(Faith pov)
Dec-22nd-2018
Gym📍
Working & writing out has always cleared my mind, since I didn't have my journal this was the only option.
I hang a punching bag & start to go at it. I had a lot on my mind, you never really expect it. One Moment you're fine & the next thing you know you get pulled down in. Punch after punch I start to lose myself in my thoughts…"You thought it was okay to show up after all these years…you had so many chances but did you take them?"
"I know sorry won't fix anything but I really am sorry." I remember this moment clearly. "You say I think too much, but you can't always run away from everything!!" With every thought I punch the bag even harder.
The argument with mac. "You don't break her fucking heart, she loves you." At that moment I thought I was right. "I had no other choice, she deserves better!! You don't even know me or her!!"
I stop hitting the bag & lay against the wall. One thought after another ran in my mind.
"Faith!!!, Faith!!!, I'm fucking talking with you, stop being so stubborn." The time she got engaged with that dick Pete. "I'm just watching out for you." I got jealous & I made a big scene about it but I was right.
Then I had my usual mental breakdown, which has only gotten worse. If it wasn't for Ariana I don't know what I would've done. "I can't fucking believe you did that!! What if you mess with the wrong person?" I never thought, I just hide these emotions.
Faith's thoughts: "I have too many issues & I know one day I'm going to be the problem."
I made her year rougher than it had to be. "It's not your fault what you did happened months ago, it has nothing to do with anything." After everything I do I never put any thought to my actions. "I never think, I fucking act I never think about the consequences!!"
I get upset & frustrated with myself. I got back to punching the bag. What else can I do? I don't want to cause her any problems she doesn't need. "My ex boyfriend, my friend passed away & you have the audacity to say all of that in front of my friends & family!!"
Memories of the night when Mac passed, I wanted to be there for her but I wasn't."I was alone for the past 3 years & I have no fucking Idea of what I was doing & now I have you back I just want to tell you everything." There is still so much I haven't told her yet.
"You never learn do you." I'm trying to, but sometimes it's hard. "I know, it's just I don't care to listen to myself or anyone." Like I told myself hundreds of times; "I'm just a burden waiting to cause trouble"
I continued to let my frustration out, until I just couldn't anymore. To the point of exhaustion where I just couldn't. I spend the next hour here working on myself.
Physically I was doing great, emotionally I'm content with my life. Mentally I wasn't, a lot shit I can't let go of.
I had enough time at this place, I grabbed my crap & put on my jacket & headed out.
Ariana's apartment📍
I didn't really bother to change, I still had some of my clothes here. She thought It'd be nice to spend some time together.
I walked in thinking she was out in the studio heading straight into the bathroom to take a shower.
I opened the door without even putting on my towel & there she was standing right infront me, I immediately closed the door.
Faith's thoughts: "She saw me naked great!!"
Ariana: "I didn't see, I mean…I…uhh…you look amazing, babe!?
Faith: "She probably saw my scars, & also I'm freaking naked!!" I told myself.
There shouldn't be anything wrong with that. She's my girlfriend. But the thing was we haven't gotten to that part of the relationship yet.
Ariana: "Babe!? I'm sorry if you're embarrassed."
Faith: "I'm not embarrassed you just caught me off guard."
I try to think of how I was to get out of this situation. Ariana not long after walks in with a towel.
Ariana: "Here I won't look." She looks away.
Faith: "Thank you." I wrap the towel around me.
She then notices the scar on my leg, I immediately hide it.
Faith: "It's nothing, don't worry about it."
I walk out & get changed & she wraps her arms around me. I smile weakly & enjoy the moment.
Ariana: "You had me a little worried."
Faith: "I said I was going to be back."
Ariana: "Ya but it's 4pm you were out all day."
Faith: "That I uhh, went home to grab some stuff & got distracted."
Ariana: "Faith?" She lets go & looks at me nervously. "Was that a scar you were hiding from me?"
I sigh.
(Ariana pov)
Faith nods her head nervously.
Faith: "I didn't want you to see me like that, I got more than just that one." She chuckles nervously.
Ariana: "Are they from the time you assaulted Pete." She shakes her head no. "Can I see?"
She lifts up her shirt & shows me all her scars. I didn't know how to react, I don't know why she hasn't told me about this.
Faith: "Remember about the thing I wasn't ready to tell you, ya this is part of it." She puts on her shirt. "Years ago they don't hurt anymore."
Ariana: "But they're a part of you."
Faith: "I wish they weren't, I can't right now please it's almost Christmas, I wanna be happy spending it with you."
Ariana: "Ya of course." I smile weakly & she gives me a quick peck.
December-24th-2018
Today was our Christmas party, the first Christmas I was going to spend with my baby.
Court: "Hey are you going to tell everyone?"
Ariana: "We were thinking about it, if we don't announce it today it's either during the new year."
Courtney: "Ight, what did you get her?"
Ariana: "Well I'm asking her to move in with me, & I got her this umm I couldn't really find what she liked, so I got a lot of geeky stuff & clothing." Then I reminded myself. "Shit I did get her one good thing though, I was looking through my old stuff I had, well it wasn't there, so I went to my mom & I got an old usb drive with the recording of our first song we did together."
Courtney: "That's amazing really amazing, what was the first song you two recorded exactly."
Ariana: "It was a cover song actually, remember that Katy party song." She does. "Ya that one."
I couldn't wait for her to open them, head to the kitchen & wrap my arms around her.
Ariana: "Merry Christmas."
Faith: "Merry Christmas."
I don't hold her for long & let go of her.
Ariana: "Here put this on." I handed her a Santa hat."
Faith: "You're going to ruin my hair." I didn't really care, I just grabbed it & put it on myself for her. "Really."
Ariana: "Now we both look cute." I smile. "It's our first Christmas together in a long time & our first Christmas together as a couple, I just want it to be perfect."
She pulls me close & hugs me.
Faith: "This may be a little to perfect." She looks down at her Christmas sweater. "I look ugly in this & don't get me started with the lights." She turns them on.
I giggle at her.
Ariana: "That was the last sweater, & it's not that bad." I pull out my phone & take selfies.
Faith: "Don't you!!" To late for her. "Hand me the phone, Ariana I look ugly in those pictures!!"
I do my best to get the phone out of her reach. Hiding & ducking away from her laughing.
Ariana: "No you don't, & I ain't giving you shit."
She has her arms wrapped around me while I have the phone close to my chest laughing & giggling. That's when Frankie walk in on us, which he was confused as fuck.
Frankie: "I'm not going to ask." He walks past us.
Faith: "Ari…Frankie tell your sister to give me her phone."
Ariana: "Never!!"
Faith: "Dude help me, you grab her while I take it away from her."
Frankie: "As much as I loved to help, this is something between the both of you, Faith I adore but no thank you."
She sighs & I saw the perfect opportunity to leave, so I book it to the living room where everyone is.
Faith: "Ari!!" She goes after me.
I hurried & sat down hiding between Jace & Liz. They look at me confused & Faith walks in casually looking at me.
Liz: "I'm not going to ask?" I smile nervously.
Ariana: "It's better if you don't." Then I looked at the time & it was time to open presents."Shit!!! Presents!!! Okay Tommy & Frankie don't you dare open anything until I get back." I head to my room.
Faith is about to follow me but I stop her.
Ariana: "Nope you stay here no peeking"
Faith: "It's not like I was going to." I knew what she wanted.
Ariana: "Please don't delete the photos." I hand her my phone.
I head to my room getting the presents out under my bed & closet. The door opens & it's my mom.
Ariana: "Hey Mom." I smile.
Joan: "Wow how many of those are mine." She chuckles.
Ariana: "Well not all of them of course, you mind helping me bring them down, I didn't want anyone peeking through them."
She starts to help me move them all towards the door. I made sure I had all of them before heading downstairs.
Joan: "Ari baby, who's the new boy, tell me…I know you thought you could hide him from me." I look at her in disbelief.
Ariana: "Mom I'm not dating anyone seriously, there's no one…I'm finally happy to be doing my own thing."
Joan: "I've seen the way you smile & a mother is always right."
Frankie: "Moms right you've been acting way happier than usual."
Ariana: "Frankie!!" My looks at me.
Ariana's thoughts: "Fuck my stupid smile!!! I guess it's better that I tell them."
It took me a good minute to tell them who this special person was in my life. I was going to tell them eventually but it's better sooner than never.
Ariana: "It's…Faith." I mumble.
Frankie: "Who!?"
Ariana: "Faith, I'm dating Faith!!" I don't know why I blushed so hard.
Frankie: "I had a feeling, it made sense both of were really close it was bound to happen, my little sister is a lesbian."
Ariana: "Frankie!!! Oh my god." I push my brother blushing.
Joan: "Frankie help your sister & take the gifts downstairs." He heads down with the gifts. "Does she make you happy?" I nod my head. "Don't break her heart will you, she's not just some other boy you dated."
Ariana: "I won't I promise, I love her mom." She smiles & helps me with the rest of the presents.
My mom has always had a soft spot for Faith. She was like the second daughter she never knew she wanted. My mom was torn that we grew apart but it happened over a dumb decisions.
Ariana's thoughts: "I know more than just someone I dated before."
(Faith pov)
I waited for her & I talked with Courtney & Jace for a bit.
Courtney: "So what did you get me?"
Faith: "Like I'm telling you."
Jace: "Well all of you are going to dig what I got you, every other girl told me they love it."
Courtney: "Right when did one of your relationships last longer than 4 months?" I chuckle
Jace: "It's a work in progress."
Liz: "Faith you probably pull more bitches than him."
I mean I really don't put myself out there. People do turn a head or two, I get cat called here & there. If I wanted to I could but why would I do that.
Courtney: "I agree let's make a bet whoever can get the most number wins, I bet…"
Faith: "We are not making a bet, no betting on me."
Tommy: "It's Christmas eve guy's come on."
Liz: "Where is Ariana she's taking forever."
Jace: "No offense Faith but I can pull." He pats my shoulder.
Faith's thoughts: "Like I care I pulled Ari." I grin.
Frankie walked in with a lot of gifts & not long after Joan & Ariana walked in. I hand her back her phone & all of us start to open our presents.
Ariana: "Umm my mom knows." She nervously tells me.
Faith: "Knows what?"
Ariana: "You know she umm knows." She holds my hand.
It took me a full minute to realize what she meant by that.
Ariana: "She found out, I couldn't lie to my mom, it's nothing too serious, she's fine with us dating, you know my mom really likes you."
Faith: "Does anyone else know?"
Ariana: "My brother does…we are going to tell everyone eventually we can't keep this a secret forever." She was right.
Faith's thoughts: "I still need to tell my sister just not sure when or how."
I look over at Joan & think about my mother, she is more of a traditional mom. & when my dad left she got more protective of us. My mom would kill me if she knew about Ari.
Ariana: "You okay?"
Faith: "Ya I'm fine, here open my present." I handed her the gift. "I got a couple of other things as well, I know it's not much."
Ariana: "It's the thought that counts."
I wait nervously for her to open them, I really want her love them. I spent all this time trying to get her the perfect gift.
She love anime so the first gift I got her was an Evee plushie a collar saying 7 rings.
Ariana: "She so cute!!! & it even says 7 rings!!" I smile in relief.
Victoria: "Bae bestie what did you get?"
Ariana: "Well I haven't opened all of them yet but look what Faith got me." She show her Evee.
Everyone continues to open their gifts even Nonna got spoiled with them. Ariana really went over & beyond with my gifts. She got me things I freaking loved them all, to the jewelry & clothing to the dorky & nerdy gifts.
Faith's thoughts: "I hate & love her at the same time!!"
Ariana: "Doug here this one is yours." She is with her friends handing the rest of her gifts to everyone else.
I sit down looking at the things I got her, An Evee plushy, a spirited away hoodie, & inexpensive clothing. The last thing I had in my hand was the most expensive thing I bought was a diamond crescent moon earrings.
Faith's thoughts: "It's makes up for what she got me right?"
I contemplate about if for a while, to be brought by Ariana who sits right next to me smiling.
Ariana: "What's that?" She looks at the small box in my hands.
Faith: "Huh!? Ohh this umm…here." I hand it to her. "If you hate we can return it back get different ones."
She opens the box as I wait for her to tell me if she loved them.
Ariana: "These are beautiful!! Holly shit Faith!! Thank you!!" She hugs me.
I smile hugging her back.
Ariana: "These probably cost you a lot."
Faith: "Ya they did, but having to work extra shift really helps to pay them off." I chuckle. "Well compared to your gifts they aren't really that you know meaningful." I shyly tell her.
Ariana: "Really your telling that this cute little Evee isn't meaningful." She hold it right in my face.
Faith: "Well a little." I giggle.
Ariana: "It doesn't matter how many or how expensive the gifts are anything from you is special to me." She makes me smile.
It start to get late we say our goodbyes to everyone. Now my final thought was where was I going to put all of this in my apartment.
Faith: "Frankie just left so that should be everyone." I walk into the living room.
Which Ari is clearing our mess of presents.
Ariana: "Eveyone left?"
Faith: "Ya Frankie was the last to leave." I was slightly confused.
She walks over to me & push me to the couch.
Ariana: "Don't move I mean it or I'll beat your ass." She leaves.
This had me very concerned, I was thinking the most dirtiest things possible. What if she came back with this sexy Christmas outfit, lingerie. Only for her to come back with an old video camera & disc.
Faith's thoughts: "I am so dirty minded fuck!!"
Ariana: "You okay?" I nod my head yess. "Remember our first YouTube video & song."
Faith: "Like I could forget that….wait I thought we…is that."
Ariana: "Yep it is."
She plays the video & all I can do is watch & feel embarrassed on how dorky I looked. This brought back memories, this was torture for me.
Ariana: "You don't like this do you?"
Faith: "It's really meaningful, really but look at me I look like dork!!"
Ariana: "What!? I thought you looked cute." She pouts.
Faith: "Cute more like a fashion disaster, I don't know what I was thinking wearing that!?"
Ariana: "You're over exaggerated, look right here how can you tell me that does not look cute." She paused the video.
I shake my head no, slouching on the sofa covering my face with Santa hat.
Faith's thoughts: "She probably loving every moment of this."
Ariana: "Aww my baby is embarrassed."
Just hearing myself talk made me cringe.
Faith: "No what else do you think I'm doing." She giggles.
For the rest of that Christmas night I had to sit through old videos of us, some embarrassing others not so much. Brought back so many memories.