Pain.
Felt that emotion quite often. Felt it at its worst on the day dad left. Felt it seeing the decreasing amount of concern and love Jessica had for me. Felt it the day i realised my own mother was okay with a stranger raping her own blood. Felt it on the day i was sent to military school and Jessica didn't even come to see me off, knowing she wasn't going to meet me for years to follow. Felt it when I started to understand that dad was probably never coming back. Felt it when I wanted to talk to someone about my problems but didn't have any friends. Felt it when I wore a mask of a smile to hide my insides which were screaming for help. Felt it for every single day of my fucked up life. The pain had significantly reduced ever since I had moved to New York and met Jisoo and the others.
Finally, I felt it again.
It was right there in the core of my heart. The dull ache spoke volumes about how much I was hurting, about how much I hated myself for not being able to tell Jisoo and how much it hurt me to see him in pain.
How dumb was I to think that things wouldn't get
complicated with him. How could I have not realised the fact that this was Jisoo. A sweet, gentle and kind guy whose heart had so much love to give. Was I that blinded by my lust for him? Was I so blinded by my need for him that I didn't think twice about his feelings?
I was a whore.
And for the first time ever, the word rubbed me in the wrong way. I didn't want to be a whore.
I got up from my bed and made my way to en-suite to wash my face. I saw myself in the mirror and let out a soft gasp at what I saw. I looked like a wreck. My eyes were puffy and red, my face was pink and my hair was a mess. I quickly washed my face and made my way back to the room. Jessica will probably be home in sometime.
Do your thing, Jennie.
I took a deep breath and pasted a smile on my face.
Like a psychopath, I kept the smile intact and made my way out of the room. As I rushed downstairs, my mind would not shut the hell up.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL HIM?!
I couldn't..... just couldn't. He obviously wanted to turn this whole agreement into something more and I just couldn't allow that. I was scared. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to lose him. Just in a matter of months l'd grown so attached to his presence, it was insane. I didn't want to dig deeper.
"THEY'RE HERE!" Julia's frantic and loud voice informed me.
Fuck, I was so not in the mood for this shit.
Ju's eyes went past me and she frowned.
"Where is Jisoo?"
I smiled and replied "He's upstairs."
"Well, go get him. I've laid the table for Lunch."
Shit. "He's..uh...not feeling too well. He'll probably be
sleeping.
"Oh no no. Bring him. Nobody is skipping meals in this house. I'll get him some aspirin."
FUCK.
I turned on my heel and made my way to his room. Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath and knocked.
He's probably sleeping or something. I quickly turned to rush downstairs, not wanting to see his eyes. Yes, those eyes. The ever-expressive pools of golden hues. No way was I prepared to look at the pain I had caused.
Just as I turned to leave, the door opened and Jisoo stood there. But to my surprise, his eyes showed nothing. Emptiness stared back at me. Somehow, the emptiness was more difficult to look at.
"Hey. Umm... Jessica and Kyle are home. Lunch is served. If you want to skip, I compl-" I stopped when he turned and entered his room, leaving me there. Soon, he was back, wearing a jumper.
"Come."
Stunned, I asked, "I thought you wanted to be alone for some time."
"I'm not letting you face them alone."
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Jessica was crossing the line.
Firstly, her skanky hands couldn't stop touching Jisoo every chance she got. For fuck's sake, she asked him to pass the salt and caressed his arm with her talon like nails. Secondly, she couldn't stop flirting with him. She was already wearing a low neck beige top and to make it worse, she was pulling it down at every chance she got and LITERALLY pushing her tits up, wanting to draw his attention to the grand canyon of hell. I'm specifically saying Grand Canyon because her fake tan was making her look orange and it was ten times darker since the last time I saw her skanky self. Thirdly, she couldn't stop
making snide remarks towards me and I was about ready to explode.
"Jennie, how is New York?" Kyle decided it was the right time to strike a conversation. He had been rubbing his foot on my leg for the past 5 minutes and I was trying to keep myself from sawing his foot off.
"Anything is better than this place. Would you mind not
rubbing my leg? That would be great." I smiled widely at him. Kyle raised his eyebrows for a second and quickly followed my words.
Jisoo had been avoiding my gaze ever since we sat and I
couldn't get what he said out of my head.
Im not letting you face them alone.
My chest had constricted and my thoughts turned to mush. He still cared.
"Jennie, can you not be rude for once?" Jessica called out, a condescending smile on her face. I literally just said her husband is rubbing my leg and instead of getting pissed at him, she's asking me to be nice. Un-fucking-believable.
"Give me a reason not to and I will." I smiled right back.
Jessica sighed deeply, "You've changed so much. I miss the old you. The little girl who was quiet and naive." Anger lit inside me like a spark and I fisted my hands. My eyes drifted to Jisoo and for the first time today, he was looking straight at me.
"Why? So you could use the same silence and innocence to your benefit?" I snapped.
Jessica laughed out loud.
"YOU decided to stay silent and not complain to anyone."
Her words cut right through me like a knife. She had once again voiced out the reason I really hated myself for. For keeping quiet.
"I hate you. You were never my mother and you never will be.
Im going to fucking ruin you. You just wait." My voice cracked towards the end as I started getting flash backs of the past incidents. All those horrible men returned before me and I shut my eyes as a whimper left my mouth.
"Oh, stop with those empty threats." She waved a hand,
unfazed by my words. "l always wondered why you didn't complain. Then, I realized it was probably because you liked it and wanted-
"That's enough." Jisoo's loud firm voice echoed throughout the room. He got up from his seat and walked over to my side.
"You are a sick woman, Jessica. You disgust me. I don't want to hear another hurtful thing coming out of that mouth about Jennie or I swear, you will see the worst of me." He lent out his hand to me and I immediately took it, standing up. I hiccupped as tears streamed down my face. I was mentally and emotionally done. I couldn't fight back. Pain just arose from my heart and escaped through my eyes.
"And why the fuck did you invite us here, huh?! If this is how you were going to treat her? And Kyle? You're a fucking blind cunt. If you can't see how much of a whore, Fucker, your dear wife is, I feel bad for you."
I stared at his face his as his jaw clenched and his face turned pink in fury. The anger made his korean accent ten times thicker. Nobody had ever stood up for me the way he was doing right now. I love this man and fuck it all, l'm never letting him go.
"JISOO! GET BACK HERE!" I heard Kyle yell as we turned
around.
*Say whatever you want, Jisoo. I know you both are together and you will never get my blessings and I don't accept you.
You're a very rude boy."
I swiftly turned back around and snapped with pure venom in my voice, "I don't need anything from you. You can take your blessings and acceptance and shove them up your ass. Which I'm guessing will be quiet easy considering the things that have been up there. Have a nice motherfucking day."
Jisoo and I both made our way upstairs. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into my room. I was still crying and blindly followed him. As soon as the door shut behind us, I turned back around and threw my arms around his neck. His hands were still by his sides for some time but I didn't care. I loved him.
"Thank you so much." I whispered, my body mashed up
against his. I sought comfort in his warmth. Right here, in this moment, I felt undefeated. I felt like nothing could touch me.
Jisoo's hands slowly made their way around my waist as he pulled me closer. He placed his chin on my head and I cried, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions running through me. Pain, sadness, happiness,.....the list was endless. What happened this morning seemed to be a distant incident which didn't matter. Nothing mattered when I was with him.
"Are you okay?" He asked, softly.
"Yes." No.
"Don't lie. Talk to me." He said.
"Can we just stay like this for some time?" l asked, a slight tremble to my voice.
"I wasn't pulling away anytime soon."
A kindle of a smile lit my lips.
We stayed like that for a long time, neither of us saying a
single world, just enjoying the silence.
I pulled away. He was the best hugger. The kind that didn't pull away until you were left feeling better.
"I want to go home." I voiced.
He nodded, pulling out his phone. "Stay here. I'll be back."
I nodded as I watched him exit the room, talking on the
phone. I walked to my bathroom and washed my face, taking the time to collect my thoughts. In five minutes, I was out in my room again and Jisoo was sitting on my bed. He looked up as I appeared from the bathroom. "Ummn there are no flights out tonight. We're going to have to wait till 5pm."
"What are we going to do till then?" I asked because there was no way I was staying here another minute.
"Do you have any relatives here?"
"No."
“Allie will be home anytime now. Feel free to make yourself at home." Julia exclaimed as we all huddled into her cozy two bedroom apartment. As soon as I told her what happened, Ju got so furious and marched to Jessica, throwing her apron at her feet. She quit. I was mad at her for quitting because this job was her only way of earning money to support herself and Allie.
"I'll get a job somewhere else. I don't want to work at a place that brings me misery. I've always hated that woman for whatever she has done to you. It was high time I left. she also invited us to crash at her place for the night.
"Jisoo and you can take my room for the night, I'l sleep
with Allie in her room." Jisoo and I glanced at each other and looked away immediately.
I thanked Julia profusely and offered to help her in the
kitchen as she made dinner. She thoroughly refused any aid and told me to go freshen up and rest for a while as I've "had a long day'"
Jisoo then butted in, "I'll help you, Julia.
The lady looked at him and blushed at what I assume was his accent and the way her name sounded from his mouth. Yeah, I get it. Exotic.
"No, son. It's fine. I've got this. You can take a nap too, I'll just whip up-"
Jisoo then walked towards the kitchen, with a small smile on his face, "insist."
Julia sighed deeply and rebuked him for being so stubborn but nevertheless she agreed.
Jisoo then walked up to me. My heart skipped a beat once again at his approach. He reached me and squeezed my shoulders affectionately. "Take rest, okay?" He then placed his face, "I insist.
Julia sighed deeply and rebuked him for being so stubborn but nevertheless she agreed.
Jisoo then walked up to me. My heart skipped a beat once again at his approach. He reached me and squeezed my shoulders affectionately. "Take rest, okay?" He then placed a kiss on my forehead. I shut my, relishing the feeling that spread through my being. Safety.
"Okay. Thank you again. For everything. " I whispered, looking straight at his chest which was at my eye level.
"Don't thank me for anything.
I then reached up to place a soft kiss on his cheek, standing on my tippy toes. I pulled away slowly. His eyes found mine and he stared at me hard until he looked away hastily, a scatter of emotion playing on his face.
"Freshen up. I'll see you later." He then mumbled, turning join Ju in the kitchen.
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All credits goes to the owner ✨