Meredith Grey was never silent. Derek had learned this over the last few months of being her friend. She was never silent. She talked all the time, rambled, even sometimes hummed to herself. Even when she was sleeping, she wasn't quiet. Between the snoring and the occasional talking in her sleep, he was pretty sure he had never heard her not make a noise. So he couldn't figure out why she was silent now. He didn't like it. He didn't like this Meredith being silent thing at all. There was something completely wrong with her being silent. He had spent the first year after the accident in as much silence as he could get and then he had come here and he had found her. She was his best friend and he had gotten to love how noisy she was. He had needed the noise to keep him going.
His favorite thing about her was her ramble. Her cute, adorable nervous ramble that tended to come out when she didn't exactly know what to say, or when she was nervous. He had found himself loving the ramble, especially once he had discovered how to interpret it. The Meredith ramble was like a completely different language, and somehow, Derek had discovered how to understand it. It helped that there was usually a general theme to it. You had to pick out the one key thought and ignore all the misplaced words that she threw in in between. It was easy to understand actually, even though she always looked at him with wide eyes when he could actually respond to whatever it was she rambled about. But it was okay. He understood her. Just not the silent her.
She was playing nervously with her wrists, which actually said a lot. It was her nervous habit, her freaking out habit and he loved it. He loved watching her slim fingers tap against her tiny wrists, the wrists he could wrap his entire hand around. It usually meant something was really wrong and he frowned for a second. She wasn't nervous about meeting his mom, she had practically begged to come with him. Not that she had needed to beg. He couldn't wait for her to meet his mom. His mom had heard all about her, about the little piece of happiness he had managed to find for himself in Seattle. Because Meredith made him happy, being around her made him feel like he could breathe. She made him laugh, she made him feel alive again or something and he had told his mom all of that. She was excited to meet Meredith, really excited. When he had told Meredith that, she had had a momentary freak out moment, something about not doing well with moms or something. But in the end, she had called him this morning and told himi to pick her up at her house before he went to the airport. Bossy, she was so incredibly bossy, and he really wasn't used to that at all. But he loved it.
He adored everything about his best friend. She was the one thing that had kept him going and he was pretty sure she was the one thing he couldn't live without. He couldn't actually imagine a life without Meredith Grey in it. He couldn't even fathom what it would be like to have to spend his nights alone in the trailer instead of watching movies with her. And he was vaguely aware that if he had met her at a different time, all of this could be different. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice, especially when she ran her fingers through his hair, or when they kissed gently. It was usually followed by immense guilt, but he couldn't help but think it. If he had met Meredith years ago, before Amy and Sarah, things would have been different. If he had met her when he was his old self, the small friendly kisses they shared could be much more.
But it wasn't. His life had played out the way it had, and he wouldn't actually want it any other way, regardless of how amazing Meredith was. She was his best friend. She was exactly what he needed in his life right now and right now something was definitely bothering her. He had been able to actually think for five minutes straight and that never happened with her around. "Mer?"
"Hmm?"
"What's up?"
"What?" she turned quickly to him.
"Something is bothering you."
"I...no."
"Yes."
"I'm...I'm fine. Fine. Completely fine and...fine."
"Wow."
"Wow?" she breathed, her hands playing nervously over her wrists.
"Fine for you means not fine. And you just said fine four times in one breath."
"It's...stupid and nothing and I'm fine. Except I'm not because I just had a fight with Cristina. Cristina, Derek. Who...I mean, before you she was my person or whatever. Which actually started because she needed an abortion and I was...but that's not the point. The point is, she was my person and we had a fight but I'm fine because you...your dead daughter's birthday was three days ago and a fight is stupid and nothing and...it's nothing."
"It's not nothing," he frowned. "What was the fight about?"
"Derek..."
"Don't Derek me. What was the fight about?"
"You."
"Oh."
"Not only you. It's not...I'm going soft or something. With the babies and the kids and the...you. I'm going soft because...it's stupid."
"It's not stupid," Derek shook his head. "Why does she think you're going soft?"
"Because I'm...it's stupid."
"Meredith."
"The pediatrics thing was supposed to be a phase. A phase, Derek. I was supposed to do my peds rotation and then go back to surgery except I didn't. I didn't and everything thinks I should have because of my mom which is stupid but that's what they think. And then I'm always with you and apparently I'm all happy or something. I'm more bright and shiny and it's scaring her or something."
"She's..." Derek frowned. "Don't take this wrong way but she's a crap friend."
"What?"
"She's a crap friend," he shrugged.
"She's...she's my person."
"And I get that," he nodded. "But she should just be happy that you're happy. Does she not listen to you talk about your job? Your eyes light up and you always sound so excited."
"I love my job," Meredith breathed.
"I know you do," he smiled. "You not cutting...I see the way your hands work, it is a loss to the surgical world. You would have been great. But the pediatrics thing makes you happy. And you're great at that too."
"You think me being peds is a loss to the surgical world?"
"Not in a bad way," he denied quickly. "I think you would have been a great surgeon so it's a loss but it's a worthy loss."
"A worthy loss?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. You're a kick ass pediatrician."
"Thanks," she giggled softly.
"And most importantly, you love doing it. If Cristina is supposed to be your person, she should get that."
"Yeah."
"That didn't sound convincing."
"She's supposed to be my person," she breathed. "Except....she doesn't know about my mom. My mom is getting worse and she has no idea. She always asks when she'll get to meet her."
"You could tell her," Derek suggested softly.
"Derek..."
"You told me."
"I know I did. But you...you're different. Your family is dead and mine...I can't tell a surgeon. I can't tell a surgeon who worships her and...I can't."
"Okay," he nodded. "I get it."
"Good."
"How did you meet Cristina?"
"First day of internship."
"Hmmm..." he sighed. "At the time you were going surgical, right?"
"Yeah."
"I think she's afraid of losing her person."
"What?"
"When you met, when you became each other's persons, you were both going surgical. She probably figured you would always work together, kick the surgical world's ass together and suddenly you're not. Add to that...you spend all your time with me and that's not a complaint from me, just from her perspective. I think she's worried that she's going to lose her spot."
"That's...have you met Cristina?"
"Yeah."
"She's not...she's not like me or any other person. She...she's not losing me," Meredith shook her head. "I mean...I guess...you've been going to too much therapy, Derek."
"I have not," he laughed. "Mer, I know Cristina doesn't show emotions, she's scary. But I'm sure she has them."
"I know. I just..." she took a deep breath. "I'm not...we're not...something's different or...whatever."
"Something's different?"
"It has been...I mean, before you. I went peds and then...and then I started seeing Dr. Wyatt and just...different."
"Oh," he nodded slowly.
"I don't know," she breathed.
"You don't need to know all at once."
"I don't know anything," she laughed harshly.
"Oh Mer," he breathed, grabbing for her hand. "You're happy."
"No."
"You're not happy?"
"I don't...not yet. I want to be and I'm trying but..."
"It's not as easy as people make it sound?" he laughed softly.
"I just...what if I'm not cut out for it?" she murmured, reaching for his hand. "What if I can't be happy?"
"Anyone can be happy," he smiled.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously," he nodded.
"You...your wife and daughter are dead and you think you can be happy?"
"Yeah," he breathed. "I'm not sure I'll ever be as happy as I was but...I can manage some form of happiness."
"But there's always something. There's always...I mean, I think I'm happy but then I...things happen."
"You...you deal with the things," Derek nodded. "You don't let those things define how happy you are."
"Are you happy?"
"No. I have happy moments which is a big step for me. And I think one day...I will be happy."
"I..." she fell silent again, staring out the window as they neared the airport.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Meredith Elizabeth Grey."
"It's a stupid question and...." she turned back to him, her gray-green eyes dark and he squeezed her hand comfortingly.
"What?"
"Do you...do you think you'll ever get married again?"
"Oh," he breathed. "I...I want to say no but I don't...if my life has taught me anything, it's to not try to predict the future."
"So you think you might but you don't really want to."
"At this moment, I don't want to. But I have no idea where I'll be a year from now. Let alone ten years from now."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Are you okay?"
"I...my brain is full."
"You and Cristina will work it out," he sighed. "And we...we have each other. You make me happy."
"You make me happy too," she murmured, smiling slightly.
"We will both be okay."
"I know," she breathed.
"And don't let her bring you down. You love your job. You're good at your job. And you love spending time with me at the trailer."
"I do."
"So let yourself be happy with that stuff."
"I'm trying," she smiled. "I'm...my brain is just full with stuff. Lots of stuff like work and Cristina and you and my mom and my mom's diaries, which is a whole other story."
"Mom's diaries?"
"I decided to do the healthy thing," Meredith groaned. "Which was...she has diaries. Tons of diaries, Derek. But she never...I mean, she never mentions me."
"What does she talk about?"
"Surgeries. Techniques. I...not about me. Or my dad or the guy she apparently screwed the whole time she was married to my dad and...surgeries. It's all surgeries."
"I guess that's what it takes to be that legendary," Derek sighed.
"I guess."
"Doesn't make it easier on you."
"You really are very Dr. Dereky today."
"What?" he laughed.
"You're all therapisty."
"Oh," he smiled. "Trying to help."
"I know," she giggled.
"Did I?"
"You did."
"Good," Derek smiled.
"I'm just starting to think that being healthy? Highly over rated."
"I think it might be," he nodded. "No one is."
"So Wyatt is basically stealing our money?"
"I think so."
"Great," she groaned. "I need that money."
"You do?"
"Well, it wouldn't hurt."
"I don't think you're hurting for money. It's not like you buy your own food anymore."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You're always eating at the trailer."
"I would like to point out that I paid for dinner last night."
"You did."
"So I'm still paying for food."
"Not often," he laughed. "And that was only because I refused to order pizza."
"Health freak."
"College student."
"Health freak."
"Yeah yeah," Derek laughed as they pulled into the parking lot. "At least I'll live a good long life."
"Overrated."
"It's overrated?"
"Definitely."
"So you hope to die young?"
"Well...not young."
"Good," he sighed. "That's definitely overrated."
"I...sorry."
"It's okay," he sighed, taking a deep breath. "It happens."
"I know but..." she took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. "You can't be sad."
"Oh don't worry, I'm pretty sure my mom expects sad."
"Exactly. And that's why you can't be sad."
"I can't give her what she expects?"
"No. That's....that's dangerous," she rolled her eyes, reaching to put the car into park. "Look at me."
"Hmmm?" he murmured, turning to look at her.
"Derek," she whispered as she put her hands on both of his cheeks. "Smile."
"Smiling," he breathed, as he blinked back tears.
"No crying," she murmured, her lips brushing against his. "Smile."
"I am," he nodded, taking another deep breath. "I'm good."
"You're sure?" she whispered against his lips.
"I am."
"Good," she breathed, kissing him again, her hands moving from his cheeks to his hair.
"Hmmm..." he breathed, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad I'm here too."
"Ready?"
"Ready."
"Okay," he nodded, pulling away to climb out of the car.
"Lexie was freaking out last night," Meredith giggled as she came around, grasping his hand tightly.
"She has nothing to freak out about," Derek laughed, shaking his head.
"She thinks she does."
"Mom's going to adore her. She got Mark to sleep with only one woman and she's...all smiles and happiness."
"Did she like Amy?"
"Adored her," Derek nodded. "Amy was part of the family from the second I brought her home."
"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "Lexie's a lot like Amy."
"She is actually."
"So your Mom will love her."
"I know she will," Derek nodded. "She'll love you too."
"I'm not...I'm a friend."
"Doesn't mean she can't have an opinion on you."
"I know but I'm not...I'm not important. She's here to see you and Mark and Lexie. I'm just...me."
"You're my best friend and you've helped me out a lot. She wants to meet you."
"Okay," she nodded, standing close next to him in baggage claim.
"She should be here soon," Derek breathed, looking around the crowded airport and squeezing Meredith's hand.
"Remember...smile."
"Smiling," he nodded.
"Derek dear!"
"Mom?" Derek smiled, seeing his mom approaching. "Mom!"
"I'm so happy to see you," Mom breathed as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.
"Me too, Mom," he murmured, hugging her tightly as tears pricked his eyes.
"You've gained weight," she laughed into his ear. "It's about time."
"You can thank Mer for that," he laughed softly.
"Mer?" Mom smiled as she pulled back, looking at Meredith. "You must be Meredith Grey."
"I...I am," Meredith nodded. "That would be me."
"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Meredith," Mom grinned. "I'm Katherine Shepherd, who I'm sure you've heard a lot about and very little of it is true, depending on which child you've spoken to."
"They all say good things," Meredith giggled. "It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Shepherd."
"Even Sophie?" Mom raised an eyebrow. "Miracles never cease to happen."
"Sophie says bad things about everyone right now," Derek laughed.
"Yes, but apparently it's my fault," Mom chuckled.
"How is it your fault?" Meredith asked, grabbing for Derek's hand again.
"Oh, because I had five children, and according to her, would have had more if Michael had lived," Mom shook her head. "I tried to explain to her she shouldn't have married a man with a big family, they always want an even bigger one. Now that she had much of a choice, poor dear."
"She didn't?" Meredith frowned, looking at Derek.
"Sophie's oldest was born five months after they got married," Derek laughed.
"What? How did I not know that?"
"Because they try not to talk about it," Mom smiled. "As if I can't do math."
"They never actually admit to it," Derek shook his head. "Well Mark and I officially know because Soph came to us but the rest, they pretend he was premature."
"It wasn't as if they got married because she was pregnant," Mom explained quickly. "They were already engaged, but planning on waiting a few years. And then one day, Sophie came and explained she needed to get married immediately."
"Which everyone thought was weird until she dipped a pickle in peanut butter later that day," Derek laughed. "It's why Soph hates her husband so much."
"She doesn't hate him, Derek Christopher."
"She does."
"She does not."
"She kind of does," Meredith giggled.
"Oh, she does not," Mom shook her head. "Sophie's a wonderful actress but if, god forbid, anything were ever to happen to Brian, she'd be lost. She's been in love with him since she picked him up in that bar illegally."
"Mom," Derek laughed. "We know, trust me, Mer and I know."
"Bar?" Meredith frowned. "I thought he was her tutor."
"She told you their made up story," Derek smiled. "Soph snuck into a bar and tried to pick Brian up as a one night stand."
"She was barely eighteen," Mom frowned.
"Which Brian figured out immediately but he was already in love with her."
"And of course when Sophie brought him home and he was completely enraptured by her, she told me he was her Humanities tutor, failing to remember that she had taken Humanities the semester before."
"It was good times," Derek laughed.
"How...how did you guys find out?" Meredith asked.
"Mark and I have our ways," Derek smirked.
"Oh goodness," Mom rolled her eyes. "I threatened Brian for the truth the day before the wedding. The poor boy was so nervous, I'm amazed he didn't tell me she was pregnant."
"Mom's a very scary woman when she wants to be," Derek laughed.
"I simply explained to him that he was lucky Michael wasn't alive or he would have been murdered long ago for dating the baby of the family, but just because Michael was gone, didn't mean I couldn't carry out his wishes."
"No wonder he told you," Meredith breathed.
"I didn't mean it, Meredith, dear," Mom smiled softly. "I love Brian like he's one of my own."
"And Bri loves her as much as he loves his own Mom," Derek smiled. "You'll see tonight."
"Oh, are you coming tonight, Meredith?"
"Yeah, I...if that's okay," Meredith said quickly. "Der said it would be but if it's not...I don't have to come."
"Oh, it's fine," Mom laughed. "Shepherd family dinners long ago stopped involving just family."
"And you're my family," Derek smiled softly at Meredith, leaning over to press a kiss to her head.
"Well, then that settles it," Mom grinned. "The last time Derek said that was to Mark and look where that ended up."
"But we like you more than we ever liked Mark," Derek laughed, hugging his best friend close with one arm.
"Derek, be nice."
"That was nice."
"Don't listen to him, Meredith," Mom smiled. "Though...we do like you."
"You don't even know me," Meredith sighed.
"Well, my son seems to like him and I can't tell you the last time I heard him laugh."
"Oh," Meredith smiled, looking up at Derek. "He's doing it more now."
"I know, dear. And I'm so happy to hear it again."
"It's a good laugh," Meredith nodded.
"Yes, it is," Mom smiled at Derek. "Now, I say we get out of this crowded airport so I can see my other son and his beautiful new girlfriend."
"Sounds good, Mom," Derek grinned. "I'll help you with your bags."
"I should hope you won't make an old woman carry her bags."
"Of course not," Derek laughed.
"And then you can tell me all about Mark's new girlfriend," Mom grinned. "I understand she's willing to give me grandchildren?"
"She definitely is," Meredith nodded.
"Good. I can't wait to meet her."
"She's great," Derek nodded.
"I'm sure she is," Mom nodded.
"You'll love her."
"More than I'll love the trailer, I'm sure."
"The trailer's kind of great," Meredith giggled.
"Yes, I'm sure it is," Mom nodded carefully.
"It is, Mom," Derek nodded, smiling at Meredith. "And it works for me.
"Completely works for him," Meredith nodded. "And it's..quiet and amazing and...Dereky. It's Dereky."
"Which is a word so don't ask questions," Derek laughed.
"It is a word! It's Dereky," Meredith said firmly. "The trailer is Dereky."
"Totally not a word," Derek laughed.
"To you it's not."
"Or to the world."
"It's a word.'
"As I've told you before, find it in a dictionary and I'll believe you."
"Ass."
"Mom!" Derek gasped. "Do you see how she treats me?"
"I do," Mom nodded, her gaze on Meredith.
"And you're not going to do anything?"
"No, I don't believe I will."
"Thanks, Mom," Derek groaned, reaching over to hit Meredith.
"Hey!" Meredith gasped.
"You deserve it!"
"You can't...I didn't hit you!"
"You emotionally hit me."
"I called you an ass. Which I also called you yesterday when you wouldn't order pizza."
"I should have hit you then too."
"Derek Christopher," Mom shook her head. "We don't hit women, you know that."
"What?" Derek gasped, looking at his mom. "Seriously?"
"I thought I raised you to know that."
"But she keeps calling me an ass."
"I only heard her call you an ass once."
"It's definitely not the first time."
"I haven't heard the other times."
"Stick around long enough and I'm sure you will," Derek groaned.
"Derek."
"Sorry, Mom," Derek rolled his eyes, throwing his free arm around Meredith's shoulder. "Sorry, Mer."
"It's okay," Meredith giggled, brushing her lips along the corner of his mouth.
"Oh it better be," he laughed softly, leaning his head toward hers.
"What if it isn't?" she murmured.
"I'd...buy you a pizza or something," he smiled softly.
"Seriously?"
"You like pizza."
"I do."
"So that would be my apology gift," he nodded. "I don't think I can manage fighting with you."
"I hate fighting with you," she murmured.
"Than it's good we're not fighting," he grinned.
"It is," she giggled. "But I still want pizza."
"Of course," he rolled his eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, Derek Christopher."
"Did you just middle name me?"
"I did."
"Meeting my mother has already had a bad affect on you," he laughed softly.
"Oh, Derek," Mom smiled, shaking her head. "Meredith is a lovely girl, be nice."
"I'm always nice to her."
"I'm sure you are," Mom laughed as she got into the car.
"I am," Derek laughed as he kissed Meredith's cheek quickly. "Right Mer?"
"I guess," Meredith giggled, squeezing his hand.
"So full of it."
"I want my pizza."
"You'll get your pizza," he nodded, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her again. "Let's get out of here."
"Okay," she giggled, kissing him quickly before getting into the car.
Derek smiled to himself as he walked over to his side of the car. This was good. This was actually kind of perfect. His mom was here. And his mom liked Meredith, not that it mattered and he hadn't really doubted she would but she did. And that was good. It was good that his mom was finally here. He had been dreading it but seeing her again, being able to smile and laugh around her, this was definitely a good step.