Tw: Self harm
(Flashback)
....
Jisung ran his hands through his hair pulling it as he tried to calm his breathing down. His physics homework laid in front of him. He had already had an 79 in the class. Was he a failure already?
Yes
Yes, he was. To himself.
The thing is he went to tutoring and got help from seungmin but he still failed the test. He was in the easiest class possible, yet he struggled. He tried focusing more but couldn't help but stare off and wait for the bell to ring.
"Damn it!"
Jisung began to harshly scratch his arm reopening some healing cuts.
But once he started he couldn't stop. He ignored the empty problems on his paper and looked at his now red arm. Jisung didn't care about homework anymore, he just needed to feel better.
He needed to feel pain for being stupid.
The young boy stood up and walked to his bathroom. He ignored the vibration coming from his phone. He mind was only set on one thing, his razor.
.......
The next day at school jisung stayed quiet at lunch he had his homework in front of him again. He hadn't finished.
"Hannie, you need to eat."
"Minho I have homework."
Sung continued to look at the problem, he didn't even know how to start it.
"Sung, I can help you."
Seungmin placed his tray down and looked at jisung.
"No, no you already helped me. I need to get it."
Jisung began to write down what he thought was the solution. But he didn't feel confident.
"Hey seungmin, can you check?"
The puppy looked at jisung then at his paper. The tone from jisungs voice already gave off that he was tired.
"Sure."
Jisung watched as the younger looked at the paper over and over. His leg began to bounce just thinking about how wrong his answer was. Minho had placed his hand on his leg gentle rubbing it.
"Jisung..."
The squirrel boy looked up at seungmin.
Wrong, like always.
"Hey, you're were so close. You just put the wrong number for this. But you got the formula right. " the puppy innocently explained but all jisung got through his head was that he was wrong again.
Seungmin noticed the jisungs breathing had gotten a little louder and he was slightly shaking.
"Hey-hey.. sung you're okay. You got it, you just made a small mistake. "
Jisung nodded slowly but that didn't stop the tears.
He felt his chest get tighter once he remembered he was in the cafeteria.
"Ji, hey bubs breath.... "
Chan had sat down next to jisung covering him from people seeing. He had his hand on the younger's back.
All the kids were there actually.
"Sungie, you okay?"
Jisung felt Minho rub his back. His tone was gentle and quiet.
"Y-yeah. Just stressed."
Jisung looked at his hands. No where else.
"You don't have to be so hard on yourself bubs." Chan said as he fixed himself to sit next to jeongin.
"Hey, why don't we have a study date?"
Felix smiled at jisung who was now looking at them.
"Yeah!" The youngest had also been struggling with the same subject.
Minho looked over at jisung and smiled at him. "What do you say ji? You wanna do it?"
Jisung just looked at his homework and up at seungmin.
"Yes, please."
I don't wanna fail anymore
....
I'm a failure too :(
Sending love your way!
~Nevaeh