🌸 note 🌸
Hello, so I have an announcement to make.
There's something really exciting. Well, I hope so. I have a present for my readers. I guess, it's not something everyone would be interested in, but I hope it will make a better day to at least a few people.
Also, I'm just not sure wether I should give it to you on 24th or 25th. Let me know, what you'd prefer.
PS this chapter is a bit painful. I'm sorry:(
Loads of love, Anna <3
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Austria, August 2019
"Hey, dad," Pia said to the phone as she picked up the call. Her phone showed it was Sebastian calling, but instead of Seb's voice, Pia could hear her two little brothers.
"Hi, P," they greeted her simultaneously. The Italian just had to smile happily when she heard them. Her heart was melting every time they called her.
"Does dad know you're calling me, or did you steal his phone like last time?" Their older sister asked them curiously because she knew them. They were little criminals. One distracted Seb and the other one stole his phone.
"He doesn't know," Theo laughed into the phone. He was always so happy when they didn't get caught by their dad because that meant they won over adults. He believed they outsmarted them.
"Good job," she praised them. Everyone knew that Pia supported her brothers in every badness. Sometimes, it annoyed Sebastian because he thought she was already mature enough, but on the other side, he was happy that Pia was getting along with the twins this well.
"How are you? We hear dad say to mum that you are sad," Nicky said in a worried tone. He was always so concerned for everyone. He didn't even watch the races with Theo. He was scared that something would happen to his dad, so he was always in his room reading some books.
"Oh, I'm all right now. I just had a bad day last time." The Italian said before walking away from her room. She had this habit when she just simply had to walk while calling someone. "How are you?" Pia asked the boys before any of them could ask further questions.
"Mum and dad are taking us to Corsica for the holidays. Did you know about it?" Theo asked her excitedly. Of course, she knew about it. Seb asked her already a few months ago if she would like to join them on their family vacation. Despite wanting to say yes badly she said no because at that time she thought she would spend her summer with Lando and Daniel.
"Wow, really? I had no idea," she played to be surprised because she didn't want to disappoint them too much. Now, she could say that she couldn't go because she didn't know.
"Will you go with us?" The older one of the twins asked. Something told her that Nicky didn't ask because he already knew what his sister would say.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, boys, but I don't think I'll be able to make it. We'll go somewhere together later this year. I promise," the Italian promised them as she turned left in the hallway. She had an easy tactic - turning every time left. So, then she could find her way back by herself.
"Nooo. It won't be the right holiday without you," Theo said sadly. The twins were used to her coming on the holidays with them. Last summer, they were all in San Sebastian. It was the first time Seb allowed Pia to take the boys surfing. Well, 'surfing'. Seb lent them surfboards in a little shop, and they paddled around with their older sister.
"Don't say that. You will enjoy it dearly," Pia said. She was sure her parents would try their best to make it as good as it could be for the boys.
"Boys... has Charles visited you already?" Pia asked her brothers hesitantly after there was silence. She was curious to know. Was he there? Was he sad? Was he happy?
"No, actually he should come tomorrow," Theo said to his younger sister. If he was supposed to come the next day, that would mean he came from Mexico today. Well, a week in Mexico was probably enough for him. Who knew?
"Oh really?" Pia asked her brothers. She was quite surprised by that fact.
"Yeah. Dad actually one day wanted to cancel it, but mom convinced him not to," Nicky revealed to his sister. That probably meant that her dad found out about what had happened between her and Charles. Sebastian was always the man of his word, and he wouldn't want to cancel something without any reason at all.
"Oh, well I'm sure you will enjoy it," Pia tried to sound enthusiastic.
"Well, I'd be happier if you came and not him," Nicky was clearly less enthusiastic about Charles' visit. He was always the one who was hard to impress.
"Oh, Nicky, you shouldn't be talking about guests like that," she said in a severe tone.
"Sorry," he apologised quietly. He probably wasn't having one of his best days. "I just really miss you," he explained the grumpiness.
"Aww, I miss you too. Both of you so so much," Pia smiled sadly before turning right into one of the hallways. It seemed like she forgot about her 'only turning left' rule.
"Dad is sad these days. I think he misses you too," Theo revealed to his older sister.
The Italian knew more than anyone else that their relationship wasn't the greatest ever since she stepped into the paddock again. Pia was no longer a little girl who was so easy to beguile. She knew that Seb hoped for another title in Ferrari, but the more he drove for them he realised that this move was probably wrong.
Seb hadn't really talked about this with his daughter, but she could see his forced smile and hear his frustration in almost every radio communication.
At home, he was always the same. He let Formula One be Formula One and he was just Sebastian - a father of three. Each member of the household had just one question about his work per month and when they used this opportunity Seb just told them that they had already used their question before changing the topic.
Nowadays, Seb missed Pia's questions when she was no longer living with them. He just missed Pia in general. He just couldn't get familiar with the fact that she was an adult already. The little girl who held his hand tightly as they intertwined through the paddock was a woman now. The little girl who betted with him every season was a grown-up. Somehow, he just struggled to accept the fact she was no longer that lost girl who always looked for him in the crowd and that he wouldn't always be there to protect her and defend her.
"Tell him I miss him too," Pia's voice was soft as she said that.
"Don't you want to tell it to him yourself?" Nicky asked his older sister. He would trade getting caught for one of his father's smiles.
"I'll tell him personally," she declined his offer without hesitation. She would tell him in Spa.
Pia spent another ten or twenty minutes talking to her brothers before hanging up. As she put her phone into her pocket, Pia realised she didn't know where she was. Well, she knew she was somewhere in the Lauda house but far away from her room.
The Italian kept wandering in the hallways hoping she would bump into someone who would bring her back to her room. Instead of bumping into someone, she found a pile of boxes.
At first, she didn't want to be nosy, but then she noticed a picture lying on top of one of those boxes.
She took the framed picture into her hands. It was a class picture full of girls. It wasn't a good setting for a photo - in the sky, there were dark clouds. The girls were standing in front of a church with a grim-looking priest. All of them looked the same - not a single smile in this photo. They wore grey dresses while holding the holy bible and rosemary in hand. The girls in the picture were of various ages. Some might have been four years old, but a few looked almost adult.
One girl in the picture gripped Pia's attention. She could be around eleven years old. She was tall and skinny. Golden hair was framing her face with that familiar cold expression which was staring right into your soul. She was so similar to Joanna.
Pia flipped the frame to see if there was anything written on the back of the photo. She was looking for the year this picture was taken. The text written in illegible handwriting stated: the monastery of St. Nepomuk, 2003.
At first, Pia thought it was Joanna's mother, or maybe an aunt or someone like that, but the date made her realise that it was really Joanna. So, this was what Jules meant by not good childhood? Cold walls of a monastery, loneliness and a grim-looking priest?
The Italian still couldn't wrap her head around it. It was so not like Joanna. It was so not like her father. Pia couldn't imagine that triple world champion would place his kid into a school in some monastery without someone from the press notice.
"Ahh, miss, here you are. We were worried for you. We could not find you for an hour." It was probably the first time Pia was glad to see Adrian. It was not like she wouldn't like him. She just wasn't used to someone knowing everything about everyone. Somehow, it felt like he was always present.
"Yeah, sorry. I just got lost," the Italian kept her story rather short.
"I see you found a picture of the lady of the house when she was little," Adrian said as he looked at the picture in Pia's hands. She quickly placed it back on top of the pile of boxes. She didn't want to come across as nosy.
---
It was half past nine when Pia and Max were still sitting outside on the terrace. A bottle of gin was standing on the ground between them, and so was the bottle of tonic. A drinking buddy was what Pia needed, and Max was more than happy to have a glass or two with her.
Quite clearly, it was Pia who drank more, but she wasn't wasted. She was just in a better mood than usual.
"Have you spoken to Lando after we...?" Pia asked Max. She knew the Dutchman was a friend of both of them. Somehow, it looked like he stuck more to Pia, but she was almost sure it was just her imagination. Max didn't like to take sides when it came to his friends arguing. He was always the one in the middle, listening to both and not making any judgements.
"Yes," the Red Bull driver kept his answer short.
"How is he doing?" Pia asked her friend. She knew the split between her and the McLaren driver wasn't the best, but she still cared about him. "He won't talk to me," the Italian explained. It was true. She felt like Lando blocked her on every existing platform, and if he could, he would even block her in real life.
"Can you blame him?" Max asked her before sipping gin from his glass. He purposely ignored Pia's first question.
"Can't you just tell me how he is doing without giving me shit about it?" The Italian called him out a bit. That was the last thing she needed was to be called out by her closest friend.
"What do you want me to say? That he's miserable because of you?" He raised his voice. What else did she expect him to say? She saw Lando himself in Germany. She could see those black circles under his eyes and a miserable look on his face. Or maybe she didn't see it since she was too busy drowning in her own misery.
"He's not the only one who is doing miserable," Pia pointed out.
"But not by his own fault," Max leased out. He just couldn't forgive her for playing with Lando like that. She couldn't expect him to be quiet when she hurt one of his friends.
"So, it's my fault that Charles chose Charlotte over me?" Pia asked him before drinking more of her gin.
"No. Your fault is that you trust him easily and are willing to break things just for him. No matter whom you hurt," he exclaimed. He didn't understand what was so special about Charles. He just couldn't wrap his head around why she would do all this for him.
To be honest, Pia didn't understand his obsession with Joanna either. They didn't seem to be able to understand their choices of lovers.
"Oh, come on, Max. Don't pretend like you haven't hurt anyone while trying to get back together with Joanna," the Italian said while thinking out Kelly. Yeah, it probably wasn't the same situation, but he hurt her nevertheless.
"That's not the same." The Dutchman said, his eyes on something in the distance. Pia couldn't see due to the settling darkness.
"And why not?" she questioned. It was pretty much the same in her eyes. Kelly was hurt just like Lando. Kelly loved Max just like Lando loved Pia. They both broke someone's heart.
"Why not?" He asked her in disbelief. "Because there was nothing ever between Kelly and me. I'm having a baby with J and - and that's the biggest difference - I love her. Can you honestly say you ever loved Lando?"
"Now you're being unfair. You have no idea what I do or don't feel. How come you think you can lecture me about my love life when your love life was a catastrophe just a few months ago too." The Italian didn't understand where Max took this audacity from. She understood when Sebastian lectured her since he was the older and wiser one, but what did Max know?
"Don't be ridiculous. It is not about love. It's about you, destroying every single good thing in your life and me being sick of it." The Red Bull driver screamed at his friend.
"Why did invite me here when you are so sick of me?" She screamed right back.
"I never said that. You are twisting my words. I said I'm sick of your self-sabotage. And I'm sick of you bringing up my love life every time as some kind of an attack once you are the topic," Max yelled before getting up from his chair. He had to walk for a bit to get less angry because he couldn't believe his friend.
"Because you're always so harsh and offensive, Max. You're just like Joanna. You're always claiming to want to help people, but you're so harsh with your words, so you end up doing even more damage," Pia argued right back before getting up from her chair too. As she stood up, she felt all that alcohol in her blood. She felt dizzy for a moment. She even had to blink a couple of times to make her vision less blurry.
"Because when we offer you our help, you just don't accept it. Why can't you let it be and just allow someone to help you?" Max threw up his arms from his irritation. He had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down.
"I came here. I supposed this was your: I invited her over because I pity her that much kind of thing, but all you have done since day one is look at me through your fingers. I always thought it was Joanna who was worse in this aspect, but maybe it's you. She doesn't even try to hide her distaste for me." Joanna was just judging the Italian openly. Pia could feel every cold stare Joanna gave her. She was quite open about not liking her presence, but Max was clearly just as annoyed as his Austrian girlfriend, but he decided to hide it.
"Distaste for you? Are you even listening to your words? You clearly had too much." His tone was almost mocking. Pia hated when he was like this – so smug. It was so unlike that little boy she knew.
"No. It seems like you're on fire and have so much more things you want to tell me. So, come on. Let's go. Say even more hurtful things," the petite Italian dared her friend. She was always like that. When someone hurt her, she liked to allow them to hurt her as much as possible. Her masochism was really showing.
"Fine. I'll start when you beg me so bad. I'm so sick of people who think they have a higher moral ground. You're no better than me, Max. You make mistakes. You say the wrong things at the wrong time and choose bad people to love. So, why do you think you're so much better than me?" Pia asked her friend. Well, maybe a former friend, now. She wanted to know why the Dutchman thought he was so much better, so much more than she ever was. Her voice was calmer, but that didn't mean they were no longer arguing.
"Who said that I have a higher moral ground? All I'm trying to do is save your ass when you do something stupid. Every single fucking time because if I don't, I know you will pull someone down with you. And you're fucking good at choosing to pull my friends down with you. So, then I have to help not only you but also Lando or Daniel," Max threw up his arms from his irritation once again. He was so sick of it. All the time he was trying to help her. It was the only thing he ever wanted because he remembered that Pia always tried to help him too, but enough was enough. He couldn't help her when she didn't want any help. Perhaps, some people never really grow.
"If I'm not mistaken, it was your lovely girlfriend who made Daniel suffer that much. Did she think she was helping Daniel when she told him all those things about Jules? Yeah, such good help from her. Maybe I should go and wake her up to let her help me make my life even more miserable," Pia said and started walking towards the house with the intention of waking up the Austrian. The Dutchman grabbed Pia for her forearm because he didn't want to let her wake up his lover.
"You don't know what you're talking about. You weren't there. Joanna blames herself enough for it, but it's not her fault for what Jules did. I hate to say it, but he's dead so just finally let it go. It's not like blaming anyone will help," Max let out quietly. He understood Pia was still hurt by Jules' death, but she had to forgive Joanna, Jules and herself. The Dutchman understood that some scars would stay, but Pia had to let those wounds heal first. All those bad things that had ever happened to her were still open bleeding wounds she didn't let heal. It was just a question of time before it would kill her.
"Yeah, just support your girlfriend in destroying everything," Pia snorted. Of course, Max would support Joanna in anything. It was so pathetic.
"Right one to talk. You are the definition of unlovable. You're the one who destroys everything you touch, and now you try to harm my happiness because you rather have me miserable, so you don't feel like such a failure as you are. Let's face it, Pia," the Red Bull driver said bitterly. Pia could hear the disdain in his voice. He was so hateful.
"You know, when I was little," she said when she was on the verge of tears. Her voice was shaky, and her vision was blurry. "I would swear the only thing you shared with your father was your face and last name, but you just proved me wrong. You're just as cruel as he is. Congratulations on that. I won't be your problem any longer," Pia cried out before walking back to the house. Fuck this place. Fuck Joanna, and most importantly fuck Max fucking Verstappen.
The Italian walked towards her room briefly. She just wanted to pack all her things and leave this place. Nobody wanted her to stay there anyways. Pia just quickly started to throw everything into her two luggage – clothing, chargers, yoga mat, perfume and so on.
"Miss Vettel, let me at least call you a driver," Adrian said as he saw the Italian with both her luggage. He tried to take one of them, but Pia just shook her head. She wanted nothing from anyone in this house anymore.
"Thank you, but I don't want to," she said calmly even though tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"But miss Lauda wouldn't appreciate you being alone at this time of the day," Adrian decided to speak up again. Pia just looked at him unamused before opening the front door.
"So kind and thoughtful of miss Lauda to worry about me this much, but I just don't want to," she said before walking away from Joanna's property. She walked for almost ten minutes before she stopped to book an Uber to the Hilton. She would fly back home the following day and spend some time with her family.