Him.
I didn't sleep and neither did my wife.
She cried through the night in our bedroom while I sat next to the door, more wrecked than I have ever been in my entire life.
I do not remember anything after 3 PM of that day, but Dio, I am certain I did not betray Cami. My body is in-fucking-capable of touching any woman that is not my wife, whom I vowed till my last breath and even in the afterlife. I love Camila more than my life, she gifted me our beautiful children, she is pregnant with our twins and only those three reasons out of a goddamn billion others are enough for me, my mind, my heart, my soul and my body to know that she is the only one I will touch, kiss, adore and lay with.
I gazed at the cup of jasmine tea in my hands, feeling fucking lifeless.
I feel like nothing, like an empty spot without my Cami: her good morning kisses, sweet snuggles, murmurs for me to cuddle her for another 5 minutes, to take a long and gentle shower with her, to kiss every inch of her heavenly body while she tried to do her morning skincare, giggling and smiling as I keep her all to myself for extra long because I am incapable of having enough of her even for 1 minute.
My hazel eyes drifted off to the kitchen's doorway, time standing goddamn still as Cami came in, idling by the doorway.
There is her radiant, sublimely sculpted face that I love peppering with kisses each morning and night. The natural, tidy makeup with nude lipstick and gentle smokey eyes - something she likes to do so much. Her long, shiny, satiny hair twinkles like gold in the sunlight. The soft strands fall down her dainty shoulders and back in bouncy waves - my favourite. The clear, dewy, velvety skin is as silky as always.
A white crop-top and ilk skirt - so tender, so elegant and beautiful. The tiniest peek of a miniature baby bump, Dio, I want to lay my hand on it. Every heavenly curve is displayed just right and just enough to make me miss holding her in my embrace more, kissing and caressing her until we forget every single thing in the world and get lost in each other just like we love it the most.
The delicate jewellery and heels flatter the sophisticated outfit, only some of those jewellery pieces make my heart sting and flutter: her diamond rings, necklace with my name, our family bracelet and the locket that opens with the key, which I have. A warm, spicy, undeniably inviting and alluring scent of bergamot, lemon, tuberose, Jasmin, orange blossom, cinnamon, cocoa, sandalwood, cedarwood, patchouli, amber and musk - it is as homely and irresistible to me as it was 17 years ago.
She looks mythical, as breathtaking as ever, but the look in her eyes is killing me.
The redness in her gentle green eyes reminds me of the tears she shed all night long. Exhaustion, pain, hurt, sadness and longing glimmer in her beautiful eyes, making my soul ache with an urgent need to erase those dreadful emotions and replace them with nothing, but joy, serenity, love, warmth and excitement.
Neither of us knows what to say, but Dio, we both seem to want to say so much.
"Today is about triplets, whatever is going on between us shouldn't tangle around our kids."- almost whispered Cami and I sighed, dying on the inside because of the way we are right now.
"Can we talk tonight, bambina, per favore? I cannot stand us this way, I need you and I want you to know that we have nothing standing between us."- I asked pleadingly, suffering as much as she is and she knows it.
"I want us back. I want you back because I won't survive without you."- I said vulnerably, not aware of how I can give up on the woman I worship and live for.
And those eyes...Those twinkling, beautiful, soft green, full of tears eyes filled with how much she wants and needs us, how much she years for me and the way we used to be.
"You have no idea how much to run into your arms. and forget those 24 hours"- whispered Cami shakily, tears staining her pretty eyes, my heart bleeding and racing.
"Amore mio, per favore. I know we are stronger than this."- I said, a tear rushing down my cheek.
"Tonight."- she agreed without thinking for long, making my heart skip beats.
"But right triplets are the centre of our attention. It is their 11th birthday and it should be the happiest day for them."- spoke my wife and I nodded, the two of us needing to cool off and gather our composure before approaching our bambini.
We drank jasmine tea in silence, unaware of how to label the tension that we both clearly want to erase and make sure it never ever returns.
Her.
We put our babies first and that's how it should be right now.
Triplets are elated, surrounded by the people they love and care about, and they are enjoying their birthday party to the fullest - that's all that matters.
"Mamma, get in the picture!"- chirped Lucas, making me smile at how eagerly he led me to the photo booth, where he and Emi attacked me with hugs and kisses.
I kissed my boys' cheeks and hugged them tightly, finding peace in my children's arms for the first time in the last 24 hours.
Boys happily dashed to their friends and I glanced around, finding Sofi with her best friends and sisters, colouring flowers made of clay. Quadruplets and twins are currently napping under their papà's watch.
A few mothers and Gretchen occupied me with talks and I excused myself from time to time to check on the smoothness of the party, sharing this little duty with Leonardo, who is conversing with Niro and a couple of dads.
Sofia's P.O.V.
I lingered near the amazing, very pretty and super colourful candy bar with Luc and Emi, the 3 of us gazing at mamma and papà worriedly.
"Why aren't they hugging, like they always do?"- I murmured, not liking how oddly unaffectionate they are.
"Papà never misses a chance to kiss mamma."- added Emi worriedly and we sighed, scared and worried about what that could be.
Tini also noticed this, and so did our other siblings: no big, cosy family hugs; mamma and papà being away from each other almost all this time; those little glances as if they are meant to be a secret; papà isn't hugging or kissing mamma whenever she is near him; they don't laugh or smile together and that's only what we picked up on so far.
We are mortified of what this could lead to, a few of our friends have that and we are aware of how hard it is to live that way, how often arguments happen and how empty and awkward every next encounter becomes.
We want our affectionate, loving, attentive and doting parents back. We want our mamma and papà to be just like how they were mere hours ago, we want to see them smile and hug, laugh and dance together and simply to be happy together.
"È il momento della torta di compleanno!"- cheered our amazing, very positive DJ and I glanced at Luc and Emi, the three of us highly aware of what wish we want to make. (Time for the birthday cake!)
Him.
Everything seemed perfect: our kids are happy, the party was amazing, the triplets loved everything and the family dinner was great.
But that was smooth up until we arrived home from the restaurant and they bombarded us with a question we can never be ready for.
"Are you divorcing?"- asked Ariana and Angelica through tears, squeezing us, making our hearts drop.
"No, never, piccolo."- answered Cami and I at once, glancing at each other, feeling at peace with each other's confidence in that.
She isn't done with our marriage and neither am I.
"Then why are you so distant?"- cried Sofia, all of them on the thin edge, truly scared and worried about our family.
"Shh, don't cry, tesori. We are not divorcing and we'd never ever even think of it."- assured my wife, hugging Ariana, Tini and Emilio as I cuddled Lucas, Sofia, Max and Angelica, our hearts restless and full of ache.
"We are just going through a tiny patch, we are okay, we promise. Shhh, no need to cry."- I said warmly, kissing the top of their heads as they clutched onto us, afraid to let go.
"I wished for you to be back how you used to be. It was so pleasant and sweet, I want it back."- cried Sofia, making my heart squirm in pain.
Her.
It took us an hour to assure our kids that our family is okay and to put our babies to sleep.
But once it was just the two of us, I shattered, horrified by that damn word.
Divorce.
Dio, anything, but it.
I put all of myself into my marriage, I give it all of my love and care, I nurture it and adore it and I do not want to end it. I do not want our children and twins, who are yet to be born, to grow up out of marriage. I simply won't survive without my husband and our children - I begin and end with them only.
"I thought about us all night, I could not find any reason why you'd be the way you were, except the fact that I am no longer attractive to you."- I confessed, having ruined my nerves and health with the overthinking.
"I am going to be 37 in September, I had 8 pregnancies, 2 C-sections and I am pregnant with twins now. There are younger women, women, who are more beautiful and attractive. Perhaps, they could give you something I couldn't."- I opened up about my biggest insecurity, tears rushing down my cheeks.
In spite of me doing all I can to look as young and beautiful as I can - massages, skincare, treatments, sport, nutrition and all kinds of beauty procedures - I am still 36 and a mum of 16 sweet kids. I have 2 marks from C-sections, we both know they are there, in spite of being so tiny and unnoticeable to the stranger's eye. My body isn't the way it was 17 years ago, I am breastfeeding and I have yet to give birth in autumn.
He knows all of that and he saw all of that.
I am scared of not being beautiful to him any longer. I am scared of not being enough for my husband and being unable to meet his desires, expectations and wishes.
This is one of my biggest fears.
"They could be goddamn empresses for all I care."- stopped Leonardo, reaching for me, immediately shutting all the space between us once I didn't step away and silently invited him closer.
"I want you, amore mio. I want Camila Emilia Russo because she stole my heart and soul 17 years ago and has been keeping them so safe, so loved and adored for all those years."- he stated, cupping my face so gently, wiping away tears that streamed faster.
"You give me feelings nobody else ever will, not in this life, not after it. Being loved by you is my blessing, one that I am grateful for every single second of my life. You are all my days begin and end with, you make me feel like I am everything and more, like there is nothing I cannot do, like I am your world. You make my heart race every single time I see you and each of those times gets only better as the time passes by."- said Leonardo, tenderly resting his forehead against mine, my heart beating like a ticking bomb.
"Dio, Cami, you blessed me with 16 amazing, beautiful, brilliant children. You are bearing our tiny twins, whom we wanted and waited for so much. This makes you way more than just perfect and beautiful to me, there is no more valuable gift to me than being a father to your kids. I loved you extra more after each pregnancy and as the time goes by, my love for you only blossoms and becomes more passionate. Your body is my heaven, it is flawless, breathtaking and so strong, I love it so so so much and I am forever grateful to it for bearing our children."- he stated genuinely, caressing my cheeks as I cried in his arms.
"The more time passes, the more beautiful, the more brilliant, the more irresistible, the sexier, the hotter, the more incredible you become in my eyes. You are the most desirable woman to me, your beauty is divine and I will never be able to admire you enough. You are all I need, you are the only woman, whom I will ever love, kiss, touch and lay with. I am only yours, my darling: my heart, my soul, my mind and my body are solely and forever yours. You have all of me and that is the only way I want to spend the rest of my life."- he professed, honest and serious, and I bit my bottom lip, blinking away an ocean of tears.
"That's exactly why I don't doubt your devotion and love."- I said truthfully, confessing to something I have been dwelling on for an entire night.
"It is not that I doubt your loyalty or care for me. Dio, I don't even think you are capable of looking at another, let alone touching her."- I said shakily, laying my hands on his chest, feeling his quick heartbeat against my palms.
He has never given me a reason to even think that he can betray me. His actions and words have always assured me of his devotion, love, care and focus, all of which are on me and our children only. Dio, he took bullets for me and dived into a deep river just to save me from drowning - there are no more remarkable gestures of love and faithfulness than those.
"All along I have been mortified of knowing what she did to you."- I almost whispered in pain, breaking down as hard as I did last night.
"I am scared to know what she caused you, where she touched you and what could have happened if I didn't come."- I opened up vulnerably, gazing into his perfect, captivating, hazel eyes that I am so crazily in love with.
I am afraid of knowing that some woman touched my husband in ways only I am allowed to touch him. I am scared of accepting the fact that she saw him in ways only I can see him.
Him.
All cards were laid out on the table once and for all.
All of our fears, insecurities and emotions were exposed at once. We shared our deepest fears and cazzo, we have never felt closer and more intimate than now.
"You could have died."- spoke Camila shakily, reading the list of drugs a bitch gave me to get me in a state I was in.
15 different drugs in hazardously big doses.
"You came in time, you took care of me and ensured my safety. You are my miracle, who saved me from dying."- I said calmly, gently wiping away her tears that fell harder at my words.
"Never say that word again. You are okay, you are always going to be okay."- pleaded my wife, dropping the file on the floor, wrapping me in her petite arms to hug me tightly, making my body tingle with relief and joy at the beatific sensation.
"We are okay, shh. Everything bad is behind us, we are stronger than ever, baby."- I soothed my sweetness, my heart and soul at peace once she held me tighter, holding onto me.
Her pale green, glossy eyes locked on mine and I cupped her cheeks, our bodies as if glued together.
"Kiss me, per favore."- whispered my Cami, everything in me tightening and tingling.
I leaned in closer to her comely face, leaping on a cloud nine once her plump, full, rosy lips pressed against mine, kissing me so gently, so passionately and so devotedly.
This kiss...Fuck, this kiss reminds us once again that we are worth fighting for. Even what's meant to be needs work, effort and patience.
True intimacy happens when shit goes down and you stay together through it all.
"Don't let go of me, per favore."- whispered my wife, tenderly cupping my jawline, our lips caressing adoringly, my arms tight around her tiny waist.
"Never, mia principessa. I will never ever let you go, you are stuck with me for far longer than forever."- I answered, kissing her with everything in me, needing her to know and feel that she is all I live for.
Her small hands skimmed down to my white shirt and untucked it, rushing to unbutton it and take it off me, silently confirming that we really are together, okay and safe. I kissed her soft cheek gently, lost in her as she hugged me tightly, laying a fond, needful kiss on my lips.
I gently took hold of her white crop-top and glanced at her, asking whether she is sure, and fuck, that kiss...That kiss is everything.
Her.
All night long my husband didn't let go of me, not even for a millisecond.
He made the most devoted, the sweetest love to me, the two of us inscribed our love onto each other by kissing and caressing every inch of each other, leaving our marks and professions of our love with every touch. I kissed him like there is no tomorrow, leaving my lipstick on his chest, hands, abs, neck and cheeks, greedy for him and possessive of him, and he only welcomed it, loving each tiny kiss, caress and imprint.
"I love you so much, Cami."- spoke Leo against my lips, kissing me lovingly while moving passionately, towering over me as I am hugging him securely.
"I adore you so much, vita mia."- I whispered breathily into the kiss, enchanted by his love and devotion.
He kissed my neck delicately, so close to me, all mine and solely mine and Dio, it is all I want. I held him tightly in my arms as we melted into each other.
"Dio, I love you so much."- I whispered through tears and he kissed me passionately, squeezing my thigh tenderly, pushing deep into me, drinking my moan into the kiss.
It is just us in our bed, wrapped up in our loving and such longed-for tranquillity.
Sun rose and we were not done, we only went further, making up for the lost time, writing each other down on our bodies with more kisses, more caresses and more love.