jay waved to eunseong and started walking towards the school.
today was going to be a hard day. it was a day of special study which meant he had to stay extra hours in school just to sit in front of books and act like he's studying. maybe he wouldn't have stayed there if it wasn't for the verification of attendance.
"jay-ah!" jay turned around, hearing heeseung's voice "how are you? today's a nice day, right?"
jay nodded, smiling at him brightly. to be honest, ever since the party had place, he was thinking about how heeseung asked him if he could kiss him. there wasn't any moment he wouldn't think about it and it drove jay insane. it wasn't even anything serious, heeseung said it under the influence of alcohol, then why did his heart flutter everytime he remembered it?
"here" heeseung handed him a small bottle of orange juice while they were walking to school "i heard you have special study today. are you going?"
"i do" jay grabbed the drink and put it in his bag "what about you?"
"i usually don't stay but i will today" he said, looking at the sky "i already am in trouble for not wearing my uniform proberly. my homeroom teacher would kill me if i don't show up at the study today."
"we both should wish each other good luck. today's going to be tough."
heeseung and jay said goodbye on the stairs, which heeseung had to walk up to get to his classroom.
"remember to drink the juice i gave you!" heeseung shouted while jay was walking away. he turned around and waved to him, smiling and making his eyes dissapear "you have to show me an empty bottle during lunch, okay?"
jay nodded, waving to him the last time and turning around to go straight to his classroom. heeseung was so kind it made jay flutter, but it obviously wasn't anything serious. jay just felt good with being taken care of.
~🦌~
jay started blankly at a sheet of paper in front of him. he didn't know how many excercises he did, but he was exhausted. his head hurt more too, it probably meant that it needed rest.
jay sighed and put his pen down. he looked to the right at jake. he wasn't even trying to act like he was doing anything. he did do some work for the first hour, then he was pretending that he is doing something but in reality he was just sitting with his hand under his cheek and trying to sleep. in the end he gave up and layed on the desk.
jay looked around the class. the teacher was gone for a while. actually, he didn't show up in the last half an hour.
the windows were all open since everyone felt hot, but jay still felt the big wave of heat, which made it hard for him to breathe.
"hey" jay tapped jake. the australian just sighed and didn't give jay any more reaction "jake sim, do you think the teacher will do anything if i leave the class for a while?" jay asked him, tapping him even more. probably to piss him off.
"just go" jake mumbled, waving his hand to stop jay from tapping his arm "they don't even care about us."
jay agreed in his head. he stroked jake's hair and left immediately to the rooftop. he needed to catch a breath.
surprisingly, there was no one. jay didn't complain. people always went there to get some personal space so it was time for him. he sat on the ground and stared and the sky. it was getting dark, the sun was about to set.
jay grabbed his head and looked down "it hurts so much" he mumbled "i'm going to end like this, right?" he put his hands next to his hips and looked at the sky again "it'll hurt till the end. i will suffer until i know how to breathe."
he laughed at his own words. he told himself he will not care, but he guesses it will be better to just die.
but when he dies, what about his mum? he was afraid of it the most, that's why he tried to not think about it. ever since jay's dad died, his mum has been working her ass off to give a decent life for her kids. and even with all those hardships she gave so much love to jay and eunseong.
"isn't it cold?" jay trembled, surprised. he turned around and it was none other than heeseung. for some reason, they always ended up in one place together.
heeseung quickly sat next to jay without saying anything else. he just stared at the sky. jay figured that he might want to be alone, so he stood up, ready to leave.
"where are you going?" heeseung touched his hand to stop him. jay flustered took his hand away.
"i thought you might want to be alone" he said. heeseung looked at him confused "i mean, people usually go here to clear their mind and feel lonely so i thought you were one of these people."
"it's okay. let's be lonely together, then."
jay nodded and sat next to heeseung. they both didn't say a word. the tall boy seemed like he was enjoying fresh air and the view of the setting sunset, and jay was just looking at the sky and sometimes shyly peeking at heeseung.
"there's something i've been curious about" heeseung said, breaking the long silence.
"what is it?" jay quickly turned to face heeseung. he's actually been waiting for him to say something.
"it's hard to ask" he also turned his whole body to face jay.
"you can say it, don't worry about anything."
heeseung nodded, looking down "can i really ask about it?"
jay was confused, but he didn't want to question heeseung. it must be something important since it's so hard for him to say.
"ever since i met you your condition was... weird?" heeseung finally said.
jay smiled, trying to act stupid "what do you mean?"
"you've been eating less, seemed pale most of the time and even the second time i saw you you were on the ground because you fainted. i was wondering if you're perhaps sick."
no way. does he know? jay panicked. was he that easy to read? he was sure he made a good job hiding all of this, but heeseung for some reason noticed all of this. what is he supposed to do? tell him the truth?
"it's nothing important" jay said quickly, afraid that the tall boy might say something else and doubt him "i just happen to be this kind of person, i don't eat a lot, that's why things like that happen. my friends and family are used to it."
he tried to laugh it off, but heeseung kept a serious expression on his face. it almost seemed like he was trying to make jay nervous on purpose.
"i don't think you should overreact" jay patted his shoulder "just get used to it and don't worry-"
"i overheard" heeseung said.
"what?"
jay's eyes widened. what was he even talking about?
"i overheard your talk with eunseong the other night."
no way.
"i don't think i understand" jay smiled. he was nervous, so his smile was clearly fake.
"that night we met when you were coming back from your job with eunseong. you were talking about how you condition is bad and how you... vomit every night and things like that..."
jay was done for.
the younger boy just stared blankly at heeseung, not knowing what to say. he knew that he should've been more careful with words as soon as he saw heeseung that night. he shouldn't have talked about all of this with eunseong that night. heeseung knows everything now.
"jay, please" heeseung grabbed jay's shoulders "please tell me what's happening."
"you weren't supposed to know this" jay mumbled, he looked at heeseung's chest unable to look him straight in the eyes. he was scared.
"please."
jongseong almost had tears in his eyes. he peeked at heeseung and sighed. should he just ran out of here?
"i'm very sick, heeseung" jay said with shaky voice "i'm so sick that i'm dying and i don't know what to do."
jay started crying. tears started falling down his face and his eyes got all red. he kept his head down, scared to show his face to heeseung.
"don't cry" the tall boy touched his face with both of his hands and made him look at him "i'm sure there's some way to get out of this."
"there isn't" jongseong quietly shouted "i have a fucking brain tumor and i'll die in month or two."
it suddenly got quiet. jay felt relieved and was just breathing heavly and heeseung was processing what he just heard.
"j-jay."
"it's so hard to live knowing you can die any minute" he continued "my head hurts everyday, i vomit no matter how much i try not to and i faint too! i wished i could ignore all of this but i can't."
jay broke down and started crying again. heeseung wrapped his arms around his neck and started calming him down.
"just cry" he said, gently stroking his hair "it must've been hard. keeping all of it for yourself."
jay nodded. even with eunseong knowing, he never opened up to her like he just did to heeseung.
jay calmed down with heeseung's help. heeseung stopped hugging him and grabbed his hand.
"did you consider chemotherapy?"
"i don't want to" heeseung looked at him, sadness on his face "doctor said tumor was discovered too late for me to even live for a year."
the tall boy sat there for a while, thinking. he looked at jay, who was focused on the sky.
his face shone by the light reflected by the moon. heeseung was impressed. he didn't see any furrows on his face, but the beautiful eyes that looked like they had million stars inside, glowing eyelashes that still bore the traces of his former crying, and the perfect nose. but what really struck him were his perfect pink, slightly open lips.
how much heeseung would give to kiss him right now.
"don't worry" he tightened the grip on his hand "i'll be there for you. even if you don't choose to cure your illness. i'll help you any way possible."
jay suddenly felt fluttered. he heard it for the first time. that it's okay if he doesn't want to get any treatment.
"i know i can't do much, but i'll try to make you feel better. i'll make you spend your days the best way possible. you don't have to think about your illness, you just have to be happy around me."
jay's heart skipped a bit. his words made him feel so much better and something gave him a nerve to grab heeseung's another hand.
something gave jay a nerve to lean in and give heeseung a peck on the lips.
it was just a peck. when jay's lips touched heeseung's, before the older boy could do anything, jay backed off a little, but their faces were still close.
as soon as jay realised what he had done, he leaned back and looked at heeseung with embarassment on his face. no way he just kissed him.
heeseung seemed like he couldn't proceed what just happened. he looked at jay with his doe eyes and the grip on the younger's hand suddenly tightened even more.
jay was ready to apologise, when heeseung grabbed him behind his head and kissed him gently on the lips.
heeseung's lips are soft. soft and sweet like cotton candy.
jongseong kissed him back. heeseung leaned in, sliding his hand into jay's hair and kissing him harder.
jay didn't really know what he was doing. he just kinda did what heeseung did, he leaned in and moved his tongue. it actually was his first kiss.
he felt so fluttered. his heart beated so fast and he just wanted more. he was leaning towards heeseung even more, his hand was on his hoodie.
heeseung was in no hurry. gently and slowly he moved his tongue and enjoyed the moment and taste of jay's lips. he held one hand through his hair and pulled it gently, and with the other he held his hand and stroked it with his thumb.
they both finally were out of breath. heeseung touched jay's forehead with his own. he smiled when he saw that jay's eyes are still closed.
"what is it?" heeseung asked, giggling.
"i'm quite embarassed" jay said, totally serious.
"you're so cute" heeseung leaned a little bit back and kissed jay on the forehead "let's be happy from now on."