It was freezing. Not freezing, it was definitely not freezing, but Meredith was cold as she moved, trying to figure out why she was suddenly so cold. She definitely wasn't supposed to be cold right now, that just seemed ridiculous. She had just had the best sex of her entire life, she had fallen asleep feeling safe and warm and a whole lot of other gooey things. But now, as she felt a tug on her blanket, she was cold. She didn't want to open her eyes. She really didn't. Because after that amazing of sex, it seemed like she should probably be having the best night of sleep of her life and opening her eyes would ruin that. If she just kept her eyes close she could pretend that she was still having that perfect night of sleep. She just had to figure out exactly why she was so cold and what had happened to the blanket.
There was another tug on the blanket and then suddenly, she felt a hard weight on her shoulder. Or not a hard weight, a really soft weight that felt like Gracie or something. Except Gracie always slept on Derek. Meredith sighed as she tried to salvage what was left of the blankets and then frowned as Gracie whined, pawing quickly at her. "Grace," she breathed, "Daddy can take you out." Grace whined again, nuzzling her with her nose. This was insane. Derek was the lighter sleeper of the two of them, Derek woke up and took Grace out at night. It was routine and she was pretty sure Grace never even tried for her. Grace knew whose dog she really was and usually she acted accordingly, usually she went to Derek for everything and it worked well. "Derek," she mumbled and then paused. She was cold. She was actually really cold, which was not normal because Derek usually spooned her. He always had his arms around her when he slept. Grace whimpered and then barked, pawing at her desperately just as another sound joined the mix. A groan. A loud, painful groan that came from next to Meredith. "Derek?" she breathed, sitting up.
"Hmmmm..." he boyfriend groaned. He was shaking, he was curled up in a ball and shaking and his face was wet with tears. "Hmmmm....no." She couldn't move. She knew she had to. She had to move and take care of him. He was having a nightmare and she was his anchor. When he had a nightmare, she helped him. But they had just had sex. And the last time they had had sex and Derek had had a nightmare, he had said it was a mistake. He loved her, she knew that, but a nightmare could ruin that. It could make this all go away. "No," he gasped quietly, moving his hands to cover his face. "No."
Grace whined next to her, a long, hurting whine as the puppy moved to lick her owner's face. "Derek," Meredith whispered, her heart pounding as she rested her hand on his naked bicep. "Derek."
"Hmmmm..." he groaned again.
"Wake up, Der."
"Hmmm..."
"Derek, wake up," she ordered a little louder as Grace climbed over Derek and tried to crawl under his shaking arms.
"Hmmm..." he breathed, his eyes opening slightly. "Oh..."
"Wake up," she said harshly. "Derek...Derek, wake up."
"Mer..." he whimpered slightly, his eyes opening more.
"It's a dream. It's just...it's a dream. It's...you need to wake up."
"Mer..."
"I'm here," she breathed. "Derek, I'm here. Just...wake up."
"Oh," he gasped, his eyes opening completely before a sob racked through his body.
"It's okay," she whispered, even as her own voice shook.
"Oh...oh..." he gasped again, his body shaking with heavy sobs.
"It's okay," Meredith repeated, wrapping her arms tightly around him as Grace licked the tears from his face.
"Mer..." he whimpered, holding her tight. "Mer..."
"It's okay," she whispered softly. "Derek...it's okay. It's okay."
"I...I..." he murmured, gasping for breath.
"I'm here," she whispered.
"Yeah...yeah..."
"Oh." Meredith's breath caught in her throat. This was bad. This was...she couldn't do this again. She couldn't comfort him and listen to him talk about Sarah and Amy only to find out that it had been a mistake. Them. They had been a mistake. They had had sex and now he was going to tell her he wasn't ready and he hadn't been sure what he had been thinking because he still loved his dead wife
"Mer..." he whispered, before drawing in a deep, shaky breath. "Mer..."
"Puppers again?" she whispered.
"Yeah...yeah," he nodded.
"What else?" she breathed, running her fingers over his damp curls.
"Usual..." he gasped slightly. "Usual dream."
"It's just a dream, Derek."
"I know," he nodded, hiccupping slightly. "I know."
"We already...we don't know...Puppers was okay."
"Pup...Puppers was okay," he breathed.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Do...do you know who's crying yet?"
"No. No."
"Okay," she whispered.
"It's..." he whispered. "When was my last one?"
"I don't know," she shrugged slightly. "A while...it's been a while."
"It has," he breathed, looking over at Grace who was now curled up tightly against him. "I should have expected it."
"Hmmm," she breathed, rubbing his arm.
"Three years."
"Three years."
"I'm...I'm okay," he nodded, taking another shaky breath.
"I know."
"Sorry," he hiccupped.
"It's...it's not your fault," she breathed, her chest tightening as she stood up. "I guess...I can go."
"What?"
"I get it," Meredith nodded, not meeting his eyes as she pulled her clothes on. "I get it. It's...it was a mistake. The sex was a mistake and you're not ready and you were just...you were trying not to think about your dead wife and...I get it. It's fine. Or it's not but...I can go. I can go."
"What?" he asked, his eyes wide as he suddenly sat up. "I didn't say any of that."
"Not yet. You haven't said it yet but you will so I'm saying it. I'm saying it for you and...I get it."
"Well that makes one of us," he frowned. "I don't want you to go."
"Derek, you don't have to do this. You don't have to...I get it. It's just like last time. We had sex, you had a nightmare and...I should have thought about this. I was...stupid. Completely stupid because I actually thought...it's the anniversary. It's the anniversary and we had sex and you had a nightmare and...don't worry about hurting me. You don't have to...I get it. I do."
"I love you, Mer but you're the most insane woman I have ever met."
"What?" she frowned, her hand on the door of the trailer.
"I..." he breathed, shaking his head. "I want you to stay."
"No. No you don't."
"Yes, I do," he whispered.
"As...as your anchor," she suddenly nodded slowly. "I...I can't, Derek."
"Not as my anchor," he groaned, falling back down on the bed.
"I...what?"
"I want you here. As...you."
"I don't...there's two different mes," she whispered. "There's your anchor and your best friend and...and there's...there's me. Naked me."
"I want naked you."
"To forget."
"No," he groaned. "What the hell is up with you? I love you."
"Nothing...nothing's wrong with me," she murmured, reaching for her bag.
"Meredith...please..."
"You had a nightmare."
"Yes, I'm aware."
"Last time you had a nightmare after we had sex..."
"Last time?" he breathed. "Last time was ages ago, I barely knew you. We were drunk and it was...nothing like this time."
"I know."
"I...I just had a nightmare. It's the three year anniversary, Mer. You...you should get that. It's not about you, it's not about us. My little girl died three years ago and me, I'm never going to be perfect. I'm always going to be slightly messed up and I thought you got that. It doesn't mean I don't love you. It doesn't mean I don't need and want you in my bed."
"Oh," she breathed.
"If you want to go..."
"I don't."
"Okay."
"I'm...I'm sorry," she breathed as she leaned against the door.
"You freaked out."
"I freaked out."
"Because you'll never be perfect either and you're used to people not wanting you."
"I...I don't like when you do that...thing."
"What thing?"
"That thing where you know me and get all...therapisty."
"I do know you."
"You didn't want me last time."
"Last time was a lot different. I want you now. Even if you drive me crazy."
"I know it's not about me. I know that."
"Good because..." he sighed. "That was...I needed you and you...I get it but I'm not happy with it."
"Not happy with it."
"I needed you," he sighed, shaking his head. "Get naked and come back to bed."
"You're mad at me."
"A little."
"I'm never going to be perfect."
"I know, Mer," he smiled slightly. "I told you I get it."
"But you're angry."
"If you're allowed to freak out and try to leave when I'm not perfect, I'm allowed to be a little angry when you're not."
"It wasn't because you had a nightmare, Derek."
"I know."
"I wasn't freaking out because you're not perfect."
"Okay," he breathed.
"That's not...I know you have nightmares. I know that."
"I know you know that."
"That's not why I freaked out," she said firmly.
"You freaked out because you thought I wouldn't want you."
"I...yeah."
"Meredith?"
"Yeah?"
"I...you need to be clear," he whispered. "I will always want you."
"You...you will?" she breathed, her heart pounding.
"I will."
"Okay."
"Even if you freak out when I need you to be strong, I still want you."
"Even when you're mad."
"Even when I'm mad."
"Okay," she breathed, slipping her sweater off and then her jeans before moving back to the bed, wrapping her legs around his waist. "So...so you still love me?"
"Meredith..." he breathed, laughing slightly. "Yes."
"Good," she breathed, pressing a kiss to his lips.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"I'm sorry I didn't want you last time," he murmured.
"It's okay," she whispered, resting her head on his chest.
"It's not but I...I want you now."
"I want you too."
"Good."
"Good," she breathed, kissing him deeply.
"Hmmm..." he groaned against her lips. "Not mad anymore."
"That was fast," she giggled.
"I know."
"Do...do you need to talk about it?" Meredith asked softly, her fingers playing in his messy curls.
"Hmmm..." he breathed. "It was just the same as always."
"You...you didn't wake up screaming. If Grace hadn't woken me up..."
"Grace woke you up?" he smiled.
"She was pawing at me and whining."
"Oh Grace," Derek breathed, looking at the dog. "I'm sorry."
"She wanted to help you, Der."
"I know. Good dog," he smiled. "Love you, Grace."
"She loves you too."
"I know," he smiled. "I think not screaming is a good sign."
"I think so too," she whispered.
"Wonder if I'll have them forever," he sighed.
"I hope not," she breathed and then stared at him. "And not...not because it's about me or...they suck. They suck and they wake me...okay, not about me. It's not about me. It's about you and your dead family and they suck. I don't want you to dream about them dying when you're like...a hundred."
"Oh Mer," he laughed softly. "I love you."
"It's not about me."
"I know."
"I don't want you to wake up screaming."
"I know you don't," he whispered. "Neither do I."
"Okay," she whispered, resting her head on his chest.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Should we sleep?"
"Sleep would be good."
"Hmmm..." he nodded. "Busy day tomorrow. Lots of sex."
"Really?"
"Definitely."
"I like lots of sex."
"So do I," he laughed softly.
"I love you," she whispered, slipping her panties off.
"I love you too," he murmured.
"I really love you," she continued, climbing on top of him.
"Oh..." he gasped slightly.
"Do you...I'd get it, if you don't want to right now," she nodded. "I would get it."
"I want to," he said quickly.
"You had a nightmare and usually...usually you're crying and...if you want to cry..."
"No," he shook his head. "I want sex. I want you."
"You want me," she breathed, kissing him deeply as he sat up, reaching under her thighs to pull her onto him.
"Yes," he groaned.
"Oh god," she gasped.
"Mer..." he whispered, holding her hips in place to move in and out of her, already at a steady rhythm.
"Derek," she whispered, her wildly spinning head falling onto his shoulder.
"God, you're amazing."
"I...I...she murmured.
"I love you," he breathed, rocking steadily in and out of her,
"I love you too."
"Hmmm..." he groaned, running his hands along her body, his pace picking up.
"Derek," she whispered, surprised to feel her eyes wet.
"Mer..."
"Oh...oh god," she moaned as her body trembled against his every deep thrust.
"Mer...Mer..." he gasped.
"Harder," she breathed, nipping at his neck. "Harder, Derek."
"Okay, okay," he nodded, immediately following her orders, pushing harder and faster into her.
"God...oh...oh god," Meredith moaned as her body tensed and he pushed harder into her, forcing her body over the edge. "Derek!"
"Meredith..." he grunted as she rocked around him.
"Oh my...fuck...fuck..."
"Oh god..."
"Sorry," she whimpered. "Sorry...sorry...oh god..."
"So...sorry?" he panted.
"Come, Derek..."
"Yes...yes..." he gasped, pushing into her as he gasped and spilled into her.
"Hmmm," she breathed, grasping his face in her hands as she kissed him desperately. "Make up...make up sex."
"Make up sex."
"Yeah."
"Hmm..." he breathed rolling her off him. "Wow."
"Make up sex," she giggled as he ran his hands appreciatively over her body.
"Hmmm..." he grinned.
"I think we scarred Gracie for life," she laughed as Grace came to sniff them.
"I think so too," he smiled. "Sorry, Grace."
"She'll be okay," Meredith whispered, cuddling into his chest, her hands gently entwined in his.
"She will be," he murmured. "Sleep now?"
"Sleep now."
"Good."
"Tired?"
"Hmmm..." he nodded.
"Derek?' she whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really happy."
"So am I."
"I know but...that's kind of a big deal for me. To be happy and...I just wanted to let you know. I'm really happy."
"Good. I'm happy you're happy."
"I know," she breathed, wrapping her legs in his as he kissed the back of her neck.
"I'm happy too, Mer. Happier than...ever."
"Ever?"
"Ever."
"Oh," she breathed, smiling widely. He was happy. He was...happier than ever which was weird. He wasn't supposed to be happier than ever, he had never supposed to be happy like he had been in New York ever again. But his heart was pounding wildly against her back and she smiled softly. He was happy. She was happy. The two people who were probably never supposed to be happy were...happy.
The end
❗️Disclaimer ❗️
I didn't write this story all credits goes to "merilyns_child" and "GraveDance" from the board "Ga On Call Room" site tapatalk.
Published 2008