Madison clutched at the sheets she lay in, her hands shaking as she tried to control her breathing.
She had woken up with a start from a nightmare she was having, and now she just couldn't stop herself from thinking so much about it.
She didn't remember the full details of the dream, but it had brought tears to her eyes, and even till now they wouldn't stop coming. It had put Madison in a sombre mood and made her start to think of so many things; her family, New York, her baby...
Her hand instinctively came to rest on her stomach where the small baby bump had been, and Madison shut her eyes tightly, her body racking with sobs as she began to cry.
She felt...sorry for herself, for everything. Every time she reminisced about the past, she wondered if things could have gone differently.
She missed those days where she didn't have a care in the world. Those days when she could wake up and not have to worry about anything at all - what to eat, or how to pay bills. Those days when she could run to her mother when things started to go wrong, explain everything to her solely companion and be listened too. Those days when she didn't feel saddened yet responsible for her miscarriage...
Madison clapped a hand over her mouth, as she tried to muffle the sound of her sobs while she cried, the tears from her cheeks dripping to the sheets below.
Her eyes were swollen and red by the time her tears subsided, and with shaky legs Madison stood up from her small foam and wobbled out of her room, and into the bathroom which was a close spot from her building.
Once there she splashed cold water over her face, willing herself not to cry anymore, trying to be strong no matter how impossible that sounded.
When she had gotten a grip on herself, she slowly began to sponge her body down... carefully, almost as if she was trying to ease the pain.
When the sponge came to her stomach once again, her hand hovered for a few moments, and she froze all of a sudden.
Of all the memories she had from the past, the miscarriage was the most painful ever. Probably because of the fact that she would never be able to...
Madison stopped herself, shaking her head, and trying to dissuade the thoughts as she continued to bathe herself.
When she was done, and already leaving the toilet she dragged herself surly into the safe confines of her home, and after dressing up she prepared herself a hot cup of coffee.
Grabbing some of the leftover bread from before, she began to munch the tardy mixture away trying to focus on it. The food tasted like dust in her mouth, but Madison was not so keen on it.
Apart from the fact that she was doing this to stray her thoughts, she also knew that her body needed food so she stuffed the bread and poured the bitter coffee all into her mouth till it was done.
Some minutes after she was done eating, she sprawled over the bed.
It was weekend and so she did not have work today.
She was supposed to be happy, as this was her free day but for the first time, Madison wished she worked on the weekends, because at least it would mean she was so busy she didn't even have to think about anything.
Shaking her head once more, she grabbed her phone, lazily scrolling through in search of something to do.
Her fingers froze over the screen as she suddenly remembered something, and she sighed heavily.
She still had not told Alvarez about the letters, she had sent and the fact that she still hadn't gotten any response. Quickly before she had a chance to change her mind, Madison dialed his number.
"Hey." She said into the receiver when he picked up.
"Madison, hey. You okay?"
Madison felt too tired to pretend today and so she went straight to the point, "I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. Damien still hasn't replied to my letters." She finished bitterly.
There was complete silence and then he spoke up again, "Wait...letters? What do you mean by that?"
"Yes, Alvarez. I sent two letters, okay? The first one, and another follow up letter. I know you're going to be angry at my decision, but you should know how important this is to me. You know this. Like I said I sent another letter. I was worried that maybe he didn't get the first one, or maybe he did and he chose to ignore it, and whichever the reason is, it sucks. But then I had to send a follow-up, Alvarez. I- I needed to do it and..."
She heard Alvarez sigh heavily, listening raptly and saying after she was done, "It's okay, Maddie. It's okay."
"No, it's not okay." She shot back, her voice increasing as she continued, "It's not okay and you know it. He's ignoring them, I know he is. Because he can't even stand to have any form of communication with me, even if it is just a letter. He can't speak to me face to face, and more so he doesn't want to reply my letters. Guess I already have my answer then." She scoffed.
"Madison..." Alvarez called softly but she was not having any of it.
As she had said those words out loud, it was making her realize that her thinking was probably just the truth, and her chest clenched heavily.
"You want to know what I think about all this? Maybe I should just stop it. Maybe there's no point. I have lost all hope on this, and I know deep in my bones that at this point, there is no hope of ever reconciling with Damien. I-It's the truth..."
"Hey, hey, Madison. Listen to me, okay? I know you're having a rough time, but don't say things like that. Come on surely you don't mean it."
"Why not? Why wouldn't I miss it when it's the truth?" She spat, "You also know it's the truth, isn't it? You and I both know it."
"Madison...listen, okay? Let's—let's not jump into conclusions okay? Give it some time. Don't talk like that okay? I know you're hurting but let's give it some..."
"Time, time, it's ticking already. I have my answers, and now I have to stop with matters concerning him."
"Madison. Please... I'm not in support of what he did, but then..."
"But it's the truth!" Madison wasn't sure why her voice was a notch higher or why her chest had begun to bubble. But she couldn't help but feel so... angry. "Do you see any hope of Damien and I ever going back to being on good terms? No you don't, and it's the truth. I just need to stop at this point. You were not in support of me sending letters, and now you're talking as if you want us to get back together. I just don't get it."
Alvarez was silent for a while, "Look Maddie..."
"Just, drop it. Okay? Let's just drop the conversation. I'm tired for real." She snapped even though she really didn't mean to but she just couldn't help herself.
She felt like she was going crazy.
She cut the call abruptly, without even bidding him farewell and for the second time since she woke up this morning, she felt tears prick the back of her eyes.
.......
The cool breeze that blew through the windows and into Damien's room would have made anyone shiver, but Damien took no notice as he sat shirtless on the sofa across his wine bar, taking sips of whiskey from a glass.
His mind raced with thoughts as the memory of what he had seen and heard in that mail, and once again everything just came flooding back to him.
No matter how much he thought about it, he still couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it at all.
He couldn't believe that Madison had been... She had been pregnant. His stomach churned at the thought of that word. Pregnant.
At first he hadn't believe it, but then those audio messages. Those fucking audio messages. He had heard everything, and all the confirmation he needed was there.
Mr Rudiger had carried out a mini interrogation on some of the neighbors, and the people who had been around the Connors at that time, and he had them recorded. In those tapes he heard different people give their testimony of what they had seen, and it all summed up to the same thing - Madison had once been pregnant.
Some of them had even called her a shameless teen, who got pregnant and ran away from home, while others had nothing but pity for the poor girl.
Damien felt chills run down his spine as he remembered all of it. He had been in complete denial at first, but then those testimonies held the truth. There was more than five witnesses who had even confirmed that they had seen the baby bump, around the period when she had been thrown out of the house.
Now there was a thing Damien didn't understand though.
Some of the neighbors confirmed that she had ran away, while others said she had been sent away by her father. That she had been disowned, and now Damien began to wonder why that had happened.
It was beginning to make a little more sense though. How she looked like she was estranged from her family. The issue of her being poor and all that. He didn't understand the ache in his chest, but he quickly pushed it away.
What he really wanted to know now was who the child belonged to, and the whereabouts of the child also.
So far, Mr Rudiger didn't give him any information concerning any child, and Damien doubted if Alvarez knew a thing about this because he had not brought the topic up.
Again he was wondering if the child was the reason why Madison had been working so much, even when she had briefly stayed in New York.
Did she have a child to support? Was the child in London with her? Damien had so many questions to ask, but the answers weren't in the documents.
All he had was proof that she really had been pregnant, and these were confirmed audios and blasphemies.
Lord knows what she must have been through. All alone, and with a child to cater for.
Damn! He cursed internally, his eyes itching, hands shaking at the same time as he poured himself another shot of whiskey. And then another, and another, downing every gulp until he began to feel slightly woozy.
Still he needed to keep drinking. Everything that was happening...all these revelations, they were just too much for him to handle and to douse the fire and rage in his chest, he continued to gulp down cups of alcohol until he was nearly done with the bottles scattered on the floor.
"Babe... Damien?"
Slowly lifting his head up, he looked toward the door to see Katherine standing there, her arms folded across her chest as she stared at him in surprise. He hadn't heard her come in because currently his ears were blocked, his head felt like it was on fire and his eyelids were very heavy too.
He was also feeling very numb, to put it lightly.
"You're drinking?" Katherine gaped at him, as she walked closer to where he was seated, "It's 7AM in the morning and you're supposed to be getting ready for work." As she spoke, she snatched the half empty whisky bottle and put it back into the cabinet.
When he still didn't say anything, she glared at him, tapping against his hand, "Damien, is something wrong? You never drink this early. What's up?"
"Ahh go away, d-don't touch me..." He slurred, pushing her incoming hand away as he shakily tried to get to his feet. His legs felt wobbly and he held onto the chair close by, for support. When he saw Katherine narrow her eyes at him, he frowned.
"Damien...are you drunk? What am I even saying? You are drunk, what the hell..." Katherine said holding onto his hand again, as he tried to move away.
Damien meanwhile groaned when pain shot through his head, and his body began to shake violently. "I... I shouldn't have checked the f-flash drive." He murmured. His stomach was so full he felt like throwing up. And everything was getting so blurry...
"Flash drive? What flash drive? Babe what are you talking about?" Katherine asked him, but Damien only pushed her aside as he began to wobble to his the bed in his room.
She stopped him by pulling his hand towards her, "You're drunk, okay? You shouldn't be—" She shook her head as Damien began to murmur some incomprehensible words, and obviously becoming annoyed she began to tap against his chest roughly, "What are you even talking about?"
"Need t-to find out more about her... about Madison and all that ha..." He breathed, pulling his hand away from hers, as he managed finally to get to his bed. This time Katherine was no longer following him, instead she stood rooted in shock.
"Madison? That bitch!" She yelled furiously, "What about her?" She hissed, raking her hands in her hair, "You're doing it again, Damien. Talking about that bitch while I've wa—"
Damien didn't even say a word, and suddenly feeling the urge to urinate, he stood up from the bed and staggered slowly to the bathroom banging the door hard and cutting Katherine's speech off.
He didn't even want to face her right now, and moreover he needed some ice cold water to cool himself down.
.......
Thanks for reading. 💕