The scotch burned Derek's throat as he swallowed the amber liquid back and then put it down in front of him, his hands shaking slightly. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at the trailer with Meredith. Meredith. The girl he had fallen asleep against last night, only to wake up with an obvious erection and the burning need to...it didn't matter. She was visiting her mom and he was drinking with Mark. He wasn't getting drunk with Mark. Because chances were that after she was done visiting with her mom she would need him, like she always needed him and he was her best friend so he would be there and forget about how badly he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and do things he hadn't even considered doing in a while and it was bad. Because she was his best friend. Best friends just didn't do the things they were doing. Best friends didn't kiss the way they kissed or touch the way they touched. He couldn't get over the curves of her body, how they seemed to fit so perfectly against his body when he was kissing her. He felt like some horny stupid teenager. And that needed to stop. He wasn't a horny teenager, this thing with Meredith wasn't about sex.
He adored her. He completely adored her. He was pretty sure the sound of her giggle was possibly the best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. He adored that he could sit and talk to her for hours and never run out of things to say or get bored with the sound of her voice. He loved just cuddling with her and watching a movie and it was all crazy. He was going crazy. This wasn't normal. This wasn't them or normal or anything else. She was his best friend, his anchor, and there was no reason for him to be thinking about any of this. Which maybe explained the drinking. He could forget about this so that he wouldn't...he wasn't sure what he was going to do with Meredith when he saw her tonight. None of this kissing had been planned, the touching had come out of the blue. And tonight she would need him. Seeing her mom always left her shaken and vulnerable and usually she would curl up in a ball and need him. But tonight, he had no idea how to be her anchor because he was quite certain he would just kiss her again. He wanted to kiss her again. Or maybe not actively right now but judging on recent development, he would when he saw her.
"That is the fastest I've ever seen you swallow scotch," Mark's voice came out of nowhere, or really from next to him.
"Oh...yeah," Derek sighed.
"You invite me out for a drink, make me skip hot sex with the girlfriend, and now you're getting trashed."
"I'm not getting trashed," Derek groaned. "I can't get trashed."
"Why not?"
"Mer's visiting her mom."
"Okay, I wish someone would tell me why that's such a big fucking deal," Mark groaned.
"It's...complicated."
"Right. Complicated. That's what Lex keeps saying."
"Mark, if you want to know, ask Meredith."
"She'll tell me?"
"If she wants you to know, yeah."
"Fine," Mark shrugged.
"But...I can't get smashed, she might need me tonight."
"Then what was the point of the drink?"
"Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you," Derek shrugged.
"Aw, thanks, Shep," Mark laughed.
"Just wanted to see my brother," Derek sighed.
"Really sweet."
"Shut up."
"I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you," Mark smirked.
"I said shut up," Derek groaned.
"Someone's grumpy."
"Yeah, well...my head's a mess," Derek admitted quietly.
"I thought you were getting over that."
"Depends on what part of that you're referring to."
"Amy..."
"Definitely not the problem," Derek sighed. "Amy is simple. I loved her. And now she's with Dad and I will always love her. That's...simple."
"Sarah?"
"No."
"Okay...not seeing the problem..."
"Mer," Derek breathed.
"Meredith?" Mark frowned, reaching for the peanuts.
"That would be it," Derek groaned.
"What the hell is wrong with Meredith?"
"Nothing is wrong with Meredith. Which is actually the problem," Derek sighed. "Absolutely nothing is wrong with her. I literally like every single thing about her."
"Okay..."
"I want her."
"What?" Mark coughed on his beer.
"I want her. She's my best friend and recently, I have desperately wanted her. I can't kiss her without wanting her, I can't kiss her without getting a hard on. I can't even hug her without noticing just how god damn perfect her curves are. I can't stop wanting her."
"You...you want to fuck Meredith?"
"I want to fuck Meredith."
"When the hell did this happen?"
"I don't know."
"A few weeks ago, you gave me shit and now you want to fuck her."
"A couple of weeks ago...one day I looked at her and suddenly realized...she's beautiful."
"Well, yeah."
"She's completely....completely...beautiful."
"Big Grey is hot."
"No, that's...I mean, yeah, she's hot but she's just...something."
"You want to fuck her," Mark shrugged. "So do it."
"What? No."
"Why the hell not? You already know she's good.'
"Because she's my best friend."
"So?"
"So, I can't. And...I don't even know if she wants to."
"She wants to."
"You don't know that."
"Who doesn't know that, Shep?"
"I don't."
"Well, I do."
"And even..." Derek breathed. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because it's..." Derek sighed. "She means so much to me. And I...after everything I've been through, I don't know if I'm ready."
"She means...you said she was hot."
"Yeah," Derek frowned.
"Fucks don't mean a lot, Shep."
"Which is...the basic problem."
"If you just want to fuck her..."
"I don't just want to fuck her," Derek snapped. "That's the problem."
"What the hell else do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"Come on, Shep. If you just think she's hot and that's it..."
"That's not it. You know that's not it."
"I don't know," Mark shrugged.
"I...I adore her and I just...I want her," Derek said firmly.
"Want her in the sack or want her like I want Lex?"
"I don't know. I want her. That's all I know. I want her."
"You want her."
"I want her," Derek nodded. "And god, this is...I'm not ready. I just fell out of love with my dead wife, I just became ready enough to put her stuff officially away. I'm not ready to start something with Meredith and I don't think...I don't even know what I think. I just...god, this is bad."
"Look, Shep..."
"Do not tell me just to fuck her."
"I'm not going to tell you to just fuck her. I do have some sensitivity."
"You do?" Derek raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, have you met my girlfriend?"
"Yeah."
"I have sensitivity."
"Fine. What were you going to say?"
"Maybe you try it with Grey. Big Grey."
"Try what?"
"Try...something."
"Thank you for reminding me why I never come to you for advice."
"Look, you want her and Amy's dead. She's dead, Shep, and you adore Big Grey."
"I know," Derek breathed, running his fingers through his hair.
"Just do it, Shep."
"I don't...I can't..."
"Why not?"
"Because...it's...my family died."
"Two years ago."
"I know but this...I don't even know how to do this."
"The same way you did it with Amy."
"Meredith is not Amy."
"Obviously," Mark laughed.
"I don't...Meredith is my best friend and she doesn't even believe in love."
"Trust me, Shep...." Mark trailed off as the bell rang above the door and he stared at the entrance.
"What?" Derek asked, turning to follow Mark's gave and found himself not able to contain his smile. He had told Meredith he would be here and he had had a feeling she would just come here when she was done and he was glad she had. She looked stressed, her eyes weren't nearly as happy as they usually were but she was here. And she looked beautiful.
Her hair fell in wild waves around her face, and her body was hugged perfectly by the vest she was wearing over the grey thermal. Her tiny, perfect curves were being held hugged by the amazing dark jeans. He couldn't stop staring at her, no matter what he did, he couldn't stop staring at his amazingly beautiful best friend. "Hey, Joe," he heard her murmur. "I...tequila?"
"You're picking tequila over me?" Derek murmured.
"What?" she turned quickly to look at him, her eyes wide and puffy. "Oh...Der..."
"Come here."
"Hi," she whispered as she walked towards him, her body slumped forward.
"Bad?" he breathed.
"Really bad."
"What happened?" he whispered, pulling her into a tight hug.
"I can't...she can't...it's just getting worse. A lot worse."
"Oh Mer..." he sighed. "I should have come with you."
"No. No, it's okay."
"It's not okay."
"You...it's hard and last time it was...I didn't think it was going to be this bad."
"No more going by yourself," he shook his head.
"Okay," she breathed softly.
"Good," he murmured, hugging her tighter. "I'm here."
"I know, Der. I know."
"I know you know," Derek nodded, looking over her shoulder as Joe placed the tequila shot in front of them. "Joe, whatever she wants tonight, my tab."
"Derek, you don't have to do that," Meredith shook her head quickly.
"I know I don't."
"But you're going to," she giggled slightly, reaching for the shot and swallowing it quickly.
"Of course I am," he grinned.
"Okay," she smiled slightly. "Oh. Hi, Mark."
"Nice of you to notice me, Big Grey," Mark nodded.
"Sorry," Meredith breathed, curling closer to Derek.
"He's just joking," Derek murmured.
"I...I know. I know."
"It's okay," Derek breathed.
"I..." she took a deep breath, her body tensing and then relaxing before she turned to Mark. "It's easy to forget you, Mark.'
"And this is why I adore you," Derek laughed.
"That was mean, Big Grey," Mark frowned.
"But honest," Derek shrugged.
"I'm very unforgettable," Mark grunted.
"Sure," Derek laughed.
"More tequila, Joe," Meredith ordered softly, her arms still wrapped tightly around Derek.
"Have as much as you want," Derek whispered. "I'll take care of you."
"You won't be saying that when I'm throwing up," she giggled quietly.
"I will be."
"Doubtful, Der," she breathed, turning to look at him, her lips brushing against his unintentionally.
"Have I ever let you down?"
"Hmmm...no."
"I've got you. Even if you're throwing up."
"Okay."
"I think you need it."
"I really do. Today was...I need it."
"Go ahead," he whispered, kissing her gently.
"Oh," she breathed, suddenly sounding completely content.
"It'll be okay," he murmured.
"I...I know."
"Hmmmm...." he smiled, kissing her gently again.
"How was your day?" she whispered against his lips, leaning her forehead against his.
"Not bad," he shrugged. "Unexciting."
"Bad unexciting?"
"Not really, just...quiet."
"Good."
"Better now."
"Why?"
"You're here."
"Oh," she blushed, her cheeks pinking.
"I...I like seeing you," Derek breathed, ignoring Mark rolling his eyes.
"I like seeing you too," she whispered as the blush spread down her neck and chest.
"Good," he murmured.
"I...yeah..." she nodded and he reached forward to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. His heart pounded in his ears as he watched her, the pink blush covering her chest, even the top of her breasts that swelled slightly out of the vest.
"Mer..."
"Hmmm?"
"I..." he whispered. "Think a kiss would cheer you up?"
"Oh. Maybe."
"Can I try?"
"You always ask," she rolled her eyes.
"I know," he sighed, feeling his own cheeks redden. "I just...want to make sure."
"Stop asking," she whispered. "I never...I don't say no."
"That...that sounded bad," Derek laughed softly.
"Oh..." the pink darkened to a deep red.
"But I'll stop asking."
"Okay. Good."
"I'll just kiss you."
"That's...that's what I want."
"Good," he breathed, ducking his head down and pressing his lips against hers, adjusting his hold so it had nothing to do with comfort.
"Oh," she gasped quietly, her hand moving up to his curls. He deepened the kiss, opening her lips with his tongue. He felt his jeans tighten at the moan that came from deep within her, and he snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.
"Mer," he groaned, rocking his hips slightly against hers as she pulled gently at his curls.
"Get a room," Mark groaned.
"Mark..." Derek breathed, pulling away from Meredith but holding her close. "Could you try to shut up for five minutes?"
"You're practically dry..."
"Mark, don't."
"It's...tequila, Joe!" Meredith called softly.
"Kiss didn't help?" Derek asked quietly.
"Kiss helped," Meredith giggled softly. "I want...more kisses."
"Oh," he smiled. "We can do more kisses."
"But not...not here."
"Trailer?"
"Trailer."
"We can go," Derek nodded.
"And you say you missed your brother."
"I did," Derek laughed. "And I've had five minutes, now I want to miss you again."
"Thanks, Shep," Mark rolled his eyes.
"We'll go fishing on the weekend, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Mark, Mer....needs me," Derek shrugged.
"I get it," Mark clapped him on the shoulder, leaning close to him. "Go for it, Shep."
"I....yeah," Derek sighed. "We'll see you later."
"Have a good night," Mark nodded towards them.
"We will," Derek smiled, grabbing Meredith's hand. "Come on."
"Bye, Mark," Meredith said quietly as she followed Derek outside.
"You okay?" Derek asked gently.
"I don't...I don't know."
"Okay," he nodded. "We'll go home and figure it out later."
"Can...I'm off tomorrow," she said quickly. "I'm off and you're off and I really...I had two tequila shots and I can probably drive...I mean, driving is...but I'm off and I'm spending the night and..."
"I can drive you," he grinned. "We'll crash together."
"Oh. Good."
"And we'll spend tomorrow just...breathing."
"Just breathing?"
"Yes. You look like you need a day of breathing."
"A day of just breathing sounds nice," she murmured, gripping his hand tightly.
"I figured," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "Let's get home."
"Let's go home."
Derek smiled as he opened the car door for her and helped her in. Tonight he wasn't going to think about kissing her. Or maybe he would because she wanted to be kissed but that would be okay kissing. Tonight his best friend was hurting and he wasn't about to think about how badly he wanted her. He wanted her but tonight he just wanted her to smile.