Cw: negative thoughts on adoptive people, tiny mention on anorexia, mentions of bullying, suicide??, super triggering argument ngl😬, angsty chapter cos I think I failed my social exam and I'm mad
June 5th, 2006
7.34, pm.
Dinner had just ended and all students were dismissed to their rooms. Nobody was free from roaming around the country or the hotel until the school plans for the grade were over, which was in a few days.
You folded your arms, walking by rika. "Have you seen aria? Y'know, my sister?"
"Your sister?" She visibly cringed, giving you a judgmental look. "Yeah?" You furrowed your eyebrows, staring at her in confusion.
"Is she adopted?" Rika raised her eyebrows, a sly smirk on her face.
You stopped walking, "yeah, what about it? And why are you staring at me like that?" You were taken aback on the sudden attitude towards your sister. "Because. Anyways, I just didn't know you guys were siblings." Rika shrugged, starting to pick up the pace towards your room again.
"Mhm. I just didn't see her at the dinner. Thought she must be hungry." You shrugged.
Rika let out an unsettling laugh, she looked at you, a weird glimmer shining in her eye, "didn't you hear? arias anorexic."
"Wait what?" You stopped walking once again, dumbfounded. "Camilia doesn't like your sister. You should go check on her y/n. She's in there with her alone." Rika gave you a sly smile, looking over her shoulder at you, then her eyes drifted to the figure behind you.
The blood from your face visibly drained. You heard rindous voice behind you- maybe you forgot your phone again. But that didn't matter.
You bolted, sprinting towards your room, digging for your key hastily in your jacket as you slid it in the card reader, slamming the door open.
The room was silent. You ran in, seeing Camilia sitting on her bed with ren- her boyfriend. "Where's my sister." Your tone was harsh as you scanned around the room, desperately trying to find aria.
You had no idea she was genuinely struggling. You didn't know a single thing about the things she was going through.
But maybe rindou did.
Camilia visibly tensed up, getting flashbacks from the last time you both had an encounter. "She ran outside. Almost jumped out the window or some shit."
"What?" Your eyes were wide before you stomped over at her quickly. You grabbed her by the collar, completely ignoring her boyfriend who tried desperately to get your hands of his girl.
"What the fuck did you say to her? You want another fuckin concussion?" It was that same feeing again. The feeling of rage filling up each and every part of your body, as if such a normal emotion like anger was something as bad as a parasite.
You weren't thinking straight again, you just felt so fucking mad. Your jaw was clenched tightly, just a few more pounds of your own weight to your teeth you swore it could've broke.
"N-nothing.." camilias hands gripped onto yours, trying to get your grip out of her collar. You looked away for a second, genuinely not being able to stand her face. You blinked angrily, biting on your bottom lip in an attempt to not yell at her and gouge her eyes out.
You let out an angered laugh before letting her go harshly, making her head hit the bed frame with a loud thump. You ran out the hotel room, not bothering to close the door. You started running down the hallways, not even giving rindou who called you a few minutes ago a thought.
Rindou and rika who were once in the hallway with you were no where to be seen.
But you didn't care.
What a lucky day, you just had to not have your phone on you.
You pressed the button to call for the elevator. You froze when the elevator dinged, the doors opening as people stared at you oddly, waiting for you to come in.
"Fuck."
You dashed up the stairs, no longer thinking on how to find aria in the crowded streets of Seoul. But instead you just wondered if you could make it up there in time.
She wouldn't do it, would she?
You slammed your whole weight onto the door that led to the rooftop, almost falling down as it swung open.
Your breath hitched when you saw her tiny figure, sitting on the ledge. She didn't look like she was gonna do anything stupid.
Aria just looked like she was deep in thought.
You walked up to her slowly and cautiously, all anger vanishing from your veins and instead concern filled your blood.
Aria looked behind, instantly locking eye contact with you. She blinked a few times before looking back at the scenery ahead on her. At this point you were hyperventilating. You were trying to catch your breath from running up all those stairs, but you were hyperventilating from the fear of another flashback.
April 27th, 2002
12.34, am.
You were shaking, approaching your best friend slowly. You tried not to make any sudden moves.
"P-please get down.." your voice was soft and shaky. "Please get down." Suddenly you broke down instead, falling down onto your knees as you helplessly looked up. You could see the mesmerizing view from above.
The mesmerizing yet terrifying view. "I hope you won't have to see this view again y/n.." hanzo smiled at you softly, inching closer to the edge.
The moon was full tonight. The stars were countless tonight. Tonight would've been perfect.
"God, please don't ever let y/n see this view from this point ever again.."
You screamed, shutting your eyes close before you sprinted towards the edge, eyes wide as you looked down to your bestfriend falling down towards the ground.
"Why are you afraid of heights?"
Why wouldn't you be? You were twelve years old.
He made you hate japan. You never wanted to view the city from this height ever again. You hated japan and it's streets.
June 6th, 2006
7.45, pm.
"You never told me about hanzo, y/n." Aria said, coming off the edge recklessly. You felt a sense of relief wash over you.
You were at the same position once more, on your knees with tears in your eyes. But you didn't have to beg her to stay this time. You were so grateful you wouldn't have to see that again.
God didn't keep his promise with hanzo.
"He was my best friend. He jumped infront of me aria."
"That's why you wanna move out of japan?" Aria leant against the wall that she was sitting on just a moment ago.
"Yeah." You didn't even question her on how she knew. You didn't care at this moment.
You looked up at her, your heart thumping out of your chest. You were still panicked. "Do you really wanna die that bad?" You asked, a frown on your face as you clutched onto your jacket, trying to catch your breath as you huffed.
"That's funny. Rephrase that y/n. Do you really wanna stay that bad?" She raised her eyebrows mockingly. "Stop acting like you're happy. Stop trynna fit in with Emma. You don't belong with them y/n. People like that have expectations, they'll always expect something from you. And you know you'll let them down."
Aria was never wrong.
"It's funny. You don't really belong anywhere y/n. Ever thought about that? You don't belong with me, rika, or your friends. You especially don't belong with rindou."
She started walking closer to you, looking down at you before she bent down to match your eye level.
"Rindou was mine first y/n. He'll always see myself in you. You cant escape my shadow, you know that right?"
You shook your head in denial, hands flying up to your head as you gripped onto your hair, pulling on it as if that'd make aria stop talking.
She sounded like the voice in your head.
No, she was one of the many voices in your head.
Aria stood up. She snorted, "you think you're such a saint for saving me? You think you're almighty now? Oh gosh y/n. Grow the fuck up, suck it the fuck up. Stop saving everyone just to make yourself feel better. Stop trynna act like you care for me to ease yourself. You're a shitty person."
"And you're not?" Your mouth was agape, but you couldn't feel much anger. You felt that aria was genuinely ill. She genuinely didn't wanna live. That hurt more than anything.
"So you wanna leave japan then? Go for it." She shrugged, walking towards the rooftop door before she stopped, staring at you with a look that made you wanna sob. Aria didn't look bothered at all, her face was nonchalant. Her whole manner was. She wasn't even tense at all.
It was as if she didn't give a fuck at all. As if she didn't care she was saying all these things to you.
"Run away y/n, change your name, change your hair change your face even fuck. You're still the same fucking loser. Dye your fucking hair, go date one of my other ex's. Try anything to change who you are, it won't work. Stop trynna be act like you're someone better than who you really are. Stop surrounding yourself with people who don't know the real you." Aria mumbled, she didn't even look mad. She was unbothered.
You felt your throat swell up and your eyes grow warm from sudden tears that threatened your pride.
"Do you feel alright telling me this?" you asked, voice wobbly.
"Yeah. I do." She shrugged, opening the heavy door and slamming it behind her.
You hugged your knees, not wanting to stand up but at the same time you didn't wanna be here.
You didn't wanna have to see this scenery anymore.