Mature Audience || TW
I stared at the blank, white wall with nothing but pure hatred. My ears were ringing, and I couldn't physically even cry anymore. My body felt numb, what was even worse is that my father did this to me. He's the man that's supposed to protect me the most, my first love yet he's everything but that, he's the first man to ever break my heart.
"I am truly sorry, Mrs. Rhodes." The doctor says, my hearing was finally coming back and my eyes focused on her.
I wanted to tell her I wasn't married yet but I can't even manage to do that right now.
"How far along was I?" I asked, my fingers playing with the hospital band around my wrist.
The doctor had a look on her face, almost like she didn't want to answer my question to avoid any further pain but there was nothing she could ever do to make this feel any better.
"Roughly 7 weeks." She responded, very quietly.
My hand pressed against my forehead, and tears were starting to form all over again. It had a heartbeat already, my entire body wanted to shut down, and prayed this bed would swallow me whole. My lips quivered with a painful exhale, my head turned to face the wall.
"We'd like to keep you overnight just to observe you a little longer." She said.
I nodded while wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't want my husband to know how far along I was, understood?"
"Of course, it's your privacy and right."
"And I'd appreciate it if you could tell everyone in the waiting room that I can't take visitors right now." I whispered.
"Are you sure? I recommend being around people who love yo-"
"If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone now." My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat.
She didn't say anything before walking out and softly closing the door behind her.
The room felt empty, and dark almost like a huge cloud hovered above it. That feeling was overwhelming, it physically was making me want to rip out all my hair. The wall in front of me had no color or feeling, but I guess walls never really do have feelings. Why was I so fixated on a wall? Because I was afraid of facing my painful reality.
A quiet sob left my lips, my wrist touched my mouth as I tried to hold in my cries. My body was starting to shake with how hard my tears were pouring from my eyes, and my other hand clutched my empty stomach wishing everything was different.
It's no secret that I didn't want a child but I never thought I'd lose a child, it didn't deserve to die like that. I would've never walked inside that room if I had known that I was carrying a child, it's my fault that it's dead. This pain was nonnegotiable, it was eating me from the inside out and all I can do about it is cry.
My chest was rapidly moving up and down as sobs poured out of me, my mouth slightly parted as l brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. My head gently laid against the hard pillow, everything was so silent and cold. My eyes were starting to close when the door opened, and my head slightly turned.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered, my voice sounding fragile.
"You're here so I'm here." Kaz said, quietly closing the door behind him.
"You need to leave, I said no visitors for this reason."
He's the reason I didn't want anyone in here, just looking at him hurts me, literally just being in the same room with him ruins me. His hair was messy, and his eyes were bloodshot like he's been maybe crying.
"You have no right to be here, this does not concern you in the slightest." I said with a stern face, my lips squeezed tight as I hid my fragile state.
"It was my kid too." He snapped, this was the first time he's ever used that tone with me.
He wasn't wrong, it was his child and I had no doubt about it but he doesn't get to know that, not now, not ever. He has a child on its way by another woman who isn't marrying his son, who is a better woman and possibly a better wife. A tear slid down my cheek before I roughly wiped it away, my head turned away facing the opposite direction of him.
He needs to go to Washington, I need time away from him to amend my relationship with my fiancé and try to make sense of this all.
"It wasn't yours." My voice cracked, but I covered it up by clearing my throat.
"What?" He said, my ears picking up on him moving closer to me.
"How do I make this clearer for you?" I asked, tears wanted to fall but I blinked them all away. "Bodhi was fucking me almost every night without protection."
I could hear the change in his breathing, it sounded hollow and airless. Every word that left my mouth was burning me inside, it was so unbearable that my nails were secretly digging inside my skin.
"You're free to go, no obligation, and you weren't trapped with a child." I said, bluntly.
"You were still sleeping with him." He mumbled.
"Of course, did you think we were waiting till marriage?"
It was silent, too silent so my head turned to look at him again. He was a lot closer now, his eyes are even redder than before. His hands were clamped together in a tight fist, his tan skin was now a harsh pale color.
"I thought his touch at least appalled you, made you want to scrub every inch of your skin he had touched just like me whenever a woman who isn't you accidentally touches my arm." He says very loudly making me hear every letter in his sentence, his voice was deep and chilling. "Just my fucking arm and I was scrubbing my entire body."
"So no, I didn't even think you'd let him touch you."
His hand roughly touched his chin, his body was fidgeting back and forth like he was restless. Tears filled my eyes, and I quickly looked away not wanting to reveal anything. If only he knew that Bodhi's touch will always appall me because it isn't his touch, it's not his smell that fills my nose at night nor his laughter that fills my ears during the day.
"Fuck." He shouted, angrily.
"I'm sorry that you felt like you had to do that." I whispered, my voice sounded so fucking weak.
He chuckled, very sarcastically. "Just forget about everything, it clearly doesn't mean shit to you."
"You're having a child with another woman."
"Yet here I am with you and you can't even spare me a glance." He spits out, his voice has never sounded so cruel.
"Yet you're leaving for Washington with her." I exclaimed.
"Talitha, she boarded the plane alone because I chose you." His voice softened just a little, my head slowly turned back to face him.
"You chose me." I whispered under my breath, a tear finally managed to spill over my cheek.
He cleared his throat with his hand pressed against his forehead, his lips were sealed together tightly. "I was on my way back to you."
I wanted to fall to my knees and apologize for everything, he looked just as fragile as I did. He was on his way back to me, he chose me over her and I just screwed everything up even more. My eyes just stared back at his, my mouth was parted with words that probably didn't make sense because nothing did at the moment.
"I see now it was a mistake." He said, his eyes no longer looking at mine.
He walked to the door, his hand lingered over the door knob. I wanted so badly to tell him the truth, that I didn't fall down the stairs but instead was kicked in the stomach by my dad, that I could never love his son the way I love him, that I never allowed any man to touch me while being with him, that the child I just lost was only his but I didn't.
"I hope you find whatever you found in me, in her." I said, it was hard not to break down in a sob.
He didn't respond with anything, his head hung low and his shoulders were hanging even lower. He twisted the doorknob before walking out and closing it behind him, my eyes started fluttering rapidly while looking up at the ceiling. Tears were just flowing down my pink cheeks, my lips quivered so hard that my teeth started hurting.
A loud sob rushed out of my mouth, it was painful. My hands clamped over my mouth trying to stop everything but it wasn't working, my body is just in a state of ruin.
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