Flesh slapping each other, moans, sobs, sniffs, and groans are the ones filling my room for a while now. The beast in and out of bed keeps repeating his bad deed even though I'm in the brink of dying, he didn't thought any ounce to stop. Every time he thrust himself into me, a once precious moment with him in the past would shatter. I am emotionally and physically dying but my molester don't seem to care. Of course he won't throw even a little bit of attention to his victim's situation! Why would he? He just sees me now as a fucking sex toy who he can vent his sexual frustration.
Up until now, he doesn't give me a chance to explain my side. To clean my name. He block his hearing senses whenever I would plead, thus, making me give up on trying. At first I would resist but even if I did, nothing ever change, everything will still fall in his favor. The will to fight slowly left my body until I learned to accept what fate had written for me.
I'm not returning his forced embrace but I'm not making a fuss to go against it either. What I'm doing is accepting and following the flow. Taking in his insults and bad mouthing. He is ferocious even in bed, making it hard for me every single night. He doesn't stop until I lost consciousness, hell maybe he's still doing the deed even if I'm knocked out.
In the next day when I woke up, the excruciating pain would greet my body. Due to that, my movements are limited. The only thing I'm thankful is I always wake up clean and dressed into new set of clothes. Maybe the rapist assigned a maid to clean me up after the unwanted activity. The idea makes me shiver as I thought that another person saw me naked and in pitiful state.
Now I had no face to show the castle members anymore. The shame knocked down my self-esteem into nothing. My negative thoughts are screaming in my head, saying that I should never step out of my room anymore. Even if I did want to, he will never let me.
He again, restraint me from going out. That person also banned everyone except the maid he assigned to enter my room. I'm back to loneliness. Just like before, the maid he assigned is not talking to me no matter how hard I tried to. She completely ignores my existence as if I turned into a invisible ghost. I did turned into one but I'm not literally invisible. However, if a person who knows me in the past see my current state, they will surely be dumbfounded.
The pale skin has become more paler. My lips are not as pink as before. The eyes have lost it's bright. I have also suffered great loss of weight due to not eating properly. To be truth, not once did I touch my food. Even though the maid who always brought them here don't care about my existence, I can see the disappointment in her eyes whenever she would collect the tray of food still full. I would be fed forcefully by the bastard king once in a while when he sees my untouched food. Other than that, I'm not eating.
I endured the pain of hunger to purposely weaken my body. Due to my immortality, I'm not going to die of starvation. Still, I never stop attempting suicide. One time, I used the fork to stab my heart. It stopped beating for 10 seconds then it return to original after that. I just sighed whenever I would fail to die. Once there was a time I loathe death so much, now I'm the one seeking for it. And way way back, there was a man who promised that he'll back me up but now sexually harassing me and insulting me.
The world has turned his back on me.
"I want to go back to my home.." I was curling on bed like a fetus. I just woke up wearing a new set of clothes. To be exact, V's clothes. It was only a white long sleeve polo and boxers.
"No." V replied, coldly. He is fixing his attire, getting ready to start his day.
I hummed in response. The rejection made me curl even more. Right, my room is not mine alone now. V resided in here after that ungrateful day and decided to stay for the rest of his life. I so mind it but I can't complain since he has the one holding the authority in here. The least I can do is to shut my mouth which is what I'm doing ever since then. Funny, my luxurious life before all went to the drain in just a mere second. All I want now is to go back to where everything is used to be. But that's truly impossible. Unless I have a time machine.
Like always, a maid come in the room to deliver food. V has left to fulfill his duty as this place's King. The maid who arrived is not the usual maid who has been ignoring me. This she-devil here is different. Her look is so familiar as if I've seen her from before. It was on the tip of my tongue but I can't voice it out.
"The maidservants from before has been fired due to some reason. Thus, make me the new maidservant who will deliver your food. Please eat, I've heard you're not eating well." This new girl politely said with her head hang low. Doesn't she know that her King forbid everyone from talking to me?
Brows furrowed, I closed my book with a loud shutting sound. The girl is still inside and not leaving the room. Patiently waiting for me to comply to her words, but unfortunately, I don't want to eat. I have lost my will to do so long long ago when this shitty new life started. "I'm not hungry.." After saying that, I slid down from the head board and tucked myself under the blanket.
"But His Majesty said that I should make you eat even if you're against it. So please eat, I don't want to go there and force you.."
"Tell your Majesty that I don't want to eat even if I die from hunger. That's better than living in hell, literally and figuratively."
The girl sighed. I thought she must've given up, but I was wrong. I felt the cold breeze hit my bare thigh when the blanket was taken off of my body. "What the.." I stared at the wall, horrified.
"We're gonna do this the hard way.." said the brave short girl wearing maid's uniform. She's not even bothered that I'm only wearing a boxer and polo long sleeve.
I was dumbfounded when pull out of the bed with only one attempt. She's short but strong. Next thing I know is that I'm sitting on the chair and in front of me is the food she delivered.
"Please, eat. Don't make it hard.." The girl is smiling yet her eyes hold a different story. A scary one. "And by the way, you can call me, Alaria.."
My stomach growled when the scent of food hit my nose. I have avoided eating and due to that I am in extreme hunger. It's been so long since I smelt food, thus, smelling it now makes my mouth water. I gave up on starving myself and just eat the foods that are served in front of me. Alaria's smile grew wide as she watch me eat.
"So...Alaria, you're allowed to talk to me?" In the middle of eating, I started a conversation.
"Only when necessary."
"So why are you talking to me now?"
"Because you asked me."
Wow, she's stupid. So naive that it made me crack a chuckle. The former maidservant told me that if she talked to me there will be punishment, that's why she ignored my presence. But this girl, was she informed about that? I bet she is but looking at her now, she doesn't seem to care. What the hell is wrong with this woman?
"Aren't you going to be punished if your Majesty find this out?"
"Actually, yes. I will be punished if His Majesty find out but you look so miserable and lonely. So I'm risking my life here.." again, she flashes a smile. I don't know if it's sincere.
"You don't need to do that. Don't talk to me anymore, I don't need companies.."
I walked back to my bed after I finished eating. Then, I picked up the book I was reading and leaned my back on the headboard after making sure my thighs are covered by the blanket. I can't let them be exposed! My thighs are full of purple and red marks that the devil made himself. I'm already embarrassed because she already saw that.
"But your look says the opposite.." the annoying woman followed me. She sat on the chair beside the bed, watching me read which is making me feel uncomfortable. "What's your name?" She asked but I keep my mouth sealed.
Alaria kept on bugging me which is so annoying! I shut the book harshly once again and turn my head to her direction. The urge to kill her is rising from my toe to my hair. Why am I suddenly feeling so mad about her existence!?
"Yo—" All of a sudden, I felt nauseous. The food I just ate came running up to my esophagus. I rushed to the toilet adjo to the room and on the bowl there I throw up everything I ate earlier. The girl came dashing in the same room, she rubbed my back for comfort but it only made me threw up even more.
I'm so dizzy after I finished my business. Alaria help me wash my mouth and go back to the bed. I didn't played sassy no more, rather I was relieved she's here to assist me. The tiredness and exhaustion due to some reason made my eyelids heavy. I didn't fight the sleepy feeling, I let it succumbed me. The next day I wake up with the same urge to throw up even though I haven't eaten anything. Fuck! My throat fucking hurts!
"Jeongguk! Are you okay?" Alaria came in the room just as I was about to exit the bathroom.
She again assist me and helped sit on the chair to eat. The food she has made me wrinkled my face in disgust. What the hell is this food? It smells horrible. And again, the bathroom calls me. I told Alaria that I don't want to eat the food she just delivered so she left the room to fetch a new tray. Guilt assault my heart. I have treated her badly in our first encounter yet she still help me.
Tears came out of my eyes. The girl who just entered has her eyes shot wide when she laid her eyes on me and saw me crying. She quickly moved to place the tray of food on the table then comforted me until I stoped.
The same routine goes on. Alaria and I grew close to each other. The throwing up also subsided after a long time. But another problem came. My mood changes every second. One moment I'm angry then I will cry and after that I will laugh with tears on my eyes. Alaria is so confused at my behavior, as well as me.
I also craved a lot of weird food. Which is hard for the poor maidservant to comply. Sometimes I would cry whenever I see her look so exhausted, I can't help but blame myself. I am being a big burden to her. What squeeze my heart more is she's not against everything I want her to do.
Both Alaria and I didn't mention my situation to V. I begged her to stay quiet and keep the secret to us. Gladly, she listened to my request. As for the fucking he-devil, he's often missing in action, which I do not mind. I'm actually thankful that he's not always around. It saves me from getting devoured every single night. And whenever I see that face of his, I will hiss and fume. His face is what I mostly loathe right now other than dying.
Today, I'm sitting alone in the same room. I want to murder a certain someone for making me eat a lot of food, causing for my stomach to grew big. I am damn bloated like a frog! The sound of door creaking alerted my senses. It was opened slightly but no one came in.
"Alaria?" I said. Taking out my feet on the bed.
No one answered so I took the chance to stand up and approached the door. Lately, that maidservant hasn't been coming to my room. My food was being delivered by someone else. I am worried about her. And the thought of her being fired because of me has been lingering in my mind ever since then. I don't want her to left me. She's the only one I have right now.
"Did you hear about the execution?" A voice unfamiliar to me said. It was coming from a male. I took a peek at the outside world, there are no one here except the two guards who are gossiping.
"Yeah. I pity that woman. She's brave.." the other one responded.
"I heard they're going to chop her head in public."
I felt shivers down my spine when I heard that sentence. There's a bad feeling deep inside my heart. I stepped back only to bumped into something that causes noise. The two guards quickly looked at my direction and shoved me back inside the room. I didn't battle with them and just walk back inside. Deep inside my mind I hoped that the woman they're talking about is not the same woman who has been keeping me company for a while now. Please God, don't let it be Alaria.
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