a/n; let me start with that depression is something really serious and everyone is handling them different. Some act happy around people, while other show that something is wrong. Depression is something a lot of people struggle with. I just want to point out that if you are going though a hard time. Army we got each other, I will be here if someone will need me. So don't hesitate to send a pm. Also this was a request by Unsaid-Things.
Do you know that feeling, when you are feeling so much that you end up feeling nothing at all. The sadness you once felt, the happiness, the fun, the pain, the heartbreak, the disappointment and then nothing.
Numb
Taehyung was feeling that way, or you could say he wasn't feeling anything at all. He lost the joy to sing, he didn't want to dance anymore and he used to love those thing. He didn't want to go outside, he didn't' want to watch a movie or go through he phone. He just wanted to lay in his bed all day not doing anything, just sleeping because that was the best feeling he had.
But as soon as his alarm clock went of, he pushed his not feelings away. Waking up, taking a shower and putting a smile on his face. He was hiding everything he felt and he was doing a great job because nobody had noticed anything. He was still the playful and happy kid that was way to energic for the other members.
Why was he even holding this up for them? It was exhausting to be like that to wear a mask all day.
"Goodmorning." Taehyung says happy entering the kitchen where some of the members where eating already form the food Jungkook made today.
"Goodmorning V." Hoseok says, and being followed by the others greetings. Taehyung sits down, takes his plate and looks at the food. He didn't want to eat, he wasn't hungry or in the mood to eat, like ever other day.
He took fresh cut fruit and started to eat little bites of it, giving the others the feeling he was eating as much as them. The morning started with dance practice and the day ended with vocal, so when they finally came home it wasn't weird that everyone went separate ways. So Taehyung left to his room, didn't shower or anything. He lays back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, not moving.
"Diner is ready!" Jin yelled, but Taehyung wasn't hungry, he didn't want to eat. He knew he wasn't eating much, but he couldn't anymore. It didn't take long before Jin entered his room.
"Taetae diner is ready." Jin says looking at the boy who was laying on his bed. "Ahh Tae you should have showered first before laying down!"
"I am not hungry, maybe I will eat later." Taehyung says not turning his head and ignoring Jins other comment.
"Are you sick?" Jin asks concert.
"No, just not hungry."
"You sure? You haven't eating a normal meal in more than 4 days now." Jin says, this made Taehyung look up, did he noticed? That wasn't something Taehyung wanted.
"Yeah, just not feeling like eating." With that Jin left the room wondering if something was going on with Taehyung, was he the only one that noticed that Tae wasn't eating?
While Jin was wondering if something might be wrong, Taehyung was wondering how he noticed, he was hiding it good, right? He didn't want to feel this way, he wants to be happy just like everyone else. But why wasn't he, why was it so hard for him to feel something. Why was the only thing he wanted was to sleep.
"Isn't Taetae coming?" Jimin ask as Jin sat down behind the table.
"He isn't hungry." Jin says, not looking up at the guys.
"Oh well, he will be fine. He doesn't know what he is missing." Namjoon says digging in not noticing Jin concerned look.
As the keep on eating and talking, Jimin noticed the questioned look on Jin face while he was eating, he wasn't talkin much on the moment. He was just focusing on his eating and something looking over at other, but not engaging in another conversation.
So when they started to clean up, Jimin walks up to Jin.
"Something you wanna talk about?" He ask looking at his hyung.
"No, its probably nothing."
"You sure because I think you are right." Jimin says making sure Jin looks in his eyes. "He hasn't talk to me in a really long time, I am worried too."
"He hasn't eating a proper meal in at least 4 days, I am not saying that I see it on his body because I don't. But I noticed he doesn't eat that much anymore. Even with the smile and the energy he is holding up. There is something weird about it." Jin says as they walk outside leaving the other boys with the dishes.
"He is always smiling, laughing, joking around. Matching the energy Kookie and I have, but it feels of." Jimin says looking down. "I though I did something to him."
"Isn't he just tired, just like the rest of us?" Jimin looks at Jin, hoping just hoping that he will answer yes. But he doesn't, he keeps still.
"Do you think he doesn't wanna be in BTS anymore, that he wants to stop?" Jimin than asks.
Meanwhile Taehyung was laying on his bed, still in the same place starting at the ceiling. He shasn't showed, he didn't want to. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't even think, he mind was empty. All the things he felt before where still gone leaving him with a void.
"what is wrong with me." He whispers as he stand up. Not because he wants to but because he has to. He should take a shower, what if someone was walking in seeing him in his sweaty clothes. He didn't need the attention, he didn't need anyone.
With that he turned on the shower and stepped under it, letting the warm water fall over his body. This was the moment he broke, alone in the shower, the steam was making it misty perfect for him to hide the tears from himself.
He cried, he slowly slide down the wall, till he was sitting on the ground, the warm water was like a hug he needed to feel something again, it felt amazing to let it all go. But he also didn't know what he was letting go off. Why he cried, or why he even felt the way he did and it started to feel like feeling nothing at all.
He didn't notices that Jin and Jimin where entering his room while he was sitting in the shower.
"Where is he?" Jimin asks confused, looking around they saw nothing. But hearing a little bit better they heard the shower at the end of the hall.
"Maybe Taehyung is in the shower?" Jimin ask. Together they walks to the bathroom door and knocking on it waiting for a respons.
"Yeah?" the deeps voice of Taehyung answers.
"Are you ok?" Jimin voices was soft, hoping that Taehyung would open up and talk to him.
"I am fine, I was feeling a little cold." Taehyung lied. "But I will hurry u, than you can shower too."
"I already showered like two hours ago, I really need to talk to you." Jimin says, looking down at the ground.
"Jiminshi I will be right there, are you ok?" Taehyung says turning the shower off, drying quickly and putting on some fresh clothes.
Within a minute Taehyung was opening the door seeing Jimin and Jin looking at him.
"Did something happen? Is everyone ok?" Taehyung ask, putting back on his mask with a little smile.
"Nothing happened, but I am not sure that everyone is ok." Jin says. "Do you want to talk outside?" Taehyung nods, not knowing where this is going, but also not liking the fact that someone of the members isn't ok.
"I am sorry I missed diner, please tell me what happened, who is the one that needs help?" Taehyung says looking at his hyungs in front of him.
"You." Jin sas looking straight into his eyes.
"I am fine." Taehyung says smiling at his brothers.
"it that what you tell yourself?" Jimin says soft. "We haven't talked in month, your smile isn't reaching your eyes and something feels of."
Taehyung is looking at his best friend, his soulmate, he really though he was hiding it pretty good. How did he even noticed, if Taehyung was being honest with himself, he knows that something is wrong but he just doesn't know what.
"Taetae talk to us." Jin says. "What are you trying to hide?"
Taehyung looked at Jin and Jimin, not really sure what to say.
"I am really fine, just tired but aren't we all." He than says.
"Ok I am done with playing. Taehyung I know something is up, I can feel it. If you don't want to tell all of us that is fine but tell me." Jimin says this time a little louder. Taehyungs eyes grow big looking at his best friend concerned and worried eyes.
"Don't you dare lie to me." Jimin than says as Taehyung opens his mouth the speak.
"I don't know what is wrong, first I was feeling so much but now I just feel nothing at all." Taehyung says soft looking at the ground.
"Why?" Jin asks.
"I don't know, nothing is fun anymore. I am just done living." Taehyung says, this shocked him as well as his hyung in front of him.
"Taehyung..." they both say soft not really sure what to say.
"I need help." Taehyung deep voice says soft.
"We will help you." Jimin says taking his hand and holding it.
'" Don't tell the others." Taehyung than says. "I will be fine. I will work on myself." It is quiet for a moment.
"Only if you are going to see a doctor." Jin is looking at Taehyung now, not making any jokes.
"We will call one next thing tomorrow." Jin continues. "Now go get some sleep. You are going to be ok even if it is going to take some time."