"I can't see him again. I can't do it." I whispered to Theodore while he brushed my hair back and sat on the edge of my bed.
"It's been a few weeks. I'm sure he's done tormenting you by now." The brunette boy sighed, running his cool fingers across the back of my neck. "Just come with me. It's most likely our last one. We aren't even in the running for the house cup after how badly they lost to Ravenclaw without you. We'll have fun." He promised, gathering a few things for me to wear out of my drawers.
"This is the first step. I'm tired of how depressing you look all the time." He stated, taking the clothes to my bathroom and throwing them down on the countertop.
"It's really hard to not be depressed when you lose your one person. And he's so happy about it." I whispered, my eyes starting to prickle and burn while my gaze stayed out the window into the black lake.
"He's just with those other girls to rub it in. He's being a dick. Don't worry about it." He brushed it off, pulling my blankets off of my body.
"He left me and took everything with him. My friends, my happiness, my everything. No one even likes me anymore except for my roommates and you." I sighed, sitting up to look at him. He gave me a warm smile that just made my heart ache more.
Why does everyone else get to be happy?
"Because I know everything he's saying about you isn't true." He chuckled, pushing me off of the bed. "Everyone else is scared of him. He has too much power. I can't stand it." Theo scoffed behind me.
I made my way to the bathroom to shower and get ready before I slammed the door shut behind me. My head raced a thousand miles per hour while the hot water rained down on me.
Blood traitor
Slag
Whore
Idiot
Bitch
Draco's voice continued echoing in my head as sobs slowly escaped my parted lips.
Wouldn't even sleep with me after a year.
Only cares about herself.
Expecting me to care for her. Malfoy's only get cared for.
I squeezed my eyes shut, begging for my head to stop repeating the words over and over. I just wanted silence.
Horrible kisser.
Bloody annoying.
Waste of space.
Kept her around out of pity.
I can't. Face him.
He went from the only boy in the world that would make my days brighter. Make me feel good. Safe. Loved.
To the one tearing me down. Repeatedly. Trying his hardest to get attention from everyone else, and tear me down with him.
And he didn't care in the slightest. He didn't feel pity. He loved every second of it. He loved making me feel bad.
Not his Emmy Jane. Not anymore.
I threw on my sheer black tights and short skirt, pulled my quidditch jumper over my head, and slipped my boots on. I dried my hair and let it fall down my back gracefully.
"Theo, should I do my makeup?" I shouted out to the boy who still sat on my bed. I opened the door when he didn't respond and looked at him with raised brows.
"Mmmm, I'd say no, but if we win, you and I are going to go to the party right after... so yes." He chirped, turning his attention back to one of my books in his hand. His back rested against the headboard and his ankles crossed slightly while his legs spread out.
Theo was right about looking depressed all the time. I'd never feel better if I didn't look better. I wanted to show myself off. I wanted to look presentable. I wanted to look hot. I wanted it all.
I want the boy.
I missed him so much my lungs burned with dissatisfaction. My Draco. I craved his touch. His familiarity. His cold hands and warm skin. His giggles when I said something stupid.
I knew this pain would subside. Like mourning a death. It would pass slowly with time, but only if I cut him out for good. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, but my best friend. He promised he would never leave. And I could only help but wonder:
How could he not miss me?
"Is this acceptable? Do I look okay?" I asked Theo calmly as I stepped out into the room. He glanced up from the book quickly before his eyes widened and returned back to me.
"Um. Yeah. Looks great- I mean you- well, you look great. Stunning, uh." He stuttered out, making me crack a smile. "EMELIA! SMILING! FROM SOMETHING I SAID?!" He teased, jumping up from the bed and chasing after me. I sprinted out the door with a giggle before I ran to the common room.
Everyone was decked out in green and black, and Theo finally caught up to me with a chuckle, but I stood still in the middle of the room. My breathing was shaky as I couldn't help but stare at the blonde and my old friends. His friends.
And plenty of girls trying to wish him good luck. His bright smile on display to make them feel important to him. Like they really mattered. They were pons. Laid out on a board like a game of chess, and they'd get used and forgotten about just for him to win.
His smile. That wide toothed smile that he had plastered across his face. I couldn't help but scoff at the sight before I walked away towards the exit. It was fake. A scam. All part of the Act. His big production. His ego.
"Got a problem, Prince?" His piercing voice rang in my ears behind me, and the room fell silent. This was apart of his production, too.
Every day a crowd gathered near him, waiting for me to cross his path. He'd make a big scene. Humiliate me. Call me names. Make me cry.
They fed off of it. Like animals surrounding a carcass.
But not today. I've had enough.
"I don't." I said flatly, turning to stare him dead in the eye. Blaise, Gregory, and Vincent avoided eye contact with me like they did every other day.
They felt bad, I knew they did. They hadn't approached me since it happened. They didn't stop him. But the looks on their faces told me everything I needed to know. They were trapped. The couldn't cross him. Especially for the likes of me.
"Stop letting noises fly out of your mouth when you look at me then." He spat as he stood up from his seat, referring to my scoffing. "Or do you miss doing it that badly?" He smirked, the darkness in his eyes making my spine shiver.
"Doing what exactly? Pretending?" I asked casually. He furrowed his brows as he looked at me, thinking I was a moron for the comeback he thought I just made. "Oh, come on, Malfoy. You can't seriously be that hollow?" I asked him with a chuckle.
"What are you going on about?" He asked me. He was flustered. I hadn't spoken this much to him in weeks. He was getting worked up. Wasn't sure what to do. I held the power for once.
"You seriously," I cut my words off with my laughter, "you seriously thought those noises I used to make with you were real?!" I laughed, causing Pansy to spit out the water she was taking a drink of and splatter it all over Draco in front of her.
The common room erupted into giggles and snickers.
"Ew! Pansy!" He exclaimed, looking down at the mess before his eyes met mine again. "Wha-" but I cut him off.
"I faked it, idiot. Every time. Like I'm sure the other 20 girls do when you run them off to your dorm every night. Or a broom closet. Or the astronomy tower. Or the trophy room. I'd continue, but," I linked arms with Theo and looked back at him. "the list is too long, and Nott and I have more important places to be." I smirked back at him. His eyes moved to my hands on Theo's arm before his jaw clenched tightly.
His ears were turning red. I knew I had achieved what I wanted. I knew every mannerism I needed to know. He was angry. More than that, embarrassed. Flustered. Defeated.
Blaise sat behind Draco and held a smirk on his lips that he was trying to bite away. I shot him a wink as my own smile grew wider. "Hi, Blaise." I breathed out, slowly walking backwards with Theo to exit.
"Hi, princess." He greeted me back, tipping his head casually. Draco turned to look at his friend, and even with seeing the back of his head, I knew he held a deathly glare. "Can't hate the player. Hate the game." Blaise shrugged with a chuckle as he casually looked up at his friend.
•
"I can't believe you guy's dragged Hufflepuff that badly. Brilliant game today, Montague." Theo complimented, lifting his shot glass in the air with a slight head tilt before he downed the liquid. I shook my head vigorously as my tastebuds adjusted to the liquor I just swallowed.
"I like this top." Adrian whispered to me, his elbow resting on the counter top while his cheek sat in his hand comfortably. "It's pretty." He smiled, twirling his finger around the silky string that held the corset together before he let it go.
"You're more drunk than me, Pussy." I chuckled, drinking another shot. And another. And another. Drowning.
"Pucey." He chuckled, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear before his fingers lingered down my jaw, holding my chin as my hazel eyes met his emerald ones. "But I like Pussy. So I guess if it's coming from you, I'll allow it." He winked, chuckling breathlessly.
"Wowww," I laughed, taking another drink. "That was smooth. I liked that one." I laughed with him while his teeth shined brightly.
"Dance with me, Em." He tipped his head towards the large crowd in the center of the room. "I've missed you. Never see you now that you aren't at practice." He pointed out, pouting slightly. I nervously looked to the side.
"Um,"
"Em." He softly grabbed my chin with two of his fingers. "You don't have to worry about what he thinks. I'll take care of him if he starts trouble." Adrian whispered to me. I gulped once before I picked up a drink and chugged it down.
"Ugh," I felt my whole face crinkle from the taste. "Sorry. Needed liquid courage. Let's go," I smiled, lacing my fingers with his and walking into the dance floor.
"You tell me if you're ever uncomfortable and we can stop." He chuckled, holding both of my hands in his own and barely moving his feet as he watched me jump around and sing.
His eyes were batted shut from all the drinks he had ingested. His brown hair messily curled and hung over his forehead above his brows. His dark and heavy lashes hooded over his eyes, and a sweet and soft smile lingered on his lips while he watched me.
"You look pretty," I told him honestly. Running my fingers through his hair once. Merlin, it's soft, too. He chuckled lowly as he twirled me casually.
"You look pretty, too." Adrian tipped his head. I felt my cheeks blush a rosy color before I pulled him a little closer. "So, how's the single life treating you, darling? You and Nott seemed to be close." He chuckled, looking over my head at a few others in the crowd.
"Not really looking for anything specific. I'm just doing my own thing right now." I sighed, my eye lids forcing themselves open to look at him. That's one thing I hated about alcohol. The drowsiness from it.
"Ah," he chuckled. "I know what Malfoy says about you isn't true. You sleeping around and trying to get with other guys. I think he just says those things because he's jealous." He told me softly, bringing his eyes back down while his hands still fiddled with mine.
"What on earth does he have to be jealous of? If anything he's trying to make me jealous." I chuckled, laying my forehead against Adrian's chest to hold up my head. He cleared his throat once before he spoke up.
"Does it work?" He asked, making my head lean back to look at him again. I followed his gaze and saw him.
Straddled by a blonde girl on the couch while a few of his dress shirt buttons were undone. His hair was a mess. Hickeys traced his skin, and all of them probably weren't even from that girl.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, but my eyes couldn't look away. I laid the side of my head against Adrian's chest, and still I stared. Draco's head leaned up off of the back of the couch while the girl still moved her lips across his neck.
His eyes locked with mine, mischief and danger leaking from them while he gave me a sinister smirk. He grabbed a hand full of her hair and pulled her back before his lips dove down to the base of her exposed neck.
"It does." I sighed, finally leaning back and looking at Adrian again.
"You don't deserve it. To be sad all the time. To feel the way you do. You're too pretty for it. Too good for it. He never deserved your heart of gold. You two were like the devil and an angel. So similar, but too different." He explained, seriousness traced out across his face as his eyes glanced back and forth between mine.
I wrapped my hands behind his neck and tilted my head to the side slightly. "I'm glad that there are normal people out there, who don't slave behind Draco and can actually tell me these things." I chuckled drunkenly as my eyes fluttered shut again.
"It'll get easier. You just need to do what you need to do to feel better. I won't judge you. Nott won't judge you. I'm sure those girls you run around with won't either. Don't care about what he thinks. Because he obviously doesn't care about you." He mumbled to me before he picked up 2 cups from someone's hands and gave me one.
"So," I started before I chugged down the liquor. "If I asked you to kiss me for fun right now, no strings attached, would you do it for me?" I asked him honestly, making a smirk grow on his lips.
Heat started radiating through my veins. My cheeks were flushed crimson and my eye lids were at a constant battle to keep themselves open. I am so intoxicated, and I don't care. Because I feel something.
"I would." He answered with a nod. "No strings attached. No judgement." He winked, snaking one of his hands behind my back and slowly pulling me into him. His fingers brushed under the corset top and barely grazed my lower back, causing my spine to shiver.
I smiled lazily and carelessly before I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. I crashed our lips together in the middle of the dance floor, moving his bottom lip between both of mine and sucking on it slightly.
"I think that you kissed me, actually." He corrected me into my parted lips.
"But you're kissing back." I confirmed, pushing my lips against his soft ones again. His hands cradled around my jaw, holding me sweetly while others danced around us.
We giggled. And kissed. And laughed. And held each other.
And it felt good.
So good. To finally get affection and attention.
To feel something.
"Malfoy's a liar." Adrian panted as his lips still grazed mine. "You're a great kisser." He chuckled, continuing right back where we left off. I moaned into his lips lightly, pulling him into me further.
The back of my neck was grabbed in someone's hand, hitting the perfect pressure points to make my shoulders raise and cause my body to stiffen. I was dragged off of the floor and taken to the entrance to the common room, tripping and stumbling on my feet the entire way while they walked behind me.
My body was pressed against the wall in the hallway, making me flutter my tired eyes open slightly. They opened wide as ever when a hand grasped my throat, forcing me to take a deep inhale.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" Draco spat, his face so close I could smell all the liquor rolling off of his tongue.
"I can-" I gulped as I gripped his wrist. "Breathe." I choked out. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as he held me.
"Don't fucking kiss him again. Do you understand?" He asked me harshly. My eyes were starting to roll and I clawed at his skin to try and get him off. "Answer me." He growled through clenched teeth. I nodded my head rapidly, finally inhaling when his hand loosened, but it stayed wrapped around my skin.
"You don't get to do that. You don't kiss anyone. You don't touch anyone. You don't do anything with anyone. And no one does it to you." He growled, shoving me back into the wall further. I nodded my head as my eyes pinched shut, nothing but fear pulsing through me.
He pulled away from me, staring at me intently while he glared into my eyes.
"I can do what I want." I finally choked out. "You don't get a say." I hissed at him, running my fingers over my sore and tender skin.
"You don't and I do. Deep down you will always be mine. I will own you until you take your last breath, Emelia. You are mine and I don't share. You belong to me. I don't have to like you to control every. Last. Thing. You. Do." He articulated slowly while he looked into my eyes with nothing evil in his.
"Isn't that why you didn't want me?" I asked, my words slurring together. "I was controlling, remember?" I asked as I leaned back against the wall.
"Are you fucking mocking me?" He asked angrily, shoving me into the stones behind my back. I let out a wince and a cry as I hit them.
That's the other thing I hate about alcohol. The heightened emotions.
"Just go fuck the blonde and leave me alone." I cried, trying to use my limp arms to shove him away.
"I already did. Apparently while you were drinking too much and shoving your tongue down my teammate's throat." He seethed. My eyes shot open and instantly filled with hurt.
"You what?" I whispered, searching his dark eyes for answers. They didn't budge.
"Awe. Does that hurt your feelings?" He chuckled, faking a pout. "I didn't need any bets for other girls to drop their panties. I've been doing it for weeks." He smirked, still holding me steady.
"I hate you." I whispered, my eyes filling with tears as I stared at him.
"I hate you more. Always remember that. Because less than 24 hours after you finally left me, I already had a whole line of better girls waiting for me again. And man-" he rolled his head back out of pleasure. "Sticking my dick in someone the next day felt better than any 5 minutes I spent with you." He snickered.
"Get off of me." I sobbed. I didn't want him to see this affect me, but I was done. I was tired. I wanted out. For good.
Draco finally dropped his arm that was pressed against my chest and I sprinted back into the common room. I immediately found Adrian, Graham, and Theo back at the table they originally stood at before I threw my arms around Theo's neck, sobbing into his skin and clutching onto him for support.
"What did he do?!" Adrian shouted, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me around. I leaned my back against Theo's chest while his hands held my waist up so I could stand.
I could hardly breath, my sobs being the only sound escaping my throat while my eyes stayed shut and tears flowed down my cheeks rapidly.
"I'm gonna kill him." Adrian mumbled, releasing me before he disappeared into the crowd. Theo spun me back around and held me against his chest.
"Let's go to sleep, come on." Theo whispered, leading me towards the boy's corridor. Eventually we reached his dorm where he opened the door and laid me on his bed. "Montague, Pucey, and Warrington will probably come back later. Put these on." He said softly, handing me a pile of clothes.
I stumbled to his bathroom with them while I still cried hysterically. I washed my face quickly and threw the clothes on before I stalked back out and laid back down. After Theo wrapped his arms around me, I slowly slipped away into the darkness of my dreams.
•
I let out a long groan as my hands traveled to my head.
"Hey, it's okay." A familiar voice mumbled in the back of my mind.
"What happened? What's going on?" I winced, holding my head tightly in my hands as I buried my face in their sweatshirt. Blaise. I knew that scent anywhere. "Zabini?" I questioned, making him chuckle.
"Gee, didn't know I was so far on the outs with you anymore that we're on a last name basis." He chuckled. "I'll cut to the chase. Adrian's in the hospital wing. The other lads are there with him. I'm supposed to be watching out for you and making sure you feel okay. That's about it." He listed everything off at once. My eyes squinted as my head rolled back to look at him.
"How ugly did it get?" I whispered, my morning voice scratchy and dry.
"Draco looks fine. Barely a scratch. He's the one that sent me here, actually. Said he didn't think you should stay in here alone after the other boys rushed to the infirmary." He sighed. "Adrian's... rough to say the least. I've never seen Draco do something like he did last night." He shook his head, and his eyes were clearly replaying the scenario in front of him again.
"What happened to him?" I whispered, laying my cheek against Blaise's shoulder. "How does he just drop me and become this horrible person one day?" I asked softly. I felt Blaise shake his head while his chin rested next to my hair.
"I think something bad is happening to him. I just have no idea what it is." Blaise answered honestly.
"I should go see Adrian." I sighed, but Blaise pulled me back.
"Don't. He looks horrible, and you shouldn't have to see it. Besides, if Draco sees you anywhere near him right now, I think he'll sneak in while the kids asleep and smother him." He chuckled, but his voice lacked any humor.
"Why would he care?" I snapped, not understanding any of this.
"He doesn't. But he does. It's so bizarre. I don't get him either." Blaise sighed. "Just promise me you won't go to the hospital wing. I will go and tell Adrian you hope he feels better. Just don't go." Blaise warned, standing from the bed and making his way out of the room. I slowly stood after him, not caring what I probably looked like or that I was in Theo's pajamas.
I wanted my own dorm. Not to be left in this one all alone. I opened the door and walked out slowly. As I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I caught Draco and Blaise standing a few feet away.
"Where are you going?" Draco asked flatly, but I ignored him as I pushed past. "Where. Are you fucking going?" He asked slowly, grabbing my arm tightly and stopping me in front of him.
"Ow!" I winced as I looked at the death grip he held on my arm. "My dorm!" I whispered, trying to pry his grasp off of me.
"If you're fucking lying to me, I'll hurt you worse than you could've ever imagined." Draco whispered in my ear lowly before he finally set me free. I looked up at him, feeling nothing but pure fear cross my face before I took off down the corridor.