TRIGGER WARNING: There is a panic attack happening in paragraph two
Kate's POV
United States, New York City 07/14/2009:
She woke up covered in a thin, cool film of sweat and gasping for air as if she had really been breathing in smoke for the last 6 hours she spent in a hectic and bewildering haze of a dream. A memory to be exact.
Minutes pass by as Kate stared at the ceiling of her apartment, recalling the events of that night, about five years ago. Her heart beat faster and faster the more she tried to think of what happened to her after the blackout. The walls closed in on her as she tried to remember. She choked on the lump in her throat and heard her pulse pound in her ears. The light that filled the room burned in her eyes so bad that she shut them tightly. She curled up to get smaller. To hide away from her fear. She felt the walls closing in further and further like they were trying to crush her. Her arms were wrapped around her knees and her nails dug into her skin until eventually, one broke through. The nail pierced through the layers of skin and a stream of thick, dark-red blood ran down her arm. The pain she felt was like a relive. She could breathe. Just like minutes before she gasped for air but this time she actually felt the oxygen fill her lungs and wash through her veins.
Still curled up she took breath after breath, knowing that she had to wait till she was really back again. This wasn't the first time it had gotten so bad. This morning was bad enough but this right here, that was really fucking terrifying.
After a few more minutes went by until Kate let go of her knees and sat up. She stared at the cup in front of her. There was no more steam, no heat. The tea had gotten cold. How long had she been out? She checked the watch on her living room wall and was shocked when it read 15:48.
Her eyes scanned the room for an idea of what to do with herself. They stopped at the briefcase on her bed. Maria had given her the files for the mission before they left Fury's office and now they were in that briefcase. Slowly she stood up and checked if her muscles were ready for that kind of activity. They didn't even twitch, which for once was a pleasant surprise. She strolled over to her bed and pulled the documents out of the briefcase. She sat down at the end of the bed and held the files in her hands, yet she didn't open them. Her fingers tapped against their back, one of them leaving a spot of a bloody fingerprint, while she did her best to convince herself to open it and confront herself with the reality of the following days.
Her eyes started to wander again until she spotted her running shoes under her wardrobe. Quickly she put the file in one of the drawers, locked it, and put on her shoes. Running was exactly the thing she needed right now. It always helped her to get her mind off things or just run away from her problems for a while.
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Kate chose the same way she got in to get out and climbed down the fire escape. She looked around the corner to check for any of her neighbors and then started running. Soon she fell into a fast but calming rhythm. Her mind was empty and she could actually enjoy the rising heart rate this time. Her feet carried her through the streets of queens past people minding their business until her muscles burned. The rhythm of her feet and heart intertwined to a freeing melody taking her away from the past that haunted her and the future she dreaded until she was standing in front of the bar's entrance.
She entered and saw the bar owner cleaning up some table tops.
"Hello, there.", the woman greeted her.
"Hi, Mrs. Garcia.", Kate greeted her back and picked up the salt and pepper tray so she could wipe the table clean.
"Thank you, my dear.", she said and moved over to the next table where Kate repeated her action. "You're still doing part of the show tonight, right?"
"Just like we discussed. Till eight is fine?"
"Yeah. Though, the band might cut you off earlier. Guys sounded really 'motivated'.", Mrs. Garcia made some air quotes and then continued.
"That's fine with me. As long as I still get paid.", she smiled and added, "I gotta talk to you about something else, though."
The older woman stopped and looked at Kate.
"My boss is sending me on a business trip. So, I won't be able to put on a show next week and maybe the week after that, too."
"Sure kid, no problem. Thanks for lettin' me know.", the woman reassured her and then went back to cleaning.
"Alright. See you later Mrs. Garcia."
"Later, kid."
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One warm shower later Kate stepped out of her bathroom and walked right over to her dresser. This time she could actually pick clothes that she enjoyed wearing and she wasn't going to waste it. She picked a pair of black, loose, ripped jeans, fishnet tights, a black crop top, and a lumberjack shirt. She checked the mirror but something was missing, so she added a bunch of black rings, and bracelets. She separated her hair and put the upper part up in a messy bun. Much better. Only one thing was missing. Her mother's watch that she had taken off for the shower. After putting it on she knew she still had too much time left to go downstairs, so she hesitantly unlocked the drawer and pulled out the files from earlier.
Kate would have time to check the mission's details after the show. What she really wanted to know was who this other agent was. Why had she never seen that woman before or even heard a whisper about her? She put the other files away, sat down on her bed, and opened the folder on Agent Romanoff.
But she knew immediately that she wasn't going to get answers from those documents. Most of them were blacked out. No way she would find more interesting details than the agent's name and birthday. Disappointed she fell back on her sheets, staring at the ceiling once again. Anger rose in her chest as she realized what Fury's words today actually meant.
"You two are the best chance we have to save this family and the information from hostile forces.", she repeated his words. "Agent Romanoff is an excellent Agent. Her field experience exceeds all other agents'. And you Miss Davis have shown us that you are determined to keep people safe at all costs."
She didn't just have to worry about her own ass and the consequences that her failure would have on the world, but instead, there was a family involved. Kids. Innocent kids. Or at least a kid.
And again she wondered why the director chose the two women over agents with more experience or knowledge. She turned the thought inside out and chewed it through again and again until she found an answer that both satisfied and scared her. They were disposable. If he were to send in higher-level agents and they would get captured, the hostile forces could get information that would leave America or people anywhere in the world vulnerable to attack. It would give them power, something that was the exact opposite of what S.H.I.E.L.D. was trying to achieve.
With that in mind, she really needed to study the other files to ensure that there was nothing that could go wrong because of something she didn't know. She checked her watch and realized that there was no time for this now. She had to get to the bar and perform. So, she tuned her guitar and put on some low boots with heels, and headed out.
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After fiddling with the cables and having prepared the set-up she sat down on a high stool, guitar in hand, and started strumming the chords for "chasing chars". The bar was packed, the lights were dimmed and Kate was sitting in a small, dimmed spotlight off to the side of the bar. Soon she lost herself in the sound of the chords and the poetry that left her lips. The melody guided her through the time that went by.
While most of the songs she played were covers, some of them were hers and when she started singing a new one she looked up and scanned the crowd to see if they enjoyed it. She almost messed up the lyrics when her eyes met with a pair of dark green eyes right by the bar. Kate's eyes wandered down from those green eyes, along the dark red curls, down to a black cocktail dress and a back leather jacket under one arm. All the while those green eyes watched.
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Again...It'll get more exciting soon.
It takes me a while to set this all up, but it'll pay off, I think.
Let me know what you think.
Any comment would be a great honor.
Thank you for reading :)
~1506~