INTO THE STARS
———
MALACHI
Some may consider this obsessive behavior, but I don't give a single fuck. Those same people would also think that I am obsessed and to that, I would say, it happens to the best of us.
Me - come outside
As soon as the text is delivered, I pocket my phone, not waiting for an instantaneous reply. My palms grow clammy the longer I wait, gripping onto the steering wheel of Holden's car so hard my knuckles have gone white. I really need to get my own means of transportation around campus that isn't one of my roommate's cars.
Street lamps bound the road, casting a peculiar, orange-tinged light on the asphalt. The sun set not too long ago and there are still some students from USC lingering on this side street, cars driving by every so often.
A brick apartment complex is situated mere feet away from me, and I don't even question myself why I am here. One minor detour on my route home to the one person I needed to see didn't seem like something I should second guess. Brinley's touch and presence have become a daily need and if I don't get my fix for today, I may go into withdrawal.
I stare at the entry to the complex, willing those doors to open and for Brinley to walk right through them, looking like the beautiful woman she is.
Just a second later, there she is, dressed in a black tee that covers any skin on her upper body and gray sweatpants. Her bleached-blond hair was tied on the top of her hair in a messy bun with strands falling out everywhere, framing her face. I swear, my heartbeat hastens at just a single look at her.
Her gaze examines the lot, searching for any cars she may recognize when her eyes fall on Holden's car. Brinley's eyes dart to mine and unlike my presumptions, she only seems the slightest bit peeved at my interruption of her evening.
She saunters over to the passenger side of the car, her hips swaying in an infuriatingly sexy manner that I don't even think she knows she is doing. This girl...
I roll down the window, a slight smirk hinting on my lips.
"What do you want, Kai?" she asks, not necessarily angry but only merely irritated. Out of everything, though, the use of her newfound nickname for me is what I hyper-fixate on. It sounds so much better on her lips than it could on anyone else's.
Nonchalantly, I shrug. "Do you really want to know? Or are you a fan of surprises, instead?"
She huffs out a breath of air, her bare arms glued around her waist to retain warmth, goosebumps prickling on the skin. Brinley's gaze focuses elsewhere, but mine stays on her.
"So... what is it going to be, Brinley?" I urge, already knowing her answer when she looks back at me and an impetuous spark finds its way into her eyes without restraint.
Her eyes momentarily flick back to her apartment building before she hesitates on reaching a hand inside the door and unlocking it herself.
She bounces on the seat and only then do I notice her bra. Or lack thereof, I should say. Her breasts shift with the movement, the entire thing sending a rush of blood to my cock that I need to tame before she notices.
She buckles herself in and, as though she knows, she offers me an annoyed glance I know she is feigning. As a response, I smirk, just to provoke her.
The engine revs up beneath us and we get on our way to one certain place rather than a late night drive like I told her.
A soft, melodic song plays as background noise, and just like I get lost in the drive to the warehouse, I get lost in the solitude this moment brings me. Just me and Brinley, in silence except for the music, driving through the roads on campus with nothing on our minds.
"Where are we going?" Brinley questions when she notices the sudden change from concrete to dirt underneath the tires. She has since gotten comfortable, tucking her legs into her chest, her frame facing the passenger window.
I can just see the warehouse in the distance, nothing having changed in the past week at all. "My place."
In my peripheral vision, I try to gauge her reaction, but her expression remains solemn and peaceful. It isn't until we pull up in front of the large barn doors that I take the time to gaze unapologetically at her. She perks up, shuffling in her seat to sit upright once more.
If she notices my stare, she doesn't comment. Brinley focuses on her surroundings until she finds my eyes. She grins softly. "So... are you going to show me around?"
Sarcastically, I roll my eyes. "There isn't much to show," I mumble, playing the significance of this whole situation down tenfold.
She sends me a discreet look that I, of course, notice. My body is affixed to her, so there is no doubt I will notice every minuscule thing about her. I open my car door, rounding the car to open hers as well. When I reach her, Brinley has already stepped out, leaning on the car and her attention is focused on typing out a message to-who I presume-is Brooklynn.
I close the space separating us once she is finished. My arms fall atop her shoulders, pulling her into me, and she succumbs to the action almost immediately. I rest my head above hers, my nerves and stress from today feeling like issues from eons ago from her sheer touch.
Brinley entangles her arms around me, squeezing me ever so gently. I inhale a deep breath of her scent-something floral and powdery.
"Wanna go inside?" I utter the question.
I feel the slight movement of her head shaking yes. Upon looking down at her, I note the goosebumps prickling on her skin. With her still trapped in my arms, I tread over to the barn doors, deciding to pick her up and hold her instead.
Her body melds to mine with no restraint, her face nuzzling into the crook of my neck and her arms enclosing around me. All the tension I didn't notice was trapped inside her muscles, eased.
Remaining my firm hold on Brinley, I cross the warehouse ground until we reach the other set of barn doors opposite the entry. The grass meadows have grown in length, a shadow of uncertainty hitting me when I think of what could lurk in the depths between each blade of grass.
Of the moon's phases, I think the full moon is my favorite. Purely because I find it so fascinating to just... stare and admire it. There is a superstition that people turn into lunatics on the full moon, so that might also be why I like it.
Just like all the other times I have studied the full moon on numerous nights, it looks the same. But something about tonight, in particular, feels different. It may be I have company with someone I like a lot more than anyone else in this fucked up world. It may also be contributed to the fact my life has drastically changed in ways I couldn't imagine.
I settle down on the ledge overlooking the grassy field. Brinley loosens her grasp and slides off of my lap when I send her a glare. "Don't fucking start with that."
She rolls her eyes, a short-lived laugh falling from her mouth before she concedes and I pull her back onto my lap. A satisfied sound—that I didn't intend on making—forms in the back of my throat. Brinley keeps her arms hanging around the back of my neck and I crane my head down to her chest, focusing on the rise and fall of it.
I sigh, preparing to say something I need to get off my chest. "I visited Vaughn today. In hospital."
Sharply, Brinley inhales. "How did it go?"
"As expected." I don't elaborate immediately and she doesn't request for me to, either. "I told him I was cutting him off. Said that the only ties binding us together were our blood relations and even that wasn't enough for my loyalty. He has fucked me over in more ways than one with his manipulation tactics. I swear, I have never seen him so angry, and no way for him to channel it anywhere."
Brinley goes quiet before she sighs. "I am proud of you."
Elation smacks me in the face that I try to tamp down and fail miserably when a smile breaks free. I remove my head from the crevice of her chest to look her in the eyes when I say, "Thank you... you have done so much more for me than you will ever know."
A soft smile tugs at her lips and she draws me closer, planting a featherlight soft kiss on my lips. I notice her tilt her head towards the night sky, her eyes glossing over with something angelic and dreamy. She is so enchanting and... heavenly.
"I like the stars," she tells me, her plump lips moving delicately with each word before she tucks her bottom lip beneath her teeth, utterly entranced by the stars like I am with her.
I hum, vaguely recalling her telling me that once. "I think you have told me that before."
"They inspire me, y'know," she whispers. I faintly laugh, nodding my head, remembering her telling me that as well. "They, the stars themselves, don't inspire me, though."
Once more, I hum in response.
"The people who make me curious about the stars motivate me, instead," she tells me, her eyes transfixed on the stars. "It's the one who gave me the courage to look up at the sky and wonder. Wonder what this world had to do to create such a fascinating and pure-hearted despite everything and... enticing person."
A sharp intake of air hits my lungs, filled with the scent of her. "Have you found that person yet?" I ask, having an inkling already of what the answer might be.
She nods, averting her eyes to meet mine. "You."
Three words tease on the tip of my tongue, threatening to fall out. Three words I have never felt the urge to say, yet they feel so fitting for this moment and person. Three words I feel solidify the progression of our relationship.
Which should be a lovely realization. Almost every human on this earth romanticizes the idea of falling in love. Hell, people write songs, create movies, and even fucking books on the concept of loving someone and them loving you back. They fail to display the inevitable ending in some stories. And the only possible ending in this one is with my heart being the one broken because I carry a disease. A disease where I infect every person I love, only for them to be ripped away from me or reveal to me all the wrong ways to be loved.
Even with that knowledge, I don't push Brinley away. I allow myself this one moment to myself because it has been an eternity since I have felt like this. This is my anchorage.
But soon, all the numbness I used to feel; I will fall back onto. All the emptiness I will bear alone because that's all I have ever done. My walls will rebuild and I'll go back to the dead-but-living version of myself.
I recall reading that maybe people feel empty because they leave pieces of themselves in all the people they used to love. And maybe people build protective walls around themselves so they don't lose themselves again.
I left all my pieces in the hands of the wrong people and killed myself because of it. I'll be damned if that happens again.
No matter how much harm that bomb will trigger when it detonates.
Because detonation is inevitable. It always has been and always will be.
———
AUTHORS NOTE
omggg i am back?? and after only two days?? who is this?? lmaoo
anyways, hope you all enjoyed this chapter :) i did edit some of the layout in the introductory chapters and i have published electric love so go check that out :)
we have almost reached 100k reads on this book also 😭 that is insane and words cannot express my unlimited gratitude 🫶🏻
don't usually do this, but if you haven't already, go check out my pinterest @ alluringroses_ and follow if you want :)
until next time...
lots of love,
rose x