Author's note:
This chapter immediately follows the last one, so you may want to reread that to get up to speed, or read a few chapters back for context if it's been a while.
As crazy as it is to say this... this is LWTBB's final chapter. Obviously, I haven't written in like two years, and this was never how/where I planned to end the story. HOwever, life stuff definitely got in the way of my plans (though more on that later, in my sappy final author's note) so... here we are. I thought this story deserved an ending, however imperfect. I did my best with writing an final chapter that brought some closure, while still fitting with the vibe of the rest of the story. Just be aware of that fact while you're reading. Other than that, however... enjoy.
Most of the time when Jase looks at me like this, so intense and stormy, I force myself to look away. I don't like constantly deciphering what he's feeling. It's like a challenge, a dare that I don't quite think I'm up to.
Today, though, is different. His gaze is intense, but I think I sense some sort of concern in it as well. He's leveling a stare at me because he wants to see if I'm alright, if this stupid gossip has broken me.
Well, it hasn't. And so I stare back. A challenge.
I'm sorry, his gaze seems to tell me, brows knitting together ever-so-slightly. I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. Instead, I give an almost imperceptible shake of my head. He can't give me that look – not when it's his friends being assholes, all based on a rumor that he could dispute in moments. If Jase stopped caring about his reputation for a second, this could all be fixed.
Which, of course, as Jase looks away, I know he's never going to do.
I step down the last couple of stairs as if this is simply an every-day occurrence for me, ignoring the stares and laughter that follows. I try not to think about the itching feeling that comes with so many eyes on me. It's fine. Everything's fine.
For once, that thought doesn't feel like such a lie. Somehow, insanely, standing in the middle of a room full of people who hate me, I'm actually... okay. I haven't spontaneously combusted or fallen on my face or done something intensely humiliating that's going to haunt me for the rest of eternity.
Insane.
"So..." I give what I hope is a nonchalant smile as the group continues staring at me like a zoo animal, "Is anyone going to offer me a drink?"
Before I have time to realize that this is absolutely not going to end well, Janine Stark is in front of me, a full glass of some red liquid (Wine? Punch? Who knows) in her hand. God that girl moves fast. "Oh, we're so silly. Here, Sienna, take my drink." She holds it out to me and for a split second I think that she's genuinely just offering it – and then in an instant, her wrist turns and I feel liquid splash onto my shirt, soaking through. I take a step backwards, but it's already too late – the damage has been done. Janine is smirking at me now, her hand still on the outstretched glass, the other one on her mouth in a mock-sorry expression. "Oops."
"Janine!"
I wouldn't believe it was Chrissa if I didn't see her shocked expression across the room (kind of rich, coming from someone who set my chemistry lab on fire, but I digress). "That's too far, even with–"
She doesn't get to finish the words, though, because someone else is speaking, pushing past Chrissa and all the others, and pulling me away from Janine.
"That is quite fucking enough, okay? It's enough."
I look up at Jase's face, to the same stormy eyes and set expression I've seen on him a thousand times. This time though, it's lacking any warmth, any light. He's all cold stone anger – anger that's not directed at me, for once.
What is happening right now?
"Jase, it was just an accident–" Janine tries to say, but Jase cuts her off. "With all due respect – meaning zero respect – shut up, alright? I don't give half a fuck that it was an accident, or that Sienna deserved it, or any of the other bullshit that you guys have been saying for the past fifteen minutes – for weeks, really. You're all horrible and terrible and insecure and bored. I get it – trust me – but it doesn't mean you get to take that shit out on her. That just makes you an awful person. Though really–" Jase's gaze flickers back to me and softens ever-so-slightly, "I guess I'm just as terrible as you are. Because I've been letting you get away with this shit for way too long. But that's it. I'm done letting you hurt someone I care about. So, not that it's anyone's fucking business or would change anything if we had, but Sienna and I never slept together. She never 'betrayed you,' Chrissa, though we broke up anyway, so it's none of your business who I hook up with. Sienna and I are friends. Alright — nothing more."
My chest tightens at those words, even though I know it's stupid. It should definitely not be my focus right now.
"...though I definitely wish that was different."
WHAT?
"So please, either get your shit together and stop being assholes, or leave us the fuck alone and get out of my house. Understood?" The whole room goes silent as Jase turns to me. "Red, I'm so sorry. About all of this. Can we talk... somewhere else?"
I blink. "S-sure. Sure." I say the words, and yet my legs don't want to move. I feel rooted to the spot, until Jase takes my hand and walks out of the room, leaving me to awkwardly stumble out after him. I think I'm in shock. What the actual hell just happened? Jase fucking Turner, standing up to his friends, the ones for whom he's done everything to get them to think he's cool, for... me?
"Where are we going?" I ask, as Jase strides down the hallway as if this was the plan all along.
"Outside sound good?" is Jase's only reply, to which I reply with a murmured assent.
By the time we find a bench to sit on, the cold February air is enough to jarr me back to my senses at least a little bit. As Jase moves to place his jacket on me, I shake my head, backing up. "Jase —"
"No, just – just hear me out, alright? Please?"
I want to. I want to let him apologize, let whatever is about to happen, no matter what that means. But I guess I'm still too shocked to let down my guard completely. I'm so used to Jase Turner letting me down that I kind of feel like I'm dreaming, and I want to wake up before I have time to get my hopes up that this could be real.
Jase must see the hesitation still written on my face, because his voice lowers, softening, as he places the jacket over my shoulders before clasping my hands. "Red, Don't run away from this. Not now. We've been running from our feelings for way too long and you know it. It's time to stop."
I roll my eyes. "You don't just get to decide that because you're ready to face your feelings, I have to be too. I mean, I just broke up with my boyfriend. You and I have only known each other for a few months, and we've spent most of that time hating each other. And now, all of a sudden, you've just done a full 180 and — and defended me in a room full of your horrible friends. I mean, what am I supposed to think?"
"That I'm finally coming to my senses?" Jase offers, giving me a sheepish smile.
"Will you be serious for one moment?" Why am I acting like this?
"Trust me, Sienna, I'm incredibly serious right now."
The 'Sienna' catches me off-guard, and I don't even have the time to come up with a sarcastic response before Jase is speaking again. His usual smirk is gone, and there's a knit in his brow that tells me that he truly is taking this surprisingly seriously.
"Look. I get it. You don't trust me right now."
"Jase, that's not –"
"No, it's okay. If I were you, I wouldn't trust me either."
"Jase–"
He laughs, and the sound is enough to get rid of the winter chill. "Will you ever just let me speak, Red? If I had known that apologizing to you would be this difficult, I never would've fucked up so much in the first place."
"Alright, alright," I say, rolling my eyes. "Talk."
I expect Jase to crack another joke, but he doesn't. Instead, he just squeezes my freezing hands, giving me a wide-eyed, almost nervous expression. Except that it can't be nervous because Jase Turner doesn't get nervous. Right?
"Look, Sienna – Red, I'm s- I'm sorry it took so long for me to admit how I feel to you. And I'm sorry I let my friends treat you like shit because I didn't have the balls to stand up to them. And I'm sorry for every time I dropped you off fifteen minutes away from school or made you feel like I didn't want to be seen with you. I've been such an asshole, and I know that."
Jase pauses for a moment, and I can't help but feel a little bit stunned. Jase Turner... apologizing for something? Multiple somethings? What hallucinatory drugs did I ingest today?
"But the truth is, Sienna, I really really like you. I think I've liked you since the day you moved in and wouldn't shut up about me being on my phone. I wasn't expecting you to be so willing to stand up to me – or so funny."
"You definitely didn't think I was funny in the moment."
Jase grins. "Are you kidding? I spent that entire tour fighting a laugh. But anyways – we're getting off topic. The truth is, Red, that I don't deserve you. We both know that. I've let you down too many times."
Is that it? Is that what he wanted to say to me? That it'll never work out because... I'm too good for him?
"...and your point is?" I ask flatly, hoping to disguise the hurt I feel.
"The point is that I don't want to do that anymore, okay?" Jase unclasps our hands, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not going to lie, some of what I did was purely selfish. I was scared to lose my friends and my status. It's hard to let go of something that you've cared about for so long, you know? I've spent so long trying to make myself seem like I don't care about anyone except myself, because that's what I thought the people in that room wanted. And I thought that making them happy would make me happy. But... at the end of the day... if I had to choose between the people in that room and you, I would choose you every time. So why am I making you feel like you're not good enough so that I can please a bunch of assholes I don't even care about?"
"Jase..."
But he keeps going. It's like now that he's started, he can't stop. "But as much as I kept you at arm's length for my own ego, it was also for your own protection. Like I said, I know I don't deserve you. I thought that was it, that I just needed to let you go. I didn't need to drag you into my world with my own stupid friends and my own stupid issues. And I still don't want to do that... but I think it might be a little late. And maybe — maybe I don't deserve you now, but I know I can try. I know I can do better, for you."
I can't tell if my eyes are watering from the chill in the air or from his words. "Jase–"
"I won't blame you if I've gone about this all wrong and you don't want to be with me, or you don't want to give me another chance. But if you do give me a chance, just one, I–"
"Jesus, Jase, will you ever let me get a word in edgewise?"
Jase's eyes widen, and he finally stops talking.
"Is... is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?"
"He runs a hand through his hair again, nervousness written on his face. "That depends. Is it working?"
"No. This is completely ridiculous." I watch Jase's face fall slightly, pinching my lps together before continuing. "...But luckily for you... I seem to have a thing for 'ridiculous' these days."
"Does that mean you'll give me another chance?" His eyes practically light up.
"One chance. That's it Jase, I'm serious. But if you don't fuck this up... then yes. For some reason I can't quite comprehend... I want to be your girlfriend."
Jase looks like he can't quite believe me. "You're serious?"
I smile. "Hey, who wouldn't want to date the guy who fell down a flight of stairs because he couldn't stand how radiant I looked?"
Jase laughs now, the tension in his body easing. "Oh my god, shut up."
There's a teasing glimmer in my eyes as I repeat the words from a few days ago. "Make me."
Only this time I don't wait for him to kiss me – instead I fist my hand in his shirt, pulling him closer to me, and press my mouth to his.
While our first kiss had been almost hesitant, like we both weren't sure it was a good idea, this one is the opposite. There's a confidence, a surety, to how Jase wraps an arm around my waist, to how my lips part slightly for him, to how I can feel our pounding hearts race in sync. Even as dizzying warmth blossoms in my chest, there's something stable about this moment, too. Because I know that it's right. After all, it's him.
~
It takes a while for Jase and I to untangle ourselves from each other, but when the cold winter air finally becomes too much for us to ignore, the two of us decide to head inside. On the way in, my phone buzzes, and I open it to see a message from my mom about a new apartment for rent as well as not one, but two identical messages. Chrissa and Mayah. Three words.
Can we talk?
I guess things may be changing today — in more ways than one.
THE END!!
Final Author's Note:
Dear Reader,
If I'm being absolutely one hundred percent serious with you, this book started as a joke. Freshman year of high school, after once again staying up until 3am reading a Wattpad fic and talking exclusively about it for days, my friend dared me to write my own story on Wattpad. Not just any story, though. She said I was probably familiar with all the typical tropes (correct) and should write the most cliche, ridiculous Wattpad novel I possibly could and see how popular it became. Somehow the idea stuck, and Living With The Bad Boy was born. It was originally supposed to be stupid — something to get me unstuck from writers' block. However, the more I wrote, the more into the story I got — and the more I realized it had grown into something more than just a joke. It's hard to spend hours and hours a week on something and not end up loving it. I began to work harder and harder to expand the plot and write a better, more nuanced story. However, most (if not all) of this plotting/writing took place during my sophomore year, when I was 15, which is now three years ago (isn't that crazy, I'm a whole adult now!). I had way less life experience and a good portion of things I wrote in LWTBB (especially in the beginning) I would never write now. I think that's cool -- it shows growth -- but it's hard for the perfectionist in me to be okay with that, haha. I think that might be why I came back to this story now, after so long. I'm going through a lot of crazy changes in my life right now and in the midst of making a lot of really difficult decisions, and I guess it's cool to come back to close the chapter (literally) on something that brought me so much joy when I was younger. It was also amazing to reread LWTBB and see all of the incredible comments you guys left for me -- I swear, if not for all the people reading and commenting and liking this story, I would never ever have gotten this far. Your comments make my day, and the fact that this story has made it to 17k reads is absolutely mind-boggling to me. So I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who has gotten this far. If you're a new reader, thank you so so much for giving this book a chance and reading all 40 chapters of pure chaos. And to all my old readers, who've been around since before 'Corona' was anything other than a beer company... wow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with this story despite the fact that it was low-key terrible in the beginning and that I took a two year hiatus (very sorry about that, btw). I'm so happy you all read my book -- whether you loved it, hate-read it at 2am (I definitely can't judge because I've definitely been there) or left votes and comments, I'm so glad that you're here, and that the random thoughts in my brain could've been something that you've enjoyed.
Anyway. Enough sentimental stuff. Sort of. I also just want to say a little bit more about the story since I was never able to write it fully. This story was mostly written before the pandemic, and before a lot of major things happened in my life that I didn't really forsee. If all had gone according to plan, this would've been about halfway through the book, and Sienna/Jase's story would've had a lot more twists and turns than it did. I know the ending was a little abrupt, but it kind of represented the most realistic way I could see the two starting to date at that one specific time. Jase needed to learn to stop trying to please everyone around him, and Sienna needed to stop avoiding her feelings. However, not only did this ending not factor in other parts of the main romance, I also didn't have the time to devote to other side characters. Please don't judge them too harshly, especially Chrissa and Mayah. I mean do if you want because they were kind of awful at times, but just know that in my head, that was not meant to be the end of their story. Both of those characters were meant to have full arcs and stories of their own, and I really wish I'd been able to do that.
Hopefully one day I'll be able to return to LWTBB -- whether that involves writing a sequel, editing the original version (because omg I need to do that), or some combination of the two. If you have any ideas for a sequel OR anything you think I should change from the original (though please be kind, I did write this at 15 and a lot of the things I wrote I no longer support), I'd love to hear your suggestions. If you ever want to chat, I'll be here, and I hope to see you soon, whether that's with a LWTBB-related project or something different. Thank you all so much for reading this 2-year-late update and also reading all of this ridiculously long author's note. Wishing us all luck as we enter new chapters of our lives :)
Love,
Selene
(P.S. Shameless self promo here, but if you enjoyed this story, I'd really appreciate you leaving a vote/comment. It would really help me out okay thank you goodbye for real now)