"Yes." She nodded her head keeping her fingers to the paper and my hand over hers. "You're right, each letter has a different feel to it. Each is unique."
"Like humans, and Nightwalkers and what other beings are out there." I smiled at her. "Your mana is different to your sisters, while both your mana's are different to Sylvia's and my own."
"You can feel different peoples mana's?" Beatrice asked looking up at me.
"Yes." I nodded my head and let go of her hand before stepping away from her feeling like I had been too close to her for too long, but not yet long enough for myself. "When I woke up I could feel the mana in the room along with the mana in the people we walked pass. It's strange being so in tune with the mana around me."
"How did you do it?" Beatrice asked placing the paper onto her desk.
"I have no idea, but I just let it do as it wants." I shrugged.
"What do you mean?" She asked and sat down in the chair that was tucked under her desk.
I sat in the chair beside the window and looked at her. "Mana is everywhere, I can feel it when I expand my senses. It is a living entity but it doesn't have a mind of it's own. Like a plant, it doesn't have a brain yet it is still alive and can cooperate with other living creatures. Mana is alive and flows through everything living and non-living. But you already know all this don't you?' I asked her and she nodded and allowed me to continue. "Even while I'm just sitting here, when I breathe in I can feel the mana in the room fill my body and mind till it threatens to break me before it flows out of me when I breathe out. I let it be, I let it fill me, I let it flow out of me, I let it go through me, I let it stay where it wants to stay. I really don't know how else to explain it, I just allow it to do whatever it wants."
"But how did you get to this point when I'm letting it do what it wants?" Beatrice asked.
"But you're not." I smiled at her feeling the mana within her was trapped and the mana around us couldn't flow through her like it was with me. "Your body and mind is stopping it from entering and exiting from you. I can feel the mana inside you is trapped while the mana around us wants to go through you, you're not allowing it to."
"But why?" Beatrice asked looking frustrated.
"Because you're afraid of losing control." I said not really knowing why I said it but I saw the truth of my own words when I saw Beatrice freeze. "You're afraid to allow your senses to expand to their utmost limit and accept the mana around you to flow through you. You're afraid of being weak. I gave up my control the minute I pledged my life to your sister. I can expand my senses to their limits because I know that I belong to my Mistress and I won't do anything of she doesn't order me to. I can lose myself to the mana around me because my being belongs to one person that I owe it to. You don't have someone like that so you're afraid that no one can bring you back if you ever lose control."
Beatrice was silent as she looked at the ground in front of us and I hope that I didn't offend her in anyway. "We should get back to your lesson." Beatrice whispered dropping the subject.
"Yes my lady, I'm sorry if I offended you." I apologised nervously.
"There's nothing for you to apologise for... you're right, I'm afraid that if I lose the power within me I'll be weak and lose control." Beatrice whispered looking away from me.
"But why? No one here would allow you to lose control." I asked her. "Especially not your sister, she'd never allow you to lose yourself and become weak."
"Enough." Beatrice stated firmly turning her silver eyes back to me. "We'll discuss this another time, we have other things to do."
"Yes my lady." I agreed while thinking that I'd never allow her to be weak and lose control. I don't think it's possible for her to be weak in the first place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the end of the day I was able to memorise the alphabet and each letters mana making it easier to read if I feel the mana from each letter written on the page. I was also able to count all the way to one hundred and write neatly, my own handwriting now looking identical to lady Beatrice's.
"Unbelievable." Beatrice stated as I finished copying what she had written on the page in front of me. "You've mastered reading, writing and counting in just one day."
I blushed and looked away from her as I placed my ink-pen down. "I guess it was easy because I can feel the mana in each word and letter making it easier to read and write."
"Still..." Beatrice shook her head leaning back in her chair on the other side of her desk. "You are something else."
I smiled softly at her. "I'm only as good as my teacher my lady. This just shows how good a tutor you are."
I was amazed when Beatrice actually blushed and she turned her head away coughing lightly. That was adorable. "Anyway, I guess we don't need to continue these lessons now that you've completed what was meant to be learnt."
"Ah but Mistress said that you'll teach me about mana too." I frowned worried that my time with this woman was going to be cut short here, which worried me because I wanted to get to know her better.
Beatrice grimaced softly before sighing. "Alright, now that is something you won't be able to master in a day. There are thousands and thousands of incantations out there that allows one to control mana."
I smiled happily. "Thank you my lady, I'm already looking forward to them in the mornings."
"Good, we best head to the dining hall for dinner." Beatrice said and stood from her seat and I followed her.
"Oh I think we should close the windows." I said looking out at the darkening sky as a cold breeze came through the window making me shiver. I expanded my senses feeling the mana around me and with a wave of my hand I used the mana in the room to close the windows and shutters.
The library was suddenly clouded in darkness but I heard Beatrice say a few words I've never heard of and the fireplace and all the torches lit up with flames relighting the room. "Did you just control pure mana?" Beatrice asked me looking at me in shock.
I shrugged awkwardly. "I can feel it around and inside me all I have to do is move it with a thought. It's not all that hard, I think we have an understanding with each other. I let it do whatever it wants inside and around me while it allows me to do whatever I like to it."
"How is this possible!" Beatrice suddenly exclaimed looking furious. I felt the mana around us suddenly scramble away from her as a darkness I've never felt before seeped into the mana within and around Beatrice as her anger grew. "I thought you could just sense normal mana! The mana that every living and non-living thing gives off. How can you control pure mana? No one can control pure mana! It's impossible! If you want to control mana you have to exchange your mana with the mana around you and it takes great effort to do that!"
I shrunk away from her before I felt the mana that was running away from Beatrice hit me. I gasped in shock and fell to my knees holding my chest when it started to get harder to breathe. Mana was filling me up, mind and body nearing overload of mana and the power it holds. Air finally filled my lungs and I gasped for breath lying on my side on the floor Beatrice kneeling over me.
"What happened? Are you alright?" Beatrice asked quickly her anger fading instantly to worry. She placed a hand to my forehead and muttered a sentence I didn't understand and suddenly my lungs stopped hurting while my throat loosened allowing more air in. "Are you alright?" Beatrice asked again as I looked up at her.
I breathed in and out and felt that the mana level around and within me was back to normal. I swallowed and sat up feeling my body shaking. "I'm fine. I have no idea what just happened."
"Did the mana just attack you?" Beatrice asked obviously curious.
I shook my head feeling the mana in the air calm down as the mana within Beatrice did the same. "I think it was running away from you."
"Why would it run away from me?" Beatrice demanded looking insulted.
"Because you were angry." I answered her and she looked confused again. "I don't know, but the mana level in the room went crazy right went you got angry but now that you're calm its back to normal."
"I don't understand." Beatrice shook her head.
I frowned sadly. "I don't either and I'm sorry if I insulted you. All I can do with the mana is push and pull it and feel the different types in different people and things."
"I still don't understand how you can do it." Beatrice shook her head standing up. "I've been training for absolute years, long before you or even this town were created, and I still can't get hold of pure mana."
I stood up and held onto the desk as my head swum. "I think it has to do with the barrier."
"What barrier?"
"Your mind and body and your fear are the barrier. So far I know of only three types of mana, pure mana, the personal mana inside a person and the mana every thing, living and non-living, gives off. You have personal mana while I don't because I'm allowing the pure mana to flow in and out of me as it pleases."
"So if I lose my fear and accept the pure mana inside me, I'll be able to control it?" Beatrice asked looking thoughtful.
I shrugged. "It seems like it."
Beatrice shook her head. "I can't do it." She muttered sadly after a silence.
"It's not that easy to give up fear. Of course its not going to suddenly happen once you make up your mind that you're no longer going to be afraid of something. It'll take time and time is what we have most." I told her seriously.
"What are you afraid of?" Beatrice asked me taking me off guard slightly.
I thought about it. "I'm terrified of even the thought of going back to living the way I was before. I'm also scared of upsetting my Mistress, I'm afraid that if I do she'll not want me anymore. I'm afraid of not being noticed, because it just reminds me of how I was before. I don't like the thought of no food because I'm sick of starving. I'm afraid of something happening to you and my Mistress. I'm afraid of something happening to Sylvia and Mercy. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Being afraid is obviously a normal thing, you just have to know that you're afraid of it and try your best to never get into the situation that causes what you're afraid of to happen." I listed my fears. "What about you?" I asked in return.
She looked away from me and I thought she wasn't going to answer after how long she stayed silent. But then she opened her mouth and replied. "I'm afraid of losing control over my hunger and start killing innocent people. I'm afraid of showing weakness... I'm afraid of someone knowing my weaknesses." She looked at me intently at that before continuing. "I'm afraid that I'll never be able to achieve anything in my long life. I'm afraid of something happening to my older sister. I hate watching people I care about grow old and die in front of me while I don't age a day. I don't want to watch Mercy grow old and die. She's a good friend just like her ancestors were to me but I'm afraid she'll reject my offer of being changed like her mother and grandmother did before her. I'm afraid I'll never be able to control pure mana and I'm afraid I won't be able to protect my sister, and the ones I love if the time ever calls for it because I can't control pure mana." She suddenly blushed and looked away as she thought of more things. "I'm afraid that I won't fall in love, I'm even more afraid of falling in love and watching that person die."
I gave her a small smile. "You know I've never thought about love before." I said leaning back against Beatrice's desk and folding my arms over my chest tilting my head thoughtfully to the side. "I never thought it was a possibility for me before. I don't remember what my parents were like. Even now I still don't know what my stand is on love. Can I love? Do I have the capacity to when my life belongs to someone else and she'll always have me before anyone else?"
"You're very loyal to my sister." Beatrice stated.
I nodded. "She saved me from what I'm most afraid of going back to, it's only fair I give her what she has given me to use."
Beatrice smiled. "I like that about you and I don't think you can disappoint my sister, after you tell her you can move pure mana I bet she'll never want you to leave her side."
I smiled back at her a small blush on my cheeks. "I'll need to first learn how to do something with it more than just pushing and pulling it though."
"I'll help you with that." Beatrice said. "As long as you help me to stop being afraid of losing control."
"Have you lost control before? Is that why you're afraid of doing it?" I asked her.
She nodded slowly looking sad. "It was when Aviva and I were first changed. I could control myself at first but when I expanded my senses to the limits I lost control... I slaughtered a whole village before my sister could stop me."
"The only way for me to control the pure mana is by expanding my senses to the limits, it's the only way I know how. When I do it I don't feel the need or the urge to feed, I am proof in itself that you can loosen your control and let the mana inside and not lose control." I told her as I expanded my senses and I felt my teeth lengthen and the mana around us was thrumming with life against and inside me.
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