"Don't You" - Taylor Swift
I've fought countless battles both here and on Revenia, and yet I'd take any of those fights over what I'm about to do right now. I look around at the 11 pairs of eyes watching me right now waiting for me to start the meeting. We've gathered everyone up ready to give them a breakdown of our plan for Loki.
I know most, if not all of them, are not really going to like it, which is why we need to convince them that this is how things need to be.
Steve, Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sam, Vision, Rhodey, and Thor are all sitting around the table while Bucky leans back against the wall. He's clearly not happy to be here but I know he's here because Steve asked him to be. Bruce and Tony are on either side of me, already in on the plan since they helped me develop it.
"Okay." I say, not really knowing how to start this. There's a few things that I asked Tony for, that he really didn't like about this whole thing, so I can only imagine how everyone else is going to react. That's why I'm so nervous, that's why I can't even think of a coherent thought to put together.
"Okay." I repeat, trying to get my brain to think of anything other than that word to say. "Um..." Yeah, not any better. "Take it away Tony." I quickly say as I back away and let him take the lead.
He rolls his eyes at me, but does eventually step forward. "Alright." he says as he sets the ankle monitor he developed on the table. "This is the device that Bruce and I have put together. It will track every single one of Loki's movements so we know exactly where he is at all times and so that he doesn't wander anywhere he's not supposed to. He will not have access to the main S.H.I.E.L.D. building, weapons room, main files, or anything he can use to cause mischief."
I can see everyone take in the information, and I can also see as it clicks in their heads the location Tony didn't mention.
"He'll have access to our apartment complex?" Clint asks, already not liking this. I can see everyone start to get concerned.
Tony was expecting this, and I can see him a little worried everyone won't stay calm. "He will be blocked from our rooms, but yes. The living room, kitchen, and basic gym area will be available to him. He will have a curfew and will have to return to cell on time every night."
I know we're asking A LOT from everyone, but this area is the only place that makes sense to let him wander. He needs a basic living situation so that he feels a sense of normalcy.
"He won't have a room here?" Wanda asks, and it almost sounds like there's some sympathy in his tone. Something I greatly appreciate from her.
"It will be his cell for now, and if he shows us we can trust him, then we will think about getting him one." Tony says. "With a few extra security features." he adds on.
"What happens if he breaks his curfew or tries to go somewhere he's not supposed to." Sam asks, and despite how understanding I know he's been trying to be, he's nothing but serious about this information.
"Well, let's just say it's going to hurt." Bruce says, and I can tell he, and almost everyone around, seems to like that idea a little too much.
"And that thing is going to dampen his powers right." Rhodey asks, and suddenly my palms start sweating more than before.
Tony gives me a quick glance before turning back and clearing his throat. "With Thor's help we were able to customize the energy it exudes in order to block Loki's magic if we choose to do so."
I can see everyone's eyes surge forward, and it is clear they all caught it.
"If?" Rhodey asks, "Why is it if?"
"Good question." Tony replies, "You want to answer that Mia."
I'm caught off guard and my eyes go back and forth between Tony and the rest of the group. He's clearly not going to take the blame for this. And I don't expect him to, so with shaky legs I stand up and try to think of the best way to put this. "We thought...I thought...I asked Tony to make it an optional thing because I think we need to show Loki a bit of trust in order to get some from him."
There's an immediate uproar of disapproving noises, and I can't help but slightly flinch. I knew this was going to go over well with them.
"Who says we need or even want his trust?" Clint says. "I thought this was about him getting ours."
I put my hands up in a defensive pose, hoping to control this conversation. "He needs to feel some sort of reassurement, or else he's just going to feel defensive all the time and we're going to get nowhere." I say, having to raise my voice to talk over everyone's disagreeing comments.
"We're trusting him by letting him stay here and wander around. That should be enough." Rhodey says, and others nod in agreement
"Look, it's about giving him things to lose. If he breaks curfew or wanders somewhere he shouldn't he will get privileges taken away, including his powers." Even as I say it out loud I know it sounds like we're giving him more than he's earned yet. But I know if we take away his powers right away, he's going to think someone is going to attack him out of revenge for New York and he's just going to be on edge the entire time.
"Okay fine." Rhodey says, but his tone of voice makes it clear he thinks we're making a big mistake. "What is it, three strikes and you're out kind of deal. We're risking a lot. I think it should be one and done."
Almost everyone agrees with him and I take in a shaky breath, feeling like I'm losing more and more support from them, though everyone who is arguing with me didn't have much of it to begin with.
"If I may," Thor says, "I'd like to say something." He walks in front of me, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze as he pulls me aside and takes my place at the head of the meeting. "Something I've been wanting to say to you all for a few days now."
I can see everyone's curiosity is piqued, including my own. Especially because Thor's approval of this is really what's most important to Loki's hope for freedom.
"I know my brother has hurt you all, well most of you. And I myself have felt his betrayal more than once. I more than anyone here struggled to want to give him another chance. But the more this plan started to come together, the more I realized that I do really want this to work. I want my brother back. And I wanted to thank you all for pushing past the pain and concern and giving Loki an opportunity to redeem himself. Whether or not this works, I will always be grateful for you all."
Thor turns to me and gives me a soft smile. It's clear that, while his words all seem genuine and true, his intention was to take the heat off of me and maybe get the others to tone down the harsh comments. And by the guilty looks on everyone's faces, it works and I turn and mouth him the words thank you.
Clint clears his throat nervously before speaking again. "So is there any chance he can break that off."
Still a good question, but there's no longer a judgment in his voice. "No. We tested it." Tony replies. "It will hold and any sign of a possible attempt to take it off will alert us. It's secure." Tony stands to take center stage again. "Look I know this is all nerve wracking and I don't blame any of you for still having your reservations. But we're going to take this one step at a time. We're going to make the boundaries very clear for everyone, as well as the consequences. We don't expect any of this to go perfectly but we are prepared for anything. If Loki doesn't follow the rules and keeps no regard for anyone, he will be sent back to a cell in Asgard."
There's a confidence in him that I think everyone needs to hear. As one of the leaders of this team he's the voice of reason that everyone can turn to right now. Add on the fact that one of the other leaders is also on my side, and I feel completely supported right now.
I turn to everyone, hoping I can give them one last vote of confidence. "Right now I'm not asking you to trust Loki, I'm asking you to trust me."
"Us." Steve says, and his hand slides into mine as he interlocks our fingers. Tony and Bruce also give them all a nod, making it clear we're in this together.
Wanda and Nat were already on my side, so they both nod their heads in agreement. Sam, while still a little hesitant today, has made it clear that he's with me. Vision has analyzed all possible scenarios where things can go wrong, so I understand his concern, but he trusts Wanda and in turn trusts me. Rhodey doesn't seem to really agree, but I know he's trusting Tony, who's one of his oldest friends, and more than being with me, he's going to be with him. Bucky...well I know how Bucky feels about this. I don't expect him to change his mind and I can only be grateful he isn't making a big fuss about it.
Now Clint is the most hesitant about all of this. And I completely understand. Loki got into his mind, made him do terrible things, even hurt some of his fellow agents. I don't expect him to ever forgive or forget that. I wouldn't blame him if he wanted no part of this, and I'm honestly just grateful he hasn't made more of an effort to shut this down.
"Alright," Clint says, and I see a moment of acceptance come over him. "When do we start?"
"Right now."
We all as a team head down to the holding cell to officially start this plan. The entire S.H.I.E.L.D. facility is on alert, although if anything did happen I have no doubt in the team we have right now to take care of it. I could honestly send Wanda by herself and she'd easily put Loki on his ass if he tried anything. But of course we need to keep everyone updated.
We get to the control room and I look down the viewing window. I see Loki laying down on the small cot, not necessarily sleeping, but simply doing one of the few things he can actually do in that cell.
I can sense the tension growing in here, and I understand considering the last time most of them were in this room with me I went down and did one of the stupidest things I could have done.
"I'd like to make it clear right now so everyone knows what's about to happen, I am going to go into Loki's cell to put the ankle monitor on." I say, being a little over the top with my explanation, but I don't want anyone to feel concerned about my actions. I need them to know it's all planned.
"Don't worry, I've confiscated her bracelet." Nat says, having already taken it before we even walked over here.
"And I'll change the systems on the cell to make sure we can get her back if need be." Tony says, also learning from the last time we were here.
"I'll be on standby in case Loki tries to get out." Wanda says, and there is no concern in her voice. Which either means she doesn't think Loki will actually try anything, or she knows she'll be able to handle it easily.
"And the power dampening setting will be on so we can be sure he'll behave before turning it off." Bruce comments, bringing in the last amount of information on what's going to happen.
"Alright, everyone knows the plan. Let's do this." Tony says, and he clears the door to be unlocked.
Not everyone decides to go downstairs with us, probably so that we have backup on several levels. Only Tony, Bruce, Wanda, Sam and I actually head to the second door. Steve wanted to come with, but he didn't want Loki to get riled up. He wanted to make sure this first transition goes as smoothly as possible.
We wait for the second door to unlock and I push through, hoping with everything in my being that nothing goes wrong.
Loki is now sitting up on his bed and watches us as we enter the room.
"Hello darling." Loki says, as soon as he sees me step through the doorway.
"Hello Loki." Tony replies, knowing damn well he wasn't talking to him, but clearly not liking the name he called me.
"Loki." I say, acknowledging him while trying to remind him to watch the words he uses. The others filter in and take their positions in the room.
"All this for me," Loki says as he looks around the room. "I'm flattered."
"I'd keep the smart-ass comments to myself if I were you. Mia's influence will only protect you for so long." Tony says, as he heads over to the control panel.
Loki lets out an amused chuckle as he faces everyone out here. "Do you all truly believe I'm going to try and get away when Mia has put so much trust in me."
"After what you did to her, can you blame us?" Sam says, clearly still pissed about that and looking like he wants to break through the forcefield himself to get to him.
"Guys please." I say, talking to everyone in here. "Can we just keep this civil?" Even as the words leave my mouth I realize how ridiculous. Nothing about any of this can really be civil considering the history. And based on the look they gave me, including Loki, it's clear they know that. "Or just tone it down please."
I walk over to Tony as he continues to adjust the side panel, changing the settings so he has a little more control. His brow is pulled together, and I can tell he's remembering what I did yesterday that's making him have to put in these extra security features.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, feeling guilty.
Tony turns to look at me and he wants to continue to be upset, but ultimately his gaze softens. "I want to be mad, but it honestly sounds like something I would do." he says, almost seeming annoyed at that fact.
I chuckle, liking the idea that we would think alike. "Like father, like daughter."
He smiles and gives me a proud look. "Ready?" he asks as he looks back over at Loki, watching us carefully from the other side of the cell. I can tell he's still trying to analyze my relationship with everyone.
Bruce hands me the ankle monitor and Tony slides his hand across the control panel, opening up the forcefield to allow me through. I head up the steps and through the barrier, watching it close behind me.
Loki watches with a smile as I head over to him. "I can't believe you managed to convince them to let me stay." he says as he stands up.
"You doubted me?" I tease as I stop in front of him.
"Never." he whispers, giving me a look he really shouldn't be, especially considering who's in the room right now. "I just find it hard to believe any of them would trust me after what I did."
That makes my heart ache for him, and it reminds me that while I'm trying to help Thor regain trust in his brother, I also have to help Loki regain trust in himself. "They understand living with regrets. And many of them understand second chances."
I look out to the friends I have here supporting me, and then the ones up in the control panel. I don't want any of them to get hurt, and as much as I want to fully believe in Loki, there's still a part of me that's worried.
"But I need to hear you say it one more time, because I'm risking a lot for you Loki, and if you break my trust, I don't..."
"Mia..." he whispers, wanting to reassure me, but also understanding why I'm so hesitant.
I pause and take a deep breath. I'm the one who just told the entire team that they need to give him a little trust, and here I am continuously doubting him. Just one more time. "Do you promise me that you're going to take this seriously? That you're not going to..."
"I promise." he says, and I can see it. There's a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and I can tell this is more than just a promise to me. He's doing this for him. He wants this. He wants his freedom.
"Okay." I say, feeling a sense of pride come over me. "Well, I still have to put this on you. So have a seat."
Loki looks down at the ankle monitor in my hands as I see a smile come across his face. He sits down on the bed and then leans back on his hands as he watches me with a devilish smirk.
I give him a curious glance, wondering why he seems to be so amused with this. It isn't until I make a move that I realize what putting this on him will entail. In order to reach I'm going to have to get down on my knees in front of him, with his lap fully in my eyesight. "Um..."
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
"Something wrong Princess?" Loki says, and I see his tongue come out and lick his bottom lip.
I could kill him.
"Tony!" I call out, turning to him for help.
"He can do it himself, kid." Tony replies, already knowing, and seething with anger, over what Loki is insinuating.
"Thank you." I say, as I toss the device at Loki. "Press the main button once the green light goes red." I turn back and give Tony a thumbs up, letting him know he can release the lock so Loki can put the monitor on.
He chuckles as he presses the button and the cuff opens up. "I still make you nervous." he says, placing the monitor around his right ankle.
I roll my eyes hating that there's no way to not make this weird. "I'm not nervous, just trying to avoid an awkward situation." I say, watching closely to make sure he's properly putting it on.
Loki leans back up as he shrugs his shoulders. "It wouldn't be the first time you kneeled down in front of me."
Suddenly I hear a small zap sound, and Loki flinches as he lifts his right leg off the ground.
I turn around, knowing exactly what just happened, and find Tony glaring at Loki.
"Just checking to make sure it was working." he says, but we all know that isn't the case.
I look at Loki, a little concerned that the shock may have been a little too rough, but also feeling like he kind of deserved it.
"Is it working Loki?" I ask, with a tilt of my head.
He looks at me with slight annoyance, but he seems to ultimately understand the message Tony was trying to send. "Yes." he says, answering more than one question.
"Alright." Tony says, "Everything is up and running."
I can see when Loki starts to feel something. His body slightly stiffens and he looks down at his hands. He flexes them into fists before opening them back up, and I can't help but wonder if he was trying to use his magic.
"It's blocking your powers," I say, hating the vulnerable look in his eyes. "That's what you're feeling."
He nods, fully understanding why we're doing this. He puts up a front but I can see the regret he has about how things went down. And it only furthers my suspicion that it wasn't all his fault. I know there was something that happened that changed Loki's state of mind, and I hope eventually he's able to open up to me about it. I want to understand him more, and maybe I can help others understand him too.
"We're going to turn it off tomorrow morning. I...we are trusting you to behave." I say, hoping that this helps him feel a little bit less attacked. "Please don't make me look like more of an idiot than everyone probably already thinks I am." I laugh nervously, but the fear is definitely there. Loki isn't the only one who will lose everyone's trust.
"Some friends you have if they're making you feel like this." Loki says, as he turns to look at everyone standing outside of the cell.
"They've put aside every bad feeling they have about you just to make me happy." I say, getting extremely defensive. "They're better friends than I could have asked for."
Loki looks away, and I can see the regret on his face. I immediately feel bad, knowing I shouldn't put so much pressure on him. This is for him not me, and I shouldn't guilt him into doing this just so I don't look bad.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean–"
He puts his hand up to stop me. "I know what I did," he says. And I can't help but wonder why there's so much back and forth from him. Sometimes he says things that make me think he actually hates everyone here, and I worry that maybe I was wrong about something else being behind what he did. But then I see the regret in his eyes when the subject comes up and I know that there has to be more than everyone thinks.
"Here's your chance to show them you're more than just your worst mistake." I say, trying to soothe any doubt he has.
Loki looks back at me, his eyes searching for something in mine before finally giving me a soft smile. He stands up, taking a step towards me. "Thank you." he says, though he doesn't specify for what.
"Thank me when you're fully free." I say, knowing we still have a long way to go.
"Oh I will." he says, a lingering promise in his tone.
Before I can give him a warning I flinch there's two loud knocks on the forcefield.
"Time to get out kid." Tony says, his patience with Loki already wearing thin.
Loki rolls his eyes, as he looks away. "He's oddly protective." he says, with a curious look in his eyes.
"He's just being a dad."
Loki's eyes snap back to me and I see confusion, and a bit of fear in them. "I beg your pardon."
I can't help but laugh. "Tony adopted me." I clarify, then give him a playful shove as I realize something. "Hey look, we have that in common now."
I can tell he's still a little confused, but he does chuckle.
"It's a long story." I tell him, not really wanting to get into it now because it would mean talking about home.
"I look forward to trading war stories." he says, and I think he's as interested in how I ended up here as I am to find out how he did.
"Kid!" Tony snaps, and this time it's me who rolls my eyes.
"Ready?" I ask Loki, wondering who's more nervous, him or me.
"No." he replies, and in a moment of honesty I get my answer. It's him.
"You can do this." I say. I reach forward, instinctively wanting to grab his hand in a reassuring touch, but I know I need to keep boundaries so he doesn't get the wrong idea. So instead I reach up to his shoulder and give it a slight squeeze. It's awkward, because it's not the kind of touch we're used to from each other. But until we can get past this awkward ex-phase and be solid friends, we have to be careful.
I walk back towards Tony, waiting for him to open the barrier. Once he does I step through, and barely make it out before I feel it close behind me. I turn around and I'm about to snap at Tony for not letting Loki through, but I see him lift his hand to stop my protest.
"Let me make one thing clear," Tony says to Loki, and I can see the protectiveness in him. "If it wasn't for her, you would not be here."
Loki takes a deep breath as he looks over at me. "I'm well aware of that fact."
"Good, then understand this...if she says the word, you're done." Tony says, and I hate how much power I have in this. I think back to the conversation Steve and I had, and I know I have to make sure any decision I make on this isn't clouded by my biases.
"I get it.," Loki says, and I can see him struggling to hold back a sarcastic comment. "I mess up, I'm back at Asgard."
Tony watches him carefully, trying to gauge whether he's actually being honest, or he's just playing the part until he's free of the cell. "Well, if you hurt her I can't guarantee you'll make it back to Asgard" he says, and I almost want to hide my face, feeling like a teenager being embarrassed by her dad.
It's then that I hear the door open and I turn to see Steve coming through it. And I can't help but smile. I should have known he wouldn't be able to stay up there the whole time.
I look over at Loki and I can see him wanting to get upset at seeing him, but he just looks back at Tony as he takes a breath. There's still some pain in his eyes, but it looks like he is trying to control it. That's progress. I really think this is going to work.
"Step back kid." Tony says as he starts adjusting the setting to allow Loki through.
I give Loki one last reassuring smile before turning away and heading towards Steve. I can see there's a small amount of guilt on his face as he watches me come towards him.
"Sorry." he says once I'm close enough. "I stayed away as long as I could."
I chuckle as I come to stand next to him. "It's okay." I say. "He's going to have to get used to seeing us together."
I see his shoulders relax, clearly glad that I'm not upset. I hope he didn't think I expected him to stay away from me while Loki was here. Because I would never ask him that. I don't think I'd be able to do that myself. Everything about me craves him, I wouldn't be able to stay away.
We both stand together and watch as Tony says some things we can't fully hear, before opening the barrier. Loki pauses for a moment, looking at the opening as if it's some trick, like it's going to kill him if he steps through. I can almost sense everyone in the room holding their breath for the few seconds it takes Loki to move forward. He finally steps through, his eyes closed as his body fully passes the barrier. Once he's out it almost seems like he flinches, as if waiting for someone to attack him. He opens his eyes and lets out a hard breath before he finally seems to accept that this is really happening, and he slightly relaxes.
Only slightly. I can tell there's still part of him that has his defenses up, but honestly, I think we're all going to be like that for a while.
Tony stops Loki from going any further and then crosses his arms over his chest as he starts rambling off things to him. I can't make out what he's actually saying, but it seems like he's going over the rules that we were all just talking about. Loki looks a little overwhelmed by all the information and his eyes slowly turn towards me in a silent plea for help. I shake my head, hoping he knows I'm sorry for what Tony is going to put him through. He was already going to be tough on him because of the past, but now it's going to be even worse because of the fact that he's my dad.
Suddenly Tony snaps his fingers in front of him to get his attention back and away from me. I put my hand over my mouth to try and muffle the laughter, but I hear it coming from Steve. I swing my hand, hitting his arm to try and shut him up.
"Tony is going to tear him a new one." Steve says, and it almost seems like he feels bad for him.
I start to get a little nervous as Tony continues to push the rules onto him. "I'm just worried he's going to pick life in a cell just to get away from him."
Steve lets out a small laugh, but I can see him slightly shake his head. "I don't think so. I mean, you could see it on his face when he came out." He pauses, not really clarifying what he saw. He takes a deep breath, and I can see he's slightly conflicted about something. "You were right." he says and once again I see what looks like sympathy. "He really wants freedom."
I can tell this is hard for him, because everything in him is telling him not to trust Loki, so he has no idea how much it means to me that he's actually trying. "Of course he does." I say, looking back at Loki. "I wouldn't give up on him. I wouldn't give up on any of you." I know most people here have a dark past and I wouldn't ever judge them for it. Who they used to be doesn't matter, because who they are now are heroes. If no one had given them another chance to prove they could be more, that they could be different, then they wouldn't be here right now. And I can't imagine my life without them.
I turn back to Steve and find his gaze intently on mine, watching me with soft eyes and a warm smile.
I give him a confused look, wondering what he's thinking right now. "What?" I ask with a nervous chuckle.
"I love you." he whispers.
I'm a little caught off guard, which I didn't think would still happen at this point in our relationship and I feel my stomach flutter in the most amazing way. I can't hold in my smile as I reach over and slide my hand into his. He tugs on it slightly, causing me to take a step closer to him until we're shoulder to shoulder, our hands hidden behind our backs as if we're trying to hide them...which, since we're in the presence of both my father and my ex, I guess we are.
I start giggling as he squeezes my hand and we get the small moment of rush that we used to get when our relationship was a secret, only this time without the guilt of keeping something from others.
"Kid!" Tony says, and Steve and I immediately separate, as if we just got caught.
Tony comes towards us as he signals the others in the room that they're clear to leave. So Sam, Wanda and Bruce head up stairs while Steve stays right by my side as Tony calls Loki over to us.
"Everything seems to look good." Tony says as he looks down at his tablet. "Mia, why don't you give him a tour of the facility that way I can track to make sure the boundaries are set in place. It will also give you a chance to let him know exactly what areas are off limits." He looks directly at Loki as he says this, making it clear it's a warning for him.
"Sounds good." I quickly say, before Loki gets a chance to make a sarcastic comment. "Steve?" I say, hoping he'll join.
"You go ahead," he says with a smile. "I have to meet up with the security team to update them on everything." I can't fully read the expression on his face, but I know part of him isn't ready to just openly hang out with Loki yet. Which is fine, I didn't expect it to happen right away. I just hope things can slowly come together with them.
"Are you sure?" I ask, hoping he knows I really did want him to come with me.
He gives me a reassuring smile, answering the concern he probably knew was going around in my head. "Yeah, I'll catch up with you later."
"Okay." I say, wanting to give him a kiss goodbye but knowing I definitely shouldn't in front of Loki.
Steve makes a move to turn around but he stops himself before taking a step. He looks over at Loki and I can see a thought come across his eyes. He turns to fully face him and I start to get a little nervous.
"Look, I believe in what she's trying to do, and I'm going to support her through this." Steve says, clearly wanting to get something off his chest before Loki is officially allowed to roam the complex. "Now I imagine if you care about her the way you say you do then you're going to be respectful." He takes a step closer to him and both Tony and I tense up.
"I trust her, but I am going to say this just once." He looks him in the eyes and I can see a darkness reflected in them. "She's mine."
Oh shit. Part of me is concerned about how Loki is going to feel hearing that, part is concerned about Tony hearing it.
And the last part of me is totally turned on that he just made that declaration.
I see Loki's jaw tighten, but he quickly subsides the anger and gives Steve a smirk. "I'll keep that in mind." he says, the annoyance still lingering on his face. "Only as long as that statement continues to be true."
"Loki!" I snap. Well, I guess it was stupid of me to assume this wasn't going to happen at all.
Steve puts his hand up to try and keep me calm. "It's fine." he says, and although he clearly didn't like to hear that, he's trying to not let it get to him. "I've said what I needed to say." He walks over to me and I watch him nervously, hoping he isn't regretting saying yes to this. Because I have a feeling this isn't the last time Loki is going to say something like this. I give him an apologetic look but he just smiles, letting me know that it's okay.
"I'll see you later." he says as his hand comes up to the back of my head and he leans in, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. And it's clear that the kiss wasn't to rub it in Loki's face, it was to comfort me.
As soon as Steve exits the door I swing my hand and smack Loki in the arm. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I say, walking away from him and towards the stairs, leaving Loki to rub where I just hit him.
"What?" Loki asks. "He started it."
We walk up the stairs and back into the control room, where the others have backed up and are now all blocking the exit. I don't know if it's genuine concern he'll leave or a scare tactic, but it looks a little silly.
I look over at Loki and judging by the smirk on his face, he thinks the same. "Congratulations to you all, I'm terrified." he says sarcastically.
"Loki" Thor says, giving him a clear warning.
"Everybody stay calm." I say, putting my hands up in a defensive position.
"It's fine guys." Tony says, "The ankle monitor is working."
I can see everyone hesitate to move as they give each other wry glances, but eventually Nat is the first one to step aside, and the others soon follow, one by one exiting the door and heading off.
"I always could clear a room." Loki says, and despite feeling a little guilty about it, I can't help but chuckle.
"Go ahead kid." Tony says as he heads towards the door. "Bruce and I will monitor everything from the lab."
"I'll join you." Thor says, giving Loki a clap on the shoulder as he passes him. "Behave brother."
"Always do." Loki says as they both leave and once again I try to hold in a laugh as I turn to look at him. His eyes watch me for a moment, softening as they drop down to my lips. "I always did love seeing you smile."
My breath hitches as memories with Loki come into my mind. We used to be each other's comfort when things got hard. He let me cry when I needed to, but then always made sure I smiled afterwards.
Just like Steve does now.
I turn away, knowing I need to stop letting him affect me like this. "We...should get going." I say, trying to steady my mind.
He extends his hand out towards the exit. "After you, love." he says, his voice carrying a soft sultry tone. He knows what he's doing, and I know what he's trying to do. But he needs to learn that he's not going to change my mind.
I roll my eyes at him as I head forward and out of the room, heading towards the hallways that lead to our housing building. "This is the path you'll take from the holding cell to the housing complex and back." I say as he follows behind. "This is the only path you can take." There are others, but this is only one Tony mapped out in Loki's ankle monitor. Mainly because there's no other turns or rooms he can even try to wander into.
"Can I expect all these murderous glares every time I walk through here?" he says, getting closer to me as people walk past.
"Probably." I say, knowing there's no point in lying to him. "But I'm sure it will get better as time goes on."
Loki groans and I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe me. Honestly, I don't even believe me.
We make our way through the first door and into the west end of the building. "Over here we have a small gym and training area." I say as I stop at the doorway. "Which you are free to use. Maybe a bit of controlled fighting will help you and Thor get some frustrations out."
Loki gives me a wary look. "That's a lot of frustrations, love. It might not end as well as you're hoping." he says, and then he steps closer to me, causing me to take a step back. "Maybe you and I should go a few rounds. Get some...frustrations out." he whispers, clear insinuation in his tone.
"Oh, did you want to get your ass kicked again?" I ask, once again shutting down his advancements.
He scoffs, as he rolls his eyes. "I...let you win...those times."
"Of course you did." I say, giving a playful shove before moving on with the tour. We head into the living room, and despite the fact that this was my idea, even I can't help but feel weird to actually have him here, in our home, walking around freely.
Maybe it's because, ever since I got my memory back, my past life and my current one have always been two separate ideas. And ever since Loki came back, those ideas have been merging, and I don't really know how I feel about that.
It's so surreal.
"Here we have the living area and through there the kitchen, which is usually stocked well if you ever get hungry. Since our schedules are pretty mixed we usually eat at different times. But every once in a while we do find a night when we can either do dinner or breakfast together. I'll keep you updated on that."
Loki's brow pulls together in an amused confusion. "Yes. I'm sure everyone would be ecstatic to have me there."
He may be joking about it, but I can see the slight sadness in his eyes at the fact that no one but Thor and I actually want him here. Which means he can't do the normal things we all do. The others won't want to eat with him, hang out, or train. He may act like he doesn't care and hates everyone here, but that kind of rejection can get to anyone.
The one good thing is that maybe it will give him and Thor a good chance to hang out more, and maybe this will help with the overall goal here.
"Well maybe we can work up to it." I say, trying to give him hope.
He looks up at me and sees that I'm onto him, and he quickly changes his look and puts on a flirty smile. "Why don't you show me where your room is?" he says with a playful wink.
"Funny." I say. "You're not allowed up there yet. And you're not allowed in anyone else's room at all."
He shrugs, not phased at all. "That's fine. We were always adventurous about our locations."
"Loki!" I chuckle out. "I know what you're trying to do, and it's not going to work."
His smile doesn't drop, and instead he seems even more amused. "Whatever you say, Princess."
I'm about to give him another warning when I suddenly see someone come up behind Loki.
"Brother!" Thor says as he throws his arm around Loki, startling him for a second before he realizes who it is. "Look at that, you haven't burned the place down yet."
"Well it's still early in the day." Loki says, looking a little embarrassed about getting caught off guard and trying to shrug off Thor's arm.
"How about you and I have a talk?" Thor says, reinforcing his grip around Loki's shoulders.
"If you're going to warn me about what will happen if I break any of these rules, don't bother, Stark already made it very clear." Loki says, still trying to get Thor off of him.
"Well maybe I can put things in a different light than Stark did." Thor says, putting his other hand on Loki's shoulder every time he knocks one off. "Offer a different perspective."
They're acting like brothers, playfully fighting and annoying each other. It's endearing to watch, and it makes me hopeful that this is already working.
Loki finally gives up on getting Thor to let him go as he rolls his eyes. "You know I would but that would be incredibly rude to Mia, who is so graciously giving me a tour of the area."
"Actually this was pretty much it. You two can go ahead. I have some things I need to take care of anyways." I say, knowing very well he was trying to use me to get out of talking with Thor. And judging by the glare that Loki gives me, he knows this is my payback for the comments.
"Thanks bestie." Thor says and he turns Loki away from me. "Come on brother, let's have a nice talk." He leads him back where we came from and towards the training room.
"What the hell did you call her?" I hear Loki say, before they disappear down the hall.
Well...that went much better than I expected it to. I know we still have a ways to go but it's a good start.
I head up to my room to grab a few things before coming back down to the dining table. I may have been trying to mess with Loki when I said it, but I really do have things to do. And unfortunately for me, it's to go through John's files and tapes to see if there's anything I can catch.
An hour later I have files spread out across the entire table and a flash drive plugged into my laptop as I watch another one of John's videos. So far nothing has really been helpful, and I can tell why Fury is getting frustrated. The files have basic breakdowns of the interactions with him. He goes where they ask him to, doesn't resist, doesn't fight back, by all standards he's completely cooperative. Except when it comes to giving us information we don't already know. In one session he broke down his first attack on Aubrough, the one that caused me to lose my memory (again) and rejolt my powers. The next one was when we went to Switzerland and the first time he and I met. Then he talked about his second attack on Aubrough we're we finally caught him. This is all information we already know and none of it is useful to us. He's smart enough to know that's not what we care about, which means he's just toying with S.H.I.E.L.D. and everyone trying to get information.
So I let out a sigh as I pull up the last video in the files. The camera is right on him with the agents back to me.
"Hardin," one of the agents says, and I can hear it in his tone he's getting frustrated. "It's in your best interest to cooperate with us. At this point you have nothing left to lose."
"I disagree." John says as he leans forward on the table he's sat at. "There's still a lot I can lose." He pauses, and then his eyes roam up, and directly into the camera. "There's still a lot you and I can both lose, Mia."
I feel a chill run through my entire body as his eyes meet mine. In the previous videos I've watched he just mentioned me, but this is the first time he's actually speaking to me directly. The look in his eyes, the direct contact and forwardness about what he's saying, it's incredibly eerie.
"You know what, I will tell you something." John says to the agents, but his gaze doesn't leave the camera. "I genuinely thought that these people were trying to help me get what I want. But I think it turns out, they were using me, to get what they want."
"And what exactly did they want?" the agent asks, finally feeling like they may be getting somewhere.
John's eyes stare daggers into the camera, right at me, and I have a feeling he knew damn well I was eventually going to see this.
"Let's just say, I'm pretty sure I found it for them."
I slam the laptop closed, getting way too creeped out to continue watching. Was he...insinuating that whoever he was working with...was looking for me? What does this mean? Is John just screwing with me? He has to know more than he's letting on. Does he just want to torture me until I figure it out? ...Or...is this a warning? A warning that someone out there is still going to be looking for me?
I have to stand up from the table, my entire body now buzzing with nerves and adrenaline as I try to take in deep breaths. With everything going on with Loki this is the last thing I want to be thinking about. But I can't ignore either of these situations, because one of them I knowingly caused, and the other I'm inadvertently a part of. I'm in the middle of all of it and I need to make sure all of this stays in control.
"Mia?" I hear someone say, and I turn around to find Steve looking at me with concerned eyes.
As soon as I see him I can immediately feel myself start to relax. My body craves his touch, his comfort, as I walk towards him. I can tell he's about to ask me what's wrong, when I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest.
I can feel his body tense with panic, before he eventually takes a breath and brings his arms around my shoulders. I can only assume he saw the mess of files on the table and knows exactly what I was just doing. He places a gentle kiss on top of my head as one hand comes up to my face and his thumb caresses my cheek.
"Is it bad?" he asks, his arm tightening around me.
I take a breath before pulling back. "It's...concerning."
He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my head before resting his hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry that it has to be you."
"I'm not." I say as I reach up and take his hand in mine. "I'd hate for anyone else to have to go through this."
Steve's eyes watch me carefully, before his face starts to pull together in what almost looks like annoyance.
"What?" I ask, getting a little concerned.
He grabs both of my hands and tugs on them, causing me to step forward and closer to him. "I want nothing more than to take you to my room and find all the ways I can distract you from this..." he says, as if making it clear that it's not going to happen.
"But...?" I ask, knowing it's coming.
He sighs as he looks down. "...but, I just got called for a mission."
Damn. It isn't until it's no longer a possibility that I realize how much I wanted to just get away from all of this and be with him. "What mission?" I ask, knowing this wasn't anything we were told about recently.
"A few agents have been keeping an eye out on a situation down south and they're thinking about making a move. They just want some backup." he says, and it's then I remember hearing about something like that.
It's not an extremely dangerous situation, but we know so much can go wrong on a seemingly easy mission. "Are you going alone?" I ask, hating the thought.
"No. Sam and Bucky are coming along." he says, and I can't help but notice a slight bit of excitement on his face. As much as we wish there were no problems in the world, there is a moment of adrenaline that happens on missions that you can't help but crave sometimes.
"Good." I say, knowing they all were in need of some time away. "Aw. It'll be like a guys' night." I tease.
Steve chuckles as his hands let go of mine but come up to slide along my hips, pulling us closer. "Not the ideal hangout I would like to have with them but yeah, I guess it is." He looks down at me and, despite the excitement, I can see the lingering guilt he has over leaving me right now. "Maybe you can get the girls together and hangout too."
I smile, appreciating his concern but knowing he shouldn't feel guilty. This is the job. We both know it and agreed to this. Unless it's an emergency, we can't put our relationship before the safety of others. "Nat is on a call with Fury going over the details of Loki's stay. And Wanda is on a date night with Vision."
Steve frowns as I see him try to think of something else. "Father-daughter dinner with Tony?" he suggests.
I shake my head. "He's downstate with Pepper."
"Bestie date with Thor?" he asks, finding our nickname for each other amusing.
I chuckle, but shake my head again. "He's having a good talk with Loki. At least I hope they're talking and not beating the crap out of each other." I say, wondering if I should check on them. I slide my hands up Steve's chest and around his neck, hoping to comfort his concern about leaving me. "I'll be okay Steve."
He takes a deep breath, letting it out in a reluctant sigh. "Ok, can you at least promise me something?" he asks, as he caresses my cheek with the back of his fingers. I nod as I lean into his touch. "Promise me you're not going to go back to that." he says, his head signaling back to my laptop and the table full of files. "Please just do something to relax and try to distract yourself. I'm not sure how late I'm going to be and I hate the thought of you spending the rest of the evening stressing over this."
"I promise." I say with a smile.
He slides his hands down my back and grabs my waist as he leans in and presses his lips against mine. I pull myself closer to him as our mouths start to move together, softly, lovingly. My hands slide into his hair as I tease his bottom lip with my tongue before slipping it inside his mouth. He lets out a deep moan as his fingers dig into my skin, and I can tell he's trying so hard to keep in control.
"How long do you have before you need to leave?" I ask.
Steve drops his head to my shoulder as he lets out a frustrated groan. "Five minutes." he says, knowing we don't exactly have time for what we really want to do right now.
"I mean..." I say, knowing if we really tried I know we can get a good round out of five minutes.
"Don't." he warns me. "Don't even tempt me, or I will be late."
I chuckle as his hands come up to my cheeks and he grazes his lips against mine before kissing me again.
"Can I join?" I hear someone say, and we pull apart, chuckling as we turn towards Sam approaching us.
"Funny." Steve says, and despite the fact that he knows Sam is just joking around, I can tell his jealousy is kicking in when he steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me towards him.
"Don't worry Mia." Sam says. "I'll bring him back to you in one piece."
"You better. Or else you're going to owe me a new boyfriend." I tease, and I feel Steve's arm tighten around me.
"Oh I can definitely make that happen." He says as he comes towards me, not even caring that Steve has his arms around me.
"And, we're done here." Steve says as he picks me up and turns around, putting me behind him and away from Sam.
Sam throws his head back laughing as he claps Steve on his shoulder. "Relax man, everyone knows there's no pulling you two apart," he says. "No matter how much she clearly wants me."
I make the mistake of giggling, causing Steve to turn back and give me a look that makes it clear I'm in trouble when he comes back.
"Are we ready?" someone says, and our attention turns to Bucky entering the room and approaching us. His eyes briefly flash towards me before he looks away.
He really wasn't kidding when he said as long as this plan is happening he really isn't going to forgive me. I hate it, because I miss him, but I understand he's just concerned for his friend, and it feels weird to be upset over it.
"We should get going." Steve says, pulling me away from my thoughts. And when I turn to look at him it's clear he knew exactly where my mind was at, and he's trying to pull me away from it.
Slide my hands around his neck pulling him closer to me. "Please be careful." I whisper before pressing my lips to his again.
"Always am." he mumbles against my lips.
"Do I get a goodbye kiss?" Sam says as Steve and I step away from each other.
Before Steve can react I step away and place a big kiss on Sam's cheek, surprising both of them.
Sam claps his hands together in excitement. "Now I'm ready!" he says, as if my kiss gave him a burst of energy.
Steve gives me a warning glare, but ultimately I can see a smile come across his face. I just can't tell if that's because he finds this amusing, or he's excited about the punishment he's going to give me for this.
My eyes turn towards Bucky and I see the sadness in them, which means he's probably thinking the same thing I am. If we weren't in a fight right now he would have been a part of this. He would have asked for a kiss too, and I would have given him one. But instead he just stands there, looking away and waiting for the guys to be ready.
"Your stubborn ass is doing this to yourself." Sam says, and when I turn towards him I see him looking right at Bucky. "Get over it."
"Sam," I say, trying to get him to stop. I appreciate that he's on my side, but I hate the look of pain on Bucky's face right now.
Sam opens his mouth to protest, but then closes it, throwing his hands up in surrender. "Whatever, if he wants to miss out on your sweet kisses, that's on him."
"Oh my god." Steve says as he rolls his eyes. I know he agrees with Sam, but I'm sure he hates that my kisses are the topic of conversation right now.
Bucky doesn't say anything, or gives me any indication of what he thinks about what Sam said. Instead he simply starts heading towards the exit.
Just as he passes me, without even thinking I reach out and grab his hand. He doesn't pull away, which is what I might have expected him to do, but he also doesn't turn to look at me. He stays frozen in place, eyes down to the floor as I keep him from walking forward.
"Please be careful out there." I say, knowing that even if he doesn't want to talk to me, that's not going to stop me from caring about him.
I see his jaw tense up, like he wants to say something, I just can't tell if it's good or bad. But ultimately he keeps quiet and begins to walk away again.
But just as his hand is about to slip out of mine I feel it; a gentle squeeze before his touch falls away. He never looks back, and it would be so easy for me to dismiss it as nothing. But I know him. That was his small signal that he's still with me, no matter how stubborn he wants to be.
Sam gives me a soft smile as he follows behind Bucky. Steve steps to me, taking my face in his hands and giving me one last kiss before heading off with his friends.
I watch them leave the doors, hating the loneliness I feel once they're gone. I really did need Steve's comfort right now, but I'm going to have to find ways of distracting myself. I clean up the files and grab my laptop, heading back to my room and I don't know what to do with myself as I drop onto my bed.
I text Tony, asking him if he could send me updates on the guys' mission since I know he will be getting them. He adds me to the message listing and I put my phone nearby to make sure I can be aware. I'm trying not to imagine all the wrong things that can happen, but I know my eyes will definitely be shifting to my phone often.
My mind is so distracted right now that it would be difficult for me to really focus on anything. So I decide to just put on a movie, knowing that it doesn't require too much focus, and there's a good chance I can just shut my brain off.
I get through two of the fast and furious movies before I need to stop, feeling my eyes starting to get tired from the screen. I start to get ready for bed, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and getting into some pajamas before realizing that it's way too early to go to sleep. Not to mention the fact that my mind is still focused on getting updates about Steve's mission, and I'm probably going to be worrying about him until he's home. Which could be until late at night or even early tomorrow morning.
I can't stay in my room any longer, so I decide to head downstairs and grab a little bit of comfort.
I stare out the window of the kitchen, watching the moonlight shine over the river as I place another spoonful of rainbow sherbet into my mouth. My phone pings with an alert and I quickly pick it up to check the message.
No engagement yet.
On standby.
They've been on standby for about two hours now, which makes me happy that they aren't in a fight, but nervous that they still might get into one. I shove another giant scoop of ice-cream in my mouth, letting the sweetness bring me at least some form of comfort.
I hear a soft chuckle and it startles me considering I thought I was alone.
I see Loki leaning against the doorway, watching me with an amused smile on his face.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, and I can't deny that for a moment I thought he had escaped his cell, before remembering that we let him out. I look down at his ankle monitor and then over at the time on my phone.
It's almost 10 o'clock, which is Loki's current curfew. He still has time, but I'd hate for him to cut it close and risk getting hurt by his monitor.
"I came looking for you." he says as he pushes himself off the doorway and starts coming towards me. "I had only hoped you were somewhere down here and not in your room where I'm not allowed."
I get up off the chair and walk away from the window coming towards him. "How do your 'talk' with Thor go?" I ask, looking over his face to check for any bruises. We meet in the middle of the kitchen and stop at the island.
"Not too bad considering all the things I've done." he says, and I can see a bit of sadness, followed by a hint of a smile. He can deny it all he wants, I know he cares about his brother too.
"Good." I say as I hop onto the island. "Overall I think day one of this plan went pretty well."
Loki chuckles as he leans his side on the edge of the counter. "Darling it wasn't even a whole day." he says, his eyes watching me carefully. "I admire your optimism, but it's only going to get harder before it gets easier."
I shrug my shoulders, knowing he's right. "But it will get better." I say, knowing I have to hold onto that hope or else I'm going to lose my mind. I grab my pint of ice-cream and take another scoop, shoving it into my mouth as Loki watches me with a confused look.
"What the hell are you eating?" he asks as he looks at the container in my hand.
"Ice-cream." I say, like it should be obvious. "Did you seriously not have ice-cream last time you were on earth?"
"No I was too busy trying to take over the planet." he says in a sarcastic tone.
I give him a playful shove, but mentally berate myself for not having thought of that, and hoping I haven't hurt his feelings. But given the chuckle that he lets out, I can tell he was just messing with me.
I dip my spoon into the container, taking out a smaller than normal amount, then offer it up to Loki. He looks down at it as he backs away, as if he already knows he doesn't like it.
"Just try it." I say, pushing the spoon towards him again.
He gives me a hesitant look as he takes a spoon. He moves it around, looking it over as if trying to analyze it. Unfortunately he takes too long and it melts enough to slide around the spoon and then fall down to the ground. Loki reaches for it but it manages to splatter onto the ground.
I throw my head back laughing, because he tried really hard to stop it and now he's just staring at it with wide eyes.
"Why is it dissolving?" he asks, stepping away from it like it's going to attack him. And I start to laugh even more.
"It's melting." I say trying to control the laughter. "It's ice-cream. Ice melts."
He looks up at me, completely dumbfounded as to why this is considered food. I'm still laughing as I reach over and grab a couple of napkins, handing them to him. He cleans up the spill, tossing the napkins in a nearby trash can before coming back to me. I get another scoop out, being careful as I hand it to him again. He pulls away, looking like he doesn't want to touch it again.
"Loki just put it in your mouth." I scold, not wanting to waste any more of my sherbet.
He hesitantly shakes his head but ultimately grabs the spoon from me. He brings it to his mouth and takes a dramatic deep breath before finally putting it in his mouth. His face completely freezes the second he tastes the ice-cream. I can see him moving it around his mouth, getting all the flavors before finally swallowing it.
"I thought so." I say triumphantly. The look on his face says it all.
"That's...quite good." he says, seeming genuinely surprised by what he just consumed. I can't help but smile at the look of amusement on his face. I know he's been through so much, so it's nice to be able to give him these moments of happiness.
I get him another spoon so we can share what I have left, but given how much he's loving it, I let him pretty much take it all. I can see how much he's been deprived of joy just based on how excited he is over discovering a new treat, and I can't help but smile as I watch him enjoy it.
Loki looks up at me and he furrows his brow. "What?" he asks.
I shake my head. "Nothing, it's just...good to see you smile."
He's a little taken aback, but he does eventually let out a soft chuckle. There's a moment of silence between us when his smile drops, and I can see a new thought come into his mind.
"What?" I ask, knowing something just changed in him.
He looks at the spoon in his hand, twirling it for a moment before setting it down on the counter. "What happened?" he asks, finally looking back up at me. "After we were separated? How did you end up here."
I take a deep breath, knowing he's going to be the first person I explain this to that will have a little more information on the subject. "My brother sent me here." I say. Loki never met Callen, thankfully because that would have not gone well, but he does know of him. We used to talk and compare our siblings often. Both were next in line to rule our respective worlds, but we had different opinions on it. While Loki resented the fact that Thor was going to be king of Asgard instead of him, I was grateful Callen was next to inherit the leadership role of Revenia. That was never a position I thought I could handle.
"Callen sent you here?" Loki asks, and I know it sounds odd without the explanation.
"We were losing the fight in Revenia and he was afraid we would all be killed in order to get control of our land. He thought the best plan to save our home was to send me away." I say, still hating what he did, but understanding why he did it.
I can see the sympathy in Loki's eyes. Despite the fact that he hates that we were separated, he's starting to understand that there wasn't a lot we could do.
"That must have been a hard decision for you," he says.
"Oh I did not make the decision it was made for me." I reply, still a little upset at Callen for that. "I would have never left my family. I would have never left my home defenseless. I would have never left yo–" I stop, realizing I shouldn't say what I was about to say. Even though it's true, I would have never voluntarily left Loki, he doesn't need to hear that. I don't want him to continue to hurt over the fact that we're not together anymore.
But judging by the smirk on Loki's face he knew exactly what I was going to say. "So Callen forced you to leave?" he asks, deciding to move past that comment.
"Yeah, well there isn't much you can do when your brother knocks you unconscious." I say as I roll my eyes.
I see Loki's jaw tighten, and I can tell he doesn't like that fact either, but he's trying not to say something bad about my brother. "I'm sorry." he simply says. "That must have been frustrating."
I shrug, considering I hadn't regained my memory of that until a few months ago. "Well I didn't even know it had happened since my memory was tak–"
Shit.
Loki's eyes snap back towards me as I see his mind start to put together what I was just about to say.
"Your memory was taken?" he asks, and I get a little nervous about the murderous look in his eyes.
"Loki..." I say, trying to keep him calm.
"Who took it?" he asks, not even wanting to hear an explanation.
I panic a little, knowing if he goes off over this, they're going to send it straight back to Asgard. "It's much more complicated than–"
"Who took it, Mia?!" he grits through his teeth.
I put my hands up, ready for anything. "They did what they had to to make sure I didn't try to go back home."
I don't have to explicitly tell him, he already knows who it was. He takes a deep breath and I see his gaze turn towards the door. I immediately put up a forcefield, just in case he gets any ideas. He turns back to me and he tries to calm himself down once he sees how worried I am. He runs his hand through his hair as he takes a few deep breaths. "How can you still trust them?" he asks, looking like he wants to get himself, and me, as far away from S.H.I.E.L.D. as possible.
Once I see that he's not going to do anything stupid, I drop the forcefield, but still keep caution. "Look I was upset at first too, but after hearing the message Callen left I understood why they did it."
Loki shakes his head, not really interested in the explanation. He turns towards the counter, putting his hand on the edge and gripping so tight his knuckles turn white. "They're the reason this happened." he says, and I can hear the pain in his voice. "They're the reason you and I aren't..." He turns to me, his eyes pleading with mine. "If they hadn't taken your memory, you would have come back to me."
He's not wrong in thinking that would be my intention. I would have done anything to get back to him. Unfortunately things would not have worked out that way.
I turn my body towards him, pulling more of my leg onto the counter. "Technically I would have gone back to Revenia first, and then probably would have been killed and my home taken over. So as harsh as it may seem, S.H.I.E.L.D. taking my memory kind of saved my life."
Loki takes a moment to think about what I just said. He wants to continue to be upset, but instead he lets out a deep sigh, knowing I'm right. His eyes watch me for a few seconds and I can see a question he wants to ask, but he's hesitating.
"Your family." he finally says. "You know for a fact they're..." he stops, not really wanting to say the word.
I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I think about it. "No." I answer. "I guess not 100% but," I shrug, hating how little I really know about any of this. "I'd like to think if they were alive they would have come for me."
It's a weird thought to have. Obviously I hope my family is alive, but if they are then why wouldn't they have come looking for me? Especially since they know exactly where I am. I don't want to think negatively unless I know for a fact they were killed. But I also don't want to get my hopes up because I don't want it to hurt even more when I learn the truth.
If I ever learn the truth.
I feel Loki's hand slip into mine, pulling me from my thoughts, and my gaze turns to his touch. I should discourage this, but it doesn't feel like he's trying to gain anything by it. It honestly just feels like a friend comforting a friend. And I really need it right now. So I tighten my grip on him, letting us have this moment with each other, knowing we've lost so much already.
"If I had known..." Loki says, and my eyes come up to him, but his stay locked on our joined hands. "If I had known you were alive, I would have done everything to find you." His thumb caresses my skin, but he refuses to look at me. And I know him well enough to know why, he knows he had no control over this, he knows he had no idea what had happened, and yet part of him feels guilty for not saving me.
"I know you would have." I say, my grip on his hand tightening. "If there's one thing I never doubted about you, it was your love for me."
His eyes finally come up to meet mine and I can see his jaw tremble slightly. I can't help but wonder if he ever thought I didn't choose him because I doubted how much he loved me. And it hurts me that I can't tell him it's not true. I can't tell him how much I loved him. It would hurt him more and make it harder for him to move on.
"You know what the worst part is?" he asks and once again his eyes look down with guilt. "At one point we were both here on Midgard. But I was too busy trying to rule the planet to ever–"
"Stop." I say interrupting his thoughts. I reach my other hand out, grabbing his in both of mine. "You didn't know. I didn't know. You can't blame yourself for any of that."
He lets out an amused chuckle. "That's not entirely true." he says, but I have a feeling he's talking about New York. And I realize I still don't know his side of the story; what happened that led him to do what he did, where his mind was at, how he got to that point. I just want to understand him.
"Loki..."
"I should go." he says, and I look up to find him watching me intently. He knew exactly where my mind was at, and what I was going to ask him. I open my mouth to protest, feeling like we need to have this conversation if I'm going to help others understand, but he simply shakes his head. "I should get back to my cell before my curfew."
I turn to look at the time on the stove and see that it's ten minutes until his curfew. I know he's really trying to get out of this conversation, but I do appreciate him showing respect for the rules. Although I know part of that is due to him not wanting to get hit with that shock from the ankle monitor. I want him to stay and talk to me, but I know he can't.
I drop my gaze, feeling a little bit of conflict. I can tell he's hesitant about having this conversation, and I don't want to force him to talk about his past, especially if it was painful. But I feel like it's such an important part of helping others understand him.
Suddenly Loki grabs my chin with his thumb and forefinger and he brings my gaze back up to his. His eyes watch me with such an intensity and I know we're heading into dangerous territory, especially as they drop down to my lips.
"Loki..." I warn and I finally let go of his hand that I was still holding.
He smiles, and I can't help but wonder if he was trying to see how far he could get before I stopped him. He pulls his hand away from my face, but not before I feel his thumb graze my bottom lip. I let out a shaky breath, knowing I should say something but not being able to connect my mouth to my brain to actually make it happen.
Loki lets out an amused chuckle as he backs away and part of me feels like he knows exactly what's going on in my head.
I'm still sitting on the counter as he walks towards the doorway, he never turns around, but simply walks backwards as his eyes stay on me.
"This conversation's not over Loki." I say to him as he gets to the door.
He stops, a devilish smirk coming across his face. "Believe me love, I'm well aware it's not over." he says, and I know he's insinuating something different then I was.
I roll my eyes but can't help the laughter that comes out. "Goodnight, Loki." I say.
He laughs, finding my annoyance amusing. "Goodnight, Princess." he whispers, before walking away and heading back towards the holding cell. I pull out my phone and open up the app that Tony installed that allows me to keep track of Loki's position. I track his walk back, keeping an eye on the time to make sure he's going to make it. With only a minute to spare I see when he steps back into his cell and everything locks up. I hate that he still has to sleep there, but hopefully soon we can work up to getting him a room, preferably on a different floor than mine.
I throw away the now empty pint of ice-cream and clean both spoons before finally heading back upstairs. As I head to my room I think about the fact that, without Steve I'm probably going to face another tough night. Especially because I'm going to be worried about him and the guys being on the mission. The last text update said that there's been some movement happening and visuals are being updated. Which means they're switching locations, probably getting closer to get a better view. That also usually means there's a higher chance that they'll engage and end up in a confrontation. I stop at my door, not making a move towards it, but just staring, thinking about how I really don't want to be in there. Without Steve here my room feels so empty and more like a place I'm trapped in rather than a place of rest.
So instead I turn and start walking back until I reach Steve's room. I can't change the fact that he's not here, but his presence is so much stronger in his room, that it's what is going to get me through the night.
Once inside I turn on the lamp on his night stand. If I happen to fall asleep I don't want him to get scared at finding me here. I pull the covers of his bed back and crawl in, putting my phone right next to me to make sure I can see when the updates come in.
When the next one flashes I look at it, realizing my heart stops every time I get a notification. I don't usually get like this when he's on a mission, but it's the fact that I know so little about this one and it came so suddenly that has me on the edge. Not to mention the day I've had today, it's all been so much.
I watch my phone, noting that it's taking longer and longer for me to open my eyes after closing them, and I don't even notice what time it is when I finally fall asleep.
A light clicking sound shifts me from my unconscious state, but I don't open my eyes. It takes me a moment to remember everything as I hear light shuffling around. I faintly open my eyes and I see a body walk into the bathroom.
Steve?
I didn't even realize how tired I was until I find it nearly impossible to wake up. And I actually find myself falling in and out of sleep again. I never feel the bed shift, so I know he doesn't get into bed with me. I open my eyes the tiniest amount, barely even being able to see through my lashes. But I still manage to catch the silhouette of someone leaning back on the desk chair, elbow on the arm rest and his fingers over his mouth.
Yeah, it's definitely Steve, I'd know that pose anywhere.
A wave of relief washes over me at knowing he's home and safe, and then I feel annoyed at the fact that he's literally just watching me instead of climbing into bed with me.
"Are you seriously going to just sit there and watch me sleep?" I say as I close my eyes once again.
I hear him let out a soft chuckle. "By now you should know one of my favorite sights in you in my bed." he says, and despite the fact that I'm still half asleep, I manage to still feel myself blush.
"You know what's better than me in your bed?" I ask as I snuggle into the pillow, wishing it was him.
"You naked in my bed." he says and I can hear the smirk in his tone.
I open one eye and give him an annoyed glare. "No, it's you in the bed with me." I say, wanting nothing more than to feel his arms around me right now.
I hear him get up from his chair and then what sounds like him pulling his clothes off. I hear him switch the lamp light off and then the bed dips as he crawls over me. His arm comes round my waist as he pulls me closer to his body.
We both let out a sigh as our bodies melt into each other and it's clear we were both holding onto tension that disappeared as soon as we came together.
"I'm sorry if it was weird for me to be here." I say, noting he doesn't seem upset but I don't think he was expecting it.
"Are you kidding?" he says, genuinely surprised to hear me say that. "This is literally the best thing I could have come home to." His hand comes up to brush my hair back so he can place a kiss on my neck.
I let out a soft hum before deciding to turn around and face him instead. As soon as I can I bury my face into his chest as his arms come around me and cradle me to his body. I can smell his face wash on him, and while I don't think he took a full shower, unless I fell asleep longer than I thought, it's clear he did try to clean up a little bit.
"How was your mission?" I whisper as my hand slides up his torso and rests on his chest.
"Good." he says, his hand running softly up and down my back. "For a while we weren't sure if we were going to do anything but keep watch, but eventually things escalated and we found ourselves in a bit of an altercation."
Shit. I probably have several unread updates about it. I'm actually grateful I managed to fall asleep because otherwise I would have been a nervous mess.
"Is everyone okay?" I ask, worried about Sam and Bucky. Although I suppose if things had gone bad, Steve probably wouldn't be here so calmly.
"Everyone is fine." Steve assures me. "It wasn't too bad of a fight. Although someone did get me good." he says and his hand comes up to his chin. I look up and the small amount of moonlight that enters through his window catches his face, and I can see a small cut and what looks like bruising along his jaw.
"Here?" I ask, my fingers tracing along the injury. I grab onto his chin, lifting myself up until I can gently press my lips to his skin, careful not to hurt him. "Better?" I say as I start to pull back.
But Steve slips his hand behind my neck, keeping me in place as his lips come down onto mine. He holds them there for just a few seconds before slowly pulling away.
"Yes." he whispers, answering my previous question.
I smile as I lean down, pressing a kiss to his chest before resting my head on it. Steve's arms come around me as he shifts us so we can get into a more comfortable position. Once we're good I can feel both of our bodies relax into each other.
"Mia," Steve whispers, his voice showing how sleepy he's already getting.
"Hm?" I ask, feeling my own mind slowly slipping.
"I haven't forgotten what you did earlier." he says, as his fingers slide down my back and play with the hem of my pajama shorts. "I owe you a punishment."
I smile against his chest as I slide on leg in between his, purposefully pressing our hips together. "Looking forward to it, Cap." I tease, as I snuggle closer to him.
I hear him chuckle, but he doesn't say anything else about it. I let his steady breathing slowly pull me back down. I know we both didn't get a good night's sleep yesterday, and it's really taking its toll right now. But, now that we're together, finally, I can feel it as both of our bodies easily slip into a deep slumber.