Present
Taehyung pov
Tears rolled down as I explained everything to her. I realised the reason isn't how hard it had been . As I recalled everything realisation hit me . I don't deserve her. How can I ask for her forgiveness. I dragged her into this mess. My hands were tied, eyes were blindfolded. I couldn't do anything. She has done nothing but loved me .
"Wow, I'm speechless" she mumbles. I looked down. Too coward to meet her gaze. "All this time, our relationship.. everything was just a game l for you?.. you could've shared with me . I'm sure we could've done something" she sadly sighs. "I---"
" You're an assh*le. You throwed away what we had. You failed to trust me . You broke my heart taehyung. How---" I cut her off.
I deserve this. I'm traumatized by the time I've spend without her. My head is down. She's standing infront me. There's jimin standing at the door. He arrived minutes ago, when yn was yelling at me.
" I know I made a mistake. Please I beg for your forgiveness. Give me a chance to prove myself. "
Y/n pov
" I don't think we have any future. Stop trying"
" I still have feelings for you " I chuckled. Our relationship ended by him. "You don't love me taehyung, you said it 5years ago. You're just guilty for what you've done." He shook his head. Meeting my eyes.
"You're aggressive, you got anger issues. You couldn't control yourself taehyung. What you gonna do if someday our kid wished he/she never had a father like you? I would never want my kids to go through from I went."
"I promise I'll work on it, I'll try can fix that." His words rushed out desperately. "I'll try harder, I'll do whatever you want."
"What I want is for you to leave me alone. I don't love you anymore. I just don't."
He shook his head. "You do, I know you do. Give me a chance to prove it to you. Give me a chance to be what you need and want. There's still hope for us." His eyes were on mine, silently gauging me, and the tension tightened so hard I thought it might snap but then he opened his mouth to expel a sigh and what he did next took my breath right from my lungs.
He dropped to his knees in front of me.
Kim Taehyung was kneeling for me.
My heart tighten. "What the hell are you doing?! Get up!"
He shook his head. "Go on a date with me".
"
I want to go on a date with you, a proper date with you. I want to show you just how much I want what we had. Let me earn your love and trust back yn."
His lips were pursed. He hesitated. "I promise if you don't feel anything when we're done. I'll leave for good."
My stomach knotted with confusion. "I..."
"Just say yes, that's all I want." Something in his voice lured me in, and it kept trying to break through my barrier and reach for my fragile heart.
"Stop." I choked. "Stop trying to take away my choice in this. And quit whatever you think you're doing because it's not going to work."
He knew how to get to me. God, he still had so much control over me.
"I lost my dignity to you. You think of me as a fool?. Isn't late taehyung to say these words?. ... " JUST WERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN I WAS THROWN IN THAT FUCKING PRISON? . "WHERE DID YOUR TRUST WENT TAEHYUNG?" I feel my throat burning from the yelling. I don't remember the last time I let out my inner words.
"I've had enough of this." I turned away from him and simply walked out.
He didn't stop me. He didn't call out to me. I wouldn't have relented even if he did. I just walked.
And I walked.
I walked.
I walked.
Without thinking, I stopped, my hands curling into a tight fist.
I told him no because it was not worth it.
Because I didn't have faith in him anymore.
I laid my heart on the table for him, I practically handed him a knife and trusted he wouldn't slice me. He did, without hesitation, he sliced me. He had the power to hurt me like no one else did. I'd finally collected that power back, but now he was begging so desperately for it again.
Gosh, why was my body still burning for this man?
Eunji's face flashed in my head. His father, how worried he's for taehyung.
Everyone deserved love.
I closed my eyes tight and cursed out.
Stupid, stupid, stupid vulnerable heart. I hate myself for this.
I turned back and began to walk to him.
Maybe this was the way, maybe if I gave him this chance and he messed up, I would finally let go. Yes.
When I walked back in, he was still on his knees, his head bowed. Jimin was staring at him.
It broke me that it took him this long to realize my worth.
"T-Taehyung" My voice broke but I tried to stay put together.
His head snapped up immediately, his dazzling eyes meeting mine.
I inhaled sharply. "I'll go on a date with you."
His eyes widened. "You will?"
I nodded at him.
He bursted into tears. He's still on his knees. Hands covered his eyes. Hiding his tears. But i already witnessed it.
My heart ached. "You're not serious" he choked his words. I never saw him cry like this. Never ever. Seeing him made me rethink my decision.
Was I too hard? Was I too cruel?
"I'm serious and you better stop crying or else I might change my decision" I think my tone came out rude. Take it easy on that poor soul.
••••
After what happened in hospital. I was on hiatus from office. My body felt exhausted. Past week was hard. And about the date taehyung asked me about..
No we've not went on a date. I would've gone but I was so occupied the entire week. Yeri wedding preparations. Choosing designs. Accompanying her shopping because she won't go alone. And when I told her I need to go office "I won't do any shopping if you and Mina aren't coming" she whinned like a kid.
Is this a child marriage? Cause she's surely a child. Then we booked a spa for her, she needs to look perfect on her special day. Then her bridal shower. Thankfully she didn't ask us to come with her for choosing her wedding dress . I pushed some brains in her "that's something a groom and a bride should do. What are you a 14year old ?"
Speaking of groom . It was just another day of preparations. We would discuss everything together. And I swear I had no idea taehyung would show up at the door. Just because I didn't checked his texts.
It wasn't intentional..
I swear
It
Wasn't.
I just had no idea where I left my phone.
To his surprise lucas opened the door for him.
"" What the hell are you doing here ?"" I a flinched. I quickly ran towards the door.
Omg
No
The
Heck.
Taehyung was holding lucas collar. Mostly choking him. I quickly ran to help lucas. "Taehyung leave him, what are you doing?"
"Yn he, what is he doing here." It was my fault for not revealing yeri's groom aka lucas. I took him in my room. Explained everything.
Holy shit
It still haunts me about what would have happened if I wasn't home.
That grown ass man has anger issues. He really needs to work on it. I told him to which he replied with a frown.
"I'm sorry! I'll work on it. If you want I'll go for therapy, but don't be angry at me "
My heart crumpled. I didn't mean to act rude.
He would show up at my door every single day. Even though I was on leave.
He said he won't mind a bit struggle.
He never left my side . But that doesn't changed my feelings for him. He didn't brought up the topic. He was just there. Making sure I was okay.
Yeri walked down the aisle. Holding a bouquet. Her face covered with a veil that didn't entirely hide her Beauty. She smiled at my direction as she walked intervening her hands with her father.
A smile formed on lucas face as he took her hand. He nodded at her father. The priest started the vows. A cheer started as they kissed. ...
Stupid heart
My stupid heart.
I have no idea why I'm tearing up.
A hand sneaked on my waist. I flinched . My heart started hammering. His warm breath touching my cheeks.
"Baby we need to talk" he whispered in my ear.
"About what ? "
"Our divorced papers messed up. We're still married"
??????
" What!" He takes me somewhere. Somewhere taking my hand in his .
"I wonder if you'd slow down a bit, I really can't catch up with you taehyung" he slowed down catching my steps.
We disappear through the crowd. Through the hallway and then a room. He closed the door and heavyly sighed.
"What are you talking about taehyung?"
"We're not still married, okay"
"The divorce papers never went to court, to make us apart" I scoffed
"You think I'll believe this?, JUST WHAT PROOF YOU'VE!" I think I lost my last string of patience. Like man I was just enjoying watching my bestie walking down the aisle and the next moment I'm losing my temper.
" You should calm down first"
" You... Mean we're still married, now are you force me ? . You don't feel guilty for what you have..." Even before I realise my words he interrupts me . This time with calm, smoothing voice .
"Do you really think that low of me ?" I don't.
"My whole life was never in favor of me. You come out of blue and tell me we're still married trying to get back with me, so let me tell you this Mr Kim Taehyung that's not happening. I'll file a divorce asap and this time I make sure this divorce happens " The feeling of tightness in my chest. My heart is burning. I feel my tears drop from my face and I swear to god, I fucking hate the feeling of helplessness.
" Fine! File a divorce, go on what you want to do. But one thing yn I'm not giving up even if it takes years for you to forgive me. I've come so far into this and I have no plans of backing off." He closed the distance between us which was enough for two people to stood.
His thump work up to wipe the tears . He caresses my cheek. I found myself lean into his touch. "Please don't cry baby" he plants a kiss on my temple.
" I won't force anything on you, you can count on me yn . I'll always be there for you. I promise " . I wonder if I ever heard anyone say these words to me .
Some pages from yn's personal diary :
10year old yn:
I don't like birthdays. That makes me cry. It always does. Today when I return from school I found my new bag torned. Maybe it because of weight of books the fabric was torned. I was scared as always. I donno how to tell this to my parents. Mom will let it pass, I'm worried about dad. When we got home I told him about the bag. I couldn't stop crying after that. I was getting yelled on my birthday. He didn't cared about my tears but that mere bag. I remember my cousin brother jumping in middle to stop him " you should let it go, it's her birthday"
"Just because it's her birthday that doesn't mean she get to do whatever". He yells.
I swear it wasn't my fault.
14 year old yn :
Hannah my elder sister isn't in our room when I wokeup in middle of the night. I look around and found my grandma sleeping. I heard some muffling sounds. I had to tiptoe out of the room in order to not disturbed . I hear voices coming out from my parents room and that's when I found Hannah eavesdropping outside the door. She shh me as soon she sensed my presence "what happened" I whispered "they're fighting" she mouthed. We waited long enough but she stepped in as she felt the need to . I did too. I had no idea what was happening.
My dad left the house.. mom said this . We were crying and she was frustrated. She called him many times to come home. He responded none. When he finally did I snacted the phone from her. I told him to come back. I only want him . Only to get responded with "from today you're dad is dead, don't call me" after a while he came back I know he would. He told us to go to our room. We're too afraid to say a word.
I wonder, what was our fault?
16 year old yn :
The house was pin dropped silence when I wokeup. Ig I'm the first one to wake up. My sisters are still asleep. When I walked outside I found mom and dad was leaving, and he left for work. Something wasn't right with her face. I approached her. But how I badly wished I didn't because after what she said hae shaken me from head to toe. He married someone else behind our back. I remember the way she was crying while telling me this. There I was doing nothing just sitting. I can't progress what she just said. Maybe I misheard, maybe it's just a dream. I wish it was. I didn't shed any tears.
16 year old yn:
For dad he married someone else like anything and made her our step mom. But we would never consider her our mom . She'll never be. The day he went to take that woman from other town because that's where she lived and shifted here. I never thought I would in a house with no presence of dad. But we did anyway. They fought again. He insulted us. "Y'all don't have the status of me " are we that low? . But I know even after throwing such low words at us he'll come back to us. He did next day being all grumpty. He exchanged no words other than serve lunch.
What was our fault?
17 year old yn :
I don't know why it's always I wake up and find my parents arguing. They were fighting about his lover his second wife. And he thinks mom is responsible for her illness. He thinks she has to do something behind this...
I'm fighting the urge to text my best friend Stella . We've been together since childhood. She's the only one that crossed my mind. My weeping. He wants divorce My hands are shaking as I text her.
Help me! They're fighting again. Sent
I can't do this anymore. Sent
Why? Why me ? Sent
I quickly Undo the text . I don't want to bother her. She shouldn't know this. Even though she's the only one I've shared my personal life. I still hesitate to let her know how vunerable I was.
What was our fault?
18 years old yn :
Hey there! I guess it's been months since I heard from Stella. I'm sure she's good. I haven't heard from her since december, which was 8 months ago. The last text I received from her was on November 30 . We study in same school. I would go to her class during lunch break to eat with her. Because I really have no one. So our friendship was one sided.
After my talk with yeri. She made me realise my worth. I tried to recall the times she was there for me . I remember none cause she was never there. I confronted her whenever she needed me . I saved her from bastard how had intensions to play with her with the name of dating. But did she ever listened to me ?
No, even after I warned her to stay away from that bastard she dated him. She texted me countless times weeping about her heartbreak. Only to get back with him again. I shared my deepest secrets with her when I wasn't comfortable to let anyone know about my family. I only needed a hand. I thought I only needed a hand after that. But she was never meant to hold mine.
I wonder what would have happened if god didn't sent yeri to me ?
18 years old yn :
It's my cousin's wedding soon. We're determined to attend. My dad has been trying hard to convince us to accept that woman. I would never imagine that day. I'll never. When he called me asking if we wanted to go with him at his dearest brother's place to check on the preps. I thought it would be just us me, mom, dad and sisters . Later when he informed that woman is tagging along with us. I refuse. I actually didn't but I wanted to. I never said no to my dad. It was always hard. I had to been that girl who was always obedient.
No one actually cared to ask what I want. I passed the phone to Sofia . I know she can handle this. She's not a coward like me. As just I expected she refused to go. At the end of the conversation we decided to cancel the plan of going.
It was raining heavily. I hate thunderstorm. It scares me to death. I don't know when did I cried my heart out. But I did today. When dad returned home and argued with us about how we're planning to attend the wedding without a ride . He made this thing clear he's not giving us ride if we're not okay to share a car with his lover. We would never do that...
I blame myself for my cowardness. Only if I didn't pass the phone to Sofia and refused by myself, she wasn't the one to blame tonight. Cause according to dad Sofia is playing games . She filled our minds with shit to go against him.
He chosed the wrong path. I just sat there doing nothing but watching Sofia and dad argue.
She was weeping. He didn't care. My younger sister had a panic attack. She could not even breath properly He didn't care. He didn't budge. He sat nothing but sat there watching us .
At the end when he found me wailing in my room, he just call out for me to lock the door while he leaves. I remember the word he said "oh god I should maintain a distance from you. I consider you don't even want to see me " trust me that felt like throbbing a knife on the wound just to deepen it.
What was our fault?
I close my diary. The urge to never look back at past, cause you know it'll only freshen the old wounds. I wonder how different my life would've been if everything just never happened.
2 weeks as passed since yeri's marriage and I'm stuck at home. So much happened during these weeks. I restrained myself from going out . I ignored taehyung's text and calls. Sometimes I would found him banging on my front door. I have no energy to deal with anyone.
Everything feels overwhelming. My past my present and then future. No idea what's more is waiting for me .
Placing the diary back to its place . My phone buzzed again.
30+message from kim
12missed calls from kim
3missed calls from jimin
1missed call from yeri .
I frowned. I might've kept my phone on silent. I've touched my phone since last night, when I last chatted with yeri.
She spammed about her honeymoon details. I told her I was least interested in her love life with lucas. Yet she refused to listen to a word I was saying and blabbering about their makeout session in the trail room of some shopping mall.
Walking to the dressing room I picked the ointment to apply on my wound, which didn't healed fast but somewhat gave me relaxation cooling sensation.
The bell ranged again and this time I know I should have him. I should not ignore him and show my back. I opened the door not fully but enough to peek between the thin space.
"God yn! Why don't you answer my calls "
(A/n : I apologise for the delay. It's been a hectic weeks. Tomorrow is my first day of college 🙁I hope it can somehow pass. I'll try to post next part asap )