But sometimes dreams fall short, and the true realities linger back into existence. And I realized very quickly that I was still stuck in mine.
"Well, things haven't been too awful in the last few weeks." Draco continued talking to me about his days at my manor while I sat draped across his lap in the kitchen chair.
He took another large bite of his sandwich that was on a plate in front of him and kept his opposite arm around my lower back, his hand cupping my hip perfectly— like it was always meant to do.
"I think residing in your room is what has helped me the most, honestly." He said while he continued to chew. His words were muffled slightly from his full mouth, and I couldn't help but smile at him foolishly. "It feels like home because I've spent so much of my life there with you." He said casually. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and watched him intensely like he would disappear if I blinked.
"Does it really still feel like my home? Or have they ruined all of it?" I asked him, and he shook his head while he drank some of the juice from his glass.
"It still feels like your home. And surprisingly, it all looks the same. Smells the same, too. Its comforting at some times, but it's just darker." He promised me while I leaned against his arm that held me and listened. I shut my eyes softly and waited for him to continue.
"The good thing is that they stopped messing with me, and I'm mentally stronger than the last time so my feelings for you flooded back in almost right away. Only a few days after my last treatment this time, and not months." He explained so carelessly. I laid my head down against his shoulder and let out a sigh while his fingers moved their way into a dip in my hip bone.
"Don't go again, Drake. I don't want you to go." I whispered, making him chuckle. I felt the sound rumbling deep in his chest against my shoulder. I fluttered my eyes open to keep myself from getting too comfortable in this position.
"If it were up to me, you know what I'd do." He said so hopelessly, a small sense of humor in his words. I'm glad he sees something funny in all of this mess, even if I possibly couldn't. Maybe it helps keep him sane.
"I feel bad that your mother is stuck here with me. I wish I could go do something. Give her a bit of a break." I grumbled. He grabbed my chin with his hand and pulled my face off of his shoulder so he could see me.
His hand brushed my stray hairs away from my eyes and his eyes lingered on my freckled skin for a moment. His index finger brushed itself against the small indentation left across my forehead from the first time I had met the Dark Lord— a mark that would never go away.
He had a funny way of doing that. Leaving his marks on those I loved. A mark that would surely stay for too long. Forever.
"Don't." He shook his head, his eyes pleading mine to just listen to him. "Please don't go anywhere, love." He whispered, trailing his finger down my temple and towards by lips.
I was stubborn, but I couldn't go against him nowadays. I couldn't afford to ignore Draco or his warnings. I didn't know what dangers lingered outside these walls.
But he does.
"Mother was stuck here for years with my father. She hardly left the manor to begin with because the elves have run our errands for as long as I can remember. And you're her kid just as much as I am, you know that." He said softly while his thumb rubbed small circles against the skin of my cheek. "She wants to stay with you and keep you safe. She doesn't want them finding your mother. She doesn't want them to hurt you because of my duties. She can keep you safe here and take care of you. It gives her some peace of mind." He reassured me. I snickered once before I leaned my nose against his.
"You say that like they don't reside right across the street. In my own home, mind you." I teased, making his serious face turn into a teasing smile as well. He pecked my lips quickly, hardly having to move thanks to the space I had already closed off between us.
"You just aren't on their hit list at the moment, I suppose." He joked, but I knew he didn't find the situation comical at all. "If they ever try to hurt you, I'll kill them." He whispered, his smile turning away again and his stern face returning. Almost as if he had read my thoughts as I said them. He probably had. "You're mine. Always mine." He told me, and I didn't mind the possessiveness that lingered in his husky voice.
I bit my bottom lip between my teeth and nodded in agreement as I laid my forehead against his. "I am." I confirmed, my heart beating at 100 miles per hour.
He gently pushed my face back into the small crook in the side of his neck and wrapped both arms around my back tightly. I rubbed my hands along his side, inhaling his calming smell and closing my eyes while his fingertips rubbed the back of my scalp.
The scent that lingered off of his skin was heavenly, and it felt like my heart rate was increasing and increasing until it would burst from love and excitement. The natural smell in the air that lingered in his room and off of his clothes didn't come close to the real thing.
"This doesn't even feel real." I whispered breathlessly, grazing my lips across his throat lovingly. He let out a single laugh as he rubbed his cheek against my hair. "I know it doesn't." He mumbled contently.
"Why did you stop answering me a few days ago?" I asked him, snaking my hand up to the side of his neck and cupping his warm skin in my palm. "In your journal, I mean. You haven't answered me in a few days and I was worried." I explained, in case he was confused.
"I just got busy. I've hardly been home to sleep let alone talk to you. Plus, I can't talk to you 24/7, then someone will find it and take the book from me." He said like it was an obvious statement. I scoffed playfully at his blunt attitude before I sat up straight and peered into his crystal eyes.
So clear, so pretty, so mesmerizing.
He is like a little piece of heaven. I am so fucked.
"Well, I know that. I'm not a moron. I'm even smarter than you are, remember?" I chuckled, acting like he was the idiot now. An amused smirk tugged at the edges of his soft pink lips before he leaned towards me and pecked my own again. And again. And again.
"I remember." He chuckled, rubbing my soft hair with his hand and twirling a piece on his index finger.
"It's almost noon. Aren't they going to come back at some point?" I quizzed Draco, but he just gave me an unknowing shrug. His face was bored, and it seemed to me that he had no intentions to leave his manor anytime soon. "I feel like you should go. You're going to get in trouble, and I'll feel awful for keeping you here if that happens." I whispered, earning a whine and a groan from him.
Both of his hands rested themselves on my hips, holding on to the fabric of his grey sweatpants that I had slipped on with a cropped tank top after our... busy morning.
"I don't want to go." He frowned, his pout making me feel worse than I already did. I combed my fingers back through his blonde locks and bit the inside of my cheek. "Plus, you still owe me some presents if I remember correctly," he winked, his tongue grazing over his bottom lip teasingly before his smirk started to cross his face.
"At this rate you could just wait until next Christmas to open them." I teased him, but he pulled my body as close to his as he possibly could.
"C'mon, love." He whispered seductively, his eyes staring at my lips. "I know you bought me a firebolt. I thought we could go for a ride." He snickered, his smirk growing even larger while he moved me over his crotch. I felt my own smile growing at his devious personality before I rolled my eyes and slapped his shoulder.
"You don't know anything." I squinted my eyes, but he raised his brows to challenge me.
"Try me." He chuckled, dipping his face into the side of my neck and attacking it with ticklish kisses. I gasped from the surprise before I erupted into a fit of chuckles.
"If I asked you a serious question, would you give me a real answer?" I asked him, but I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know. I had my shoulder pulled up to my ear as I giggled, trying to push him away.
"Depends." He laughed, his face dropping its playful smile and returning to its original state as he sat up straight and brushed my hair back with one of his hands. His opposite thumb started pressing patterns into my hip out of boredom.
I took a few breaths to muster up the courage before I finally asked the question that lingered in the back of my mind this entire time.
"So, your father pretty much ruined my father for me." I said bluntly, even though he already knew that much. He nodded his head with a guilty expression while I continued. "But, do they know where my mother is? Because I'm scared they're going to come after me in order to try and find her." I said innocently, my voice sounding so hushed and timid.
Draco's eyes didn't give away any answers at first, which came as a surprise to me. I suppose that was part of his new found behavior from the work he did— not showing any emotions, but typically I could always tell what he was thinking. Maybe we really had spent too much time apart.
"Yes and no." He said quietly, like if he spoke too loudly it would scare me off of his lap. His hands started to rub my hips soothingly. "No, they aren't going to come after you. I'd let them kill me before that happens." He said lowly, making me get a nauseous pull in my stomach. But he could still read every expression and flicker in my face.
"Relax, Emmy." He whispered, moving one of his thumbs to my bottom lip. It traced across the light pink skin before it moved to my cheekbone.
"I can't relax much— because here's how I see it, if they don't want to use me to get her to come back so they can hurt her, then..." I started to explain my feelings, but my words got caught in my throat like a knot.
I know the answer to my own questions. And he knows that I do.
His face froze in place as he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it immediately, trying to think of the best possible way to say what he wanted.
"They found out where she ran off to through a few leads about 2 nights ago. They went to get her today. I refused to go with them. I could never do anything like that." He finally admitted, his face taking on an even guiltier look. "And then I snuck over here to be with you and comfort you when you finally asked about it, because I knew you would and I knew you deserved to know." He whispered. My breathing caught in my throat and I felt it up clench instantly from my tears gathering.
I can't even breathe.
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I didn't know how to tell you, so I hoped you would just bring it up." He sighed, running his hand over my cheek while my mouth hung open slightly.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I didn't want to live like this anymore. Like I could have nothing because there would always be something to come along and rip it away from me. I was completely unaware of the loud sobs coming from my throat until Draco had his arms wrapped around my shoulders and was swaying me against his chest delicately, trying to hold me together.
"I'm so sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. All I've ever tried to do was protect you, and I just fuck up every single time." He choked on his words, showing how upset he was as well. "But I couldn't go with them and watch them hurt her. And they'd never forgive me for fighting for her. But she's my mum, too." He mumbled, but I could hardly listen to him.
They'd kill her for turning on them and not showing her loyalty to the dark lord. A traitor. I was only safe because of Draco and the fact that I had never showed true distaste towards the death eaters or the dark lord. They just hated that Draco had feelings for me. Real feelings. Feelings of love that none of them would ever experience.
"You can't-" I sobbed, but he tried to get me to be quiet with his soft shushing and his hand rubbing my back. "You can't leave me, Drake." I cried. He nodded his head in agreement and let me get all of my feelings out.
"Mother knows about Taylor. I think she's in her room— she was pretty upset." He told me. I clutched his shirt in my hand and pushed my face into the skin of his neck even more. "But she's going to take care of you, Emmy. You just have to believe me when I tell you that I am always going to be here. I'm not going anywhere." He reassured me.
I tried my best to nod, but I couldn't stop the shaking that was overcoming my body. Draco's arms squeezed me a little tighter, and he tried his best to comfort me.
But he didn't have to do anything more than he was already doing for me. Just the idea of being with him made it all seem a little better. I couldn't let a terrible thought interrupt a good one like this.
Until Blaise apparated into the manor.
"You have to go! We have to go!" He panicked, catching both of us by surprise. I jumped from the sound of his voice, and Draco's secure grip around me tightened protectively.
"What are you going on about? I thought I had until this evening." Draco said in a confused tone. Blaise was panting, like he had been sprinting before he had shown up in Draco's kitchen.
"They know you're here! We have to leave!" Blaise yelled. I looked at Draco with pleading eyes, hoping he could just stay here with me for once.
Tell them he didn't want to leave. Fight for me. Be with me. But that was so much harder than the easy route.
I still had hardly caught my breath as my tears were flowing hot and heavy, and the plans Blaise was spewing out a mile per minute worked my brain up even more.
He's really leaving. Just like everyone else.
"No, don't go." I sobbed, snaking my hands behind his neck and holding on to him. "Don't leave me, Drake. Don't go." I pleaded. I knew what the deal was all along, and I knew he was meant to leave.
But it hurts.
It hurts so bad I cannot even begin to describe it. I didn't need a Mr. Teddy. I never needed a comfort object growing up. I don't want to live in his room any longer by myself.
I need him.
I have and will always need Draco Malfoy.
"Baby, you just gotta trust me. I have to go, but I'll be back." He promised, brushing his soft lips across the top of my nose. "I always come back." He whispered, peering into my eyes to show me his honesty.
"I love you, please don't go." I cried harder. "Don't leave me. Don't go." I shook my head, and listened as a whimper left the back of his throat. I pulled myself even closer to him, hugging my arms around his neck and sobbing next to his neck.
"Okay, I'm always the first one that's up for this glorious reunion, but we have to go!" Blaise shouted even louder, annoyance clear and plain in his voice. "Get up! Time to gooooo!" He begged, pounding his palm against the countertop to indicate that Draco's time was up. "This isn't funny, Draco! They'll hurt her, let's go!" He yelled as Draco didn't remove his arms from my torso.
"I can't." He choked out. "I can't leave." He whimpered. Blaise practically ripped me from Draco's lap and placed me on the floor. "Let go of her!" Draco hissed, standing to his feet and trying to grab me again.
"You aren't listening! They know your treatments didn't work! We have-"
The words barely left his lips before the manor shook and the china in the cabinets started to clatter. I grabbed Draco's hands and pulled him closer as the three of us looked around the room, fear painted on my face and anger plastered on the two boys'.
"I told you." Blaise said through gritted teeth. The wall next to us exploded within seconds and Draco threw me to the floor in an instant, laying on top of me while I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears.
Dust and debris filled the air as he looked down at me. I coughed a few times before I locked eyes with Draco. The fear on his face didn't mimic the horrible anxiety I could feel on my own.
Before he could utter a word, he was being dragged away by his arms and was apparated away. I would've thought this day was all just one big dream if the destruction of his manor wasn't sitting directly in front of my face.
"This is really bad." Blaise sighed, standing alone in the kitchen while I still laid on the floor in a state of shock. "If you thought you wouldn't lose him before," Blaise grunted as he pulled me off of the floor. "He sure as hell just fucked all of that up for you." He said seriously as he stabilized me on my feet.
"Blaise you-" I started to panic, "you can't let them! You can't let them do that to him, please!" I squeaked out while I grabbed his arms and started to sob, wishing Draco could come back. "I didn't even get to say goodbye." I whimpered, feeling Blaise's hand hold the back of my head as I leaned against his shoulder.
"What happened?!" Narcissa shouted, taking in the mess of her house. Blaise started to explain as I gripped on to his shirt tighter and sobbed, screamed, gasped, panted. Horrible, gut wrenching noises parted through my lips until my cheeks felt numb and my tears weren't even existent anymore.
I could hear Narcissa whispering charms to restore the damage the death eaters had caused, but nothing would repair the damage I felt in the deepest pits of my stomach.
Blaise wrapped his arms around me, gave me a tight squeeze and mumbled unclear words against my hair. All before he loosened my arms by my wrists and disapparated from the manor. Leaving me with Narcissa and a bad feeling that I thought I had shook off this morning.
I should've sent Draco away sooner. I shouldn't have let him stay here. I knew better than to give in to his boyish grin. I was always the responsible one that made sure he did the right thing. But today I was selfish. And now he was in deeper shit than before.
Regrets.