TBW: self hate
Yoongi's POV
I growled at the bright light hitting my face. I slowly rubbed my eyes and sat up. Ahhhgg. My head hurts like hell.
I looked at the window...... it's morning already? When did I fall asleep?
Was last night all a dream?....I wish it was
But my headache and puffy eyes says it's true. It really heppend. My life's really fucked up
I looked outside the opened window. The view of the garden.... it's so pretty.
The blue sky, bright sunlight, beautiful flowers....it was all the same as usual. And what's not the same anymore?...my heart. HE broke it and I fucking dissarve it
I fucking hate myself for falling for him. He's way too far from my reach. What was I thinking?! Why didn't I control myself?!
I always feared this! Always.
Falling in love then getting my heart broken! Fuck! All my life I've never loved anyone... Why him?
Why did I fall for Jeon fucking Jungkook
I should have known my own worth first. My fucking worth of being a fucking maid.
The minute I realized I'm helplessly in love with him- I also lost. I lost at the battle of love as soon as I stated.
How did I even think and reach my standards to like him?! How do I expect for Jeon Jungkook to love ME back?
It's alright I deserved it. I needed to lean my worth. It's alright....
....but it hurts. It still hurts like crazy. My heart - I feel it tearing apart.
Did he really have to do that? For him to play with my feelings....was it necessary?
All of him being nice, flirty, sweet, kind....was it all just pity? Nothing more than that?
Jungkook, a man of kindness.
I really got my hopes up high and forgot the fear of falling.....I deserved that. I didn't see who I was falling for. I didn't see that coming
Last night when he kissed me....it was the best moment of my life.
My first kiss, my first love....I could never ever forget that
That stupid kiss was the reason I got my hopes high. I thought maybe he liked my back. But jokes on my thoughts!
His reason was- "You were crying for nothing and won't shut up so I kissed you to make you stop.......look, it worked"
-he said with the coldest look like nothing matters to him
That fucker kissed me to make me stop crying and I ended up crying the whole night.
I was fucking speechless when I heard him. I got off the bed and ran to my room then cried myself to sleep. He was just standing there. He didn't give a fuck
I know I never dissarved him anyway,
but acting like he likes me, kissing me then acting like nothing happened...
Fuck him! Fuck Jeon Jungkook! I hate him!
I started sobbing.....I realized I'm fucking crying again! Wow Min Yoongi! You're a big cry baby! That's why everyone thinks I'm weak!
I dried my tears and went to the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror.... I never wanted to see what I saw.
Eyes red with tears rolls down, dark circles, button nose, rep bitten lips, puffy cheeks, hair a mess, still sobbing.
I look ugly..... I'm fat........weak.........I look so....weak
I fucking hate my self! He hates me! That's why he can't love me back!
I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm weak, I'm weak, I'm a fucking cry baby! I'm not good enough!
My legs couldn't hold my wight anymore. I fell down on the bathroom floor while sobbing and shaking, crying my heart out
As if crying would make it better. I didn't care. I can't take it.
...It really hurts to know I can't have the person I'm hopelessly in love with
Jin POV
Something is wrong. Today is strange.
Yoongi came downstairs and it's only 6 am. How's that possible.
He never wakes up this early.... weird. He's acting weird. Didn't talk much just kept doing his work silently. Didn't even say good morning with a loud energetic voice like usual..... something is wrong
And specially his eye....they look red and puffy
He told me it's just case he woke up too early but nahh, I'm not stupid.
.....did he cry?
What could be the reason....the fuck?
Jungkook was extra grumpy today. He went to the office early again. Didn't even touch his morning coffee.... just stromed out of the house. Didn't even spear me a gaze.
Is there a connection between Yoongi being upset and that brat being grumpy? Did that brat hurt my baby somehow?........hmm ......ahh....
"...... hyung, hyung, HYUNG!"
"Ahhhgggg what the hell?! Why are you shouting?"
"I've been calling you for five minutes now. What are you thinking so deeply?"
"Ohh.... nothing. What happened?"
"I'm done cleanings the living room"
"Ahh, good. You can go baby. Take some rest"
"What? I barely did anything hyung. I don't need rest"
"Nahh, you did enough. I don't have any other work for you right now. Go to your room and do whatever you want, spend time on yourself. I'm call you down when I need you"
"Okay hyung"
He began to walk out of the kitchen. Wait..... should I ask him what happened. He'll tell me....
"Yoongi, wait "
"Yes hyung?"
He stopped.
I went to him and held him by his shoulders.
"Is everything okay honey? You seem upset today. You can tell. You know I'm always here"
He just looked at he. I swear I saw his eyes watering.
I quickly hugged him and pated his back. Guess I was right. I knew something was wrong.
He started crying in my chest. It breaks me to see him like this. What could possibly hurt him this much
"Yoongi, baby, it's okay. It's okay to cry. Let it all out. Hyungie is here, nothing will happen to you"
He continued to cry in my arms. After calming down I pulled him apart and wiped his tears
"Yoongi, do you want to tell hyung something?"
"I-hyung....hm.....I ....."
"Ohh yoongi! You're shaking baby! Please relax. Hyungie is here for you. You can tell me what happened. Please tell me honey. Let's go to your room and we'll talk, okay?"
He didn't say anything, nodded his head. I took his hand and went to his room.
We got inside and I locked the door. He sat on the bed while I sat in front of him. He's still sobbing..... what happened to him, it's been a long time since I saw him cry like this, the last time was when he said he missed his parents.
"Yoongi, honey. Look at me. Please calm down. Take deep breaths....in.....out...."
After finally calming down he looked at me with those red puffy eyes. It really broke my heart to see him like this
"Yoongi. Come on, I'm getting really worried. Now tell me, what happened? Why are you so sad?"
"....H-hyung....."
"Yes?"
"I j-just had a dream a-about my parents. A b-bad dream. I missed them......"
Ohhh that must be the reason. He's just missing his parents.
But why do I fell like he's lying.... he's messing with his shirt sleeves and avoiding eye contact, he does it when he's lying to me.
He's lying to me?
"Yoongi, are you lying to me? I can tell when you lie, so don't even try. You know you can tell me everything......did something happen between you and Jungkook? He's been acting strange this morning. I swear, if that brat did anything I'll really scold him! What did he do?"
"N-no! Hyung, he did nothing. I really had a dream about my parents, that's why I woke up so early "
"Hmm okay baby. Don't worry. I'm sure your emma and appa loves you and they're watching over you from heaven. They are so proud of you yoongi. They don't like to see their baby cry. Now do they?"
He shook his head and looked at me. I wiped his tears. He finally smiled. The most prettiest gummy smile.
"Okay now my big baby. Crying makes your head hurt, right? Take a little nap now, you woke up too early"
"...... hyung?..."
"Hmm?"
"C-cuddle please?"
"Aww of course baby. Anything for you. Come here"
I layed down and he layed his head on top of my chest and wrapped his arms around me.
I covered us both in the blanket and held him close
I swear, this stupid kid literally made me worried sick. I thought something big happened. Did he lie to me? Did something else actually happened? And what the hell happened to Jungkook?
Yoongi won't lie to me. I'm thinking too much.
Now as long Jungkook is okay, everything is fine
I soon heard soft snoring sounds....I looked at him and he's already fast asleep.
He's just like a little baby- innocent, cute, shy. Who can hurt a soul like that.
I realized we haven't cuddled since he came back from New York. Long enough not to cuddle this fluffy cat.
I feel so tired right now. Guess a little nap won't hurt.
Soon I fell asleep too.
Author POV
(time skip case I'm lazy and dumb)
It was almost dinner time. Every maid was preparing dinner.
But Yoongi was trying, trying his hardest to avoid getting near the dinning room.
The alpha is already home and now he'll probably come down to eat, so the omega was trying to avoid him at any cost.
He can't face him after all the drama happened last night.
"Yoongi"
"Yes hyung?"
"Can you go and see if everything is okay at the table? I can't go, I'm cooking"
"Ahhhh"
The omega puffed his cheeks but listened to his hyung anyway.
He quickly went to the dining hall ran his eyes through every detail, scanned the whole table and was going to report his hyung about it.
But as he turned back he hit something hard on his face.
He looked up and saw someone he didn't think he'll see so soon.
His eyes grew wide and mouth hung low, just looking at the person in front of him like he just saw a ghost.
"N-Namjoon hyung!?"
The said person didn't say anything just opened his arms wide for the omega inviting the omega for a warm hug.
Yoongi didn't waste any time and wrapped his arms around his Namjoon hyung's waist and hid his face on his hard chest. Inhaling the fresh smell of honey and pine he missed so much.
"I missed you, little one"
The omega pulled his face away with a big pout on display. Frowning at the huge alpha in front of him
"Hyunggggg. When did you come?! And why didn't I know?! And why didn't you tell me you were gonna come?! Ahh?"
"Finally my loooong business trip ended. I really wanted to tell you but your Jin hyung told me not to. He wanted it to be a surprise. And I just came when you were sleeping and didn't wake you up......so.....hm.... I'm here, surprise~"
-the alpha said with his iconic dimple smile. His deep dimples , beautiful and attractive smile on full display
"Hmm....I would've been so happy if I knew you were coming sooner but I'm happier that you're finally here after so many days hyung! I missed you soooo much!"
The omega jumped a little and hugged the alpha again.
Both of them enjoying each others presence and giggling.
But soon a fake coughing sound broke them apart.
They both looked behind at the source of the sound and saw the none other than the Jeon Jungkook standing the wearing a grey sweatpants and white t-shirt, hair wet like he just came out of the shower
Yoongi's heart literally dropped. He has been trying to avoid him for the whole day but here he's standing in front of him anyway.
"Namjoon hyung, why don't we start eating already. You must be hungry"
"Not me but you look like the hungry one here. You look like you ate nothing the whole day"
"Ahhh hyung, whatever. Let's eat"
"Yeah yeah okay "
Yoongi took that chance and tried to get out of the room excusing himself......but luck wasn't with him today.
Namjoon held his arm stopping him
"Hey Yoongi let's all eat together "
"Hyung....m-me?.....hm...."
"Yeah, good idea Joonie. It's late are all hungry. Let's eat." - Jin said coming entering the room
Well, Yoongi's thoughts were all running inside his head.
Sitting at the same table? Sure, once in his life Jungkook did made him sit at the table with him but now the relation with him is different.....they are both awkward with each other.
And jungkook is not alone. Kim Namjoon, Jeon Jungkook's right hand is here, his Namjoon hyung is here too. Sure he's hyung loves him but........And Jin is married to Namjoon so it doesn't matter with him
Sitting with them is not what Yoongi wanted
..... he is nothing more than a maid in the house How could he sit there?
Pulling Yoongi out of his thoughts, Jin led him to a chair and forcefully sat him down.
"Yoongi-ahh, be nice and listen to me. Nothing is wrong with you sitting with us, hyung got you"
-Jin whispered before sitting beside him.
Soon the other maids came and served them food. They all started talking on their own- talking about Namjoon's experience with the trip and about business and stuff
Yoongi felt lost. Even though the people there were all very close to him.
He felt small, weak, and worthless.
Sitting with them wasn't the biggest reason but things with Jungkook were quite awkward.
They both didn't even look at each other for a moment. The alpha acting as if he's invisible made him weaker, does Jungkook hate him? Why does he hate him? -all the thoughts made him wanna throw up
Everyone was eating and chatting but Yoongi kept looking at his plate and only took a few bits. He didn't feel good.
He's already too fat, chubby, unattractive, ugly, no one wants him, he's disgusting, he should stop eating, he eats too much - all the thoughts made him sick. He felt like throwing up. It all felt bitter on his tongue.
Jin noticed him not eating -
"Yoongi, you don't like that? What something else?"
"Hm? N-no hyung I'm fine "
"You aren't you eating anything today yoongi? Are you feeling sick? You literally ate nothing the whole day"
"Yoongi are you okay?" - Namjoon asked this time.
Even though they both were concerned about yoongi. Jungkook didn't even leave him a gaze. He kept eating his meal as if the omega isn't there anyway.
Jin and Namjoon did find it weird for the alpha to suddenly be so cold.
The omega was flustered. He felt embarrassed already and all the unnecessary attention made it even worse.
"H-hyung....I-I .....I don't feel good...."
He said holding his stomach
"Yoongi?" Jim asked holding his shoulder concerned about the youngest.
Yoongi wasted no time and ran to his room.
Everybody looked shocked. Even jungkook finally left up his gaze to look at him running
Jin ran right after him trying to keep up after him
Yoongi ran to his room covering his mouth and immediately went to the bathroom and kneed down in front of the toilet and started gagging and throwing up all the little amount of things he ate all day
Jin also came right after him staring at him in horror. He quickly sat behind him and started patting his back to calm him down.
Meanwhile with namkook
"Jungkook shouldn't we go after him? Is he alright? We should see"
"No, leave him hyung. Jin hyung will handle him"
"Okay, I'm worried tho. What the hell happened to him? He wasn't like that as I last saw him. He seems ill"
"Yeah, I don't know what happened. He might be a little sick"
"Hmm..... anything happened to you kook? You seem mad about something. Is it case of work?"
"No hyung. I'm fine, just tired"
"What the hell is going on in this household, God. Something is not good. Yoongi is sick and you're stressing yourself. Stop and take a break you know. Don't get sick like yoongi too. And hope he'll be alright soon."
"Yeah hyung don't worry. I'll be okay. Please finish your meal. I'll be at my room, I feel tired. See you at the morning hyung.
"Hmm, good night. Don't stay up late"
"Yeah I won't. Night hyung"
Jungkook did went to his room. Layed down on his bed but couldn't close his eyes.
His mind was full of thoughts about the omega.
He tried to deny but he couldn't.
He thought about what happened to the omega, why he refused to eat, why he ran away, is he feeling okay now, how did he feel, what is he doing......every thought kept messing around
But no.....he wasn't going to get up and ask him all the answers.
No, Jeon Jungkook won't do that...he won't admit he's worried....it must be his pity for the maid ......
...... pride comes first.
Jin hyung is taking care of him anyway, right? He'll be just fine. He's overreacting. It's annoying to always think about him
He felt a weird feeling in his chest, he felt a spring of pain but he ignored it anyway.
He closed his eyes trying to force himself to fall asleep
He must be too exhausted and tired from the day.............at least that's what he thought
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Hey guys,
Hopefully everyone is okay♡
Actually as I'm updating more and more chapters, I don't know how it's going. I don't quite like it? I don't understand....
Is it all too rushed? Too cringe? Too slow? Flustering? Does it even have a story flow? - I've been thinking lately
I actually don't have notes or any ideas before writing the chapters. While I'm writing I just do it all randomly and whatever goes good with it. Sounds crazy but yeah, I'm like -"should I write this?...hm....well, nahh this" lol
I usually write in one or two nights and it's done. But it takes time for my dumb brain for ideas
I randomly came up with the idea of this story and it's also my first, so I'm not very good at it, I know
And as you see the story description and the story doesn't quite fit together but it'll take time for the plot twist and it'll all come together. Hmm .....or should I change it?
I'm really confused sometimes and I take a lot of time thinking what's next that's why it usually takes time.
I would really appreciate if you guys have any suggestions or notice any mistake....feel free to tell me, it'll really help. .... feel okay to tell me if anything doesn't go well with the story or if it's getting bad. (∩_∩)
It actually got 1.14k+ views and some of you guys are voting and commenting..... it's really heart warming. I never thought it'll get this far and anyone would read it
ε(┬┬﹏┬┬)3
Really I love you guys a lot( ･_･)♡
Have a nice day~-'ღ´-