Perrie's POV:
Alright... here goes nothing.
"I-I... I um first want to apologise though I know it changes nothing." I started and cleared my throat after it came out roughly.
She nodded and I took that as a sign to continue, "I will never be able to put into words how sorry I am for all the things I said. Not even one syllable of the words should have left my mouth."
I waited to see if she would say something and she did, "I'm not stupid." She said and I looked at her in confusion.
"I know you are sorry. I never doubted it. I still know you after all. But sorry doesn't cut it this time. As much as I'd love that it'd be the case, it isn't. You said things that until now bother me and pop up in my head." She said firmly.
Words scrambled out of my mouth quickly, "No! No you're right I know sorry won't cut it. What I said was completely out of line and I know that a hundred percent... I just don't know how I can fix this. I know it will take time obviously, but from my own point of view, I don't how you are meant to forgive me. God I know how much I hurt you. I hate myself ever since it happened you have no idea." I said and felt myself slowly getting emotional but I kept it together.
She shook her head, "Don't worry. Your song made it very clear. You really hit home hard with those lyrics." She said bitterly.
I shook my head, "I meant everything I said in it."
Beth sighed and put her leg up on the couch to get herself more comfortable.
When silence surrounded us I started speaking again, "What do I have to do to make you forgive me and trust me again?" I asked sincerely.
"I don't really know." She shrugged.
I nodded and said, "I know I've said it already but I really am sorry. Truly."
She nodded and then finally a tear broke through her eye, "Did you mean what you said?" She asked and her voice broke.
She then added a little louder, "Be honest."
I truly thought about what I said and I can't believe those words left my mouth.
"No." I shook my head and then elaborated, "I never believed you were a coward. You may not always take on things head on, but who really does that? Fear is natural. And though it may not have happened immediately, you did face what life threw at you. Every single time. If I believed you were a coward, then what the hell would I be? Because I definitely wouldn't have been as strong as you are with everything that's happened in your past."
More tears fell from her eyes but she wiped them away stubbornly.
"You know..." She started and cleared her throat of the teary sound, "You mentioned that I didn't really care about how you felt in most situations, and if I really did that and only cared about myself I am very sorry. I mean you must have been unhappy in our relationship for you to feel that way." She said and sniffed.
My heart felt torn apart. I am such a fucking idiot. That was never the case at all. But of course she believes that when I say such stupid things.
"I said things I never meant. My anger got to me and for some very bizarre reason it ticked me off that you didn't yell back at me or told me to shut up or something. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Usually people appreciate that. Something was very wrong but until now I can't figure out what it was. And no Beth, you never, never made me feel like you didn't care about me. I'd be the biggest liar ever if I said that. You never even seemed like you cared about yourself. Which is a problem but not the point of the current conversation." I said.
A few minutes passed in silence, both of us sniffing occasionally or wiping tears away.
Finally, Beth nodded and said, "I believe you."
I smiled softly through the tears and asked, "So how do we go on from this?"
She exhaled and wiped her tears away one last time when she stopped crying, "I haven't completely forgiven you yet, and I most definitely won't forget it for a while, but I think we can definitely be considered friends again."
When my smile grew her own became more apparent and we smiled at each other.
"Can I please hug you? A friendly hug?" I asked needing to feel her presence.
She smiled and nodded, so I stood up and pulled her into an embrace.
The familiarty in that made my heart swell. God I missed her terribly.
"I will never lose you again. This time I won't mess up. I promise you that. My promise was broken once, it won't happen again, I swear on my life." I said completely a hundred percent determined that I won't let her go ever again.
A low vibration came from her and she chuckled very quietly, "Let's hope it sticks this time. For both of us." She said.
Silently I agreed with her. Hopefully it sticks.
**************
After Beth and I had our little talk I felt a weight come off of my shoulders.
She spoke to all of us about how she wants to move back to the UK, wants to be close to Noah and Sam.
So she sold her house pretty quickly and only had to take her clothes and personal belongings with her since she left her furniture there.
With that being said, we weren't seen for three years travelling together. So this is definitely gonna be talked about in case someone takes a picture or notices us.
Beth let her car be shipped back to England and we were on our way to the airport.
Just as we were about to step out we noticed masses of people seeing us through the window.
We looked at each other and Jade said, "The media will explode."
They surely will.