[|]
I ended the call when my heartbeat increased. I was not strong enough to talk to my mother who did not care about me almost a year ago before I left Redside to train myself in school. I switched off my phone and went to the kitchen.
"Who was that?" Lucas asked and took a sip out of his orange juice.
I ignored his question and grabbed my morning-after pill from the counter. I popped it onto my palm and dropped it inside my mouth then downed it with a glass of water. I glared at him and then pointed my finger at his face.
"What?" He asked, chuckling.
"You need to learn how to pull out, you oaf," I said and he smirked.
"Well, you can't blame me. You feel too good and when I'm in the moment, I lose control of myself. Sorry, babe," Lucas said with a wink.
I grimaced and rolled my eyes away from his face. I exhaled as I thought about hearing my mother's voice. It was still the same, soft yet controlling in some way. I still wondered why she wanted to see me. First, she cleared my student loan, but now she wanted to see me? It was too good to be true.
"Are you okay? You're not eating."
I broke out of my thoughts at the sound of Lucas's concerned voice. I shook my head and faced him.
"It's my mom," I began. "She was the one who called."
"Oh... Is that a bad thing?"
"Did I ever tell you that it was my mother who paid my loan?" I asked and he looked shocked at my question.
"No, I don't remember you telling me."
I smiled. "She did without letting me know. After leaving me on my own to fend for myself, she decided to act like a parent for once. Now, she's calling me so we can meet? Does she expect me to jump and be happy at her demand? Bullshit," I said and bit my lip as I felt it quiver.
I hated what was happening. I hated how she thought she could easily come back into my life after I needed her the most. My mother was the one person who should have stood by me, knowing the dreams I had for myself but she chose to side with Martinez, her deadbeat husband.
"Do you mind me asking why you don't want to see her?"
I rolled my eyes to stop the tears from falling. I took deep breaths and drummed my fingers on the counter before meeting Lucas's worried eyes.
"I think it's time I tell you all about my life," I said and sniffed. "I used to have a father until he died. My mother and I were devastated because he was the breadwinner of our family. It took some time before we got over the fact that he was done. Then came a new man who became my mother's boyfriend. I never trusted him or liked him and he knew it. I was uncomfortable around him as he would stare at me in some manner I never liked. Sometimes, he would subtly touch me. One night, I..."
I shut my eyes and clenched my hands as memories came up in my head. I heard the chair scratch the floorboard the felt Lucas's front against my back. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, comforting me. I opened my eyes and sighed.
"I had been sleeping when I felt someone's hands on my body. When I opened my eyes, I saw my stepfather... He was... He was touching my legs and when I wanted to scream, he closed my mouth and t-touched my body. When he wanted to go under my skirt, my mom walked through the hallway. He left after that and since that night, he would come to my room and try to touch me but I would either run out of the room or lock my door. The worst of it all was that my mother worked late. So, you can imagine the fear I lived with. I had no one to stay with and no friends. I endured a lot. Martinez would even send me...he would send me pictures of his disgusting private part and sexual texts. It hurt when I tried to hide it because he threatened to sleep with me if I did. Lucas, I was traumatized and I hated my mom for failing him, for ruining my life."
I let the tears drop out of my eyes, down my cheeks, and onto his arm. He hugged me tighter and kissed my temple.
"I am sorry you went through all of these," Lucas said and turned my chair around. He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears. "You are a strong woman, you've gone through a lot and I admire how strong you've stood till this moment. I wish I could turn the hands of time so I could meet you and be your friend the right way and not add to the mental stress you've been through. I apologize for hurting you in any way in school, Jackie."
I sniffed and looked at him through my wet eyelids. I smiled and placed my hands over his.
"Lucas, don't. We've been over that and besides, the incident at your party as a result of someone else's plot. Right now, I just don't want anything to do with my mom or Redside," I said and he sighed.
"I know but... Maybe you could use this last time to see her and talk to her. Tell her everything then walk away, without looking back. You've been through so much and the only way to fully move on is to face those challenges that left you weak so you can be strong for your future," Lucas said in a serious tone.
I thought deeply about what he had said, realizing just how reasonable he had been. Maybe it would be best if spoke to her one last time before thinking of making her leave my life for good.
"Okay," I said with a sad smile.
"Good." Lucas kissed my forehead and placed my head against his chest for a hug.
"Thank you, Lucas. Thank you for being here for me," I whispered and his body shook from his slight laugh.
"I'll always be here for you."
[|]
A week after our trip, I was still thinking about my mother. It was hard to just accept the fact she was back in my life. One that I planned she would never be part of.
So, when I sent her a text to meet me at the coffee shop close to the apartment building, it left me feeling disoriented. I was sitting at the table, bouncing my leg and cracking my fingers every two minutes to relieve the tension in my gut. The way I was sitting made me see who walked into the establishment and who left. Each time I heard the glass door open, I would look up with a beating heart.
As I grabbed my milkshake off the table and took a sip, I spotted my mother walking in. I dropped the cup and swallowed the drink in my mouth at the sight of her. She was looking better than when I left her. Her hair was now short, her body had more fat than how she was before; lean. Her face was glowing as she looked around the place.
I sat up slowly and she spotted me. A smile appeared on her face but a frown took over mine. I had expected her to be looking different, suffering for putting me through a lot but she looked better. I saw her walking up to me and I felt the urge to walk away.
I sat down and looked out the window beside me. When I felt her stand by the table, I clenched my hands.
"Jackie?"
"Sit. I don't have all day to be here with you," I said and turned my head to look at her.
"Okay," she said and sat down across me.
I noticed her hands toward me on the table, trying to reach for me. I took my hands off the table and glared at her.
"Why do you want to see me? I thought I didn't exist to you anymore?" I asked through my teeth, my anger for her rising within me.
"Jackie, I'm sorry."
I scoffed and leaned back in my seat. She bowed her head for a few seconds then I saw her shoulders begin to shake, followed by light sniffles. The act in front of me disgusted me and I grimaced.
"Jackie, I know you must hate me. Your anger and other emotions towards me are justified. I am a bad mother for not being there for you. I should have stood by you when you needed someone," she said and raised her head. Her eyes were irritated with tears in them.
"You can talk without crying, you know? Adding tears to your speech won't move me," I told her with a deep frown on my face.
She wiped her cheeks with a nod of her head and forced a smile on her face. I hated being wicked to people but certain circumstances demanded that I be wicked.
"Jackie, I'm sorry for not being watchful. I let Martinez get to me, I let my need for love take control of my mind that I didn't support you."
"So, is that why you think you could buy my forgiveness? You paid my student's loan and thought I would come crying to mama, thanking her for being so good all of a sudden?! Do you know what I passed through because of that man you call your husband? You never sided me one day! It was all about; Martinez says this, Martinez says that. I was sick and tired. Even when I left for school, you never even bothered to check up on me. I even called one time for help when I had no food to eat and you didn't answer. So, don't expect me to sit here and hear your side of the story!"
I realized that people were now staring at us and I did not care. I was too angry that I felt like punching something. I hated seeing her face. I grabbed my purse and rose from my seat, prepared to leave.
"Martinez is dead," she said, stopping me in my tracks.
"What?" I whispered in shock.
My mother rose from her seat and stood beside me. She sniffed and wiped her cheeks then stood in front of me.
"Martinez is dead," she said. "He died five months ago in a car accident. He was under the influence when he crashed into a gas station late at night."
I didn't know if I should be glad that he was dead or feel sad that he was finally gone after putting me through so much.
"So?" I asked.
"I found out that he had been sexually assaulting you one night. We had an argument and I tried to get a divorce but he refused. He threatened to find you and hurt you if I divorced him. He made me change my number so that you wouldn't contact me and vice versa. It was hard. All of these happened two months after you left. I couldn't do anything. So when he died, I was happy and felt free to redeem myself. I had been naive and hate myself for making you go through so much. I'm sorry, Jackie."
I felt different now that I heard all that she had gone through. I watched as tears rolled down her cheeks and weak as her words broke down in my head. When she placed her hand on my shoulder, I moved back, still not ready to accept everything yet.
"Will you forgive me?"
I looked down at my feet, contemplating the possibilities.
"I don't know... It's not something I can simply do. Give me time to make a decision," I answered and walked away.
As soon as I left the store, I started crying. Crying for me, for the things I've gone through, for the fact that I didn't have any idea of what to do next.
A/n: Emotional chapter.
So, Martinez is dead. Lol. Good for him.