"Um..." Steve tried to sort through his jumbled thoughts and remember what he was planning on saying before Eddie had opened the door and looked up at him expectantly. Apparently that was all it took to make his heart start racing now. "I was wondering if we could talk?"
Eddie stepped aside and gestured in towards the room exaggeratedly, "Have at thee, my liege."
Steve walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, where Eddie would sit while Steve rebandaged him. He nervously wiped the palms of his hands on his knees and took a deep breath.
Eddie stood by the door awkwardly for a moment before he walked over to the bed and sat next to Steve, "So.."
"I don't want you to leave," he found himself blurting out.
Eddie seemed a bit taken aback by the bluntness of the statement. He looked at Steve for a moment before responding, "I appreciate everything you've done for me. More than you could know, really, but I can't stay here. I need to move on, I need to get back to my own life." The look on Steve's face broke his heart a little.
"It just seems like you're leaving for a reason."
"Look, Steve, it's nothing personal. I promise. But it's not something that you can talk about with just anyone, and if you knew about it, I'm sure you wouldn't want me here anyways."
"I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry I didn't remember, and I'm sorry I said what I did." Eddie gave him a look of confusion before he pressed on, "Robin told me... about what I said to you last night. About liking you."
"You don't need to apologize for that-"
"No, I do. It's not that I don't want you to leave because I think you still need help, I'm just being selfish. I don't want you to leave because then I'll be alone again and I won't have you here."
"Steve, I don't know what you're trying to say," Eddie was searching his face now, speaking gently, trying to tiptoe around the situation.
He couldn't look at him. He couldn't see his reaction, he didn't want to. It was terrifying. The idea of laying everything he had at Eddie's feet and just hoping and praying by some miracle that things work out. But he was willing to do it. He was pretty sure he would do anything for Eddie, actually. He looked down at his hands resting in his lap and fidgeted with them nervously.
"The first day you stayed over and I helped you with your bandages I was kind of fucked up the rest of the night because you smelled like my soap from the shower. And it was the dumbest thing ever, and I didn't understand it at all. And then it kept happening, and it was all I could think of, and I liked it and I had no idea why but I did."
He thought through what to say next while Eddie watched quietly from beside to him.
"I didn't want to think about it because it didn't make sense to me, and I was so confused..." His vision was starting to blur with tears. He never thought it would be this difficult to love someone. "I'm still a little confused to be honest. Eddie, I slept on the shitty couch for you. And I made up excuses for myself as to why I was there because I couldn't understand why I felt this constant need to stay close to you."
Eddie wanted to reach out and touch him. His shoulder, his arm, his hand, anything. It hurt to watch to be honest. He was going to let Steve finish, though, this wasn't something you could rush. He knew that. So he waited patiently to hear what Steve had to say.
"I thought maybe I just liked having another friend, because other than Robin and the kids, I haven't had many of those since school. And then..." there was so much tension in his voice, in his body. He felt like a rubber band about to snap at the slightest thing. "Then I had this dream... and I have been having dreams about you dying, I wasn't lying about that. They terrify me. I think this one was scarier though. I didn't even KNOW, Eddie. And I feel so shitty just talking about it and I don't know if I feel guilty because it was about you or if I feel guilty because it was about a guy, and..." the sentence trailed off.
Steve took a shaky breath and wiped the tears on his cheeks, shaking his head. "God, I couldn't even bring myself to talk to you the next morning because I just kept thinking about it. I talked to Robin about it. And it's not like there's anything wrong with it, it just feels different when it's me. But I couldn't let it go. It was like this switch was flipped and suddenly I was so aware of everything. Everything you did or said. I was hanging on to everything, Eds, like it was the only thing I had. I didn't think I was going to be able to make it through a Nightmare on Elm Street to be honest. You were so close."
There was a break after that. A moment for Steve to regroup. A moment for Eddie to process everything. When Steve started to speak again, he was quieter. He talked slower, methodical rather than frantic and rushed. But the tears didn't stop. Eddie watched each of them fall.
"So I'm sorry that I was drunk when I told you. I don't think I was going to tell you at all to be honest. I was so scared. I am scared. I feel so different now. And I feel... I feel really shitty, honestly. Except for when I'm with you. Everything seems fine then. I don't care about anything else, and I don't feel guilty and disgusting and gross, and I know there's a chance that I'll only drive you away more," his voice broke when he said that. Hearing it out loud made it more of a possibility. "-but I needed you to know."
There was a long silence after he was done talking and he laughed nervously, "I would really appreciate it if you said something, because now I just feel stupid..."
"Are you sure, Steve?"
"What?"
"Are you sure? About how you feel."
He could feel Eddie's eyes on him, "I'm sure."
And suddenly there was this gentle warmth and he could see him again. Eddie. He was holding Steve's face gently, turning him so they could look at each other. "You really threw me for a loop there, big boy."
Eddie looked like he had been crying too. Steve didn't notice it while he was talking. "What?"
"Usually I'm pretty good at figuring people out, but you really threw a wrench in things." Eddie was smiling softly now. Steve still looked confused. Eddie wiped his cheeks with his thumbs. "I'm not really a big fan of labels or anything, but I like you too. Like, really... really like you, as you so graciously put it."
Steve took a second to process what he had said before he let out a relieved laugh. And god, it felt so good to see him smile, even if he did start crying again. Eddie was pretty sure it was for a different reason this time.
He sniffed, "You like me?"
"I like you." Eddie hesitated, "But we've gotta make a deal."
"What is it?"
"I don't want you jumping into things you're not comfortable with, so you need to be honest with me, okay? You're new to this whole thing, and I don't know what you want. I'm giving you the steering wheel on this one, got it?"
Steve nodded as Eddie wiped his cheeks again, "I think you're supposed to kiss me now."
"Oh, really? Is that how this works?"
"Well I know you don't like romance movies, but yeah. That's usually how this works."
"Is that what you want?"
He looked at Eddie's lips before he met his eyes again, "Yeah."
And then Eddie was pulling his face closer and it was like slow motion, but it was happening so fast and Steve couldn't keep up. When it finally suddenly happened, Steve felt like he had been pumped full of pure adrenaline, but at the same time all of the tension in his body was melting away and he was so relaxed. Eddie's lips were chapped and the tips of his fingers were rough, but it just felt right. It felt like him. Steve worked up the courage to let his hands settle on Eddie's shoulders, eventually moving one to the back of his neck in an attempt to pull him in because he just couldn't get close enough. It was everything and not enough and it was gentle and loving and if Steve died right now, he would be satisfied.
Noses were touching as they looked at each other. Eddie was the one to break the silence, "I thought you liked The Cure?"
"I do?"
"Well you obviously don't listen to them," Eddie scoffed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Boys don't cry."
"I hate you."
"That's not what you just told me."
"You're not still leaving, are you?"
"Well... since you asked me so nicely to stay..."
Steve just kissed him again.