Writer's POV
Armaan swallowed the lump and switched off the television. A lone tear escaped his eyes. It's all because of him.
He just doesn't want to commit same mistake as his elder brother did in his past by promising a girl and stuck her to him.
The pain he saw which Neil had suffered; where sometimes he believed that he wouldn't be able to meet Avni again; where the buisness tycoon shattered even after showing how tough he is; where he thought he was losing.
Neil didn't suffered a heartbreak but his heart broke every single day.
Armaan thought; he would some how cope up with his feelings after releasing Sia from every tie but no, feelings are no buisness deals; it may facade with time but never die. And in his case it worsened.
His feelings for Sia never facade but increased by the time passes.
"We're over now." Her last sentence echoed in his head.
'And just like that, it was over.' Armaan swallowed a heavy lump as fresh tears lines his eyes.
As much as love make you float in the skies, it can also put you down to dumps just as quickly.
When he was in love, for him it was the most beautiful experience ever. Waking up to her morning text, looking at her cute morning face and thinking how did he get so lucky?
Her complaining to him about her day while he listened patiently and the feeling when she kissed him and said, "don't worry, tomorrow will be better", was just awesome.
He couldn't be anymore happy.
But when the routine breaks, and the person with whom you started your mornings and ended nights is no more with you, that hurts. Hell! It doesn't just hurt, it sucks the life out of you. You wake up feeling emotionally weak and physically drained.
All you want to do is, stay curled up in your bed and never face the world. So it's not love that hurts, its loving the right person at wrong time does; and it sucks. Love sucks.
It's the feeling of loneliness that traumatize you when that person leaves you.
Armaan sobbed; he lost.
He doesn't feel anything after hearing her confession. He can feel how hurt she is. How much he hurted her. How a chirpy bird lost her nature and turned into the silent and lost one.
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Neil Khanna
I have been in my study after dinner. I really need to look after some projects and especially to D'Souza's mess.
Day after tomorrow; is going to be a big day. The press conference. Things are going to get change. Forever. And it's getting a bit hectic.
No more of hide & seek game now. I already consulted with them about my decision and they're okay with it. And according to them it's the perfect time to come up because it's been years Desai's executed anything against us. I had to look over every aspect, and I did.
But all this things are making me exhausted now. I huffed loudly and then my gaze got stuck into two boxes on the left side of me.
The boxes of Avni's studies and work related materials has been dropped in my study today.
Shaking my head; I tried to go on with the project file but thoughts are consuming me.
I decided to through her things in the box to ease myself a bit. She wouldn't go all offensive, right? Who cares? I know how to calm my tigress.
I stood up from my chair and walked to mahogany wooden desk and opened the box.While going through the various files and some of what I guess x-rays of her patients; I didn't find anything entrancing.
'Nothing of my interest. Of course, my wife is a doctor.'
I dropped the all files again inside the box getting bored by them. Then suddenly, a folded paper slides from red file and fallen on the ground making me huff.
I bent down and picked it. I unfolded that, and it caught my attention. It was a letter.
My brows creased as I raise my right brow unknowingly.
I analysed whole paper; only to find it was from Avni to me. The paper looks quite old. I mean seems like it's been years since she wrote it.
I started reading it; on my way to my chair.
Hey, Neil.
How are you doing? Is your family okay?
I hope you still remember me, that there's a girl waiting for you.
You know what Sophia asked me today; if I miss you?
I wanted to answer her at that instant but I just passed her a smile, but now I want to tell you what my mind said at that moment;
Do I miss him?
Of course I do.
He was my best friend for two years. How can I not?
He was my first thought in the morning and my last at night. He was the one to occupy my dreams, my thoughts, my everything.
I miss him. Sometimes more than I can bear, sometimes more than I can encapsulate with words.
I miss you, Neil.
Not the way I use to do four years ago because it became more painful to bear the fact you're not here. I feel someone is ripping my skin. My heart cries as every day passes.
I miss our perpetual and senseless laughs, our countless talks, our furtive (yet oh-so-obvious)glances at each other when we'd feign anger. I miss us being silly and stupid, indulging ourselves on each other's weirdness, squeezing each other's hands as hard as we could just because....
I miss the childish little giggles between our kisses, our special little "fishy" kisses that you always thought were so weird but never stopped beckoning for more. I miss the way we made each other laugh, the way we made each other smile.
I miss the butterflies that never failed to tickle my stomach when I saw you walk towards me- that split second before I'd run to you and you'd wrap your arms around me. I even miss the little quibbles we would have and then how proud we'd be when we resolved one of those haha!
I miss you listening to my talk; rambling on about some stressful new problem I had related to my studies or college; and about a new phenomenon that had sparked your interest, you being excited about some new game that I would be forced to learn about because I loved you, or about a discovery of a new song I would fallen in love with- the songs that would become ours. I miss your little secrets, your little stories. Our little jokes.
I miss the way the trivialities of our lives were given meaning as they became stories to tell each other.
I miss how passionate, expressive and transparent we could be about our thoughts, our dreams, our love; about everything and anything. I miss how unconditionally supportive we were of each other. I miss that incomparable friendship.
I miss your voice, the way you answered the phone when I called, the pet names you greeted me with. I miss the way you said my name. And boy, do I miss your laugh.
Your laugh, gosh!
I miss your being the one to share my random revelations with throughout the day, your mere presence in my life making me feel like everything was going to be okay.
I miss us. The love we shared, our time together, the perks of our relationship, our wonderful friendship; I miss it all. I miss that spark in time before our lips would meet and we'd be transported into a world of our own, not knowing how long our stay there would be. I miss what we brought out in each other: when we were young and crazy in love, hopeful and excited about the future.
I miss the feel, when you were my person and I was yours. I miss the warmth, the comfort, the stability sprinkled with the passionate frenzy of love we shared.
Most of all, I miss you. Just you as a person. I miss everything about you. The person you were when we were friends, the person you were when we became us; the occasional immaturity, the occasional selfishness. Everything that you were, everything that you wanted to be, I miss it all.
Thank you for being someone that's given me so much to miss. Thank you for being someone that I still miss. I hope you're doing well and I truly wish the best for you. I hope you're as wonderfully inspired, passionate, calm as you were when I loved you.
Don't forget, this girl still loves you the way she did before. Maybe more.
Remember, today's our fourth marriage anniversary. And I waiting for my husband to show up.
Comeback to me, Neil. I am waiting for you. How much time would you take more? Isn't it too much. I can't live without you. The years passes; I loose myself more. I need you, baby.
Please! Atleast send me a 'hey' to atleast lemme know that you are okay. I am dieing everyday. Sometimes I can't even breath, but then I remember your promise and our love. It kept alive the hope inside me that we will meet again.
I cry to my sleep every night and smile next day because that's how I learnt to deal with life; without you.
Gosh! I wrote so much; and now I remember, I could not send this to you because I don't know where you live. Where you are!
Seems like, I don't know you; like we never met, like you were a mirage.
A beautiful mirage.
But at same time reality knocks me that you're my husband. But sometimes I want to question you that; am I your wife, Neil?
Please answer to my crys. Don't you hear it?
I promise; I'll not be stubborn anymore but please comeback to me. I am begging you. You're ignorance is killing me.
I love you.
And I miss you.
Hope you miss me. Maybe a bit; but please miss me and comeback. Atleast for the sake of our love.
Your Silly Avni.
I heard someone's sobbing then a drop of water falls on the page. I felt my eyes heavy; something wet on my face. On touching my cheeks then to my eyes; made me realize that it's me.
I didn't realize I was crying.
Heck! I didn't realize; I made her cry. I broke her. I broke her trust. She trust me now or is she pretending?
Truth to be told, I left her without any explanation and asked her to trust me. I don't know, what Avni is made of. Any other person on her place must've really moved on. But she actually waited for me. It feels like dream sometimes.
Every single day, I was afraid. I had a fear in my heart that she would move on thinking I will not return, tha-that I left. But she never. She waited.
Even after the fact, I left her heartbroken.
After reading this letter, it feels like a knife is twisting in my heart slowly. Very slowly; making me realize what she had been through because of my selfishness. Just because I fucking can't live without her.
It fucking hurts.
It hurts in a way that I know deep within myself that I can't return the years she gave to me; while waiting for me.
That I broke her, her trust. Maybe unknowingly, but I did. But I didn't want it to happen; I really did not, because I had no choice. Nothing else to do.
The last thing that, I would want to do is to hurt her but the irony is I am responsible for every tears she shed all those years in a hope that; I will be back.
Infact, I left her no choice. And leaving her with no choice and to break her heart to keep her safe. Aaaarghhhhh!
What in the fucking hell I did.
While coping up with my feelings and mental health; I really didn't thought that I made her think, question her if she is my wife?
I physically protected her throughout the years, but what about her inner self. I mentally destroyed her; emotionally broke her.
I definitely felt guilty for leaving her with the thread of hope but now, I regret it. I fucking regret it, even after everything is settled between us.
You cannot erase the past. You have to carry that baggage with you. The mess you've created; you have to accept it and clean it.
I am responsible for my sister's and best friend's death. I fucking believe it. I don't say it aloud but somewhere, definitely I am at fault too.
If I would be there a day before; they would be alive. 'I am right; Isn't it, Heer? Isn't it, Samrat? You might've expected me there to save you but I wasn't there.'
I couldn't save them; I couldn't save my mom from accident. The fuck, why I feel so useless sometimes. The sudden fear without threat. Why?
I let out a shaky breath. I didn't realize; my left is shaking. My legs are trembling. I hastingly grabbed it from another to stop the movement. My breathing became heavier. I am feeling hot; I am sweating.
Anxiety attack.
I am having it again.
I tried to gulp down the lump but I can't.
Shit.
Common, Neil. You can do it. Breath in. Breath out. Yes, go on.
I tried to keep my eyes open but getting fail eventually.
"Aaaaarrhhh! I can't." I grabbed the table near me. My eyes travelled from glass window to carpet then to glass of water which is placed on my desk.
I tried to grab it but some force of energy isn't letting me. It was a feet away only but I couldn't able to reach it.
I tried to control myself like I always do. It always works. Why isn't it working this time?
"Neil, when will you--- oh my god! What happened to you?" I heard Avni's faint voice. My eyes are closed and suddenly my body was engulfed.
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First of all thank you for waiting.
My mumma is doing good and is on bed rest.
Thankyou for understanding and wishes for my mum.
I truly love you people.
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Here's the next update.
How was it?
Little emotional?
It's actually tough to write this kinda emotions.
I hope you felt Neil and Armaan.
The duo actually have been through a lot of mental pressure.
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Some people might be thinking why I wrote this chapter; like in Neil's reference and his past feeling even after everything between Neil and Avni is good.
So, past plays a important role in this story. I can't leave it.
And somewhere Avni should get to know about Neil's mental health.
He is emotionally very strong but somewhere things breaks every humans.
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Much love>
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So here is my another episode of The Billionaire's wife🦋
Hope uhh ppl will like it!!
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