eldia

21 | masked desires

Warm water, closer to the hotter side, surrounds you. Opalescent bubbles float on top and fill the bathroom with a sweet, pleasant aroma.

You're sitting in the bathtub, body fully emerged with only your head and your shoulders out of water.

Your feet poked out at the opposite end of the tub, your toes fiddled with the faucet, turning the handle backward and forward so that water pours out and stops over and over again.

As you soaked in your bath, you began to think about what you had planned for the day. Wake up, take a bath, eat, explore Paradis for a while longer, get dressed and then go to the ball.

When it dwelled on you that there wasn't anything else after that, you realize this adventure was soon to be over. After tonight, what would be your excuse? You had saw the lanterns and now you'd attend the ball. What then?

Part of you wanted to continue to find excuses to stay, avoid going back home for as long as you could even though time seemed to be moving at the speed of light.

It took a month to get here. It'll take a month to go back. You were only given two months. Time was running out before your very eyes and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

You could somehow, someway, convince Jean to keep running with you. Screw the promise and screw the wedding.

But that was unfair. Not just to your family who you'd never see again but for Phoenix and his family who already put so much time and money into the wedding. And to Jean as well. Who also had his whole life back home.

You look over to a hidden envelope that was tucked away in one of your bags that rested on the sink. Inside was something that could quite possibly be the one thing that could convince him to run away with you.

"What's wrong?" A voice asks. You turn your head to the bathroom door and Jean stands there, mid stretch and freshly woken up.

You sit up some more, your collarbone and upper chest area exposed as bubbles clung to it, refusing to part ways. "Nothing." He must've caught you zoned out and knew your mind was running wild.

He walks over to the very sink that your eyes were locked onto just a few seconds ago and looks at himself in the mirror. Your heart skips thinking about him accidentally looking inside the bag that rested just a few inches from his fingers.

"Did you know I've never taken a bath on my own before?" You ask, attempting to distract him. "I mean, I have but there was always someone standing in the corner making sure I don't drown or maybe forget how to bathe myself."

He twists his body around. "You're sad because you miss someone bathing you?" He walks over to the tub and sits down by it, his elbow resting on the rim and a smirk on his face. "I can help with that."

You laugh and playfully toss some foamy bubbles his way. "It's not that." You allow your body to relax again. "I've been doing a lot of things on my own now and I gotta admit, I'm enthralled with the feeling. I don't think I could stand everyone hovering around me again like I'm this fragile piece of glass."

Your hands sway through the water, filling the room with some kind of noise so it isn't so silent. "But you know it's sorta ironic that I have the gift of some magical flower. I've always been hidden away under the shade, smothered with no room to grow. Now that I'm free and out in the sun with miles and miles of space to roam, I feel so..."

"Alive." He steals the word right off your tongue.

You smile gently. "Exactly."

He adjusts the way he's seated so he can look more serious. "I may not have been raised locked away in a castle but I've stayed in Eldia my whole life, so I get that feeling. I know how exciting it is to leave for the first time."

Jean then sighs. "I also know how hard it is to go back once you finally made it out."

"You don't." You speak. "You don't have to go back. You could go wherever your heart desired.
You could have this entire time."

He shakes his head. "I don't have the money to just up and g-"

"Don't do that." You stop him.

"What?" He asks.

You scoot closer to the edge of the tub so you're face to face now. "Use money as an excuse. You've been working for my family for years now and you don't have a wife or children. Before you became my bodyguard and moved into the castle full time, you lived with your mom so it isn't like you were paying rent either. You have the money."

He doesn't say anything but he had the look of someone who wanted to defend themselves but knew there wasn't much to say because it was true.

"So what's the real excuse?" You ask. "Why haven't you left Eldia since you claim to hate it so much? Why did it take me running away for you to finally get out of your comfort zone and leave?"

He finally comes to his own defense. "Hey, I never said I hate Eldia. It's just where I spent every single day for 21 years straight. I guess I just want something new."

"If that's what you want, why didn't it happen a long time ago? What's holding you back? Are you scared?" You question.

Part of you thought maybe he'd say he was staying because of you, even though it wouldn't make much sense considering the two of you have barely gotten close.

"I.." He stares into your curious eyes before he turns away. "I wasn't ready. I'm not even sure if I am still."

You tilt your head to look at him even though he avoids meeting your gaze. "So that's it? When I go back to Eldia, which I inevitably have to, you're going to stay there too?"

"I'm choosing to." He responds firmly, slowly getting irritated.

"But you don't have to like I do." You retort.

He finally snaps. "No, you're choosing to go back because it's the right thing to do. You don't have to. So, you can't really judge me for wanting to go back too considering my job and my friends and family are there."

You withdraw. "I'm not judging you. I just want to understand."

He lets out a frustrated sigh and stands up from the floor. "I'm going to use the bathroom downstairs."

"Jean." You call out to him but he only responds by closing the door shut behind him as he exits. You groan and slide the rest of the way into the water until you're fully submerged.

You understood why he was getting upset. You bombarded him with questions just as soon as he woke up. He already wasn't much of a morning person to begin with.

But you couldn't help it. You wanted to understand why, why he would choose to stay in a place he always talked about leaving.

His point made sense. You were going back to do the right thing and so was he. He had his own responsibilities to take care of back home. As selfish as he claimed to be, Jean had a heart of gold when it truly came down to it.

You were attempting to live through him. You thought that as long as one of you had the freedom to roam forever, you would be content locked away because you knew he was living to his full extent. You wanted atleast one of you to live the life they wanted deep down inside.

With or without eachother.

When you stall as much as you can in the bathroom, you finally come out and get dressed. You try your best to quietly walk down the steps so you can test the waters slowly in case you ran into Jean. You had no idea if he was still pissed off from earlier.

You make it to the bottom floor and pass the living room and head toward the bathroom that rested in between the living room and the kitchen.

The door was slightly open and Jean sat on a small stool he pulled in from the kitchen. He looked abnormally long on the small seat and his legs were spread apart making it more apparent.

He had his head tilted down toward a small mirror that rested on the stool in between his parted legs. White foam clung to his jawline area and he held a razor in his right hand.

[art creds: micus8 on twitter.]

You stand at the door admiring him. He looked extra concentrated on guiding the blade past his skin. You were close enough to hear the way it gently grazed up on the skin enough to remove the hair.

"Need help?" You offer, your body leaned up against the doorframe.

He twists his lips to the side as he tries to avoid cutting them while shaving his upper lip. "I got it." After a spilt second later, he winces and presses his finger firmly down on the wounded area. "On second thought.."

You chuckle lightly as you wash your hands in the sink before you reach for the blade. With your now clean hands, you tilt his chin upward toward the light and your face.

You slowly brush the blade up against the skin, careful to not hurt him. You use one hand to hold his face in place while the other guides the razor. His eyes watch you as you work. "You're surprisingly good at this." He admits.

"I've done it for Kai a couple times when my mother gets on to him." You explain. "He hates doing it. If it wasn't for me or his barber, he'd look like a werewolf."

He hums with recognition. It didn't surprise him that you learned that way.

You rinse the blade off in the sink and lay it to dry as you grab a damp towel and pat his face dry with it. "All done."

His face looked smooth again, clear and hairless. For some reason, his skin looked brighter. A small red dot was the only thing distracting from his spotless features.

It was blood coming from the tiny cut from earlier. You bring your thumb to the cut and smear it to the right. When your thumb moves out the way, the cut is sealed shut as if it never existed.

The extinct cut was only but a centimeter away from his upper lip so your fingers rested idly by his mouth. For a moment, your eyes get lost in them.

"If you want to kiss me all you have to do is ask." Jean teases.

You pull both your hand and your eyes away as you toss the towel to the side. "You're the one who should kiss me considering I helped you."

He stands up and admires his freshly shaven face in the mirror. "I thought you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart."

"Doesn't mean I shouldn't be rewarded." You say as you walk out the bathroom.

He laughs as he slips his shirt on over his head. "And what would you like your reward to be for being so gracious, your highness?" He steps forward. "A kiss?"

You stand at the front door, your hand waiting patiently on the knob and he adjusts his shoes. "Surprise me."

When he's done, you waste no time twisting the knob and swinging the door open. Before you even step foot out, you suddenly feel Jean grab your wrist. "Before we go..." You turn back to look at him. He holds out a familiar looking bag that had tissue paper sprouting out from the top. "Here."

You look down at the bag with confusion. He notices and explains. "I know you don't celebrate Christmas but my family does so.."

You carefully grab the handles of the bag with two fingers. "What is it?" For some reason, you felt incredibly nervous to look inside.

"Just look inside." Jean responds anxiously, the suspense killing him slowly. You pull the tissue paper out from the bag and set it aside, you avoid looking inside the bag while you reach your hand in to avoid spoiling the surprise.

When your fingertips reach the bottom of the bag, they feel around and you can tell it's something heavy but delicate at the same time.

You pull out a long box and inside it is the most gorgeous dagger you had ever seen. "Whoa."

It was a stainless silver blade with gold detail, gorgeous opalescent pearls and the prettiest violet gemstone you had ever seen at the center.

"I know you're annoyed of us watching over you all the time and feeling like you don't know how to defend yourself." Jean explains. "Can't really defend yourself without a weapon, right?"

You glide your finger across all the articulate designs. "It's gorgeous. I.. I'm honestly speechless. I wasn't expecting this at all. Thank you."

He smiles with a pureness. You could tell he was particularly proud of his incredibly thoughtful gift.

"I, um," You move hair from your face as you dig into the bag that hung loosely on your shoulder. "I got you something too."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Really? But you don't celebrate."

You pull the envelope out. "But you do." You then hold it out to him. "Merry Christmas, Jean."

He cautiously opens up the envelope as if something might jump out and attack him. He shuts one eye and looks through the other as he peeks inside.

Once he realizes whatever is in the envelope is harmless, he pulls out its contents. He now holds up two tickets. "Train tickets?" He flips the tickets around and his mouth drops open. "TO PARIS?????"

"Don't worry about the long ride. It's a huge train that has personal rooms and even food service." You get consumed with excitement.

He laughs with astonishment. "The ride isn't the issue. I...I can't accept this." He says as he hands you back the tickets.

You look down at them with a frown. "Why not?"

He pushes them forward again, wiggling his hand to show you he's still waiting for you to take back the gift. "Because I can't imagine what these costed."

You try your best not to sound pretentious. "You... do realize who I am, right?"

He laughs sheepishly. "Okay, you're right but..." He looks down at the tickets one last time. "This is-"

"A gift." You answer for him. "Please accept it. I'll be sad if you don't."

He stares at your face, his expression softening. He knew he couldn't say no to you. "There's two of them."

You laugh awkwardly as you turn away. "Yeah, well, the first thing I did when I left Eldia was buy them. I knew you were going to come after me and well, I was just thinking that maybe..."

"You were going to convince me to run away to Paris with you." He realizes.

"I know. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud now but I was just being impulsive and living in the moment." You shrug off. "But you can take your mom! I remember her always saying how she missed Paris. I bet she would love to go with you."

He reads the tickets one last time to reassure himself he read them correctly. "My mom. Yeah, you're right. She has been wanting to go. Thanks."

You force yourself to smile. "Of course."

After Jean puts the tickets safely away and you the same with your dagger, you and him officially start the day.

As you walk down the cobblestone trail, you spot a bakery that showcased all their delicacies on the window display. You could smell the sweet, warm treats from where you stood.

You turn to Jean and before you can even say anything, he nods. "Let's go."

He knows me way too well.

Jean grabs a cream cheese danish meanwhile you grab a banana muffin that you caught the baker pulling straight from the oven.

You pinch your fingers into the toasty muffin and you feel it melt onto your tongue. It was the perfect temperature and consistency. "This makes me miss Niccolo's cooking. He always knows the exact moment to take it out the oven."

You await Jean's response but you're left waiting. You turn to your left to look for him but he wasn't there either. Instead, he was a couple steps back, walking strangely slow and eating his danish like he was nearly 90.

"What is it? It's not good?" You ask.

He picks his head up. "No, nothing. This is delicious."

You glare at him. "You know I can literally physically feel when someone is distressed?"

He sighs and lets the danish hang low as he drops his arm. "I saw my brother. My half brother. The kid my dad had after he left."

You cough hoarsely as a piece of the muffin gets lodged in your throat. "Wait, what?! He's here?! In Paradis?!"

"Yup. He's married to Sylvie and Antoine's daughter Camille." He explains.

You stand there flabbergasted. "Holy shit."

He chuckles at your profanity. "Now you can tell why I'm taking my time heading over there."

You felt a wave of sadness hit you. Maybe it was the one that was radiating off him seeping into your pores. "Well, are you okay? How was it? Did you guys talk? Did you tell him who you were?"

You silently curse at yourself for being upstairs when this happened and missing such an important moment completely. "I have so many questions. Tell me everything."

He shrugs it off and walks past you. "There isn't much to tell. It was just small talk and he brought up how his dad is from Eldia but moved to Marley after his 'wife' got pregnant." He makes air quotes with his fingers when he says the word wife.

You move to catch up to him but stay a precautionary step behind to give him some space.

"And then," He pretends to be fascinated by the cheese danish as he fiddles with the crisp edges and avoids looking up. "I saw him sign this form. He signed J.Kirstein."

You grip his forearm and spin him around. Personal space be damned. "YOU HAVE THE SAME SIGNATURE?!"

His forehead creases with disgust. "In some twisted, fucked up way, yes."

"If he's J. Kirsten too, what's his first name?" You pry.

"Julien." He answers followed by him taking a huge bite of his danish and finishing it whole.

You snort. "Your father sure has a thing for names that start with J and end with N, doesn't he?"

He laughs too but it's fleeting. He continues to look down at his feet as he keeps walking. You follow his pace and stray beside him. "Does he look like you?"

"I don't see it." He says as he consciously fixes his hair.

You skip a few steps ahead. "I'll be the judge of that." You could hear how wide your own smile was by just the sound of your voice.

Now it was his turn to spin you around. "Hey! Calm down, don't do anything stupid."

Your mouth drops open. "I'm not! I'm just going to see if you two look alike."

"Don't make it obvious." He warns.

You tilt your head to the sky and tie your hands behind your back. "Never." You smile.

He knew that mischievous tone of voice all too well. "I'm serious, y/n, I don't want him to know we're related."

"But why not?" You whine.

"Because that's just weird." He cringes. "It's not like we're ever going to see each other. He lives all the way in Paradis and we all know I'm terrible at keeping in touch through letters."

You toss the wrapper of your vanished muffin into a nearby trash can that you pass by. "I'm not saying be attached to the hip but aren't you the least bit curious? I mean, you've spent your entire life believing you were an only child. Aren't you happy you have a sibling?"

Now it was his turn to lift his chin in the air. "I'm actually perfectly fine being an only child."

"Except you aren't an only child." You pull him into reality. "And I know that's not true either. You wanted brothers so bad you took mine from me."

He raises an eyebrow. "More like they came to me but whatever."

You roll your eyes. "Point being, you should at least tell him. Who knows? Maybe he probably has wondered about you too. He already has siblings so he probably wouldn't mind one more."

He stops. "Wait. How do you know he has other siblings?"

You freeze. Your entire body, including your heart, forgets how to move. Your brain even short circuits for a second.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

You turn slowly like a rusty wheel. "I just assumed."

Jean narrows his eyes. "It was my mother, wasn't it? You two are annoyingly close. She tells you way too much about me."

"Actually...." You bite down on your nail. The truth was bound to come out eventually. "It was your dad."

He blinks slowly, his expression blank. "That's not funny."

You sigh and toss your head back, your hands pulling at your hair for being so stupid. "It's not a joke. I met him back in Marley."

He steps closer to you. "Wait. What?"

You do the same, apologizing right to his face. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I felt you'd be better off without knowing."

He shake his head with disbelief. "I don't understand. When did this happen? We're together almost every second of the day."

"Remember when you went to the bakery while I went to the flower shop to grab some flowers for Pieck? He was there too." You clarify.

He pauses. He was probably rethinking the entire day over again, not being able to wrap his head around the fact he was so close by without even realizing it. "Well, did you talk to him?"

You begin to lead the way once again, hoping that keeping him moving would make the news smoother to take in. "Yeah, I did. I told him I knew you."

"And?" He follows you.

"And.." You tug on your sleeve for support.

"He didn't care." Jean speaks the words your mouth refused to.

You look down at the ground. There was no way you could even bear to look at his face right now. It'd completely destroy you. "See why I didn't want to tell you?"

"So why are you telling me now?" His voice questions.

You raise your face. "Because your dad may be a selfish asshole but there's a chance your brother isn't. He might care."

"I'm not sure that's a chance I'm willing to take." He admits. "I'll just feel even more humiliated."

A lump lodges itself in your throat. "I wasn't trying to humiliate you."

"Yeah, well, you did anyway." He snaps and walks ahead of you. "And I'm not going to let you do it again."

"But I didn't mean t-" You stumble to catch up to him. He spins around. "Y/n, why don't you just stay out of my family's business?!"

There were very few times where Jean ever got loud with you. He was naturally a loud person but not like this. Not with you. Each time it happened, it always felt someone just punched you in the chest.

"That's rich coming from someone who is always in mine." You cross your arms over your aching chest.

He grows even more irritated. "That's different."

"How?!" You protest.

He throws his arms out. "I get paid to do that! It's my job to know what's happening to protect you even though you make it impossibly hard!"

"It's my job to protect you too!" You fight. "You want what's best for me and I want the best for you too. The only difference between you and me is that I do it for free."

That last sentence makes him go silent.

You allow your body to cool down while the argument comes down from its high. "Look. I'm sorry I talked to your dad. I just saw him and he looked so much like you. I just had to ask."

You start moving again, realizing how many times you have both stopped over and over, distracted by the conversation. "I thought maybe if he knew you were in the same place as he is, he'd wanna see you."

You can hear his footsteps trailing behind you. "That's before I knew what he did. Before I saw his three other children outside with his new wife. After that I just wanted him far away from you. The thought of you seeing that... it just broke my heart just thinking about it."

The anticipation grows when he doesn't say anything back. The word vomit just continued to spill out in order to fill the uncomfortable silence.

"If you don't want to tell Julien, then I'm all for it." You wave the white flag. "I'm sorry for pushing you to do so. You're right, it isn't any of my business."

He finally softens up again. "It's alright. I know you meant well. I just... don't want to force myself into the life of someone who didn't want to be a part of mine."

He matches your pace. "And Julien, he has his own life too. He has his own family. I doubt he wants to know about his dad's past life. He knows I exist, he was about to say it before he was cut off. If he wanted to know me, don't you think he would've reached out a long time ago?"

"Maybe he didn't know how." You suggest. "Maybe he feels the same way you do and thinks you want nothing to do with him."

He scoffs. "Doubt it. I'm pretty sure he's used to being the oldest. He probably doesn't like the idea of having an older brother."

You finally reach Magnolia Couture and pause right before the front door. "My brothers may be annoying, arrogant and self righteous amongst many, many other things including being my biggest critics but I wouldn't trade them for the world. I can't imagine not knowing them."

Before you reach for the door, you turn to look back at him. "And for what it's worth, anyone who doesn't want to be in your life is a fucking idiot."

He rolls his eyes as he smiles bashfully, reaching over you to open the door and playfully shoving your head inside. "Get your ass in there."

As soon as you enter, the bell above you alerts your presence. You see Sylvie squatted down with her arms out, calling out to small child.

Antoine stood idly behind her, encouraging the little girl to stumble into Sylvie's arms. On the opposite end was a man and a woman.

In an instant, your eyes lock with the man who you presumed to be Julien. It was as clear as day the moment you saw him. You can't believe you walked right past him yesterday without seeing the resemblance.

"Well, he's definitely your brother." You mutter under your breath. The similarities were oddly uncanny. Jean looked so much like his father and Julien seemed to favor him as well with some slight differences. "Strong genes."

Antoine claps his hands together as he greets you both. "Right on time!" He gestures for you two to step into the store and Sylvie beams as she stands up from the ground.

"How lovely to see you two again." She says. Her hand signals to the couple behind her. "This is my daughter Camille and her husband Julien. He's a huge help around the shop."

Camille smiles a bright smile, the same contagious smile her mother has. "Bonjour, nice to meet you."

Julien shakes your hand and then nods at Jean. "We've met before."

The small girl creeps up from behind Julien and uses him almost as a shield. She clung tightly to tail of his coat. He laughs and points toward her. "This is our daughter Vivianne."

Daughter?

As soon as the word daughter floats into your ears, you look at Jean to catch his reaction while you still process yours. Something flashes in his eyes but he remains collected.

Vivianne held her father tightly while hiding half her face behind him. She looked almost scared. You squat down to get to her level. "Vivianne is such a beautiful name. I'm y/n. It's very lovely to meet you."

She brings her hand to her mouth as she speaks. "Are you a princess?"

"I am." You smile. "What a lovely dress you're wearing."

Her grandmother Sylvie chimes in. "She made it. Exceptional, isn't she? Takes after me, I'd like to think."

You dramatically gasp. "At such a young age? You're quite talented." You lean in closer to Vivienne as if to tell her a secret. "Maybe it's you I should be paying to make my dress."

The girl smiles and it immediately strikes you as the small bashful smile Jean wore whenever he received compliments. She was definitely a Kirstein.

You stand up again and turn to Jean, awaiting for him to greet his newly found niece but he doesn't. He pretends to be too amused by the suits to his right.

"Why don't we get started?" Sylvie asks. She turns to her daughter. "Cami, Viví, would you like to lend a hand?"

Vivianne's eyes illuminate her shy demeanor. Without even saying anything more, she rushes up the stairs to the top floor.

Camille laughs and guides you over to the stairs as Sylvie follows. As the three of you trail up to the second floor, Cami yells from the top of the steps. "No peeking, boys."

You get a small glimpse of Jean before you leave the steps. He watched as you left him downstairs with his brother and Antoine. You hated that you couldn't be apart of whatever conversation was about to take place. That is, if Jean ever decides to say something.

"So," Camille says as she holds on your arm. "Tell me, is the man you came here with a prince too?"

Your brain quickly processes what the best thing might be to say. Lie and protect Jean's real identity since he didn't wish to be exposed as another Kirstein or tell the truth?

"He's not a prince." You state. That wasn't giving away too much. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to dress like one for the night."

Sylvie pushes a cart full of all her tools over in front of the mirror which you'll stand in front of. "Forget a prince, we will have him dressed like a king for the night."

You smile graciously and sit in front of a vanity on the other side of the room. Camille and Sylvie meet you there. "I'll do your hair and makeup while my mother finishes a few finishing touches on your dress."

You twist your body around in the seat. "May I see it?"

"I would prefer you see it when it's finished." Sylvie insists. "In the meantime, you're in good hands." She refers to her daughter.

The anticipation was killing you. You were nervous about how the dress might turn out considering it was being made in such short notice.

Not to mention, this would be your first time wearing a dress that wasn't made by your own seamstress, Hitch, who had your measurements and tastes memorized by heart.

But considering how nicely dressed Historia was and how she spoke on the tailors with such high regard, you knew you had to just confide on her recommendation.

Then there was the subject of your hair and makeup. Your makeup was always done all on your own with the help of Hitch in case you missed something. As for your hair, for important events, it was always done by your mother considering she was the only one who ever knew how to tame your hair perfectly.

You watch Camille in the mirror. Her skin was fresh and clear. She had light hints of makeup on like mascara and blush on the apples of her cheeks. Her hair was also pinned away from her face in the most aesthetic way possible.

It was honestly just a matter of trusting you were in the right hands. Change is scary, of course, but you've always welcomed it.

It was odd how guarded you seemed to be reacting. Normally, you'd be excited for such a unpredictable thrill. The surprise element would've made you spin in circles with high hopes.

What was different this time?

Was it because these people were apart of Jean's family and they had no idea? Or maybe it was because this was your last night here and you had no idea what was going to happen next?

Why did you feel so on edge? Why did it feel like if you made a single wrong move tonight, everything would go up in flames?

There was this anxious feelings arising in your chest. It was the same feeling during a game of hide and seek when you hear the seeker getting closer and closer.

Do you stay still and pray you aren't found or do you run to ensure you never are?

"What do you think?" Camille asks.

You snap back into reality. "Hm?"

"Flowers in your hair?" She repeats. "I think it'd look gorgeous."

"Oh." You focus on your reflection in the mirror. "If you think it'll go with the dress, I say let's do it."

Vivianne stood on her tippy toes as she peered over the railing to look at the bottom floor. She seemed extra concentrated on whatever was happening down there. It took everything out of you not to join her.

She slowly pulls herself away from the rail and walks over to her mom. "Mama, that man looks like daddy."

Camille's head shoots up and her hands that were fiddling with your hair freeze. "Who?"

Your fingers curl into the seat you're sitting on. What do you do? What would Jean want?

Vivianne points downstairs. "The one she came with." Sylvie overhears the conversation from the next room. She pokes her head out the door. "I thought the same thing when I first saw him! They're both French so it's not too unbelievable they would have similar features."

Camille smiles at you through the mirror. "Oh? He's French too? Wow. We don't have many French people here in Paradis."

Every single cell, nerve and muscle inside you was doing their absolute best to keep your mouth shut. Your fingernails dig even further into the chair.

"What did you say his last name was?" Sylvie asks. "Maybe we know his family."

You quickly try to think of his mother's maiden name but for some reason, you couldn't think of it for the life of you.

They stare at you with awaiting eyes. Their faces slowly twisting with confusion the longer you take. Then suddenly, it hits you. "D'aureville."

"Golden village." Camille translates. "That's beautiful." She looks over to Sylvie. "I thought maybe he'd be another Kirstein." She jokes.

Sylvie groans playfully. "We have enough of those already."

Your heart drops to your ass and you laugh it off. You relax a little when you feel like the pressure is finally off now that you managed to conceal his identity but when you look in the mirror, Camille's mind was turning slowly like she was putting two and two together.

"Where did you say you two were from again?" She asks.

It seemed almost like everything stood still. It was as if your mind stopped time to allow itself to come up with a proper response.

Sylvie and Antoine knew you were a princess but that doesn't mean Historia told them from where. But then again, Jean had already told Julien he was from Eldia so there was no point in lying.

"Eldia." You say quietly.

Her hands stop. "Wait."

You had already begun preparing your apology to Jean in your head. There wasn't a way to get out of this one.

Luckily, Sylvie rolls a mannequin over to the room you're in at the perfect moment. "Voila!"

She wheels in a stunning champagne dress with golden honey lace detailing. It was off the shoulder so the collarbone area was exposed and it flared out toward the bottom. It was the perfect ballroom dress.

You stand up from your seat, consumed by awe and grateful for the perfectly timed interruption. "There's absolutely no way you made this in one day."

You walk over to the dress and allow your hands to roam freely. It was amazing quality and regardless of how heavy the dress looked, it felt unbelievably soft. "I understand why the queen spoke so highly of you."

Sylvie places both hands on her hips and her chin tilted up high as she admires her own work and graciously accepts the praise she so rightfully desires. "I do some of my finest work under pressure."

Vivianne's jaw was down by her feet as she stands mesmerized by the dress. Considering she was probably always at her grandparents' shop, you would imagine she was used to seeing dresses like this all the time but by the way she refused to pull her eyes away, you knew this one was different.

All you could do now was hope you'd do the dress justice.

"Go ahead and try it on!" Sylvie begins to strip the dress carefully from the mannequin. "We have plenty of time to make sure it fits you perfectly."

You start to strip off your clothes as Sylvie pools the dress around your feet. When she pulls it up to your waist, she gestures for Camille, who was alarmingly quiet now, to help her.

They both make sure the dress is on you completely before you step onto the pedestal in front of the mirror.

Sylvie fiddles with your sleeves that hung loosely from your shoulders. Her face looks unsatisfied with the way they drooped too low. "Cami, zip up the dress while I grab some pins."

She disappears into another room and Vivianne was drawing in some kind of sketch book on a small table a few feet away leaving you and Camille alone.

She stands behind you on the platform to adjust the back of your dress. "He's a Kirstein, isn't he?"

Your eyes shoot open and your body doesn't move a single inch. Considering her hands are on you, she can feel you tense up. "I knew it."

You spin around. "Please don't say anything."

Her thin eyebrows furrow together. "Why? Why is it a secret?"

You sigh. "It's not. Well, it is. He just doesn't want anyone to know. Especially people from his dad's side. It's nothing personal."

She nods slowly and turns you back around so she can fix the strings of your corset. "As soon as I put it all together, it just made sense. The similarities, the fact that he's from Eldia. As soon as you said that last name, it was like it was the missing piece."

She moves your hair to ensure it doesn't get caught. "They're brothers, aren't they? He's the son from Julien's fathers first marriage."

You crane your neck to the side. "How do you know about that?"

She smiles sadly. "The night of our wedding, his father," She corrects herself. "Their father, got really drunk and started getting emotional. He told Julien he hopes his marriage is different from his. He said he hoped Julien doesn't make the same mistakes he did in the past."

"Wow." You say. "So he told you two everything."

Camille nods. "Julien wasn't too happy at the idea that he was the product of adultery nor was he happy at the fact that his mother was the mistress."

"That's one way to kill a wedding." You follow.

She laughs. "Well, luckily it was toward the end of the night anyway so it wasn't too bad." She finally finishes tying the back. "It's all he could think about our entire honeymoon though."

She steps down from the platform and you turn to face her. "I'm sorry."

She takes a seat and sighs, her legs stretched out and her back sliding down. "Julien always wondered about his brother. He never thought he'd ever see him, much less meet him so he just let it go. But I know it's always lingered in his mind."

You carefully step down, cautious to not trip over your dress. "Jean won't admit it but I know he feels the same way. He knows Julien is his brother but he doesn't want to tell him because he's scared of what Julien will say."

Camille bursts out laughing. She doubles over and clutches her stomach from how hard she laughs. "Scared of what Julien will say?" She wipes a tear from her eye. "He'll probably be so ecstatic he won't able to say anything at all. The guy doesn't have a single mean bone in his body."

"Really?" You raise your eyebrow. "That's weird considering-"

"That Mr. Kirstein is a dick?" She finishes for you. "Trust me, I know. But Julien is nothing like his dad. Just like I'm sure Jean isn't either."

You exhale and take a seat beside her. "I don't know what to do. He practically begged me to keep my mouth shut but I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"He didn't beg me." She grins. "I can tell Julien."

You break your neck turning to her. "No, don't. He'll know I told you and just get mad at me. At least wait until after we leave."

She leans forward and grabs your hand. "Look. Ever since Julien found out about Jean's existence, he's felt like shit. He, for some reason, blames himself. Jean had his parents together in Eldia and because Julien's mom appeared, their dad cheated and got her pregnant with Julien. He's spent so many nights wondering if Jean and his mom are okay."

You could feel an invisible hand wrap around your heart and hold it tightly. She looks right into your eyes. "I love Julien. He deserves the peace of mind. He's kind and thoughtful. Generous and hospitable. He would greet Jean with open arms. He would be thrilled to see that no matter what went down with their parents, Jean is alive and healthy and thriving."

You bite your lip. "He's going to kill me."

Camille opens her mouth to respond but she's interrupted by the sound of heavy boots stomping rapidly up the stairs.

The two of you turn in the direction of the noise and at the top of the steps stands Julien. He holds onto the rail out of breath. "My-" He tries to catch his breath. "My brother. That guy is my brother."

Camille slowly turns her head back to you with a smirk. "Looks like we don't have to do anything at all."

She looks back at her husband and pretends to be oblivious. "What are you talking about?"

He plops down on a seat beside her and wipes sweat from his forehead. "I don't know why I didn't put two and two together but he just flat out told me right now."

"What did he say?" You and Camille says simultaneously.

"I asked him if he wanted water and he said yes and by the way, we're half brothers." Julien responds.

"Well," You snort. "That sure does sound like him. Straight to the point and not at all subtle."

He looks at Camille with a massive grin. "We have the same signature and everything. It's so weird! I don't know how I didn't see it the first time we met."

Camille turns to you and giggles. "Told you."

You couldn't believe he actually did it. Especially after all the lecturing he gave you.

Julien's happiness and excitement was absolutely contagious. You wanted to race down those stairs like Julien did and hug Jean. You desperately wanted to see his reaction to how it went down.

You stand up on your feet and hold the ends of your dress so you don't step on it. "I'll be right back."

Camille shoots up. "Wait! He can't see you until you're done. My mother will kill me if she knew I let you go down there unfinished."

You whine and sit back down. Sylvie returns with a small clear box filled with all kinds of pins and needles. Her nose flares when she sees Julien. "What are you doing up here?!"

He jumps up and zooms down the steps in a flash. Camille couldn't stop smiling and neither could you. Sylvie frowns. "Did I miss something?"

Camille stands from her seat. "Just in awe at your creation, mother. You truly outdid yourself once again."

Sylvie throws her arm around her daughter. "Well, in that case don't let me stop you." She smiles.

Camille winks at you and holds out her hand for you to take so you can stand back up. After, they both begin to work their magic on you.

Sylvie ensures the dress fits you perfectly, head to toes and she uses her glasses to ensure there's not a single loose thread or tear. Meanwhile, Camille does your hair and makeup effortlessly which she states that it helped you were beautiful and didn't need much to begin with.

"Close your eyes." Camille hops in place. When you do, she helps guide you to the platform so you can stand in front of the mirror. "Ooookay, and open!"

When your eyes come apart, you're face to face with your sparkly reflection in the mirror. The dress was tailored to perfection and fit your snuggly in all directions without it being too tight or painful.

Your makeup was light but shined in all the right places. There was glitter on your eyelids that was prominent but not overpowering.

Your hair was decorated with tiny white gold flowers scattered all over in the right places, almost like she intentionally placed them in certain spots and not just randomly.

It was foolish to be worried they would do you no justice. You couldn't pull your eyes away from how ethereal it all looked put together. You only hoped Jean felt the same way.

Sylvie, Camille and Vivianne all shower you with praise and heartfelt compliments but they go one ear and out the other as you contemplate Jean's reaction.

He was odd when it came to compliments. He absolutely adored receiving them but he wasn't the best at giving them. If he did compliment you, it was rare and at the most random of times.

You think back to your birthday when you came out your room with a red dress. A color no one had ever seen on you. A color you chose purely because it was his favorite.

You had expected a grand reaction back then. Instead when you opened the door, he just stared and said nothing at all. He claimed later on that he couldn't find the words to say but in the moment, it felt so humiliating to stand there and wait for him to say something.

You look toward the stairs and tell yourself that he's right down there. Part of you was too nervous to even step foot on those stairs. The other part wanted to see his reaction already and prayed this time, he'd actually be able to get the words out.

The two women help you trail down the steps. Jean is too consumed by a conversation he and Julien were having to even realize you were heading in his direction.

Camille loudly clears her throat midway to call the boys attention. As soon as their necks turn, they both go silent.

It feels like an eternity passes by. They both just stare as you walk slowly and carefully down the steps.

Julien is finally the first one to speak. He elbows his brother in the rib. "Say something."

He doesn't.

You make it to the bottom and Antoine opens his arms out to you. "Wow, wow, wow! If you weren't already a princess, I would insist on you being a model for us."

He kisses his wife on the cheek. "You have outdone yourself once again, mon amour."

"She looks beautiful, doesn't she?" Camille asks with a forceful, motherly tone. "Right Julien? Right Jean?"

Julien nods and then turns to his brother who was still annoyingly mute. Even though he seemed to have lost his ability to speak, his eyes worked perfectly fine as they admire everything from your hair to your shoes.

He wore a white shirt with possibly the highest thread count you had ever seen and on top was a dazzling midnight blue blazer with gold buttons and detailing that perfectly coordinated with the detail on your dress.

His hair was slicked back mostly but there was a few stray pieces that were intentionally placed in certain areas.

He looked like a million dollars and smelled like it too. His cologne was strong and rich even from where you stood.

It was strange how you almost didn't recognize him at first glance. It was a huge difference from his work attire.

You had to admit that it was definitely a view you would love to get used to. He had the prince role down to a T. He didn't even need to act or talk like one for the night. The way he looked would fool anyone.

[shoutout ale for helping make this!!]

You study his attire the way he does yours. Only difference is you actually say your thoughts aloud. "Wow Kirstein, royalty becomes you."

He laughs and looks down at his extravagant outfit. "Let's see if I can actually play the part."

You await your compliment in return but it never comes. You decide to give him a little push by grabbing the ends of your dress and twirling side to side. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think.." He begins.

Saved by the bell. Someone enters the shop dressed in a royal help uniform. "Good evening, Antoine, Sylvie." He bows. "The carriage is here to escort the guests."

You turn to Sylvie. "Carriage?"

"The queen already arranged for a carriage to meet you here." Antoine explains. "She figured it would attract more attention to you if you were the only ones to arrive without one."

You nod with understanding and then look at Jean who still seemed to be struggling to comprehend anything. It was like his brain malfunctioned and was temporarily out of use. "Ready?"

He hesitates and then looks back at his brother who grins a big cheesy smile and shoots him a thumbs up. It was almost like he was encouraging him to do something and showing his support. But what?

Was that why Jean seemed so tense and nervous? Did he open up to his brother about something that he had been contemplating on or that has been bothering him?

Jean shuts his eyes, his amber lashes catching the light above. "Ready." For some reason, you don't think he meant he was ready to get in the carriage.

He links his arm with yours so he can guide you outside. The moment your skin meets his, you can feel it. He was anxious about something.

Was it because this would be his first ball ever that he'd attend off duty? Was he nervous he had to pretend he was royalty in a room full of people who actually were?

"Oh!" Camille practically screams. "Wait!" She rushes over to a small table off to the side and picks up two masks. "These are pretty important."

You have no idea.

After taking the masks from her, you hug both Antoine and Sylvie. "Thank you for everything. I'm not sure if we'll ever see each other again but if you ever find yourself in Eldia, let me know."

"Wait!" Julien shouts. He scans the room frantically like he's looking for something urgently. He rushes over to a nearby desk and rips a sheet of paper out of a notebook and grabs a pen. "Here is my address. If you ever want to stop by, you are always welcome at our home."

When he's done writing the address, he hands the sheet to Jean who studies it. Camille looks at you and smiles. "We would love to see you both again." She looks down at Vivianne who was hugging her leg. "Right, Viví?"

The girl nods and waves a goodbye with her tiny fingers. You await for Jean to say something but he just stands there awkwardly.

You elbow him and he hisses. "Thanks." He looks at his brother and sticks out his hand but Julien does the opposite and raises both arms to give a hug. When Jean realizes, he copies him but then Julien does the same and drops his arms and goes for a hand shake. They end up switching back and forth for a while before settling for a high five.

"I'm happy I finally got to meet you, man." Julien smiles. "I mean it when I say to come visit sometime."

Jean smiles faintly too. You couldn't handle the awkward tension much longer so you wrap your arm around Jean's and wave goodbye again. "Thank you all for everything!"

They return the gesture and you and Jean walk out the store. "Well, that was painful." You joke.

He finally exhales as if he were holding his breath this entire time. "Imagine how I feel."

You laugh and rest your head on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you though. I know it wasn't easy but you did it. He seemed really happy too."

"If I didn't do it, I knew you were going to." He states. "So I just thought I'd rip the bandaid and get it over with."

You wanted to correct him by saying you weren't going to say anything at all and were going to respect his privacy but you knew it'd only make the conversation inevitably turn into some stupid argument and that was the last thing you wanted right now.

There was a carriage across the shop, waiting patiently for the two of you. The driver stood idly by the door and bows when he sees you approach him. "Good evening." He then proceeds to open the door for you two to step inside.

You tilt your head downward to show your gratitude and Jean mimics you. Once you're inside, you sit to the right of the carriage and he to the left. You both now face each other.

"I've never been in one of these before." Jean confesses as he runs his hands along the seats.

The driver hops up onto the drivers seat and whips the reigns to signal the horses to begin moving.

The majority of the ride, Jean sat the furthest he could from you. His face turned away, focused on the view outside.

You couldn't stand the fact that you could feel something wrong. When you asked him earlier about it, he claimed it was because he didn't want to see Julien in fear of being rejected by him. Now that that was over, what was it that was bothering him still?

"Are you sure you're alright?" You ask, pinching yourself for being so annoyingly persistent but you just couldn't help it. It killed you to see him anything but happy.

"Is it the ball?" You lean forward. "I know I practically forced you to come but I promise you it'll be fun. You and I can actually spend time together."

You gesture to his clothes. "Besides, look at how amazing you look. When will you ever be able to dress like this again?"

"It's not that." He states simply.

You dig deeper. "What is it then? Your brother? Because I felt that went extremely well. They were thrilled to meet you."

He continues to shut down your questions. "It's not that either."

"So?" You grow frustrated. "You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?"

Jean shakes his head. "Not this."

"Why not?"

"Because this..." He looks out the window again. "This is something I have to be a man about and do all on my own."

You accept temporary defeat. "Alright then." You lean back into your seat and fold your arms across your chest. "Can I at least have a hint?"

He chuckles. "You'll know before midnight tonight."

"Midnight? That's oddly specific." You point out.

He scratches the back of his neck, his skin not used to the high collared coat. "I promised I'd do it before the day was over so until midnight is all I got."

"Wait, promised who?"

"Myself." He admits.

Now was one of those moments where you wished you could read his mind.

You began to tap your foot against the floor of the carriage, your body growing impatient. "What time is it now?"

He looks down at his watch as if he were actually checking the time. "Not midnight."

You kick his boot with your heel. "You're mean."

After an excruciatingly long ride that turned out to only a few minutes, you arrive at the front gates of the castle.

You push the small curtains to the side to take a look out the window. Carriages surrounded the front of the castle and royalty stepped out carefully from all of them.

Princesses and queens from all over wore elegant dresses that glistened as they trailed up the steps and into the castle. Princes and kings held their hands for support as they do.

"There's so many people here." You couldn't help but hear the slight worry in your voice. You knew there was going to be several people at this ball but seeing it in person was much different.

Your family often threw balls but they were picky with who they invited. Back then, you thought the ballroom was crowded. But compared to Historia's guest list, those parties looked like a small dinner.

He leans over you, his face beside yours as he looks out the same window. "Holy shit." He then sinks back down into his seat. "You sure you want to do this? The more people that are here, the bigger chance you have at someone recognizing you."

You look back at him. "This is the last thing on my list. After tonight, I have to go home and resume a life I don't want to live. No amount of people will scare me into giving this up."

You sit correctly to face him. "Besides," You hand him his mask. "You and I are equals tonight. You're not my bodyguard who can't drink or dance. You are my date. We can pretend to be other people one last time."

His eyes sadden. His fingers reach for the mask, the skin meeting yours and sending a spark up your spine.

He sets his mask down in his lap and grabs yours instead. "Here, allow me." You spin around so he can secure the mask onto your face. You return the favor when he's finished.

You stare at eachother with the masks on and after a few seconds of silence, you both begin to laugh. "Well, do I look recognizable?" You ask.

He scrunches his face. "Why are you speaking to me? I don't know you."

You laugh even harder and shove his shoulder playfully. "Let's go." You tap on the window to signal you're ready and the driver opens the door for you.

When you step out, you're hit with the cold breeze that the night kissed everyone with. Jean follows behind you and fixed his suit. He looks around at all the other men who stood outside the castle. You could see his eyes comparing their outfits to his.

There was a line leading up the steps. When you get closer, you could see someone who worked for the castle taking down the names of the people who came in.

You pull on his sleeve to hold him back. "They're asking for our names so it can be announced as we enter."

"What do we do?" He asks.

You think. "We need to come up with fake ones. Historia knows I don't want anyone to know I'm here so she'll be fine with it. I'll just use the name Andromeda since I've been using that this whole time."

"What about me?" He wonders. Considering nothing came to mind, you look around in hopes for an answer.

You look up to the sky as if the name would fall from the clouds and although it doesn't, you still get an answer anyway. You point up at a constellation. "Orion."

He lifts his eyebrow. "Andromeda and Orion? Two constellation names? Doesn't that seem obviously fake?"

You cross your arms. "Do you have anything better? We're almost to the top."

He sighs. "Okay, Princess Andromeda and Prince Orion from what kingdom?"

You spin around with your head facing the stars. "Lynx." Another constellation.

"Does a place like that even exist?" He questions.

"I didn't even know places like Celestite and Ember existed until just a few days ago." You remind him. "You think these people know every single kingdom in the world? All they care about is where they're from and who they do business with."

You leave him be and continue up the steps. "Who cares anyway? It's just a game of pretend for one night. All we have to do is pretend to be from somewhere else and appear madly in love."

You look back. "Think you can do that?"

"I don't have a choice." He answers with snark.

You hold out your hand. "Then get your ass up here."

He grabs your hand and follows up the steps. Once you both make it up to the top, an older gentleman in a black and white tux holds a notecard and pen. "Good evening. Name?"

"Princess Andromeda." You gesture to yourself. "Prince Orion." You then move your hand to Jean. "From the Kingdom of Lynx."

The man makes a face of confusion at first but quickly covers it up. "Enjoy your night, your highnesses." He bows.

You quickly rush through the door as if he'd catch the lie within that spilt second. Jean does the same. Once you're safely inside, you smile at Jean. "See? Easy."

"How you manage to come out unscathed from everything you do truly amazes me." Jean scoffs. "No matter what, everything works out in your favor."

You shrug. "Not everything but most things yes. Maybe I'm just lucky."

He steps in front of you and with the hand that still held onto yours, he leans forward to rest a kiss upon your knuckle. "I think I'm the lucky one tonight."

You smile ear to ear, the mask unable to conceal your giddy expression. He seemed to be acting normal again and you couldn't feel more relieved.

As you pass through the hall and proceed into the ballroom, the space was filled with an assortment of colorful dresses and unrecognizable faces.

Every chandelier in the perimeter was lit which brought the most beautiful light into the room. Gold and red velvet seemed to be the theme of the night because it was everywhere you looked.

Red velvet curtains, maroon velvet seats. Brilliant gold dishes and table wear. The colors compliment the murals above in ways that were absolutely pleasing to the eye.

[visual: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRvM1M8x/
if link doesn't work: elaspoison on tt]

You watch Jean as he admires the art work, his eyes taking in all the different shades and techniques. The view you stood in front of had nothing compared to that look on his face.

Laughter and conversation floated throughout the room. You could hear snippets of things for a moment before another conversation caught your attention. It seemed like everyone had something to talk about.

Beside the variety of conversation, heavenly music played from the orchestra to your left. They played their instruments with talent and ease, no notes were missed. It didn't surprise you Historia got the best of the best for her party.

You honestly seemed to grow more and more surprised by Historia. She didn't really come off the way she seemed the more you got to know her.

At first glance, she was a beautiful, lonely queen who lost her lover very young and was forced to inherit the burden of something sacred. She was open hearted and generous.

Now you see the way people like Antoine and Sylvie almost feared her in way like they knew a side of her that not many people did. There was also the fact that she felt the need to have the best of the best and threw parties that people anticipated all year long.

Who was Historia really? Why did it feel like you were missing a huge chunk of the story?

"Well, this is incredibly intimidating." Jean moves out the way. "You would think spending your entire life around royalty that it would eventually get easier."

You twirl in front of him. "You're royalty for tonight too, remember?" You grab both his hands and pull him toward the dance floor. "Let's see if you remember how to dance like one."

He practically digs his heels into the polished floor. "No, no, no." He fights you. "I don't remember the steps at all, that was months ago!"

You gather all your strength into pulling him to the center. You plant him firmly in the row of other men standing in front of their dance partners. "I'm sure it'll come to you once the music starts."

You rush into place and smile at him. He glares and mouths I hate you.

You continue to smile as you raise your hand in the air. He, along with all the other men, do the same but with the opposite arm. The music plays as the pairs begin to step closer to each other until their raised hands are just but an inch apart.

Your faces so deadly close and your palm taunted to meet his as you keep eye contact. The next steps go as planned, he keeps rhythm and moves the way he should even though he was still a bit tense. Maybe you should've let him have one drink before you forced him to dance.

As you move in circles, you keep your eyes on him and he does the same. It was almost as if you were playing a game of who would look away first and neither of you wanted to lose.

The pairs step together, chests adjoining as your hand meet. Your fingers slip in between Jean's and he holds them tightly. It never failed to make you smile on how perfectly they fit together.

The dance officially begins and he continues to follow the steps as he should. "I thought you forgot the steps." You tease him.

"Dancing with a mask on isn't as scary." Jean says back. "At least this way if I mess up, no one will know it was me."

He twirls you around three times as you spin in circles along side the rest of the dancing princesses. When you meet his body again, you say, "I'll know."

He laughs. The noise itself made you melt with happiness. "Believe it or not, I'm not scared to embarrass myself in front of you anymore."

"Oh? Is that so?" You ask. "Why is that?"

"Because you embarrass yourself in front of me all the time." He teases back with a smirk.

Your mouth drops open as he spins you around again. "Okay, that was a good one. I'll give you that."

His smirk melts into a small genuine smile. "I love how I can joke with you. It's easy to laugh when I'm with you."

Your heart was doing infinite backflips in your chest right now. It felt like with each spin, your faces grew closer and closer. You wanted nothing else but to kiss him in this moment.

"I actually..." He leans in closer to you, his body pressed to yours and his hand on your waist as the other clutched yours. "I've never had this much fun before in my life. You pushed me to do things I was always scared to do. Thank you for that."

You giggle. "Where is all this coming from?"

He seems to shield himself once again. He laughs it off. "I'm not too sure myself. Maybe it's the full moon. You know how they say it causes people to act out of character."

You feel a slight touch of disappointment. "Yeah, I think read that somewhere." You couldn't help but think that the conversation was leading into something else before you said something. Maybe you laughing caused him to feel like you weren't taking him seriously.

The song ends and as soon as it does, his hand slips from yours. "I'm going to go get us some drinks." Before you can even say a word, he disappears into the crowd.

You sigh and stand there alone as the dancing duos join the rest of the party. Normally in this particular moment, you'd look around for a familiar face but there wasn't a single one in sight. Well, not that you would be able to tell if there was one anyway.

"Princess yn?" You hear someone whisper quietly. Even though they said it in the lowest voice possible, your heart still dropped to your stomach.

You turn slowly and see a masked brunette in a dark mauve colored dress. She looked familiar but considering her face was covered, it was hard to tell.

Almost like she reads your mind, she pulls the string of her mask and it falls into her hands. "It's me, Princess Amara."

You wanted to take off into a run but from some reason you were just frozen in place. What would be the point in running? It seems like you had already been caught considering Amara and Kai had a close relationship and talked almost everyday.

Her dress hugged her tightly, which normally would've looked immensely flattering if she didn't look like she was about to pass out. You knew from personal experience that someone must've tied her corset far too tight.

She takes your silence as confusion and explains. "We met at your birthday ball?"

You wave your hands. "No, no. I know who you are. I just.." You look around before you pull her over to the side. "Please don't tell anyone I'm here. No one is supposed to know."

"I know." She answers. "Prince Malakai told me."

You move back a step. "Wait, he told you?" It took you by surprise because Kai had always grown up to be a private person. He barely ever opened up to his own siblings so you couldn't see him opening up to a girl from far away that he only ever speaks to through handwritten letters.

Amara looks over at the crowd like she's looking for someone and making sure they're not listening. "Yeah, we write letters to eachother all the time. He's been pretty anxious since you left so he's been venting to me about it."

She looks back at you and bites her lip. "Don't be mad at him for telling me. He just doesn't really have anyone to talk about it. Your brothers have sorta been MIA. Elijah doing next-in-line duties and Ambrose has been off doing who knows what but he never sees either of them anymore."

You shake your head and smile. "I'm not mad. I'm glad he has someone to talk to."

She returns the smile and looks at the crowd of people again. You turn in the direction to see who exactly she's looking out for. That's when you see a woman about 20 years older giving Amara the death stare and gesturing with her head that she wants her to go over there.

That same look was the one your mother gave you whenever you wandered off instead of doing what it was she wanted you to do. Based on how similar they looked too, you could tell it was her mother.

"So, what are you doing here?" You ask.

Amara sighs and turns toward the window as she pretends she didn't see her mother commanding her to the other side of the room. "My parents and Historia are business partners so we get invited every year."

You turn to face the stained glass window as well and try your best to peer thought the color to look at the view outside. "I see. Normally when you're spoken for, your parents don't force you to come to these things anymore."

"That's the thing." She leans onto the wall. "My mom doesn't think your brother takes me serious so she wants me to still keep my options open."

She looks down at the city below. "He hasn't made an effort to come see me or even talk about marriage so I understand why she thinks that. He isn't first in line for the throne either so my mother thinks I can find better."

"And what do you want?" You watch her unmasked face clearly.

She looks at you, almost hesitant to say what she wants to. Mostly because you're the sister of the man causing her such heartache. "I can't force Kai to make a better effort. At the end of the day, my parents choose who ever is more suitable. It doesn't really matter what I say."

You lay all your weight on the wall now too, head toward the ceiling as you sigh. "Trust me, I know how it feels to be in love with someone and forced to marry someone else. I wouldn't wish it on anyone ever."

Amara's sad, distant expression finally awakens, her eyebrows cinching. "You do?"

Suddenly, her mother comes behind her and pulls even more harshly on her corset strings which causes her to wince.

The queen forces a smile. "So sorry to interrupt but I need my daughter for a moment." Without even waiting for your response, she steps in between both of you and places both hands on her daughter's shoulders. "I have been calling you for over ten minutes. And put that back on!"

Her mother stomps off and Amara sighs as she attempts to tie her mask on. "I'll see you later."

Before she leaves, you swiftly grab her hand. "Hey, I'll talk to Kai for you. I know he likes you. He's practically has a whole shrine of you in his closet. Sometimes he just needs a little push."

She smiles, her face overwhelmed with relief. It could either be from the reassurance of your words or from you relieving her from the pain as your hands touch. Either way, she was grateful for both. "Thank you."

She disappears into the crowd and another set of footsteps approaches you. Jean finally returns with two glasses of champagne. "Is that who I think it is?"

"She won't say anything." You say as you reach for your glass. "Kai told her I was here."

He takes a sip of the fizzy gold drink. "That's why she came? To see if it was true?"

You take a drink from yours too. "No," You gesture over to where Amara now stands by her mother and two men. The queen's hands were full of dramatics as she bragged about how wonderful of a wife her daughter would be. "Her mother forced her to come to find a husband."

Jean frowns. "I thought her and Kai were a thing now."

You deadpan over to him. "I don't see a ring on her finger, do you? He obviously hasn't made a move so her parents want her to find someone more serious."

Jean couldn't help but to laugh loudly. "Good luck trying to get Kai to take anything seriously."

You glare at him so intensely that he turns slowly to you. "Just kidding?" He offers.

You sigh and take a seat on a nearby table. "He needs to get it together. She really wants to be with him but is gonna end up marrying someone else because he's too stupid to see he's running out of time."

You twirl your finger around the rim of the glass. "She's going to have to settle for someone else because it's what her parents want and Kai is going to regret it forever all because he didn't say anything before it was too late."

Your hands come up as you talk and you heavily drop them on the table. "We have to tell him something. I know it's not our place but we have to try to help. Right?"

A response never happens and you almost question if you've been talking to yourself this entire time. You turn to your right where Jean was standing just a few seconds ago to see he's still indeed there.

He's just staring at you. His face as still as a frozen lake but his eyes warned you of the more deeper thoughts lingering underneath the surface.

"What?" You ask.

He clears his throat and takes another sip. This one much longer than the last. "Nothing." He finishes the drink in one take and slams the now empty glass onto the table. "I need another one."

He tugs at his collar and he looks uncomfortable. "Is it me or is it hot in here?"

You frown. "Are you okay?"

He points at your half full glass. "Want another?" Before you can even part your lips, he snaps his fingers. "I'll grab it for you." He disappears into the crowd right after.

Now you just sit there. Alone and confused.

You look around the room at all the other people parading around in their luxurious dresses and suits and hiding their judging expressions underneath their literal masks.

At least everyone had a drink in their hand and no matter where you looked, everyone seemed to have a smile on their face. Whether they were real smiles or fake was unclear.

You had an eerie sensation creeping up on you. You couldn't quite put your finger on it but there was something in the very pit of your stomach trying to warn you about something. But what?

Maybe it was the room full of strangers that had full on disguises on. Considering how you were a wanted woman, it wasn't the best place to be in right now for you.

It was obvious why Jean was against this in the first place. It was risky. That's probably why he seems so on edge himself.

But then again, if it was his anxiety telling him to keep an eye out, he wouldn't be drinking. He would've been more than sober just to be fully aware. So it had to be something else.

You scan the room for him but he's no where to be found. You spot the beverage table and the massive pyramid of filled champagne glasses but there's no tall, strawberry blonde in sight.

You stand up from where you sit in hopes that you'd get somewhat a better view. He was taking too long and the fact that you were already paranoid wasn't helping.

"You made it!" Historia cheers. She was the only person not wearing a mask and her dress was obviously the most expensive in the room. She leans forward and kisses you on both cheeks. "You look incredible. I told you Sylvie and Antoine would do you right."

"Oh." You get caught off guard and greet her back. "Historia. Thank you, you look amazing too. This party is great."

Her impossibly white teeth shine. "Isn't it?" She looks around proudly at the event. "Perfect way to end the year."

You were surprised how she could plan such an extravagant event the day after the anniversary of Ymir's death. But knowing Historia, she was either using this party to commemorate Ymir or maybe as a distraction to pretend she's fine and not secretly hurting.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

You didn't even realized you had zoned out of the conversation. "Hm? Oh yes, I'm fine."

She scoffs a laugh. "You can't fool me, you know? I was a princess once too."

Your shoulders fall, your body giving in. "I'm sorry. I just feel so on edge and I'm honestly not really sure why but I can quite literally feel paranoia eating tiny pieces of my brain."

Historia is quiet for a moment, her face almost mirroring your grim expression. "There is something I need to tell you."

She links her arm with yours and begins to walk, signaling you to follow her and considering your arm was intertwined with hers, you didn't really have a choice.

She leads you out of the ball room and down the hall to a much more private and quiet area. "Your mother usually sends me a letter around this time of the year. Sending her love and condolences and what not."

Historia still holds you firmly beside her and she tucks a strand of shiny gold hair behind her crown. "I received her letter this morning. She told me to keep an eye out if I saw you because she had a feeling you'd stop by here. Little did she know we had already met a couple days prior."

You stop walking and slide your arm out from under hers. "She wrote you? Is she okay?"

She stands still along side you and lowers her voice slightly. "She let me know about the traitor situation. It doesn't surprise me. As someone who has had the flower in my family for generations, we're no stranger to the act of betrayal and constant paranoia."

Her heels approach you closer to ensure no one at all hears the rest. "If it's true, y/n, you really must be careful. You can't trust anyone and I
don't mean people you just met. Sometimes
it's someone you've known your entire life. That's
why I wanted to catch you at a time where you weren't with your friend Jean."

"No," You speak. "Jean would never. He's been alone with me so many times, if he wanted to hurt me or kidnap me, he would've already."

"Maybe not him but someone close to him." She debates. "Someone close to you. You won't believe the stories that I've heard. Betrayal from
best friends, lovers...even family."

You take a step back. "And how do I know that I can trust you? The flower belonged to your blood line. How do I know you're not plotting to bring it back to you?"

She laughs and shakes her head at the ground. "Forgive me for saying this but the last thing I want is that power. Even if I were to get the power, it wouldn't work on me. I would have to get pregnant and give it to my child and I would never wish that on my baby."

She adds more to the fuel. "I'm sorry but I was honestly relieved that the flower was given to someone else. I know it sounds selfish of me but I don't want my children to suffer the way my ancestors did."

"Wow. Thanks." You respond extremely monotoned. All this talk about not wanting to give the flower to her own child but she willingly gave it to someone else's.

"It's not my intention to make you feel even worse than I can only imagine you already feel." She clears up. "But trust me when I say I'm on your side."

Oxygen fills her lungs as she takes a heavy breath and exhales through her nose. "And in order for you to trust me, I'm going to tell you something not many people know."

She gently holds onto your arm again as she leads you even further down the hall and away from the ballroom full of prying ears.

"Before my father died and I became queen, he had promised the flower to someone else." Historia begins to explain. "Have you ever heard of the kingdom of Ember?"

You try your best to recall a kingdom with such a name and you could practically hear Armin getting on to you for not knowing considering how much time you spent studying the world map. "I'm not sure I have."

"I don't blame you." She reassures. "It's an extremely poor kingdom. Every kingdom prospers off something. Eldia flourishes on agriculture. Marley is notorious for their economy and Paradis is known for our medicine."

You walk down the hall that was coated with red velvet along the walls and had frame after frame of past Paradis royalty.

"The kingdom of Ember survived mainly off their coal business. They had several coal mines and would sell to other kingdoms in order to make money." Historia says as she looks at each portrait she passes.

"Well, there was a time that they were booming in sales and their small kingdom was finally beginning to grow and gain recognition." She carries on. "But their king at the time waged war on the kingdom of Celestite."

You slow your pace. "My mother's kingdom..."

She nods. "The king of Celestite, your mother's father, sent bombs to Ember and destroyed every single coal mine they had in order to ruin the only way they could make money."

You stop again. "My grandfather? He... Why would he do that?"

She shrugs and shakes her head indicating she had no idea. "Ember retaliated by bombing Celestite in return."

Suddenly, the wide hallway you were standing in began to close in on you, threatening to get slimmer by the second. "The explosion that killed all those people."

"Exactly." She answers. "Considering Celestite's population plummeted all at once, they had more food and resources for the remaining citizens since they didn't have to rationalize as much."

She fiddles with her fingers and she walks a few steps and stops in front of one of the portraits. "That didn't apply to Ember. They lost their coal mines but not their residents. So since they had a major loss of income, they could no longer afford to feed or care for their people."

It doesn't take you long to realize the portrait she was currently standing in front of was her father. "My father felt terrible about their situation so he was going to give the flower away to the queen, who had just had a child, so that the baby could take the power and hopefully heal the citizens who were dying of starvation and sickness."

She goes quiet, staring deeply into the painting. "He died before he could give it to her and I was next in line for the throne making it my decision."

She then turns toward you. "And well... you know the rest of the story."

You blink slowly as you shake your head down at the ground to try to get a better understanding. "Wait, are you telling me you were going to give the flower to Ymir even though the flower was promised to someone else?"

"I didn't promise it to them. My father did." She defends herself.

You step forward, your muscles clenching. "Yeah but you could've saved that entire kingdom! They needed it more!"

"Look," She sighs. "I'm not proud of my choices. I made a decision to save my lover because I was scared to lose her. In the end, I couldn't because I gave it to your mother since it was Ymir's dying wish. I don't regret what I did."

Historia may not be the enemy or the traitor but there was one thing you knew for sure. She was an extremely selfish person.

"The way you're looking at me right now is the exact reason I don't share that story often." She admits.

She pulls herself away from the painting. "But the reason I'm telling you all this is because I want to gain your trust even if that means you lose respect for me."

Even though she was much more on the smaller end and her sunshine colored hair and big, bright blue eyes made her look almost angelic, there was still something about her that was so off putting.

"There's people after you and I wanted to share this story because it's highly likely it's someone from Ember." Her voice was much clearer and stronger now while still maintaining a quiet volume.

"I don't know anyone from there." You point out.

She looks you dead on. "That you know of. People are evil. They lie, steal and cheat. There's people in Ember who believe that they are the rightful owners of the flower so they'll do anything to get it back. Even if it means pretending to be someone else to do so."

Her intimidating tone softens. "But I think we both know that's not true. They're not the rightful owners and neither is the Reiss family."

She comes closer. "I know you saw the end of the book. The first ever holder was someone who shared the same bloodline as you and your mother. You are the rightful owner. That's how it was always meant to be. That's why I know I made the right choice."

You don't say anything in response. You just wait until she's finished.

"If I gave it to Ember, the cycle would never end." She says with strained exhaustion in her voice. "My ancestors stole it from yours. I wanted to give it back. I wanted to make up for their crimes."

She reaches for your hand. "I spent all this time wondering if I made the right choice and when I finally met you, I knew I did."

Her hands were ice cold and frail. You could feel how weak she really felt. Someone so beautiful and draped in a even more captivating gown managed to feel like she'd break if you looked at her too long.

"You have dreams of healing the world. You can go to Ember and help them there. You can fix my mistake. You can make everything right again." She applies pressure to your hand by gently squeezing it.

Suddenly, it's Jean's voice echoing in your clouded head. "You were quite literally destined to do this. It was fate. Historia was meant to give you the flower instead of Ymir this entire time."

You quickly snatch your hand away, your chest growing heavier and applying all the weight to what felt like your lungs.

Historia looks down at her hand and then back at you. "Are you okay? I know it's a lot to process."

"Yeah." You answer hazily. "I'm just, I just need some air." You turn and begin to walk back down the hall and to the ballroom. "Thanks for the talk."

Before she can say anything else, you make your way to the ballroom only to pass right through the crowd and hide yourself on one of the balconies.

As soon as the cold air hits your face, you swallow it whole and allow it to fill up your lungs. You grab onto the rail as you attempt to calm your breathing.

"Hey. I've been looking for you everywhere." The most harmonious voice says behind you.

You turn and Jean stands there, an empty glass in hand. "I'm sorry." You apologize. "I just needed a moment alone."

He looks back at the packed room of people twirling around in ballgowns and laughing like they have no worries in the world. "It is pretty crowded in there, isn't it?"

As you look past the balcony, you can see miles and miles away from the height you stand on. It looked like the earth continued on forever. "Painfully so."

He walks over to you and leans up against the railing, facing you. He holds up the glass his fingers wrap around. "I drank yours since I couldn't find you."

You laugh. "It's okay. It would've been warm by the time you found me anyway. I'm glad it didn't go to waste."

He chuckles too, but when he sees your smile fade and your longing eyes look at the trees far away, he questions you. "Hey, what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Trust me," You dig your elbow into the cold, hard rail as you hold up your face. "You don't want to know."

Jean places the empty glass down. "Well, if you don't want to talk about it," He extends his hand out to you. "Dance with me."

You look down at his hand. "I thought you hated dancing and hated it even more when people were around to watch you do it."

He points to the mask tied around his head.

You smile and give in. You tilt your head in the direction of the empty glass he set down. "You sure it isn't all the alcohol you just downed?"

"Maybe a little bit of that too." He shrugs. "Come on, this is probably the only time you'll ever receive this offer again."

You take his hand and lock your fingers with his. "It'd be a shame to miss up such an opportunity, wouldn't it?"

He smiles. "I'll make it worthwhile."

He guides you back into the ballroom and to the center of the dance floor. His hand travels from your shoulder, past your elbow and to your hand and he gently holds it in his.

[play once upon a december by christy altomare]

His fingers on his adjacent hand circle around your waist as he pulls you closer. He was holding you even more delicately this time. His touch was far more intimate and patient.

The music begins to play and you both begin to move but instead of you leading as usual, he does. For some reason, he felt like a completely different person.

His hands felt the same, his voice was as sweet as it always was, and he still smelled of his cologne so you knew it was him.

But there was definitely a shift. He seemed more confident. You could feel energy swimming through his veins.

His steps weren't hesitant and calculated, they were natural and smooth. It was like he'd been dancing for years.

"You look incredible tonight." He says softly beside you.

You feel your body jolt. "Oh, you're actually complimenting me. I thought it was going to be another birthday incident."

"A man can't be speechless?" He asks for his own defense.

You laugh. "Is that was that was?"

He laughs at himself too. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything back then. On your birthday and at the shop just now. I know you were waiting for me too."

"It's okay. At least now I know it's because I had you at a loss for words." You wink.

He looks into your eyes like he can't pull himself away from them. More like he was telling himself not to. "The truth is, I didn't want to say how I really felt."

He spins you on cue and when you return back to him like clockwork, he pulls you in closely to be cheek to cheek. "I'm in love with you. I have been for a very long time now."

Internally, you stand frozen. On the outside, you still continued to sway to the music as he never strays from leading your body to the rhythm.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your letters." He continues regardless of your silence. "I thought it'd be easier to see you with someone else if I never got close to you."

His secrets continue to spill out from his lips. "But I can't stand the sight of you with another man. I can't pretend to be happy for you when I'm not."

It felt like everyone was staring at you with malicious, venomous eyes even though they weren't.

"I love you." He repeats to ensure you heard him correctly the first time. "I love you too much to pretend I don't."

You shut your eyes and try to collect yourself. The room felt as if it were spinning and it didn't help that you were dancing in circles along with it.

You can hear the pain in his voice now. "I can't watch you marry someone else without at least telling you how I feel first."

"Jean." You hear the pain in yours too.

"I know I'll never stand a chance." He admits. "I can dream all I want but I've known from a very young age that you were always just an unattainable dream. That's why after I left, I cut off all ties because I thought it might've been time to give up that dream."

He caresses the side of your cheek. "But I have to at least try. I can't call myself a man without doing so."

"I grew an obsession with being the best and getting money and moving up in rank so I can even be close to your level." He keeps going.

He twirls you around. "But no matter what I do, you'll always be a princess and I'll never be a prince."

"I may not be a prince who can give you a shiny, big castle or an entire kingdom to run but I can give you what you really wish for." He says. "Freedom. I'll follow you anywhere. We can go to Paris or Celestite or wherever you want to go. If you want to heal the world, I'll take you to do it."

You lean your head against his, fighting the lump in your throat and the burning sensation in your eyes. "Jean. Please."

"Marry me, y/n."

Your heart stops completely. You felt like you could almost faint. "What?"

He refuses to stop dancing until the song was over. It was the easiest way to speak so closely and intimately. "Don't marry him. Marry me. I've loved you for longer and I don't plan on stopping either."

He spins you around one last time. When you come back, he dips you low and he hovers over you dangerously close. "I'm sorry I'm not a prince."

He kisses you just as the last few notes play in the song. "But you don't know how badly I wish I was just to be with you."

He slowly picks you back up and the song inevitably comes to its end. One of a more upbeat tempo begins to play right after.

People continued to dance and laugh on the ballroom floor as you and Jean stood eerily still in the exact same place.

Say something, you idiot!

You wanted to strangle yourself for not being able to say anything. What served you having a big mouth if you couldn't use it?

"Can you at least say something?" He asks. "It wasn't easy bearing my soul to you as you'd think."

You step away from him. "I..." You make eye contact with Historia a few feet away, seated at her throne with people surrounding her.

As she looked at you, she continued to talk to the people beside her and although it was likely she wasn't talking about you, it sure felt like she was.

Suddenly, the conversation from earlier repeated into your head. More and more of the truth seemed to be coming out. You learned more about your life in the past couple days than you've known your entire life.

It was overwhelming to say the least. It was too much information being crammed at once. Now there was this situation as well. Jean confessed he was in love with you and wanted to marry you.

You knew there was something there obviously but for some reason you thought, maybe he didn't feel the same way you did. Maybe to him, this was just some fun little adventure he'd return back home and brag about while you got married and shipped off to another country.

You should've knew it wouldn't have been that simple. He loves you and you've known that for some time now. It wasn't like he didn't make it obvious. You had just been kidding yourself all along.

Now it was time to face the truth. You couldn't run away from it this time. You came here to learn the whole truth and didn't plan on leaving until you had all of it. Now that it was all out in front of you, you didn't know what to do with it.

People were after you and now you knew why. It wasn't just because they wanted to use you for your power for their own selfish reasons but for another reason as well. Revenge.

Ember was furious that the gift went to someone else after it was promised to them and rightfully so. The thing that was supposed to help save their country was ripped away from their hands before they even got to touch it.

You couldn't help but worry about your family back home. If there was vengeful people out there who would stop at nothing, they'd come eventually. No one knew you weren't home so they would show up anyway in search for you only to find you weren't there.

Horrible images begin to flash in your mind of them being punished or tortured for not saying where you were. You hated the idea of your family or anyone at the castle suffering in place of you.

Then there was Jean who changed everything by saying the words out loud. Marry me.

It was honestly a no brainer. You loved Jean way more than you did Phoenix so the choice was clear.

But marrying Jean meant staying on the run forever. Never staying in one place for too long and never having a place to call home. You'd live under a secret identify forever. Never truly being y/n and Jean but Andromeda and Orion. Two lovesick frauds.

He'd never be able to return back to his hometown to see his mother or his friends. You'd never be able to return to see yours.

Not to mention, your family would never, ever give up on looking for you. You'd be on look out forever, paranoid they'd find you or worse, that people from Ember would.

You didn't want to live that way. The idea of running away and exploring the world with your lover seemed like a dream come true on a surface level but underneath, it was nothing but a nightmare. It was exhausting just thinking about it.

You didn't want Jean to live that way either. Always on edge. Always paranoid. Always on the look out.

He deserved a peaceful life. And it was clear it'd never happen with you.

"I want to go home."

You could hear the way his heart had begun to break. "What?"

You finally break your eyes away from Historia and back at him. "I said, I want to go home."

His eyebrow twitches. "So you're just going to ignore everything I said?"

You stand your ground even though it was the hardest thing to do at the moment. "Just take me home. Now."

He scoffs when he hears now. "You're ordering me around now? It's like 10pm. You can wait until morning."

"You work for me, remember?" You force yourself to say. "It's when I want to. Not when you do."

He looks at you in utter disbelief. His entire world just turned dark gray and it was visible in his eyes. All he can do is walk away from you.

You ball your dress into your fists. "I'm talking to you!"

"And I'm ignoring you." He says as he continues to walk away. "Doesn't feel good, does it?"

Now it was you who stood there shocked. The feeling of being watched became a million times more intense now that you were alone again. You felt exposed and vulnerable.

All the whispering and talking turned sinister as it entered your ears, anxiety and paranoia casting a spell on your brain and tricking it into believing they were all whispering about you.

You spin around to try to catch the pair of eyes you could feel burning into your skin but no one meets your gaze. They were all too distracted to even notice you have an anxiety attack on the middle of the dance floor.

You truly did want to go home. You wanted to hide in your room and contemplate everything that happened in the comfort of your own bed with maybe Mikasa doing your hair as you lay your head in her lap and vent to her. She always knew the right thing to say.

You wanted to be with your family and make sure they were all safe and that you somehow didn't put them in jeopardy by leaving at such a critical time.

Here you were judging Historia for being selfish when you yourself were just that. You drugged everyone to sleep so you could leave. You left during your wedding preparations leaving it on to everyone else to do and cover up why you weren't around to help.

You risked your family's repetition and also made a joke of Phoenix, who this whole time, was under the impression you were at home helping with the wedding instead of in another country, kissing another man.

And then there was Jean. Jean, who you dragged to come follow you on this self discovery journey, not only risking his job but his life as well. Not to mention, you made him grow even more attached to you which means you'll only hurt him more.

You didn't want to be here anymore. You couldn't take it anymore. The music had begun to sound like nails to a chalkboard and all the voices of people sounded like ghouls trying to lure you to their corner of the room.

The room kept growing smaller by the minute and the darker it got outside and the flames from the candles above had begun to go out causing to people begin to look chilling with their abstract masks as they lurk in the shadows.

You wanted to drag your nails through your skin or rip out your hair. You were overstimulated, overwhelmed and over your own mental capacity. It felt like you were drowning. You couldn't speak, move, yell, run. You were stuck in what felt like sleep paralysis.

You look at Jean who was at some table with two girls by his side. They were laughing with their perfect white smiles and glasses of champagne in hand. Whatever he was saying must've been hilarious. Or maybe they were just desperate and under the impression that he was a prince.

You watch them with an unamused expression and even though you had a mask on, you knew he could see your face of disgust because he smiles and raises a glass at you. He was doing this on purpose.

You hurt his feelings by rejecting his proposal. You didn't blame him. Just like you don't blame him for wanting to hurt you in return.

One of the woman touches Jean's arm as she laughs at another one of his jokes and the second her hand meets his body, you feel your legs jolt but you force them in place.

She trails her fingers around the articulate sewing of his blazer and over the pure gold buttons. It was obvious she was only flirting with him because she thought he was a prince and he was clearly loving it. He made sure you knew it too.

At that moment, you decided you were done playing pretend. You were over this game and over this party.

You pull on the ribbon of your mask and the mask slips off your face like nothing. Now you really were exposed.

You walk over to where Jean and the two princesses stood and he's too busy entertaining them that he doesn't notice you until your drop your mask in his drink. "I'm leaving now. With or without you."

His eyes stretch in size when he sees you weren't hiding your face anymore. You walk past the three of them and push yourself through the crowd. You can hear Jean running up behind you.

You don't let him catch you until you're out the door and speed walking down the yard. You can hear him calling out after you but you keep moving. It was dark outside so it was hard to even see where you were going.

A few steps later, you realize Historia has a rose garden maze of her own like you do back home. You rush inside it in hopes Jean loses sight of you but right when you enter and turn the corner, he grabs your arm and spins you around to face him. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" He shouts.

"Me?!" You yell freely considering there wasn't anyone around and the music inside was too loud for anyone in the castle to hear either.

"Yes! You!" He throws his hands out. "What is wrong with you?!"

You copy his movements. "What? You're upset I want to go back home? Isn't that why you came after me in the first place?! To take me home! I have to go back eventually so why not right now?"

His temper cools off slightly and his arms come down to his side with defeat. "Is this because of what I said?"

You take a step back. "Jean, please don't make this worse."

He closes the space. "No, damn it! Talk to me! You can't keep avoiding this. You can't keep avoiding me! The last time I tried to tell you how I felt, I woke up alone in my room and you were gone."

You knew he was referring to the night you gave him the tea. The way he slurred his words and fell asleep on your chest. This whole time you thought maybe he'd forgot about it or shook it off as some dream he had. "You remember that?"

"Of course I remember." He says as he grabs your hand. "Don't run away this time. Stay and hear me out."

You couldn't bear to look at him anymore. "Please let me go."

He feels you attempt to pull your hand away but he holds it firmly. "I'm sorry I sprung it on you so suddenly. I didn't exactly get down on one knee like I should've but I just needed to fight for you before it was too late."

"It already is too late." You remind him. "I'm already engaged to someone else! How can I promise to marry you when I can't even keep my promise to someone else?"

He scoffs. "Fuck Phoenix! You didn't promise him shit." He squeezes your hands. "Marry me. Not him."

You manage to rip your hands away. "What don't you get?"

His eyes were sad and full, shining sorrowfully in the moonlight above. "What happened? Why did you change your mind so suddenly? You weren't this eager to go back home before I said I love-"

"STOP!" You scream. "What is wrong with you? Why would you do this to yourself? You have any idea what this means?"

He sighs. "I know. Trust me, I know. I've thought of all the possible scenarios and I thought of all the pros and cons. I know it's going to be tough and that I'm going to have to spend my entire life looking over my shoulder but I don't care!"

He shakes his head at himself as he speaks. "I can't get you out of my head and it drives me insane. I feel my best when I'm with you. I want you around. I never want to leave your side. I don't care what I have to do."

You keep fighting him. "That's because of the healing powers. That happens with everyone."

He groans with frustration. "That isn't what I meant!"

You walk further down the maze. "I think we took this vacation way too far. This wasn't part of the plan."

He walks behind you, refusing to let you run away from this again. "What wasn't part of the plan? Me falling in love with you? Trust me, I didn't see it coming either."

You spin around to face him. "Why? Why me? You could love anyone else."

He stops in place. "Because I could never love anyone else this way. I tried, y/n. I've tried to move on from you but I can't. I would never be satisfied unless it's you."

"Is it because I'm a princess and they're not?" You ask him. You knew the answer and you knew that it was no. But you had to push him away. You had to get him to let you go. It was the right thing to do. At least that's what you kept telling yourself.

He looks at you like you just said the dumbest thing ever. "What? I don't care about that. Y/n, the only reason I even remotely expressed any interest in royalty wasn't because of the money or the status but because I wanted you to see me as an equal!"

"But we're not equal!" You boom. At the same exact moment, thunder strikes in the sky that, up until a few moments ago, was perfectly clear with not a cloud in sight. "I know we don't want to hear it but it's the painful reality."

You feel a small raindrop from above fall onto your cheek and trail down to your jaw. "I could stay here with you. Miss my wedding. Spend forever running and hiding. Never go back home. Never staying in one place for too long. But we both know that's not what we want."

More droplets fall from the sky. "I don't want a simple life! I turned that down for YOU!" He argues.

"I didn't ask you to do that." You state.

"I never said you did! I'm saying that I don't care if my life is crazy or simple. I just want it to be with you." He answers without hesitation.

He comes forward, his eyebrows curving in as he lets his body weaken. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to hurt me and push me away because you think you're doing me a favor. Don't do it."

"I am doing you a favor!" You cry out. "Your life would be better without me. If you choose to be with me, you won't be able to go back home. You won't be able to see your mom and they'll spend forever interrogating her for answers on where you are because you decided to make your self into a criminal who kidnapped the princess of Eldia before her wedding! Is that what you want?"

He stays quiet. You knew he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to be deemed as a criminal, his perfect reputation rotting after all he had done to keep it pristine. Not to mention, the idea of his mother being punished for his crime made both your stomachs turn.

"I'd love to run away with you." You say as the droplets turn into a light drizzle. "But our families don't deserve to suffer because of something we chose to do without thinking of the consequences."

His head lowers. You could feel your heart break along side his. "I miss my family, Jean." Your voice cracks as the rain gets stronger. "I miss my brothers and their bad jokes. I miss my mom and her perfume, I miss my dad and his hugs. I want to go home. I want to see them again."

He looks up. "Why does everyone else get their happy ending but we don't?"

"Maybe it's time for us to find a new dream." You say as tears slip from your eyes and disguise themselves with the rain.

"It's not a dream if you're not in it." He says.

You look down at his mask that he threw down earlier, it laid in a puddle, abandoned and alone. "Maybe dreams are just meant to be dreams."

He comes to you, his hands coming up to both sides of your face. "I know you don't want to marry Phoenix. You don't love him and even though you won't admit it again, I know you love me."

You look into his sad eyes. He looks down at your lips and back at your eyes. "I love you, y/n. I have since I was a kid. You're breaking my heart right now."

"I know." Your heart aches. "I'm sorry. I just want better for you. You may think it's worth it right now but after years of running, you'll get tired of it and you'll miss your home and miss your mom. I'll miss it all too. I don't want us to resent eachother. It'd kill me."

He wipes the glittery tears that fell from the corner of your eyes. "I could never hate you." He caresses your face as he comforts you. "There is too much love in my heart for you."

You lean your forehead onto his as you both stand in the rain. Your hair begun to cling to your neck and face as it grows soaked and your dress felt ten times heavier. "I can't hate you either."

"Then don't." He closes his eyes. "Choose to love me instead. I know it won't be easy but we'll figure it out as we go. Maybe we can even try to convince your parents you don't need to marry a prince."

[play crazy in love remix by beyoncé 🤭]

Your heads still pressed together, his hands come up to your waist as he holds you. "I can't handle someone else holding you this way. It'd drive me insane."

His fingers intertwine with yours. "I don't want anyone else to hold your hand." He leans in to give you a soft, gentle kiss. "Or to kiss you."

You allow him to kiss you and touch you all over. The sensation of his hands and lips on your wet skin made your head spin in circles.

His lips go from yours to your neck. "I want to be the only one who can get you feeling like this."

You couldn't help but to turn into nothing in his hands. You grew weak. You couldn't resist his words cooing in your ear as he kisses you everywhere.

He returns to your lips, his hand sliding up to your neck as his thumb and index finger rest gently on your jaw. "Remember how it felt when we first kissed?"

Visions of the kiss as snow fell from the sky comes flooding back to you. The way electricity kept your body warm as you fell into the cold.

"Or remember the first time we made love?" He kisses you again.

You nod as he kisses you so intently. "Yes."

He kisses your ears and neck as he says the rest. "Phoenix could never make you feel like this. I promise you."

It felt incredible. The cold breeze with the rain from above made your skin feel hypersensitive to his touch. The sensation seemed to be even more intensified than it usually was.

You couldn't move. You didn't want to. You could lie and say you didn't want to be with him but your body would expose you every time. It was defective to even try. He knew that all to well.

"I can give you this feeling for the rest of your life." He kisses your lips again. "Just say the word and I'm yours forever."

You stare deeply into his eyes, ready to give in. You wanted too so badly. Your body was practically begging you to. Your heart was screaming along with it.

You knew you were supposed to end things here and do the right thing but you couldn't. You wanted nothing else but this. All you had to do was shut your brain up for a moment and give in.

You crash into him and he kisses you with so much passion that you stumble backward and lay your back up against the bushes.

You go into a frenzy. You kiss him with so much hunger and longing that your fingers dig into his skin as you pull him impossibly closer.

His lips were incredibly soft and were the closest thing to heaven you could get. His tongue falls into your mouth and you greet it willingly with yours.

Tiny moans and whimpers slip out from you and you were almost embarrassed how needy you sounded from just some kisses.

But they were more than just kisses. He was right. No one else was going to give you this feeling. You could kiss anyone in the world and no one would ever dare come close. It felt almost like a sin for something to feel so pleasurable.

You wanted this forever. This feeling. This passion. This love.

He begins to take off his clothes, his blazer coming off first and he tosses it on top of one of the bushes. You help him unbutton his shirt underneath while still indulging on his tongue.

When his shirt is off, you run your hands over his body and put your fingers through the loops of his pants to pull him back to you.

He does his best to untie your dress while never leaving your lips. You try to help him as much as he could but considering both your hands were slippery from the rain, it was quite the task.

You wanted it off of you. You wanted it all off him. You almost felt an unbearable hatred for the clothes that intrusively got in the way.

You knew it was wrong to do this outside with practically hundreds of people just inside the castle but you didn't care. Not right now.

Besides, it was dark outside and considering it was raining, no one was crazy enough to come out here anyway.

What's being selfish one last time going to do?

"I love you." He moans into your mouth. The words cause you to kiss him even harder as you feel your dress loosen and the top of the dress begins to fall lower and lower.

His hands wrap around both sides of your face as he holds you closely and continues to kiss you over and over. "Tell me you love me and I'll do whatever you want me to. I'm yours."

With your brain being shut off, your logic was blurred. All you could think about how incredible this all felt and how badly you wanted it to keep going. "I-"

A voice stops you. "Princess y/n? Jean?"

You and Jean both turn to the voice, drenched and half naked. A small gasp slips out of you when you see the last person you ever expected to see.

Oh no.