadily becoming busier with people doing last-minute homework.
"I'll go see if he's okay," I say and dart over to him before he has to walk any further.
"Hi..." His eyes don't seem to be able to meet mine. I can already tell that his dad gave him hell last night.
"C'mon," I tell him, "Let's get away from these people."
There are a couple of breakout rooms next to Greene's counselling office, meant to be safe spaces for kids freaking out. I've never had to use one before — normally I can hardly make it out of a classroom before it's too late and Max has to step in.
But now it's time for me to step in for Max.
I lead him into one of those rooms and lock it from the inside, pulling the blind down across the thin rectangular window to shut us out from the view of those in the corridor.
Max plants his hands against the wall and lets out a choked sob.
"Can I see?" I ask, knowing that I have a couple of bandage-material pads and micropore tape in my bag for the odd occasion I fall off my skateboard.
He nods, and I help him ease off his bag, and then his blazer. His face is streaked red with tears as he turns to face me. I raise my hands to his tie and undo it, before unbuttoning his shirt.
"I bet this isn't how you pictured me undressing you for the first time, huh?" I tease lightly and succeed in bringing a small smile to his face.
"Not exactly." He sniffs.
He turns away from me again as he pulls his shirt off his shoulders.
The cross is red and raw, the slashes threatening to tear into bloody strips once again. My heart sinks: this is the price Max pays to be with me.
I grab my bag and the bandages and the tape. Systematically, I clean the cuts with a wipe the tape the pads to his back, covering up the brutal truth that both of us know so clearly.
Once I'm finished, Max turns back to me. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me," I tell him. "You shouldn't have to be treated this way. Don't you have any other family in New Ridge that would take you in?"
He shakes his head. "They're all homophobic bastards as well."
I make a mental note to ask my parents if Max can stay with us.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this." I can't help but feel guilty.
"You're worth it," Max reassures, reaching his hand out and squeezing my arm.
I pull him into an embrace, making sure I wrap my arms around his shoulders. He buries his face against my neck, and I hold him close as his eyes dampen once again — leaving salty tears on my skin.
"We'll figure this out," I tell him, but I'm not just talking about Chance anymore. I'm talking about me and him and making sure he's okay.
He nods.
"I care about you a lot," I confess and hold him while tears shake his body.
Max has biology second period and I have a free period, so I call my dad. Even though he's at work, I know he'll make five minutes to talk to me — especially if I tell him it's important.
"Hi, Dad." I bite my lip. "Can I talk to you real quick? It's kinda important."
"Of course, what's wrong?" I hear him get up and shut his office door. "Is it about Max?"
"H-how did you know?" I stutter, utterly dumbfounded.
"It doesn't take a genius to figure out you care about him," Dad says pointedly. "It sure did take you a long time to work it out though."
"Mhm. Well, he sort of has a problem at home because of... me, basically." I curse myself silently as I realise that helping Max has implications; he made me promise not to tell anyone about how his dad treats me. But maybe I can skirt around the whole truth and just tell Dad the integral parts...
"Is this the sort of problem where his parents don't want anything to do with him?" Scepticism tinges on his tone.
"Yes." I grit my teeth. "You saw how his parents were at that stupid dinner party. His dad treats him worse at home. Like, a lot worse." I put extra emphasis on my words, hoping to convey the gravity of the situation.
"And what do you want me to do about it?"
Keeping my tone tentative, I suggest, "I was wondering if Max could maybe stay with us for a couple of days? At least until we can get him to talk to social services about his dad."
"Let me guess. You want him to sleep in your room too."
"I honestly hadn't thought about that," I admit truthfully; I had been thinking about Lauren's old room but now Dad's suggested that...
"I'll talk to your mum about it," Dad tells me. "But I think you should bring Max back home with you after school this afternoon. After all your mum's charitable efforts, I highly doubt she'd turn away someone who needs help."
"Oh — that reminds me," I exclaim. "Is it okay if I go around to Lilia's after school? We've got this group project and—"
"That's fine, Rory," he says. "I have to get to a meeting soon, okay? Talk later."
"Bye." I hang up.
I spend the rest of the hour cracking through some computer science coursework, only looking up when Max comes over to me in the library.
He sinks into the chair next to me. "Hey."
"Fancy a sleepover tonight?" I ask him — much to his surprise. So I quickly explain to him how I spoke to my dad, and basically cleared it with him first.
"Rory, you didn't have to..." he begins, but I can see the gratitude rushing through him — escaping to my heart through his gorgeous chocolate eyes.
"Yes, I did," I tell him and nudge my leg against his under the table. "Now we just have to make it through the rest of the day."
"That's okay. You're already making it easier," he admits to me.
And I only just refrain from kissing him right there in the middle of the school library.