"Sirius!" the door to the quarters swings open as Enty walks through, "Is (Y/N) here? I couldn't find hi-"
Her gaze lands on me, and I smile from the dinner table, "Welcome home!"
Her eyes shimmer for a moment before she grins, "You idiot. You could've told me you were here."
Standing up, I catch her in a loving hug, "I'm glad to see you again, Enty."
Monarch clears her throat from the doorway, "Are you not happy to see me?"
I hold out my hand to her as she comes in to hug Enty and I, "I missed you too, Monarch."
Silently, the three of us hold each other until Sirius joins in, "It would be awkward to simply watch."
Little Enterprise, which my apparent daughter calls herself, stands up on a chair and joins the hug too. When we've had our moment, we sit down to enjoy dinner together as Sirius prepares a plate for Monarch.
"Ah, one more thing," I turn to Enty and swap our hats.
She smiles after I give the back of her head a little pat, "I was beginning to feel like an admiral, too."
Little Enterprise looks up at my hat, and I tilt my head at her, "Want to try it on?"
Her eyes beam as she nods. I swap our hats and laugh at how mine covers her eyes, only revealing the smile on her face. Meanwhile, hers sits on top of my head like a bird in its nest.
"So, want to explain?" I turn to Enty, and she tosses Grim – her bald eagle – a slice of meat.
"Ah, Little E?" Enty asks, making the girl lift my hat above her eyes to watch us.
"You said kansen couldn't..." I pause and glance at Sirius and Monarch, "You said they couldn't get pregnant."
Monarch's fork hits her plate, and Sirius becomes as red as a strawberry. Little E looks around at everyone as Enty covers her face, and I clear my throat. With Little E present, Sirius and Monarch are forced to exist in bewildered silence.
Enty explains, "I'll admit, I was a little excited by the thought of having a child... so I decided to use a Wisdom Cube... the day after you left."
Scratching my head, I whisper to her, "Maybe we could've talked it through first?"
"You don't want her?" Enty whispers back sadly.
"I never said that," I shake my head, "It's just a bit jarring to come back to something like this."
Enty looks down at her food, "Sorry. You're right."
The table falls quiet as we dwell on the topic and continue eating. Monarch and Sirius glance at each other, while I worry about Enty. I didn't mean to sound like I didn't want Little E. Well, I didn't, but I would've been more welcoming had we discussed it together in the first place. Little E picks at her food, feeling as if she's done something wrong.
Deciding to switch the mood around, I give Little E her cap back, "Want to hear about my adventures in the Northern Parliament?"
"The Northern Parliament?" she looks up at me with wonder.
"It's a land of endless frost and snow. The water there's cold enough to freeze the deck of a warship in minutes," I add, making her turn to me in her seat, "Daytime's rare and sunlight's rarer. The sky's blanketed by clouds but, when it isn't, the aurora shines brighter than the stars."
Enty smiles as Little E pleads, "Tell me! Tell me, please!"
Finishing the last of Sirius's meal, I sit back in my chair and recount my journey from start to finish. Everyone tenses up as I tell them of the destroyers that hunted us in the ice floes of the Bering Sea. All the while, Little E listens with admiration in her beaming eyes.
"My planes would've easily dealt with them," Enty huffs.
"All's well that ends well," Sirius says.
Monarch appears frustrated, "I hate to say this... but I feel that I would be useless in such a situation."
"I'm sure New Jersey and Vanguard felt the same way, Monarch. It was our work as a team that got us through. By calling for fire, Kronshtadt could focus on evasive maneuvers. Even if Vanguard and New Jersey were blind to the presence of the destroyers, I gave them their sight. Where did I leave off?"
I continue through the story: the arrival of the Northern Parliament as they saved our lives with their formations of planes like a thunderhead, their battleship salvoes like the strike of Hephaestus's hammer, and their cruisers like shadowy sea monsters on the hunt.
I remember the harsh wind that welcomed us when we landed and the crude barracks in which we slept. Sirius shows an interest in the Northern Parliament food I bring up. Monarch smiles at the antics of the Northern Parliament kansen. When I get into the battle, everyone watches me intensely.
Little E's feet begin to kick as I smile at the memory of shouting for everyone to sail forward. I end up talking to her more than the rest of the table. Up to the moment we shouted our battlecries of victory, Little E quietly bounces in her chair. I bring up the picture of us all grouped together and show the photo to Little E, naming everyone for her. She shows the most interest in New Jersey and Volga.
"And after that, we went to the town to toast our triumph," I say, leaving out the... unimportant details.
I don't mention Soyuz's confession of being my summoner either. It's best that my alien existence in this world gets buried in memory and lost to time and forgetfulness. What would talking about it do, anyway? No one questions my behavior anymore, and everyone's moved on at this point.
It's about time I do so as well.
Sirius giggles after seeing Enty rest her chin on her hands, "See? There was nothing to worry about."
"I guess not," she huffs, "It's clear you've grown."
Monarch sighs while watching me, "That is a shame; unfortunately for you, Commander, I will likely continue worrying for your safety."
Little E stands up in her chair, "Papa, I want to grow up and be as cool as you and Mama. T-Take me with you on your next adventure!"
"That's no good, Little E," Enty disappoints her, "You're not old enough."
Pouting at her mother, Little E sits back down in her chair before I rub her back, "That doesn't mean you can't train while you wait. I'm sure you'll be as strong as your mother by the time you set sail."
"Really?" she looks up at me hopefully.
"Really. You just have to keep at it every day, okay?" I tell her, "If you don't have the discipline to train, you'll never be able to fight."
She turns to her mother, "Then I wanna start tomorrow!"
Enty laughs, "Alright, alright, but finish your food, please."
Without another word, Little E starts digging into her dinner. I watch her sadly. She's so eager to fight at such a young age. I understand that she's a kansen and it's in her nature but... I want to be able to tell her there's no need to fight, that she doesn't have to see anyone she loves get hurt.
In these past sorties, I've been lucky. Siren patrols are something we can shrug off with a single fleet, but things don't always go as well as I hope. Two destroyers in an ice field had Kronshtadt and I on the back foot. If it weren't for Rossiya's fleet, we would've died at sea. How am I going to react when things eventually go wrong?
* * *
"Stay away from the tracks," I hold Little E's shoulder as we wait for the tram to arrive.
She stares out at the ocean as the tram squeaks to a stop in front of us. The doors slide open, and Little E skips onto it with me in tow. I wave to Harbin and Chen Hai who sit together on one end before sitting down with Little E on the other.
Enty and Sirius are on commission duty today, so I can't just leave Little E home alone. I figured I could take her along to work until we figure out who she could be left with whenever Enty and I are busy. Enty suggested that Yorktown and Hornet – her older and younger sisters, respectively – would make great nannies. I'll have to speak to them about that later. If they're anything like Enty, they'd be glad to take care of our daughter.
She presses her face against the window, observing a couple of fleets departing for an exercise. Little E's eyes are filled with awe as she admires the carrier in the back, and her interest makes me smile. That is until I watch the carrier with her and wonder: does she look up to Enty more than me?
The tram arrives at the docks, and I let Harbin and Chen Hai leave first. Not before they dote on Little E and pinch her cheeks, naturally. When I walk after them, I notice Little E absent from my side. I turn around and see her standing rigid on the tram, her eyes narrowed with fearfulness.
I walk back to her and hold out my hand, "It's alright. I'm here."
She places her small hand in mine, and I slowly bring her out. Her eyes are glued to the ships in the docks. She must fear them as much as she reveres their awe-inspiring armaments.
"Are they scary?" I look down at her, "Being up close to them's completely different, isn't it?"
Little E nods, and I point at Harbin and Chen Hai walking towards the pier, "Are they scary?"
She shakes her head, "They're nice."
"What if I told you they're those big ships?" I wave to Victorious and Centaur as we pass a forklift carrying a crate of HE shells.
"Lying's bad, Papa," she stops and stares up at me.
"You think I'm lying?" I grin.
Seeing my certain expression, Little E thinks to herself as we walk into the office building. I lead her up to my office room and see Washington and Roon already waiting for me. Both are unscathed, and there's no blood on the floor. They haven't fought... yet.
I stop and place my hand on Little E's head, "Washington, Roon, this is Little Enterprise," I look down at her, "Go on, say hi."
She wordlessly waves to the two kansen before grabbing my pants with her other hand.
Washington's eyes are wide with shock as she mindlessly waves to Little E, while Roon gasps, "Aw, she's so cute! Is this your daughter, Kommandant?"
"Yeah," I feel Little E tug on my pants nervously, "Due to certain circumstances, today's officially Bring Your Child To Work Day. Why don't you two show her your rigging for a minute."
"Our rigging?" Washington glances at Roon worriedly, "Why?"
I pat Little E's head again, "She's a little scared of the warships, but not of you all. I want to show her there's nothing to be afraid of. Will you do it for me?"
Washington nods and walks to the front of the desk, summoning her rigging and showing off her main guns.
Little E stares at them and summons the courage to speak, "C-Can I touch it?"
"Go on," Washington allows her.
Cautiously, Little E approaches Washington after she promises her rigging won't fire. Her hand strokes the cannon barrels first before moving to the deck of her rigging. Little E laughs when Washington lifts her up to set her down on one of the main guns. Does she laugh at Washington's playfulness or her own realization that there wasn't anything to fear at all? Little E looks at Roon expectantly.
The Iron Blood giggles and brushes her pink hair with her fingers, "Shrimpy's a little shy, but I'll wake him up."
Washington's eyes widen, and I connect the dots as well. The Siren rigging will scare Little E to the point of trauma.
"Roon, wait!" I step forward.
Her rigging's already solidified. The metal-wrought shark curls around Roon's back and leers at Little E who still sits on Washington's deck. Roon looks at me confusedly as Little E lifts her head up to the maw of the Siren machination while it chatters its iron teeth.
Amazingly, she grins wider than when she laid eyes on the carrier leaving port, "Can I pet it? Please?"
"Feel free!" Roon nudges her rigging and it lowers its head, "Shrimpy doesn't bite."
I breathe a sigh of relief when Little E hops off of Washington's rigging and runs over to Shrimpy. Washington walks over to me as I watch my daughter pet Roon's rigging. I smile when she laughs as it pushes its snout into her hand before hugging it.
"And here I thought we were boutta scar the poor girl for life," Washington whispers, placing her hands on her hips, "She's as fearless as her mother," she watches me out of the corner of her eye, "and her father."
"There's no such thing as being fearless," I say, remembering Little E's reluctance when leaving the tram, "Only the willingness to act in the face of terror."
Washington turns her head to me, "Hey, don't tell me you actually..." she clicks her tongue after a pause, "had sex with Enterprise."
I refuse to comment and can't help but flush with embarrassment.
Washington already knows the answer, sighing, "You're one of those guys?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I huff as Roon sits Little E down on Shrimpy's back.
Washington nudges my arm with her elbow, "Nothin'. I'm just teasing you."
I cross my arms, "Hm?"
"Anyway," she slaps my back, "Let's start the work day!"
* * *
"Here, Commander," Washington slides a paper over to me to double-check.
Reading through it, I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, taking note of Washington's docile behavior while we work. She hasn't had a single word of disapproval for Roon even though they'd fought only yesterday. Has she moved on, or has she found respect for the Iron Blood girl? Maybe after losing their brawl, Washington was humbled. Her playful teasing hasn't stopped for me, though.
"It's good," I hand her back the paper before continuing my own analysis of Akashi's earnings.
We're making money, albeit slowly. We'll have to find a way to increase profits somehow. Increasing prices could be a bad move here, however. Life on the island is practically paradise right now, so I should do my best to keep it that way.
"Shrimpy, not so rough!" Roon scolds her rigging, making me look up.
I follow her glare over to Shrimpy, which lays across Little E's stomach as they play together. Roon's great with kids, interestingly enough. She's been keeping a vigilant watch on Shrimpy while she works to make sure Little E doesn't get hurt by her metallic playmate. It's almost impossible to believe she'd been dead-set on killing Washington during their fight. Could she be bipolar?
Watching Little E pet Shrimpy, I smile and tear a piece of paper from a notebook before balling it up, "Shrimpy!"
The rigging snaps its head to me, and I pelt the paper ball across the room. It reaches its jaws into the air and catches the ball in its infernal throat. Shrimpy observes me with a swaying tail as it waits for another. I gesture for Little E to come over.
"Here," I hand Little E the notebook when she runs over.
She takes the book and smiles up at me before hopping onto a chair. After tearing out a sheet and balling it up, the girl throws another paper across the room for Shrimpy.
Roon stamps an envelope and asks me, "Has she manifested her rigging yet?"
"I'm assuming Enty will help her with that," I shrug, and the office door opens.
Fleet Admiral Forster steps through and stares down at Little E and Shrimpy. The latter growls at the Fleet Admiral only to be met with his unshakeable glare. Despite the size and horrific visage of Roon's rigging, Forster doesn't budge from its threatening behavior. I stand up and salute him, waiting until he returns it.
"We need to talk," Forster salutes to me, ignoring the beast of the Iron Blood at his feet.
Little E glances at me worriedly until I smile at her, "I'll be right back. Just keep working."
Walking past my daughter, I give her a pat on the head before joining Forster in the hallway. He takes me outside to the docks where we walk to the end of the pier and watch his fleet of warships. The sea-faring sentinels float in a double-line formation. Despite being friendly vessels, they make me nervous to be in sight of. Maybe it's because they aren't empty like the rigging of kansen and, instead, are manned by human sailors.
"You didn't consult me before sailing off to war in the Northern Parliament," Forster starts with a sigh.
I lower my head, fearing reassignment, "I apologize, sir. Soyuz was in urgent need of our assistance. I couldn't wait for approval."
He huffs and shakes his head, "That's what I hate about you – your ignorance of conduct and standard procedures. Still, I acknowledge your victory. Soyuz told me they wouldn't have won without your help."
"That's just her being humble, sir," I look up at the seagulls hovering above the wind current, "I didn't bring enough reinforcements. I was naïve."
"Naïve or not, you won. That's all that matters at the end of a battle," he pulls out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lights one, "If Soyuz said they would've lost, then they would've lost. It's not one to beat around the bush... when it's being honest."
The way he regards Soyuz has me fighting the urge to lash out, "Why do you think of the kansen as weapons, sir? Are they not human like me and you?"
"'Human,'" he laughs, smoke billowing from his nose, "They were born from the Sirens' technology, son. They're no different from them."
"Sir, you don't know them," I frown and stare at the water.
Forster drags on his cigarette, "I know enough."
"I've lived with them long enough to know they're more human than Siren, sir," I reiterate.
Apparently my tone was offensive, as Forster responds, "Enough with the 'sir.' I know there's no respect behind that word with you, anyway," he's silent for a moment, "This way of thinking, admiral, will only hurt you. You'll inevitably feel the pain of one of your subordinates losing their life. It's better to regard them as weapons. Nothing different from a Garand or lifeless warship."
Ignoring his words, I turn away from him, "I need to get back to work."
He chuckles, "Oddly enough, I enjoy talking to you, son. I get to shrug off the navy etiquette when it gets tiring. Take my advice. I mean it. You might've freed the Northern Parliament, but the rest of the world's still occupied by Sirens and Crimson Axis. You might as well have the whole planet as your enemy right now."
I start walking away, "Good day, Fleet Admiral."
"The senior officer dismisses you, admiral," his tone darkens, "We're not done yet."
"What else is there to talk about, then? The weather? How much do you want to see me replaced?" with each suggestion, his eyes narrow more.
Forster faces me, "Do you enjoy toeing the line, son? Just when I show a shred of respect for your efforts, you spit in my face."
"I'll spit in your face until you show my kansen some goddamn respect!" I shout back.
He flicks his cigarette at my feet, "I saw that kid in the office. It looks like Enterprise, doesn't it? I know it's yours. Are you looking for me to throw you out?"
I manipulate her conception and say, "A baby takes nine months to be born. Do you think she'd be this old already?"
"Bullshit," Forster barks at me, "You and Soyuz are disgustingly similar. I wouldn't be surprised if you were conspiring with those communist whores."
I reach for my sword, and Forster draws his pistol, making me freeze.
"You pull that out," he flicks the safety off, "and your kid's gonna lose its daddy."
Gritting my teeth, I let go of my weapon, "You'd never get off the island alive."
He smirks and puts his gun away, "To win an impossible battle, you need a madman to lead. If your report on Operation Gatecrash wasn't embellished, you just might make the cut," Forster walks past me and slaps my back, "I'll keep you around so long as you give me results. Huh... imagine if I put Enterprise on maternity leave. That's a funny thought. You're lucky it's our best carrier, son. Non sibi sed patriae."
I stare out at the ocean as he boards his battleship, wondering if I should order the island artillery to fire upon it. Non sibi sed patriae... not for self, but for country. That might be the only thing we can agree upon. I take deep breaths to flush away my rage as helplessness fills its place.
Killing him means we lose our support from the Eagle Union and – by extent – the Azur Lane itself. We'd be enemies of our own nation, and Leviathan's Rest would be left with no allies.
Maybe the Crimson Axis would take us in? It's a vain hope. Our enemies would take the chance to crush us and secure victory while we were weakened by a civil war. Soyuz said the Northern Parliament would always welcome us... but would she take us in if the Azur Lane saw me as an enemy? Soyuz would risk her own nation becoming an enemy of theirs, and would she really do that for my sake?
"You have our undying loyalty, Comrade," I remember her genuine smile before I departed from the Northern Parliament.
I nod as if speaking to her again and wander back to the office building. Someone greets me in passing, and I almost forget to acknowledge them. Forster might be the Fleet Admiral, he might be older than me, and I know he has more experience but... I shake my head and walk upstairs.
He doesn't know these kansen like I do. I'm not going to think of them as objects no matter how much pain I might feel from doing so. They didn't do anything to warrant his views.
I stop in the hallway and try to keep myself from throwing up. Forster could've replaced me right then and there if he wanted to. No, there's still a possibility that he changes his mind later. Maybe he's already decided and wants to surprise me with retirement papers in the mail.
I never thought about the consequences when Little E introduced herself to me... Having a kid in the Navy? Forster's got his reason for a court martial now! All he has to do is bring it up with High Command, but he'll hold it over my head like a carrot on a stick to spur me on through the war.
If Enty realizes she could've gotten me thrown out from her own decision, she'd never see our daughter the same way again. I can't let her find out. It's best that I pretend Forster wasn't here at all.
Entering the office, I notice Roon playing tic-tac-toe with Little E while Shrimpy sleeps beside my daughter, curled up in a ball. Washington stares out the window and turns around when she hears the door close behind me.
She points out at the docks, "Commander, I saw him-"
I shake my head at her, "Everything's under control. Is the work done, Roon?"
She looks up from her game as Little E celebrates her victory, "Reports reported!"
"Perfect," I put on a smile, "Go home and relax now."
Roon tilts her head, "But we haven't served our sentence yet."
I scratch my jaw and sigh, "Uh, right... Just forget about it. I've come to understand you two a little more, and it doesn't look like there are hard feelings between the both of you. If you get into a fight again, though, you're definitely serving your time and more."
"I won't!" Roon nods happily and stands up to hug me, "Danke for your mercy, Kommandant!"
"Washington?" I wait to hear her reply.
"Sure, but Forster-" she steps around the desk.
I cut her off again, not wanting her to make Little E worry about me, "Go home. The work day's over."
"Commander, you aren't alone here!" Washington yells, and she tries to twist her face into a smile, "You can rely on me if anything happens. You're like a little brother to me, y'know!"
Little E looks up at me quizzically, and I nod as my throat closes up, "I know."
In fear of breaking down in front of my daughter, I pat Roon's back to let me go. She hugs me tighter, picking up on the message in Washington's words.
"I may be Iron Blood, Kommandant," Roon whispers to me in a soft voice, "but I don't see you as my enemy. Don't be afraid to ask me for help or even for a bit of company!"
Smiling ear-to-ear, I nod into her shoulder as we hug for a moment longer, "Thank you, guys. Now, seriously, go relax! That's an order! I need to get Little E home now."
"Already?" she pouts, her head resting on Shrimpy's.
"You'll see them again. The island's not that big," I pick her up after she waves to Shrimpy, "Stay safe, you two."
I take Little E into the hallway as Roon and Washington say goodbye to us. She leans her head on my shoulder as I walk downstairs and exit the building. Little E looks up at the docked ships.
"I'm sorry..." she whispers to me.
"For what?" I whisper back.
Little E wraps her arms around my neck, "For calling you a liar."
I smile and set her down at the tram station, "I forgive you."
Another moment passes as we wait, and I crouch down to Little E's level, "Can you make a promise to me?"
"Huh?" she blinks at me innocently.
"Don't tell your mother about the man that spoke to me, ok? He doesn't like her very much, so she'll get sad if she finds out he was here," I explain, ashamed that I have to manipulate my daughter like this.
Little E nods, "I promise."
"Good," I hug her before standing up again.
Enty's smart enough to realize that Forster would've seen Little E if he came to the island to speak with me. The realization would worry her to death; not only about my rank, but for our daughter's wellbeing too. Forster could scrap her on a whim. As long as Little E doesn't appear to be in the way of our work, he won't do anything... hopefully.
Little E reaches up to hold my hand, and I take it as she smiles up at me. I can't help but appreciate her behavior. Honestly, I'm glad I got to skip the phase where she cries every night as an infant. Even so, I can't neglect her for having a head start in being more grown up and mature than normal.
Fishing for my phone, I get a text from Zeppelin saying she'll be waiting in town. When the tram arrives for us, I lead Little E onto the transport and message her to share her location with me. My daughter sits down with me and stares at the destroyers docked at the pier, any semblance of fear she had of them now absent. Little E deserves this innocence, this peace. How can I call myself her father if I can't protect her from this conflict?
When we arrive at the town, the doors open and reveal Enty and her older sister, Yorktown, waiting for us on a bench.
"You're back!" Little E shouts and runs over to her mother.
Enty picks her up in a hug and laughs, "I wouldn't want to break our promise! How was your day at work?"
Little E looks back at me when I step off the tram, "It was fun! I did lots of work for him!"
"Oh, is that so?" Yorktown leans down to stroke her niece's hair.
"Mhm, I wouldn't have been able to get home until midnight if it wasn't for our little secretary here," I laugh as Little E puts her hands on her hips proudly.
"Alright," Enty smiles at Little E, "ready to start training?"
The girl points at the horizon, "Anchors aweigh!"
Chuckling, Enty waves to Yorktown and I before leaving with Little E, her black coat fluttering behind her, "I'll be home later, (Y/N). Let us talk more tomorrow, Yorktown."
"Of course, of course! Go easy on your mother, Little E! Have a good time!" Yorktown yells to them before giggling, "I've never seen Enterprise this happy before."
I smile while they walk down to the beach, "She deserves every bit of joy. We owe a lot to Enty."
Yorktown nods with a forlorn look, "I dream of the day she fights her final battle. I believe it would be her brightest day. No, I know it will. Ignoring the day she fell for you, of course!"
Walking with Yorktown, we take a stroll along the streets at sunset, "If only you knew half of what I felt," I laugh, remembering Enty's support for me since the beginning, "Still, it's flattering. I never thought I'd matter this much to someone."
"You'd be surprised," Yorktown looks up at the amber sky brushed with wisps of orange clouds, "It has always been my mission to protect Enterprise. I am glad that I can finally stop worrying about her. Well... mostly."
"I don't know if I'm strong enough to protect her on my own, Yorktown," I look down at my saber, "A kansen would lay me out in a real fight."
She laughs, "Although, I'm certain you would protect my sister, I am not overestimating you. I meant that she's going to be taking care of herself from now on. Enterprise has always played the heroine when there was no need, risking her life and such. Now that she has you and Little Enterprise, I know she won't be taking as many risks."
"I never thought about it that way," I nod, "That puts me at ease too."
Yorktown stops in front of a store, her eye caught by a plush toy, "Does Enterprise still sleep with her stuffed shark? Maybe I should get Little E her own."
"She sleeps with a plush toy?" I walk over to her side.
She laughs and covers her grin, "Ah, well, she'd be embarrassed if I told you but, yes, she always slept with one to comfort her after a nightmare. I hope she hasn't lost it."
Staring through the window, I smile and tap the glass, "Mind if I steal your idea?"
* * *
Proudly, I walk through the town holding both plush toys for Enty and Little E: a great white shark and one resembling the Iron Blood's rigging. I bought an extra Iron Blood plush for Zeppelin as a small gift, too. Currently, she's waiting in an Iron Blood bistro, according to the location she sent me. I enter the building, the scent of pastries, coffee, and fresh food flooding over me like a wave.
"Kommandant," Zeppelin calls to me, sitting in a booth against a wall decorated with antique paintings.
I sit down with her and notice she's brought the textbook, "Ready for some language learning, I see."
She glances down at the stuffed toys, "You appear to be ready for bed."
"Actually," I grin and hold up the rigging toy to her, "I bought one for you."
"For me?" Zeppelin stares at the plush, but accepts it, "It looks like Nurnberg's."
Holding up the other one to her, I ask, "Don't like it?"
She shakes her head and smiles as she squeezes it in her hands, "No, I love it. It is very soft, very comforting."
Perfect for a gloomy girl like her, I smile, "Glad you like it. Anyhow, want to start?"
"Yes, Commander," she nods and places the plush in her lap.
I open the textbook and find where she left off. From there, we backtrack as she asks me questions on certain sections of the book. Being in a mostly English-speaking port, her pronunciation's been very good. She's memorized a lot of words beyond simple cognates, too. As I expected, she struggles with the grammar.
"But the action ended, did it not?" she looks up at me, confused as she rests her hands on her plush.
"That's the tricky part. I was confused about this too, don't worry. In English, you can use the past tense to express an ongoing action. Whereas, in German, you must use the present tense if a past action is continuing. Look at the sentence again: 'I have worked at the store for three weeks.'" I wait for her to process it from a new perspective.
"I have worked at the store for three weeks," she sounds out slowly, "This feels wrong."
I laugh and write out a few sentences in German, "You're doing better than when I was learning your language."
She smiles lightly, "Is that so?"
Nodding, I watch her look down at her plush, "Here, practice translating these into English."
Zeppelin picks up her pencil and taps the eraser against her chin as she thinks. Ulrich Von Hutten, a waitress, clicks her pen next to me and asks what I want. I order a Rüdesheimer coffee and a small slice of Danube Waves cake. As if annoyed that I ordered something at all, Ulrich clicks her tongue and saunters off.
"Did I do something wrong?" I mutter in a defeated tone.
Looking up from her work, Zeppelin watches Ulrich read my order to Prinz Adalbert, "Perhaps she dislikes your taste? Ulrich is much like me; she keeps everyone at arms-length. Finished."
I lean over to study her answers and nod with a grin, "Perfect! You catch on quick."
"Thank you, Commander," she pulls the plush closer to her chest, "Lately, I have felt like trying my best. I am grateful to have met you. It has almost been akin to fate. I had never believed in it until recently, of course, but if I was meant to meet you..." she trails off, "It is ironic. To have an incredible future fighting with you, but also a grim past... what else is there left to hate?"
"Why search for something to hate? You're only making yourself feel worse by looking for a reason to be angry," I thank Ulrich when she gives me my order, "If life here is incredible, then focus on that. Devote yourself to it. What meaning is there to life except what you love?"
Zeppelin's eyes widen, and she murmurs, "Perhaps you are right. Awaiting the End, I did not bother to search for meaning. I have taken life for granted because of the very fact that I woke up this morning."
"For most, a life of regret is only realized when it's threatened by an early end," I tilt my head to look her in the eyes as she gazes down at her plush, "Don't be like them, Zeppelin. Face your regrets and challenge your fears. Take that first step, and you will find your meaning."
"Commander," she trembles, "I want to keep learning with you," Zeppelin says in perfect English as she pulls the plush closer to her body, "This life is sweet when you are in it, and I want to fight for you. Should the world turn against you, I will fight for you, Kommandant. To the very End."
I stare through her, the hopelessness of talking to Fleet Admiral Forster rushing into my head as well as Roon's embrace and Washington's words of reassurance. I drop my fork.
"Kommandant?" Zeppelin places her hand on my arm.
As much as I remind myself that I'm in public, my eyes water nonetheless, and I struggle to speak, "I want," my cheeks tickle as tears finally break free, "to keep teaching you, Zeppelin," my throat closes up as I try to brighten myself and imagine Little E's smile, but I only break more violently.
Here, in this quiet bistro, I'm comforted by Zeppelin as my heart shows me just how much stress, fear, and anger I have been holding in. It's embarrassing. It feels good to let it out. But, most of all, it hurts.
Zeppelin hugs me, "How much weight have you been carrying, Kommandant?"