Daniella Vienn Cervantes
"Don't say that...don't you ever say that!" I was shocked to hear how she suddenly raised her voice.
I felt that her emotions were all over the place, kumuyom ang kamao nito na parang pinipilit ang sarili na kumalma. This is the first time that we are arguing for real and I don't like us being this way.
"It is true, Guinevere. Hindi mo maiintindihan kung pano ko gustong sirain ang muka ko dahil gusto kong baguhin ito." Tinuro ko ang sarili ko. "Dahil nagbabakasali ako na kung di ko siya kamuka ay mapapansin mo rin ako."
She was biting her lips as if she was stopping herself from doing something. Lumalahim ang kanyang pag hinga and her jaw was moving aggressively, madilim at matalim ako nitong tinitignan, pinipilit niyang pakalmahin ang kanyang sarili.
"Then why did you choose to lie?" Napalunok ako sa tanong niya.
Napapikit ako sandali at kalmadong hinarap siya. Hindi ko inalis ang titig ko sakanya na para bang nangungusap ang mga mata ko. I did expect this na balang araw kapag nagtagpo ulit kami ay paniguradong magiging ganito ang daloy ng paguusap namin. Pero ang sakit, ang sakit pala. Para siyang unti-unti nang tuluyan nawawala sakin.
"I lied because I lied, Guinevere. End of discussion, walang tamang rason para sa pagsisinugaling ko. I hurt you and that should be your only concern." Diin kong sambit.
"You're hurting me..." Napatingin ito sa ibaba at may pinunasan sa mata. "When that day happened it feels like my world was wrecking apart. At ang tanga kong naniwala sayo! You did this to me, Daniella."
Blame it on me, baby, it's okay you can do it. No amount of words couldn't probably explain the pain that I caused you. Wag mo lang saktan ang sarili mo, wag mo lang sisihin ang sarili mo, wala kang kasalanan. Dahil mas masasaktan ako kapag nakikita kitang nasasaktan.
You can hurt me, slap me, punch or even kick me. You can pull out the guns within you and I wouldn't even mind if you're gonna pull out the trigger.
"I made you my home, Daniella." Mahina nitong sambit at tuluyan ng napaiyak. Hindi ko narin mapigilan ang sarili sa emosyon na gusto ng lumabas sa mata ko. I couldn't find any right words to say.
I did this, I did this to myself. I did this to the person that I love.
"Do you regret it?"
I really look like a fool now for forcing myself to the answers which basically were just imprinted on my imagination. Kasing walang kwenta ko ang tanong na kumakalas sa bibig ko. It was obvious from the very start, that I was just being delusional.
"I don't...but I wanna think twice now." Tuluyan akong napahagulgol sa sakit na nararamdaman but I still didn't blame her.
If her words right now is what keeps her alive, if the way she acts right now is making her safe from nightmares and overthinking. Tatanggapin ko, sasaluhin ko lahat, kahit parang bala ang bawat salita na binibigkas niya, okay lang basta naiilabas niya ang galit niya. Ayokong makita na pinipilit niya ang sarili niya na maging maayos at patuloy itong tinatago.
"I u-understand...I can understand it, baby." She was shaking her head habang tumutulo parin ang luha niya sa pisngi.
I wish I could hug you right now, Guinevere. I wish I could save you as I wipe your tears away and kiss them. Kung pwede ko lang saluhin lahat ng sakit at puot na nararamdaman mo. Kung pwede ko lang ibalik ang kahapon, papalayain kita sa mundong walang ibang ginawa kundi bigyan ka ng dalamhati.
"I don't think you can understand the depth of what I felt that day, Daniella. You were just here to fulfill the promises that you vow to do with your sister and I blame myself for believing that you had genuine feelings for me, I blame you for wrecking my walls and I blame myself for opening up my doors for you."
"That's not true!" Sambit ko na hindi ko napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses. I was sobbing and my legs are starting to get weak. Our cries could be heard all over the room.
Gusto kong sabihin na bawiin mo ang sinabi mo pero wala akong lakas ng loob para sabihin yun kasi naintindihan ko at pilit ko paring iintindihin ka hangang huli.
My happiness didn't even matter anymore mas naging importante ka sakin. Nahihirapan na ako, ayoko nang nakikita kang ganito.
And it's not what you think my love, half of my life I was searching for you and loving you from afar. I watched you fall in love with another person but I never did something to ruin your relationship with her even if I had a lot of chances to do it.
"Then why did you do it?! I had a lot of chances to say goodbye to her but you didn't let me do it..pinatagal mo, Daniella. Pinatagal mo pa."
"I'm so sorry...." That's the only thing that I could say but I know it was never enough. Ang dami tumatakbo sa utak ko pero wala kong lakas ng loob sabihin ang mga yun.
Hindi kailanman magiging sagot ang pagsasabi ko ng patawad para lang matakpan ang sugat mong pinadugo ko.
"Tatlong taon...tatlong taon ako nagmukang tanga sainyong lahat. I already asked Lydia, Noah, Regina and even Lucas before pero wala ni isa sainyo nagtaka sabihin ang totoo."
Ilang taon kong tiniis na hanapin ka kahit walang kasiguraduhan na makikita ulit kita, only to found out na may minamahal ka ng iba. Anim na taon ko tiniis na wag kang habulin dahil alam kong kailangan mo ayusin ang sarili mo mag-isa, hindi mo ko kailangan dahil alam kong mas kailangan mo siya.
Pero sa ilang buwan nating pagsasama, walang katumbas yun at hindi mapapalitan ng kahit sino dahil ang pagod at sakit na naramdaman ko ay kusang nawawala sa tuwing ngumingiti ka na ako ang rason.
But I know sakanya ka parin babagsak, siya ang una at kung siya parin ang magiging huli mo, titiisin ko.
"They didn't do anything, Krystal. Ako ang nag plano, ako ang nagsabing wag nilang sabihin sayo." Pagsisinugaling ko.
Even though I failed to protect you before, I need to save your friendship with them. Kailangan niya sila, kailangan nila ang isa't isa.
I lied again, but this time I didn't even care if she will hate me more. Mas iniisip ko parin ang kapakanan niya. I know that her friends are also longing for her.
"Is...is that it? Was it your plan?" Paninigurado niya kaya umiwas ako ng tingin.
Kung kasabay nang pagtigil ng gabi ay ang puso nating hindi mag wawagi pero ang kapalit naman ay ang kalayaan mong maramdaman ang tunay na pagmamahal, tatanggapin ko.
"Yes it is my plan, it was because of me." Madiin na sambit ko at tuluyan ng lumabas.
Pagkabukas ko ng pinto ay bumungad si Portia at Veronica na nakatingin sakin. Gulat at awa ang gumuhit sakanilang mga muka, halos maluhod narin ako sa sahig dahil para akong nauubusan ng lakas dahil sa nangyari. I know they heard all of it pero hindi ko na yun pinansin.
But I noticed na walang ni isang tauhan bigla sa floor na to kaya palipat lipat ang tingin ko sakanilang dalawa.
"I made them leave." Sabi ni Portia na para bang alam niya ang nasa utak ko, tipid akong ngumiti at tumango.
"Let's get you home."
Inalalayan akong lumabas ni Veronica, narinig ko pa ang pag tawag ni Guinevere sa pangalan ko pero hindi ko na yun pinansin at walang pasabi na pumasok sa elevator. Tuloy tuloy lang ang pag agos ng luha ko. She was just carressing my back, halos pag tinginan narin kami ng ibang tauhan dito dahil sa bawat pag bukas ng pinto ay may papasok sana pero sa tuwing nakikita nila akong umiiyak ay biglang umaatras dito.
"Mas masakit pa pala mag mahal ng babae." Mahinang usal ni Veronica at tinungga ang alak na hawak niya.
After that argument that I had with Guinevere ay hindi muna ako pumasok. I made a temporarily leave but I still manage to check the sites para siguraduhin na kahit wala ako ay walang magigiging problema. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako napayagan ng Lawson Corporation pero baka si Portia o siya ang may gawa nun.
"Hindi ko parin maintindihan kung bakit parehas kayo ng sitwasyon ngayon." Iling iling na sabi ni Agatha kaya inismiran ko siya. "Ah oo nga mag kapatid nga pala ang minahal niyo." Binato ko sakanya ang unan na hawak ko at saktong napunta yun sa mukha niya.
"Masakit ha." Natatawa niyang sabi.
"Itikom mo yang bibig mo kung ayaw mong ikaw na ang susunod na ibabalita." Napataas naman ang kilay ni Agatha.
"I know, masyado akong maganda na pwede naring maging artista." She even flipped her hair.
"Tanga, ibig niyang sabihin ay merong ibabalita bukas na abodago na patay dahil isa siyang tarantadong kaibigan." Sambit ko at umakto pa tong para bang pinagsakluban siya ng langit at lupa.
Another two days passed by, umuwi si Elise galing Australia kaya nag pasya kaming magsama sama ngayon at magkaroon ng bonding sa private resort niya. Resort niyang napaka daming memorya na hindi ko gustong maalala, but it was still my happiness hangang ngayon.
"Oh my gosh! Girls!" Malakas nitong sigaw kaya halos nag tinginan narin ang ibang tao dito sa airport. Sabay sabay pa kaming tumalikod nila Venice at Veronica at umakto na para bang hindi namin siya kilala.
"Hoy ang sama niyo naman! Ngayon nalang ulit tayo nag kita-kita ganyan pa kayo tratuhin ako ha." Ngumuso pa siya na naging dahilan para pitikin ni Venice ang noo niya at napangiwi naman to sa sakit.
"You're too noisy, Elise." Saad ni Venice na ikinatawa namin pero ngumuso lang ulit siya.
"Hindi niyo ba ako namiss? Group hug!" Hinila niya kami isa isa at mahigpit na pinipilit kaming pagyakapin ang isa't isa.
"Tama na pupunta pa tayong resort." Venice said at tuluyan na kaming kumalas sa pag kakayakap.
Tinulungan namin si Elise sa mga bagahe niya madami pa yun kasama na ibang paper bags dahil pasalubong niya daw ito samin. Deretso kaming pupunta ngayon sa private resort niya hindi ko nga alam pano niya nakakayanan na magkaroon pa ng energy ngayon dahil ilang oras din ang byahe niya.
Nilaklak niya siguro ang vitamins niya noong bata pa siya kaya ganyan ang resulta.
Hindi parin nagbago ang itsura ng resort pero may ilang renovation at mga pinagawa si Elise na naging dahilan para mas naging maaliwas ito at naging maganda ang tanawin. Ilang beses din kaming nag bonding ni Guinevere noon sa mga iba't ibang lugar na may dagat. I shook my head, I shouldn't supposed to remember that.
"Nga pala, I invited some people who are close to me...I mean who are close to us." Paninimula niya na ikinanuot ng noo ko. "Are you okay with her, Daniella?"
"What do you mean?" I asked and raised a brow. Parang hindi ko magugustuhan ang susunod na lalabas sa kanyang labi.
"Of course, your girl duh." Pagiinarte nito.
"Wag kang mag inarte jan, Elise. Baka tuluyan kang makakita ng bituin at lumanding itong kamao ko jan sa mukha mo." Pagtataray ni Venice na naging dahilan para tumawa kami ni Veronica.
"Few years already passed pero ang harsh mo parin sakin, babe." Humawak pa ito sa braso ni Venice at ngumiti na nangaasar.
"Tigilan mo ko."
"Hindi kasi ano ba..I'm talking about Krystal syempre, alangan namang may iba kang mahal after those six years in between na wala siya. E halos umiyak ka nga araw-araw at halos mamatay na ang baga ko kakaaya mo mag bar." Tuloy tuloy niyang sabi.
"Wait..what? You really invited her?" Tumango ito at gumuhit ang mapaglarong ngiti sakanyang mukha.
"How? Have you had communication with her? Paano?" I asked.
"Ano ka ba, Vienn. Dati pa no simula nung umalis siya dito sa pinas magkasama kami sa iisang team sa Australia, she is actually working on my fi..." I cut her off by putting my hand on her face.
"What?! All this time you knew kung nasaan siya?" Tumango ulit ito. Nasapo ko ang noo ko.
"Hindi ka naman nag tanong sakin e." Naglabas pa ito ng dila at dali daling umalis sa harapan ko habang humahalaklak.
"Sayang six years." Veronica whispered to me kaya kinurot ko ito sa braso.
Isa isa naring dumating ang mga ininvite kuno ni Elise, nagulat pa ako nung dumating ang kapatid ni Guinevere na si Portia at kasama nito sila Lucas, Regina, Noah at Lydia. Kaya mas lalong umingay dito sa lobby na tutuluyan naming hotel it was also owned by Elise. Ilang minuto rin ay dumating rin siya kasama yung Shaun at si Caroline. Bukas pa susunod si Agatha dahil may imporante siyang kaso na inaayos ngayon.
Naramdaman ko agad ang tingin niya sakin pero iniiwas ko nalang tumingin sa gawi niya. I remembered our heated argument in that office. Para akong nag sisi at nahiya dahil sa nangyayari, nakakahiya dahil siya ang boss ko. Hindi nalang ako magugulat kung tatanggalin niya ang pangalan ko sa listahan.
Magkahiwalay ng pwesto ang groupo nila Lydia kayla Caroline at bahagya pa silang tumatabi sakin na parang mga tuta dahil naka buntot lang sakin at tahimik lang. Ramdam ko rin ang pag titig nila kay Guinevere at gusto nilang tawagin pero hindi nila magawa.
"Hindi pa ba kayo naguusap?" Tanong ko nang maalala ko ang pag sisinugaling ko sakanya.
"Sabi niya samin, baka daw mamaya kami maguusap." Bulong naman ni Noah habang may hawak nanaman na kape sakanyang kamay.
"Okay guys so ito ang magkakasama sa mga kwarto, may ibang tatluhan at apatan pero hiwalay ang boys. Si Caroline, Lydia at Regina ay magkakasama then sunod naman si Venice, ako at si Agatha na bukas pa dadating..."
Sabay kaming napalingon ni Veronica kay Elise dahil ang mga natitirang pangalan nalang namin ang hindi niya nababanggit. What the heck, ano nanaman ang kalokohan na naiisip mo, Elise!
"Lastly.." Ngumisi ito nang nakakaloko habang palipat lipat ang tingin samin at sakanila. "Veronica, Portia, Guinevere at si Daniella."
Magkasalubong ang kilay naming apat habang papasok sa kwarto na inassign samin ni Elise, hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o maasar dahil halatang halata naman na sinadya niya ang lahat. Mamaya talaga sakin ang babae na yun sisiguraduhin kong sasabunutan ko siya at walang matitira na bahid ng buhok sakanyang ulo.
"You're killing Elise inside of your mind."
"Sama ka?"
"G."
Nasa likod lang kami ni Veronica habang ang magkapatid ay busy na hanapin ang kwarto at nang matigil sila sa isang pinto ay sila narin ang nagbukas at hindi nagsalita. Iniwan lang nila nakabukas ang pinto kaya sumunod narin kami. Naabutan namin sila na nagaayos agad ng gamit ako ay siguro mamaya nalang dahil feeling ko pagod ako kahit wala pa akong ginagawa.
This really feels awkward, ni walang nagsasalita ni isa samin kung meron man ay ako si Veronica lang maguusap tas yung magkapatid ay may sarili lang ding mundo. Bakit naman kasi ganito ang naisip mong kalokohan, Elise.
"Maliligo ka ba agad sa dagat?" Tanong ni Veronica habang nakahilata ako sa higaan at tumango lang ako.
"Hindi ka pa kumakain, you should have your late lunch." Hindi ko siya pinansin at hindi nalang nag salita dahil wala ko sa mood. Hindi rin pa naman ako gutom.
Napapikit ako na dapat sandali lang para ipahinga ang aking mga mata pero dahil tuluyan na akong dinaanan ng antok ay nakatulog na ako.
Nagising ako sa kamay na humahaplos at tumatapik sa aking pisngi. I opened up my eyes slowly at I feel like naka busangot ako ngayon dahil ayaw ko sa lahat ay ginugulo ang tulog ko. Pero agad din iyon napawi nang mapagtanto ko kung sino ang gumigising sakin.
Ang ganda.
Naka bun ang buhok nito at may ilang hibla ng buhok na nakalaglag lang, she was wearing a white floral dress na hangang sa may tuhod ang haba nito at ang kanyang pinkish na labi ay ang sinusundan ng mata ko. Napiling ako bigla. She was still the same, after all these years, ang ganda niya parin, siya parin.
"Wake up, you should eat."
Inilapag niya ang pagkain sa harap ko napakunot naman ang noo ko na nakatitig sakanya. Narinig ba niya ang sinabi kanina ni Veronica? Hindi ba siya galit sakin dahil sa nangyari nung nakaraan?
Magsasalita pa sana ako nang bigla siyang lumabas ng kwarto, bumuntong hininga naman akong hinarap ang pagkain na nilapag niya at napilitang kainin yun. Pero bago ako sumubo ay biglang may nalaglag na note.
Please eat so you would have the energy to talk with me. I want us to talk privately, yung walang sigawan at mahinahon. We need to have better communication and don't you ever na iluwa yan.
I'll wait for you at the seaside.
Y=1/x,
x2 +y2 =9
y= |-2x|,
x= -3|sin y|
- Guinevere
Kunot noo kong tinignan ang papel na ibinigay niya, kikiligin na sana ako pero bakit biglang may graph dito? Oo meron rin akong math na pinagaralan pero muka ba akong magaling sa mga ganito? Ang alam ko talaga numbers ang math, malay ko bang may letters at kung ano anong symbols yun.
Nagmadali akong kumain dahil gusto ko rin siyang makausap ng maayos, yung nangyari sa office ay hindi na dapat mangyari. Ever since wala kaming maayos na paguusap ni Guinevere, kahit noong kami pa. We should fix this and settle privately.
Pagkatapos kong kumain ay nag palit rin ako ng floral dress pero sa loob ay may bikini narin akong suot para makaligo narin ako dahil nag aya kanina si Elise. Hindi man lang magpahinga ang babaeng yun. Di ba siya nakakaramdam ng jetlag sa katawan?
I put on some light make up and I didn't forget to wear a sunscreen dahil medyo may araw pa sa labas. Pagkatapos ko ay bumaba narin ako at nakasalubong ko pa sa may entrance sila Lydia na umaalingasaw ang ingay.
"Napaka damot mo, Regina. Hindi mo man lang ako tinirhan!"
"Anong madamot?! Ilang taon na ganyan ka parin? HIndi ko nga alam bakit pa may nakakagusto sayo."
"Sa pogi kong to? Aba, syempre may magkakagusto talaga sakin kaysa naman sa mukha mo no."
"Bakit ano ba ang mukha ko ha?!"
"Muka kang unggoy!"
"Guys please stop it, pinagtitinginan na tayo." It was Lydia who stop them from arguing, I shook my head as I was walking slowly in their direction. I crossed my arms while looking at them at mukang napansin nila ang presensya ko agad.
"Ang ingay niyo." I said.
"Siya kasi e!" Sabay pa nilang sambit. Napailing nalang ako at natatawa dahil para parin silang bata katulad ng pagkakakilala ko sakanila.
"San punta mo, Miss?" Noah asked habang tinitignan ako pero hindi hindi nakaligtas sakin na para bang nangaasar ang mga mata nito.
"Jan lang."
"Sus, Miss Cervantes. Halata namang may date ka. Si Guinevere mo ba? Ayiee!" Halos batuhin ko ng sandals ang pagmumuka ni Lucas kaya bigla siyang nag tago sa likod ni Lydia at nag peace sign pa.
"Idiots." Sambit ko na ikinangiti pa nilang apat at mas lalo silang ngumisi na para talagang nangaasar.
Hindi ko na sila pinansin kahit gusto ko na silang lunuring apat sa dagat, tuloy tuloy akong naglakad at nilampasan sila but of course knowing them, they wouldn't even let me breathe even for just a second.
"Goodluck, Miss!"
"Ninang ako, Ma'am!"
"Sana all may jowa na hinintay ng anim na taon."
Napa tingin ako sa gawi ulit nila at akmang babatuhin na sila ng bato na nakuha ko sa daanan pero ang mga apat ay nag sitakbuhan paloob habang humahalaklak. Tuluyang namula ang mukha ko sa pagsigaw nila dahil pinag titinginan na ako ng mga tao dito sa labas. I don't know what to do with those idiots anymore.
I was able to see from afar si Guinevere habang nag lalakad lakad ito malapit sa dagat, unti unti narin akong lumapit. I was left in awed when I saw how the sun touches her skin, her breathtaking side view made it more beautiful. If she was an artist, I would gladly be her canvas.
Marupok parin pala talaga ako sayo, love.
Tumikhim ako nang makalapit sakanya agad naman niya yun narinig kaya tumingin ito sa gawi ko. She showed me her sweetest smile and I think my heart stop beating for a second. Ano to, bakit bigla siyang naging ganyan?
"Why are you smiling?" I asked at hindi na ulit siya tinapunan ng tingin, delekado nanaman ako.
"Because you came." I gazed in her direction once again with much confusion in my eyes. "I'm glad that you came because I really want to talk to you."
"How are you?" I wasn't able to ask her this last time, so might as well take advantage of this situation.
"I'm good..so far. Was it hard?" She asked back.
She pursed her lips while trying to sway her right foot by playing with the sand on her feet. This is what she does whenever she's nervous. Cute.
"What do you mean, Guinevere?" I saw how she flinched at biglang namula ang tenga niya. What? What did I do? Did I do something wrong again? Did I make her angry again?
"H-hmm..within those six years, was it hard for you?" She uttered.
It was really hard for me to get up in the morning knowing you were gone and not laying beside me, it almost felt like I died inside.
"Yes." I answered briefly.
I heard her heave a sigh and then she smiled again while looking at the view. She didn't even mind the stares of the other people, damn them. I know my baby is beautiful but can you just mind your own goddamn business people?
"I'm sorry." She whispered and then she stop for about a few seconds. "I'm sorry for saying those things, I lost control. I wanted to talk to you because I wanna settle everything for good. But it didn't turn out great."
I mentally chuckled, because I wanna settle everything for good.
"You don't have to say sorry for that, I deserve it."
"I understand that you were just protecting and you got scared for saying the truth." She said. "I understand what it feels like to be in your shoes and don't you worry, I know Vera will never get mad at you."
"You don't know that.."
"We both know her, believe me, she won't. Both of you are selfless." We did, we are both selfless for each other. We were protecting each other ever since we were kids because of our lolo.
He even dared to physically hurt me but she was there, my ate who shield herself in front of me para lang hindi ako masaktan. We were just 8 years old back then, but we learned everything the hard way.
"That doesn't change the fact that I betrayed you."
"Maybe you did, but I can feel how true you are with your feelings. You were crying and begging nonstop during that incident. I saw how you were on your knees, shouting that ikaw nalang ang saktan." I closed my eyes as I remember that terrifying moment again, it was hard for me to breath ever since that day happened.
"I'm sorry if I questioned your feelings for me when all you ever did was to love and protect me. I'm sorry if I told you that you weren't genuine at me and I didn't regret anything sa kahit anong nangyare satin, it was all worth it. You were worth it, Daniella." Parang biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa narinig ko. I wanted to cry not because of pain, but because she acknowledged my feelings.
"I'm sorry too, for lying, for betraying you and for not being a good girlfriend to you. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you the truth, I'm sorry for pushi...."
She didn't even let me finish my sentence when I felt a soft lips against mine. My eyes widened when she parted our lips, she was just staring at me while gently holding on to my cheeks, it was the same stare that I got from her the 2nd time we met. I couldn't even move, I couldn't even blink because I was too astounded.
"I didn't came back here just to argue with you, just to hear how you were sorry for everything that you've done. I came back for you, Vienn. I came back for us." She smiled sweetly. Fuck, I miss those smiles.
And she what? She came back for me? Is this even a dream? Because if it is, I don't wanna wake up again.
"W-what do you mean? I thought.." She cut me off again by pressing her lips against mine, it was a quick and peck. Damn this girl, you're making me die! I even heard her soft chuckles, what a perfect sound in my ears. Pero dahan dahan lang naman, Lawson. Balak mo ata ako patayin e.
"Did you read my note earlier?" I nodded.
"What does it says?" Inalis niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok na humaharang sa mukha ko, I could feel my ears are starting to turn red. Gosh, the way she stares at me right now para akong nanglalambot.
"I don't even know what it even means." I rolled my eyes and then she laughed at me.
"Y=1/x means L, X2+Y2=9 means O, Y=|-2x| means V, x=-3|sin y|means E. Spell it out for me, what does it says?" I was processing in my mind what she said because I got confused with those mathematical terms, I didn't become an architect just to sign up for this.
But when I finally got what she meant, "Love."
"Yes, Love? Why did you call me?"