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yang jungwon's personal diary
page, 1.
february 9th, 2020
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no one has come despite the invitations i have sent out.
honestly, what did i expect?
no one in my family sees me as apart of the yangs.
but.. what have i done wrong?
is it because i refuse to even utter a word with my mouth?
or am i just a disappointment in general?
i was born like this.. theres nothing i could've done.
you're so delusional, yang.
no one fucking loves you.
might as well end it all already.
you're just a waste of space, do it already. why hesitate?
is this why my parents don't love me?
i'm the reason my mother died, anyway.
end
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yang jungwon's pov
its been a few years since the incident that has left me traumatized me for months.
i grew up in a quiet household. conversations weren't longer than 5 words because there just isn't enough to talk about. so, this led me to think that talking wasn't necessary. i didn't talk for a few years until i lost the courage to speak from that day.
it's okay, though. getting bullied is like my daily routine. it would be strange if one day i suddenly stopped getting harassed. although i do wish for that day to come, it's just hopeless.
ever since that day, i've been carrying around a blue notebook in order to have some sort of way to communicate.. unfortunately, thats become another reason for people to come and pick at me. it had smiley stickers and a header 'yang jungwon'.
i'm so childish, right?
once again, what did i expect.
we had to move houses a few days after i got brutally fucked up in an alleyway after refusing to cooperate with some.. dickheads. and those dickheads were the friends of my "bestfriend".
we moved in to a small house, located a few miles east from the downtown part of the massive city seoul. the house was simple since i was only living with my father and his girlfriend.
they didn't really talk to me and when they did, it was like a truckload of insults that they randomly generate throughout the day.
i took my bag from the trunk of the car and snatched the small notebook from a pocket and immediately started writing down something for my father.
'where is my room, dad?'
after writing it down, i handed the piece of paper to him and he gave me a look that i couldn't quite describe what he was trying to express.
he gestured for me to give the pen and i put the small object on his palm, and waited for his response. even though i have my hearing and all, he still chooses to write to me. its always so silent.
'we're not even in the house yet, wait a little longer fatass.'
i sighed when i read the last word in the writing. he was laughing with his girlfriend at what he had wrote to me and i honestly was used to it already. i snatched the notebook from his hands and shoved it into my bag and proceeded to walk away.
i went to the trunk of the car and started to take out boxes that were a bit heavy for me, and i clenched my teeth together when i sensed a pair of eyes on me. i thought it was my dad since he always laid his eyes on me whenever he had the chance to. his eyes were like a laser pointer. i felt the burning gaze on the back of my head. i looked to where my body was telling me to look, and saw a pink haired boy staring at me from the park that was infront of my house.
he was.. cute. not in a weird way, in a compliment-y way. even though he was standing far away, i could see the lip piercing he had on his plump lips. he had another piercing on his right nostril. he looked like one of those guys you see on a headline of a newspaper. "Gang Member Brutally Murders a Family of 3", and no, it's not referenced.
i couldn't see him clearly but i could tell he was handsome.i turned my head back to what i was doing and used all my strength to pick up the small box into the house. right when i walked into the building, the strong stench of smoke filled my nostrils and this made me scrunch my nose in disgust.
the place is new and they're smoking already? you know what they say about smokers. once one puff of smoke makes way to their lungs, they forever will become addicted. my dads voice was becoming more and more crunchy as the days passed. i'm concerned that he will appear on one of those reality shows for smokers.
i opened a door to a room and a smile forms on my lips. the real estate agents were generous enough to give us free beds from the amount of shit we've been through.
correction, MY DAD has been through. he didn't tell them what i was put through by that man. if he told them what I HAD been through, i guarantee you they will refurnish this place with expensive furniture. but nobody likes that kind of pity.
in this tiny room came a single bed with a blanket and blank pillow. i didn't own much since my dad doesn't buy me anything. i have to work for it. i worked at a café down the street from my old house.
with all that hard work, i bought a phone for half the minimum wage i had from the job i previously worked at. they did not like me one bit. maybe it was from all those lies my father had told the manager before hiring me.
i unpacked my things from the box and started decorating the small room. as i digged deeper into the box, i found items i had when i was a child. i don't remember putting this in here though.. maybe i did, but i just don't remember. i blame my dads genetics for giving me this bad memory.
i grabbed the teddybear and placed it on my bed. it'll for sure come to use later. after i finished unpacking, i cleaned the room a bit and finally laid down comfortably.
but images of the boy i saw earlier kept flashing in my mind whenever i closed my eyes. i kept trying to connect to him to a gang member or one of those fuckboys in typical high school dramas so i can grow an ick. but i think i grew a liking for guys like that.
he appeared so captivating, and wondered who that boy was. perhaps he goes to the new school i got appointed to? out of boredom, i grabbed my phone from the bedside drawer and immediately went to the appstore.
i downloaded instagram and made an individual account for myself.. but wouldn't this be a bad idea? i sighed loudly and sat up in my bed. i really wanted to change my life and finally not be seen as the loser.
i got my bag and fished something out of it.
my diary.
i went to sit at the small desk the room came with and got a pencil that had a cute little choco-cat design. he began to write whatever was on his mind.
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yang jungwon's personal diary
page, 2.
august 11th, 2021
today was okay.
we moved to a small house and i quite like it so far.
it was strange.
i wasn't bodyshamed that much by dad today. besides the 'fatass' comment..
while i was taking out my things, i saw this boy peering at me from the park infront of my house..
he was so pretty.
he had pink hair. thats all i remember because i couldn't see his face clearly. but i do know he had piercing that for sure fit in facial structure.
i made accounts on social media.. incase i make friends at school tomorrow.
which is highly unlikely, i'll still try. there's always room for improvement.
right?
i hope that guy goes to my school. i'll say hi, and maybe become friends with him.. if he isn't like anybody else i've encountered.
end
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i exhaled deeply and closed the small book carefully.
i really was fighting hunger really badly. i got up lazily and stumbled towards the door which made me look like a drugged out hobo on the side of the street that's one blunt away from death. for some reason, my eyes were red when i looked into the mirror before coming out.
it has been a few hours since we have settled in here, and my dad and his girlfriend were cuddled up on the couch.
disgusting. can't they do it in their own room so i don't have to witness this disturbing sight? i roll my eyes as i walked past the couple that were so obviously about to take things to the next level.
i opened the fridge and surprisingly, there was a few vegetables and canned beans. there were also some fruits on the side and a milk carton. i grabbed an apple and before i could take a hite, i hesitate. i look at the red fruit in my hands and my eyebrows furrow.
this feels strange.
i take one small bite of the apple and i chewed steadily as i tried to figure out the unfamiliar pit of guilt that was flooring in my stomach. as i swallowed the fruit, my eyes widened. i ran to the bathroom completely ignoring the annoyed expression my dad had displayed on his greasy face.
i leaned my body over and hurled my insides into the toilet. i coughed out blood which was bewildering to me, this has never happened before and i'm getting concerned about my health. it's not like i care, though.
i can't eat or else i'll get fat. maybe my body was trying to remind me that i can't eat. it's been weeks since my last meal and its honestly backfiring. i groaned silently and so did my upset stomach.
well, another day without eating yang.
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kim sunoo's pov
interesting.
i've never seen him around the town.
small, black haired, cute face, and a nice body from what i can tell from those tight jeans he had and tshirt. thats all my eyes could remember from that encounter.
he looks like someone that was on the newspaper i read a few days ago. it was something about a boy getting beat up in an alley way for some reason. honestly, what could this boy have done? he was just bones, from my point of view.
i shrugged all those thoughts that have crammed inside my head and leaned comfortably against the railing. i was facing the skatepark and the setting sun as i inhaled all of the fresh air and enjoyed the wind brushing against my pink hair.
tomorrow.. the first day of school. i dread it so much.
i'm only going to see my friends, what's the point of studying useless numbers i won't need anymore in the future?
like what do i need the pythagorean theorem for.. so useless.
i was supposed to be at my hyungs house two hours ago. it was convenient that that guys house was two houses away.
i got up tiredly from my spot i was sitting at and started to make my way towards the small house with my hands in my pockets. when i arrived, i didn't even knock and i was already dragged in by a blonde haired boy by the name of riki.
"hyung~ you were supposed to be here 2 hours ago! i was stuck here listening to jay ranting about his empty fridge."
the tall guy complained loudly into my ears while dragging me to the couch with the ranting male that was still slacking on some hot chips.
"where were you young man?"
the black-haired guy with blonde streaks spoke to me in a old voice, imitating an elderly man questioning his grandson.
"i forgot."
both males gave me confused looks as if they expected me to say something else. i DID forget, but that was after i spotted that eye catching boy.
he looked like the perfect target, but something is telling me not to do snakey shit to him. but its always that stupid feeling i get after seeing someone really attractive—
"EARTH TO THE KIM SUNOO!"
my heart skipped a beat after getting yelled at by the two guys at the same time.
"w-what?"
"you zoned out. definitely thinking about the new girl that made it into the cheer squad this year."
"you're just jealous that i'm thinking about someone else and not you. maybe focus on those sluts that are on your dick."
"someone? we never mentioned that you were thinking about someone."
the tall blonde male raised an eyebrow at me while playing with a lighter that was in his jean pocket.
"ugh, shut up. i'm stressed. i'm not in the mood right now guys."
jay rolled his eyes at my statement and threw his foul-smelling cigarette at my shirt.
"maybe get a smoke before leaving little boy. i don't care anymore."
"no i'm good, wanna stay handsome for the ladies and for another reason."
jay scoffed while stealing rikis lighter from his pocket, the younger not even noticing from being distracted by the pixels on the screen.
he puffed a smoke from the stick amd blew it into the younger males face.
"gross."
"what's gross?"
"your face."
"pfft, more handsome than you."
"i haven't seen you pull any bitches. all of them swarm over me."
"thats because i get them at the club, not at school. get some real ladies son."
he winked at me before blowing another puff of smoke from between his lips, this time into my face.
"gross x2. those women only go for money and not for looks!"
"thats not what they said in bed."
"gross x3."
"okay soft boy. you're acting as if you don't bang some chicks too behind our backs."
"atleast i don't bring them home. i only do it at the bathroom."
riki didn't engage in our conversation at all because this was daily for him.
the stupid arguments over stupid girls.
"boring! you don't wanna give your hookup a good time before completely cutting off contact? nice strat."
jay started cackling grudgely as he flipped through the different genres of movies in his netflix account.
"HYUNG! LETS WATCH THE NEW MUSIC VIDEO FROM ENHYPEN! IT DROPPED LITERALLY RIGHT NOW."
i rolled my eyes at the boys and exited the living room, going into my room. its true. he constantly brought home girls without me and riki knowing.
we only knew when we heard moans late at night.
i slammed the door shut which made the picture frames on the wall rattle violently, making one specific frame fall and shatter from the hard impact.
i turned back from the noise, and picked up the piece of paper that slipped out the frame.
oh.
a picture. of her.
anger started rising up my chest as i stared at a picture of a woman. i don't know why i still hung it up after all the shit she's dumped on me, i guess i forgot about it. i picked up the shards of glass from the floor, and threw it into the hallway hoping that one of the guys will step on it.
i once again slammed the door shut and jumped into my comfortable bed filled with plushies. but before i could go to bed, i was forgetting my daily selfie. i got out my phone from my pocket and took a selfie.
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@ksun_oo posted a photo.
hope yall are excited for tmrw 🏫✌🏼
liked by bluejays, heeheeseung, nishiriki and 889 others | 173 comments
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@goeunluvsun im so excited to see you 😍
@kimhotnoo im so glad i failed this year just so i can see your face one last time 😫😫
@sun_oofan1234 im telling yall he want me 💋💋
@bluejays man what the fuck when did you take this pic
@nishiriki what's with the filter hyung why is it black and grayish
@ksun_oo replied to @nishiriki it's the dust coming from your ballsack
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