"Come with me to the bathroom," I begged in Nick's ear, just quietly.
He shook his head. "I'm not going to the bathroom with you, Carrie. You're a big girl, you can do that yourself."
He didn't say it quiet enough for my liking and beside me, Logan snickered. Payback for earlier, I guess. I wanted to punch him, but before I could, Nick reached out and smacked him upside the head. He shut up, but he still grinned, like my fear was amusing to him.
"I'm scared," I whispered, and Nick held me close.
"There's nothing to be afraid of, sis. You're safe here, I promise you," he said.
"I wasn't safe last night," I said quietly, my voice shaking.
Nick sighed, like I was a burden, and across the table from me, Damon glared at him.
"You will be safe from now on," Damon assured me. "We have taken steps to ensure your safety. Nobody will ever harm you again."
"No, you don't understand," I whispered.
Why didn't any of my brothers see how truly frightened I was?
"I'm not trying to be annoying," I said quietly, a bit bitterly. "I'm just scared."
I hopped down off Nick's lap and bravely met his serious gaze.
"I was nearly raped last night, and all of you are acting like it's not a big deal, and I shouldn't still be upset about it"
"That's not true Carrie," Alex said.
"But it is true!" I cried.
Nick reached for me, but I moved sideways out of his grasp. He didn't get it; none of them did.
I could feel my body shaking. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down, to still the trembling in my legs, but I failed. Emotions had taken hold of me now and traumatic memories washed over me. My eyes filled with tears, making my vision blurry. I wanted to flee, to get away from my obnoxious, idiot brothers, but I couldn't make my legs work, and I didn't want to be alone. They might be obnoxious idiots, but they were better than being by myself and vulnerable.
"Please," I begged someone. Anyone.
Obviously sensing I was close to a meltdown, Damon came around the table and took me in his arms, soothing me with his calm, deep voice.
"Look at me Carrie-girl, tell me what you need," he instructed.
"I need to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to go by myself," I whispered. Embarrassment flooded me and I felt my face heat up. I knew I was beet red. What kind of 14 year old refuses to use the bathroom alone?
Damon held out his hand to me and I took it, relief welling up inside me as his big hand enclosed around mine, his fingers holding me tightly.
"Come on then, I'll walk with you, and wait outside."
"Thank you."
I tried to give him a tight smile, but I think it ended up as more of a grimace instead. I was mortified. I felt so stupid, so incompetent and useless. I felt like a burden, like my very presence was a nuisance.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
Damon just squeezed my hand in response. "You're okay," he assured me.
But I wasn't okay, not at all. Far from it. I was a mess, and every single one of my brothers knew it.
Damon led me to the downstairs bathroom, then let go of my hand.
"I'm not going in with you, Carrie. But I will wait here, okay?"
I tried to bite down my rising panic as I looked at him.
"You won't go anywhere? You'll stay right there?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"Okay."
Taking a deep breath, I went into the bathroom and did what I had to do, but when I came out, Damon wasn't there.
I whimpered, trying to call out for him, but fear clogged my throat. My heart pounded. I couldn't breathe.
I knew he wouldn't be far away, and I knew my brothers were only out on the patio, but I couldn't make my feet move. I couldn't do anything. I was frozen to the spot, but I was shaking at the same time.
How long I stood there for, frozen to the spot, I don't know. It probably wasn't very long, but it felt like forever.
"Carrie!"
A voice called my name. A male voice. Not deep and rumbly like Damon, not low and comforting like Jack. But familiar, all the same.
"Carrie!"
The voice was closer this time, and a touch on my shoulder made me jump, pulling me out of my trance. Bringing me back to the present.
"Hey!"
It was Logan.
"Damon had a phone call. He's gone into the left wing with Alex and Nick. So it's just you, me and Rocco for a bit. Are you okay?"
"No." I whimpered and shook my head. I wasn't even close to being okay. I didn't even know if I would ever be okay again.
Logan put his arm around me but it was awkward, and it was obvious he didn't know what to do. Last night, when he'd rescued me with Nick, he'd obviously acted purely on instinct, but now, it was different. Now, he probably thought I was just strange.
"Come on," he said. "Come back out to the patio."
"I can't," I whispered, shaking my head. I felt totally numb. Nothing would move.
"I can't make my legs work," I told him.
He looked at me for a moment, clearly confused, then he pulled his phone out of his back pocket.
"I'm going to get Rocco."
I grabbed his shirt. "Don't leave me!" I begged.
"I'm not leaving you," Logan said. "I'm texting him. Maybe he can carry you into the movie room and we can just relax in there for a bit, until Jack comes home."
I nodded.
I hated this. I really hated it. I hated feeling so weak, so helpless, so useless. I hated feeling so broken. I hated needing all this extra care.
Why couldn't I just be normal?
"What's going on sis?" Rocco's words interrupted my self-pitying thoughts.
I felt him watching me, then I saw him glance at Logan and back at me again.
"We need to get you a counselor," he said. "You've been through a lot."
Suddenly, I found my voice.
"No!" I screamed at him, pushing him as hard as I could, but he didn't even budge. "No! I'm not seeing a stupid counselor!"
Before I could push him again, he scooped me up into his arms and held me securely against his body, trapping my arms down at my sides. Part of me wanted to struggle against him, to get free, but the rest of me sank back against him, grateful for the strength of his presence.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me sis," he said, grinning. "You're a midget. You couldn't hurt a fly."
"Can too!" I insisted. I peered over his shoulder at Logan who was walking behind us. "Tell him Logan! Tell him I can hurt things!"
"Yeah you can probably hurt a fly," Logan conceded. "Flies are pretty little."
"You suck!" I grumbled.
"Oi!" Rocco scolded, giving me a gentle shake. "I thought you were traumatized, and here you are being a smartass."
"I don't know what I am," I admitted softly. "I think I'm going crazy."