I felt my chest twist with pain but I stood my ground.
There's no way Jisoo was doing this because he wants to. He was being forced into this. I stomped to the bed and caught ann by her red bun and pushed her off of him. She landed on the floor with a thud and I glared venomously, looking at her pale naked body. I climbed onto her her, my thighs wrapped around her waist.
I felt every cell in my body pulsing with boiling rage as I looked down at her wide olive eyes and her blood red lips. I swung my fist into her face. I couldn't even think right now. I wanted her gone. Fucking killed. How dare she force Jisoo into this? I expected low from her but rape?
I wasn't going to let him go through something that I had to go through years ago.
Her loud gasp only fueled my anger. My mind a blur, I slapped her cheek and the sound echoed throughout the room. How could she touch him?! I caught both her arms which she was thrashing around in an attempt to push me off and once again punched her face. I had never felt this much rage in my entire life and my life had been PRETTY FUCKED UP.
"YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU?! I'M TAKING YOU THE
GODDAMN COPS!" I SCREAMED INTO HER FACE.
"Jisoooo!" She hopelessly yelled, trying to dodge my hits but failing miserably.
"You think the person you were trying to rape will defend your ass?" I hissed, spitting in her face. I was livid. Fuming. Raging.
"JISOO! DO SOMETHING!" Ann yelled. Just then, two arms lifted me up from my position. I looked into Jisoo's eyes for a second before I started struggling to make him let me go so I could get back to business.
"Jennie! Stop it!" Jisoo said firmly, his hands, keeping my hands together behind my back.
I turned my head to side to face him, "What the fuck is wrong with you? She was about to rape you! Had I been a few minutes late, she would've raped you! Don't tell me to stop, goddamnit!" Saying that, I pushed him off with all my might and walked over to Ann again, who was now spitting out blood. Catching her off guard, I kicked her square in the gut and she groaned painfully, rolling on the floor. I raised my leg to kick her again, but Jisoo's strong arms pulled me back.
"Listen to me." He whispered in my ear. His hot breath fanned me, making me relax slightly but no, I wanted to kill this hoe. I thrashed against him, not looking at his face. He answered by tightening his hold on me.
"Jennie. Stop it. Listen to me." He said, firmly again. I was going to pass out at the frustration running inside me.
"WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO STOP? ARE YOU NOT HEARING YOURSELF? JISOO, SHE WAS GOING TO RA-"
I was interrupted. "It wasn't rape. I wanted it."
All my movements seized. A sharp pain started in my chest at his words. With a trembling hand, I pushed him off of me slightly.
Jisoo's face was void of any emotion. I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me that he was kidding. It was like all my senses immediately shut off as soon as those words left his mouth.
l caught onto his sleeve. "Jisoo, don't lie to me. There's no way in hell that you would do this. I don't believe it!"
His face was pained, his jaw was clenched, he swiftly looked away from me, refusing to meet my teary eyes. At his silence, my chest began aching more.
"WHY ARE YOU SILENT! TELL ME YOU'RE LYING!" I caught
onto his collar, looking up at his face, begging him to give me some kind of response. I pressed my lips together to stop the sob from escaping me. I cupped his jaw, forcing him to look at me. He turned his head side to side but refused to do so.
"Please.. " I whispered, my voice breaking. I don't know how I was holding it together. At the tone of my voice, Jisoo glanced at me. He stared into my eyes. He wanted to say something, I could feel it. He then looked down, once again leaving me wanting answers.
"Baby... " I called out softly, on the verge of a whole
breakdown. As the nickname passed my lips, Jisoo looked at me again. I could see it. He wanted to get some message across. This was not him. He would never do something like this.
"Tell me, please."
Jisoo's golden eyes drifted over my shoulder to look at Ann. I don't know what she did or mouthed because he pulled my hands away from his face, putting distance between us.
"I'm not lying, Jennie. I wanted it. I want Ann." He told me, looking down and not meeting my eyes.
Ever felt your heart physically break inside your chest?
Ever felt the sound of it cracking echo everywhere in your body?
I knew there was something up. Jisoo wouldn't do this.
He wouldn't do this to me. This was Ann for gods sake. The same ann who had an unhealthy, toxic obsession with him. The same Ann who had gotten him in trouble before. The same Ann who was a manipulative, psychotic cunt. It was the same Ann who had taken pictures of him naked. It was her. No sane person would go fool around with a psycho like that. But just hearing him say the words he did, I felt a pain I'd never experienced before. Just when I finally thought I was ready to share my love with someone, this happens.
I took a step back.
Jisoo suddenly turned around, his back facing me. He looked down. Was he crying?
"Tell me to leave and l'll go." I voiced, my tone shaking. I
cast a glance at Ann who was dressed again. My eyes roamed over the blood, the big red mark on her cheek, he busted up lip and the swollen eye. Satisfaction filled me for a brief second.
The silence stretched on for a while. Neither of us said
anything. I stayed rooted to my spot, not wanting to go
anywhere. Then
Jisoo spoke, breaking me even further, "Leave."
I held my breath and turned on my heel without another
word.
___________________
Chaeyoung stood in front of me, huffing and puffing. Her blue Marge Simpson wig was in her hands.
"Can I please just go and kill her? And him? I'm sure he's
drunk. Someone must've given him something to drink.
There's no way that he's with Ann. No way. I don't believe
you. Let me go and put her into a coma. l'll do the dirty work. Just let me go."
A sad smile crept it's way to my face. We were sitting in the kitchen, while the party went on. I was an expert in trying to conceal my emotions and that was exactly what I was doing. Faking it. Faking smiles, faking laughs, faking it all.
"I beat her up pretty good. Jisoo said he wants her. Let him. I took a sip of water from the glass. I felt parched.
"But no, Jen. I know Jisoo. There's something wrong here. That boy would never do something like this. Ann is up to something." Chae stated and I nodded because I knew that was true. Something was wrong. From the look Jisoo gave me in that room, I could easily tell that he wanted to tell me something but he couldn't.
Lisa, Hanbin and Taehyung then joined us and Chae filled them in. Hanbin's jaw dropped in shock and he clenched his fists, turning on his heel.
"I'm going to punch the shit outta that son of a bitch!" I
hurriedly caught him.
"Hanbin, listen. It's not his fault. Something is up."I then
proceeded to tell them about how Jisoo was acting, Everyone was quiet, deep in thought.
Han turned to me and pulled me into a hug. "You alright?" He whispered into my ear.
Why is that we can hold it all in fine but the minute someone asks us how we're feeling, the waterworks start?
I couldn't help it. Jisoo's words began ringing in my ears and the tears began to spill. I sniffed and pulled Hanbin in tighter, seeking the comfort.
"Oh man." He whispered and placed his hand on the back of my head, the other rubbing my back slowly. My tears soaked his shirt. I couldn't stop the damn tears. I hated this. I hated being like this. I hated showing weakness. I hated feeling this damn emotion.
"Babee.. " Chaeyoung trailed off and hugged me from behind. "Don't cry, bubs. We'll get him back. He just needs a punch in the balls."
A weak laugh escaped me as I lifted my head off of hanbin's shoulder. He let me go gently.
"Sorry about that." I smiled half heartedly.
Chae then snuggled up next to me and a small smile lit my face. Friends. I had friends. I'd never felt this. Even during the worst times of my life, I never had anyone to provide me with comfort. I had dealt with everything alone. But here I was, surrounded by people who cared and I couldn't thank god enough for helping me open up to new people.
I looked at Lisa. His face was angry. "What's wrong, Lis?" I asked.
He snapped out of it and gave me a small smile "Nothing.
I was thinking of the possibilities. What could be actually
happening?"
"Maybe she's blackmailing him?" I suggested with a shrug.
But with what? What could possibly compel Jisoo to do
something like this?
"I think we should talk to him and Ann." Hanbin said, pointing to Lisa, Taehyung and himself. I nodded. I couldn't face Jisoo again. I would probably start crying like a pathetic bitch once again.
"I'm coming too." Chae raised her hand.
"No you're not." Lisa glared at her.
"Don't glare at me, mister! I want to come. I want to beat
Ann's ass."
"First of all, what ass? Secondly, you're not beating up
anything. We know you won't be able to control yourself so stay here with Jennie. We'll be back soon."
"Fuck you." Chae sighed, leaning back and giving up. The three of them exited the kitchen and made their way to wherever Jisoo was.
Chaeyoung rubbed my arm, "You good?" I gave her a sad smile and nodded, not being able to formulate words. She smiled back at me.
She made her way to the refrigerator and opened it, "Beer?
I didn't feel like drinking. "No thanks."
She pulled out a beer for herself and made her way to me, grasping my hand and pulling me with her. I followed quietly, cringing as the loud music was beginning to fuck with my head. For the first time ever, I felt sick at a party. l just wanted to go home and enjoy the silence. I needed solitude to get over what had just happened.
We reached the pool area and my eyes widened at the scene in front of me. This was insane. People were drunk, playing ball in the pool, some were naked, some were half naked, some were completely clothed. A guy then walked past us with a naked girl on his shoulders and boy, was she drunk.
"Is this what happens every year?! " I shouted to Chae,
hoping she would hear me over the music. She gave me a proud smile.
"What can I say?" She smirked. I laughed.
Someone then tapped me on my shoulder and I turned
around. A guy dressed in well, nothing, smirked at me. He was wearing his boxers and thats all. He had sandy blonde hair and a tanned, toned body.
Nope. I didn't care whether he was sex on legs or not, I wasn't interested.
"Wanna join me in the pool?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks." I then turned back around and pulled Chae's hand. She met a few of her friends and introduced me to them. I tried my level best to be cheerful but in reality, I felt nervousness crawl inside me wondering what could Hanbin, Tae and Lisa be saying to Jisoo right now. Would he tell them what was happening? Would he return to us? Would he come and say sorry? WillI get to tell him that I was head over heels in love with him?
A couple of minutes passed and I was fed up of meeting
people and the environment was really starting to bother me. I wanted to go home.
Just then I saw Lisa, Taehyung and Hanbin making their way over to us. Disappointment filled me as I noticed Jisoo's absence. He didn't come. Anxious to know what he said, I walked to them with Chae quickly.
All of them looked. Disturbed. Hanbin looked everywhere but at me. Taehyung's hands were in his pockets as he gazed at the floor. Lisa was the only one who was looking at me in sympathy. I hated that look.
"Well? Tell us! What did he say?
Lisa cast a glance to hanbin and the latter nodded ushering go to a ahead.
"First of all, Ann has broken a couple of things. You rented out this place right?" Lisa asked Chae.
Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. "Her ass is paying for that."
Lisa then looked at me. "He said there was nothing wrong.
He sensed some change in Ann and wanted to try and build something with her. He told us to pass on his apology to you."
Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain..
I stood my ground, looked down fora few moments, took a deep breath and then looked up. I smiled.
My heart literally fell as I registered Lisa's words.
I wanted to scream. Please make it stop. Please make this pain stop. It's been too fucking long. My life had always been an endless cycle of heartbreak and it wasn't stopping anytime soon. I just wanted to feel happiness. Just once. Only once.
"Was Ann there when you spoke to him?" Chae questioned.
"We asked him in front of her and then we also asked him in private." Hanbin answered. Tae stayed quiet, lost in his own thoughts.
"I'm going home." I announced. I don't think I could hold it together any longer and I didn't want anyone to see me crying again. I wasn't weak.
"You want me to co-" Chaeyoung began but I cut her off with a smile. All of them looked at me with pity in their eyes and I hated it. I couldn't stand it. But I couldn't blame them. I pity my own damn self.
I turned away and began to walk hurriedly, not wanting
them to follow me. Tears once again spilled. Fuck, WHY AM I CRYING SO DAMN MUCH?! I was beginning to get annoyed by my own self. Why did I allow myself to feel so much? Closing your heart off is the only way to avoid feeling like this. I had opened my heart for the first time ever and pain wasn't the word to describe this feeling, Pain didn't do justice to this feeling.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my head as I squeezed
through the sea of dancing bodies. I was feeling
claustrophobic.
I heaved a sigh as soon as I was out.
"JEN
I closed my eyes as I recognized the voice. Hanbin
"Han, l just want to go home. Please. I'll be fine. Just leave me alone."
"Hey hey hey hey, listen to me." He was in front of me in an instant, holding my face. A sob escaped me as soon as my eyes met his. I felt so... Broken.
"Stop crying, Jen, Come on, this is not you. You're strong." Hanbin told me sternly.
I pressed my lips together, trying to heed his order and stop the tears but they just wouldn't. Han sighed and pulled me in again.
I was hurt beyond belief. After gathering courage for all these days, after finally having the guts to let myself feel, Jisoo decided to do this to me. I cried into Han's shoulder as the image of Jisoo and Ann on the bed burned behind my eyes. I couldn't find it in me to be the badass version of myself right now.
"Look at me. " Hanbin pushed me away gently. "He loves you, you hear me? He fucking loves you. He told me. There's something cooking here and I promise l'll get to the bottom of this, alright?"
My heart fluttered slightly at Han's words but the ache was still there. I nodded.
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Jen, look at me." He once again grabbed my face. "He's your man. Do not give up on him. He'll be back. I'll get him back."
I sniffed, feeling slightly better at his words. I wouldn't give up on Jisoo. It wasn't possible for me to do so even if i wanted to.
I was in too damn deep.
hanbin smiled at me "Get your bitch pants on. Enough of the emotional shit. We're fucking Ann up, got it? I've always hated that bitch."
I laughed. For the first time after what happened today, it was a real one. God bless people like Hanbin.
He grinned at me "We're all rooting for you guys."
___________________
Back home, I changed into a loose sweatshirt and socks.I
washed my face and did all my nightly duties.
On the ride home, I thought of everything. I thought about Jisoo, I thought about Ann, I thought about the wonderful punches I'd thrown at her, I thought about Hanbin's words, I thought about Jisoo's strange behavior, I thought of his eyes and the way they gazed back at me so strongly, screaming out their emotions. He was hiding something. That was for sure. I've spent the past few months with Jisoo and I can easily tell you, that guy didn't know how to lie. He sucked at it.
He's still mine. Ann can go fuck herself. Her little games Will end and l will personally send her to hell.
I had to get the truth out of Jisoo anyhow. I had to speak with him without having Ann around. Only then will he feel free enough to tell me what was going on.
I made my way to his room. Is he coming back home tonight? I sat on his bed, letting the smell of his cologne waft into my senses. I lied down and shut my eyes. Instantly, a mental image of Jisoo having sex with Ann came to mind and my eyes flew open. Was he actually going to sleep with her? Anger lit inside mne again. That was still rape. I'm sure he didn't want this. He didn't want Ann. I know him. I know him too well.
I took a deep breath. I missed him. I was such an idiot for not Confessing my feelings earlier. Today, we would have gone to the party, come back home and have hot, heavy sex.
Or you Could... Make love?
I laughed sadly. I wouldn't mind. I snuggled into his bed, not caring about how creepy I was being. I breathed in his scent and shut my eyes, drifting to sleep.
_______________
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