10 games and the first round. No one was surprised. All the people around Pittsburgh I had talked to were in agreement he deserved it. It was a stupid move, period.
My anger had died down. He got his punishment, there's no reason to continue to harass him. I still didn't like the way he reacted to other people on the ice, but he claims that will change. Do I believe him? I want to.
Sidney has talked to him since then and says he does seem fairly genuinely sorry. But, as Sid said, he's seemed genuinely sorry before.
Sidney has been in a great mood all week. Even today when we went mattress shopping with an added child to help he was relatively giddy.:
We walked into the mattress warehouse. This was one of the last things Sid had to pick up for the new house. He needed four queens and two kings, odd for someone who plans to live alone at least for a couple years. Talbot went running ahead of us like the kid he is. When he jumped on the first mattress I immediately looked around for adults like I was a teenager again whose friend just broke something in Walmart we didn't want to pay for. When no employees came to yell I faced him. He sat in the middle of the mattress with a smirk on his face waiting for his 'mommy' of the day to yell at him. Ignoring his immaturity Sidney continued on through the store to the type of mattress he liked. After trying out a few he layed down on one and smiled.
"Lay down," he instructed.
I obeyed. It was like heaven. The foam shrunk underneath me just enough that it was like lying on a cloud. It was so peaceful if you managed to ignore the sound of Superstar jumping off the spring mattresses in the background.
"Jump," came the next instruction.
"Excuse me?!"
"Jump."
"Why?"
"I want to see if the mattress will move when you get up to pee," he explained.
"This is your mattress, why does it matter if it moves when someone gets up to pee? It's not like you're going to wake yourself up."
"I meant when you pee," he tried to explain, much to my bewilderment. To the continued confused look he was receiving he continued, "When was the last time I slept alone Mal?"
"Ohh, you mean when I stay at your house you don't want me to wake you up every time I pee? Gotcha," I stood up and jumped. I laughed, I do pee a lot through the night. Who knew Sidney woke up to that?
"What do you think your doing?!?!" I jumped off the mattress right in front of a very pissed off looking employee.
"I... uh... he..." I stuttered pointing to Talbot who was still jumping. The guy and Talbot both cracked up. Talbot made his way over mocking me.
"He kides. I told him to yell," Max explained as they continued to howl with laughter. Sidney, still laying on the mattress, was also laughing. I stood there blushing as I waited for them all to calm down.
They eventually did and Sidney purchased his mattress. After a couple more hours (Sid was extremely selective and Max's immaturity seems never ending) he had bought all the mattresses and we were on our way to continue decorating the house.
--
We, meaning I, had decorated the inside of the house most of the day. Sidney had put away his clothes, pans, etc. but could not for the life of him figure out how to make things look nice and put together throughout the house. I made it his style as much as possible but sometimes my inner designer, or was it just my inner woman, came out and put vases and things on different spaces. His trophies were the hardest to do, because I was afraid to touch them figuring he had some superstition buried in that box of Riminski figures. I spent the better part of that hour directing Sidney on how to place them on the shelves without actually doing it myself.
Now it was time for some relaxing. I jump on Sidney's couch, someone had to break it in, and through my feet up on the coffee table, someone had to give the house a lived-in feel. Laying my head back and closing my eyes I relaxed.
"Mal?" I opened one eye, "I'm hungry.... Nevermind I'll just order food."
"NO!!" I jumped off the couch.
Sidney jumped back a step, "Wh.. why?" he asked with wide eyes.
"It's our first night here, I'm cooking. It's going to be perfect." I jumped up grabbing his hand to drag him with me. His feet were rooted to their spot. I turned back to him to see a small, or big considering the size of those lips, smirk. I gave him a questioning look.
"You're weird," he stated bluntly the smirk never leaving.
I fake grimaced, "Thanks! I love you to." I turned back around trying to drag him again. He had a different idea though. I was spun back around.
"I love you, babe," his lips attached to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck. It was funny to me that I use to find kissing a way to waste time or just a way to keep a relationship. It was so much more than that. It was the greatest feeling in the world to have Sidney pressed against me. He didn't need to say a word. For the first time I believed someone cared about me fully. I loved Sidney more than anything. One of the things I loved most of all, he loved me to. For the first time someone cared about me the same way I cared about them.
He lifted me off the ground laying me on the couch beneath him. We stayed with my hands attached to his hair and his stroking my sides. When he knew I had to breath he moved his mouth to my neck. His soft tongue tickled my throat. When I couldn't stand the ticklish feeling anymore I moved his lips back to mine. Just then his stomach growled. We both pulled away laughing. I pushed him off me.
"Food. Let's make food."
--
"Sid!!! You can't use metal on those pans!"
"Why?!"
"You'll scratch the teflon off and it'll be all through the potatoes."
He grabbed his head, "This is so hard!!"
"It's only mashed potatoes!!" He shot me a look to which I laughed. "Babe, please just stand over there and pose," I pointed to the corner of the kitchen where there was nothing that he could mess up.
"Why, don't I just leave."
"Because I need something pretty to look at."
--
The house felt so comfortable. Everything about it seemed very Sidney. It was warm, homey, and put together. There was a modern and masculine feel. It wasn't to 'manly' but it was enough to impress the guys. I loved it. It was exactly my style and perfect for Sidney as far as I was concerned and he seemed to agree.
"Do you ever feel like there's a lot we don't know about each other?" Sidney wondered allowed.
"All the time."
"You can go first."
I thought about what to ask. "What was it like? Your childhood I mean. Did you want to go home while you were at school or were you to distracted by hockey that you didn't have time to miss your family?"
"I definitley missed them sometimes. Mainly when I wasn't playing like everyone wanted me to. It was hard being that young and having so many people upset with me because I only netted two goal in a 5-3 loss. Sometimes I just felt alone. My teammates were competitive, which I understand, but it was almost like they just expected me to win the games by myself. Everyone but me was entitled to an off game now and then. I was expected to go to the NHL though so I should always play like some child prodigy all the time... I think the hardest part though was Taylor though. She was my little sister, you know? I wanted to be that big brother that would protect her. The one she could tell all her problems to. I feel like I missed a lot of her growing up. I don't want her to feel like I abandoned her for my career. I love her and I'm so proud of her. She's a better person than I could ever hope to be. I hope she knows that."
"She loves you Sid. She looks up to you."
He smiled, "I hope so. I learned from that though. I'll never ever let myself feel that way with my kids."
"That's one of the sweetest things I've ever heard," I shook my head, he amazed me. "Would it be crazy to say that I think I officially know everything about you?"
"Nope, I'm pretty sure you do... So now it's my turn... There's a lot I don't know about you," I waited for him to continue. "Tell me about your brother."
I sighed, "Well he's quite a bit older than me. We fought a lot when I was young. I think I was jealous of him. My parents were hardly ever home and when they were it was all about him. He was a star baseball player, had good grades, and more friends than anyone could imagine. He was extremely popular with the ladies," I winked lightening the mood, "which he took complete advantage of... little did my parents know that part... He graduated college with a 4.0 and now works for a big computer company here in Pittsburgh... Don't get me wrong I love my brother. It's just he's so much older than me and he has so much going on I try not to impose on his life... I resent him I guess. He has an amazing life. He's married to a great person. He's got a high paying job. He's happy. Maybe I'd feel better if I felt like I was apart of that but I don't know. I just feel like I'm one of those annoying relatives he feels the need to call on holidays. I wish we could be close. I wish he knew how much of my life he was a part in. I feel like he raised me."
"What do you mean 'he raised you'?"
I sighed, "My parents weren't there when I was growing up. Ever. All I really remember of my childhood that had to do with them is watching my dad walk out the front door with his bags, or sitting at the front window waiting for my mom to come home. I remember pretty thoroughly my brother telling me she wasn't coming home because she had a late section. Derrick was 15 when I was 8 so he didn't handle crying. He would get mad the second I got emotional. For his sake I never cried in front of him. I cried a lot when I was alone though. I just I felt so alone... I was always so jealous of my cousins. I would go to my grandparents on Christmas while my parents were working. I hated to see how my uncle acted with my cousins. He would play games with them and joke with them and listen to them. He coached their soccer and softball teams. It wasn't fair. I wanted a dad like that... I wanted a mom like those girls in the movies. I remember when I was in third grade. I had this one friend that I did everything with. I hardly talked to anyone but her. When she moved I was a wreck. At school I had no one. That same year Derrick was graduating so he was getting ready to move out. Like I said we never really were close and I didn't really talk to him about my life. But it was always a comfort to know he was there. He wasn't anymore though. I had no one at school and no one at home. I kept thinking my mom would show up and be the savior like in the movies."
"What happened after Derrick left?"
"They enrolled me in tennis and guitar and vocal lessons. I was happy about the vocals and guitar. My parents made it hard though. Instead of having fun it was 'this will look great on your college applications, if only you were as smart as Derrick you could actually get a scholarship' or 'Derrick would have done this so much easier he always had the motivation' or 'at least we have Derrick to be proud of.' With tennis there was nothing fun about it. I absolutely hated it. I fell over way to much and made a fool of myself. They didn't care though as long as it would look good on my college apps. I was number two in the state every year in high school which of course still wasn't good enough."
"What's wrong with that? I mean he just seems like they cared about your future."
"No, they cared about what they'd look like if I didn't succeed. I didn't matter. If I was happy didn't matter. What mattered is how I looked to their friends. They pushed and pushed and pushed. I was under a lot of stress and I didn't want any of it. My main issue was that I wasn't their daughter. As far as I was concerned I didn't have parents. Granted they were my birth parents but who I was had nothing to do with them. I was their employee. They gave me a place to stay, food, and money. In return I gave them my entire life to make them look good in front of their friends."
I looked up at Sidney. "I'm sorry," he said.
"Don't be. I'm over it. I mean it would be nice to have some support from them but I don't need it."
"What's going to happen now? You said they would pay for things while your in college right? I can't imagine they're going to be very happy when they find out about this."
"They're going to cut me off. I really have no idea what I'm going to do."
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
"I don't know. I just I wanted to figure this out on my own. This is my first real adult problem, you know. It sucks because I don't think I'm going to figure it out. I don't know what to do, Sid. I mean I can't afford a new apartment, or car, or anything." I looked up into his face. He looked down on me with concerned eyes.
"Let me help you.. please," his eyes were soft and pleading.
"How?"
He seemed to think about it for a few seconds then came to a conclusion, "Live here. I know it sounds fast but you'll be staying here anyway, plus you need a place to stay so there's a reason. Please let me do this? Please."
I thought about it for a few minutes. I hated the idea of living off Sid's money. Hated it. At the same time I was thrilled with the idea of taking the step into actually living together. Did I really have a choice anyway? "Oh.. ok... Are you sure?... I just... I don't want to feel like I'm using you. Promise me I'll be cleaning and stuff. Then I can justify living in your house."
"I love you, isn't that enough to justify you living here?"
"I wish it was Sid but I just I can't be that girl." He sat and thought for a while occasionally glancing at me. "I love you, Sid, don't take it personally," I begged.
"I love you Mal and I get it." he smiled.
--
I woke up with a song in my head. Glancing over at the clock I noticed it was 3:47. Far to early to be this wide awake. After laying there a few moments I realized I would not be falling back asleep. I figured I might as well get up and play the damn song.
Grabbing my guitar I walked out to Sid's balcony and sat. I strummed the guitar and started to play.
"My head is stuck in clouds
he begs me to come down
says girl quite follin around
I told him I love the view from up here
warm sun and wind in my ears
we'll watch the world from above
as it turns to the rhythm of love."
I heard the door shut but Ignored it continuing to play. I knew he would join in for the chorus. We both love this song.
"We may only have tonight
but till the morning starts you're mine, all mine
play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love.
My heart beats like a drum"
He beat on he table, trying to find the musical rhythm that has yet to make its debut in his hands.
"A guitar string to be strung
a beautiful song to be sung
He's got blue eyes deep like the sea
that role back when he's laughing at me.
He rises up like the tide
the moment his lips meet mine.
We may only have tonight
but till the morning sun you're mine, all mine
play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love.
When the moon is low
we can dance in slow motion
and all your fears will subside
all your tears will dry
and long after I've gone
you'll still be hummin along
and I will keep you in my mind
the way you make love so fine.
We may only have tonight
but till the morning sun your mine, all mine
play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love.
play the music low, and sway to the rhythm of love.
Yes, just sway to the rhythm of love."
"Swayyyyyyyy just swayyyyyy," Sid continued in a punk rock voice screaming at the top of his lungs. I laughed as this went on for a few minutes. In the middle of one swayyyyyyy he stopped and stared at me. "When'd you stop playing?!"
"God, I love you Sid," I laughed.
"I love you to Mal," he said plucking me on the lips.