SATAN'S CHILD

CHAPTER 48

Jeongguk's PoV

I stomped my feet out of the room after dropping those cruel words to Taehyung. Honestly, I am starting to feel guilty about the way I treat him. I could see the pained expression flashed on his face when I reminded him about his broken promises. I rubbed salt to his wound. But it was too late to reverse what happened.

It's written all over his face that he regretted all his past action. And he's genuine and sincere about his apologies. However, it's not easy for me to accept him. My heart still contemplates because it is tired of getting hurt and broken. He hurts me, I don't think my well being is ready to forget about what he did and love him again. This heart of mine is not brave enough to take the risk and see the result.

My love for him didn't left my heart like how I told him before. I just didn't want to acknowledge it due to the trauma that he inflicted. The lingering pain prevent me from forgiving him. Everything is still fresh in my mind despite living away from him for 4 years. I can feel the affection I have for him still in the dept of my heart. My stubbornness and strong resolve serves as an unbreakable barrier to not let that feeling surface.

Little by little, he managed to crawl back into my mind. His sincerity and wholehearted apologies hunts me in my sleep. The way his face sadden when I try to push him away slowly became the nightmare that keeps me up at night. I haven't had a good night sleep because his heartbreaking face would woke me up in the middle of the night. It's also hard for me to swallow food. It feels like he cursed me! I'm the one who suffered greatly here! Why does it feels like I'm the one at fault!?

Everything about him changed. Now, he's not afraid to show me his vulnerable side. He shamelessly beg me to come back and love him again. I feel like a heartless person because I keep on refusing to forgive him despite his countless sorry. I witness the new side of him that he desperately hide from me before. And this new side of him scares me because he can easily win me back without struggle.

My resolve is slowly crumbling the more close I am with him. There is no doubt the if he persistently ask for my forgiveness and amend his mistakes further, I will eventually give in. That's the part I'm terrified of the most. I've had enough of suffering under his hospitality. What if he really didn't change? What if he torments me again? What is there to be left of me if that happen? None. The answer is none. There will be no more left of me. That's the result that I dread.

Once the door behind me closed, I slumped on the floor. My energy are all drained from my body. I sit there for a while to sort out my thoughts. I feel conflicted inside. Whenever he would mention that he loves me, my mind and heart would fall into chaos. My heart and brain are on both side before, both don't want to forgive that son of a devil. But now...now, I don't know what to think and feel. I longed for him to say those words to me in the past. I prayed countless times for my feelings to be reciprocated. But he did it at the wrong time.

I gripped my hair feeling distressed over the situation. I wished something would fall from the sky and hit me on the head so hard that I would forget about my problems. With a heavy sigh, I decided to get out of this place. I rose up from my sitting position and dusted off my pants before walking out. It was a long way out. I don't know if the path is just really long or my mind is just clouded with thoughts and it's slowing me down.

Suddenly, my eyesight becomes blurry causing me to stagger. There are black dots in my line of sight. Moreover, my head is aching. Shit! This must be because I'm lacking sleep and food in my system. Damn it! It's because of that devil that I am suffering this!

I stopped walking for a moment. I reached for the wall to support my body while I wait for the headache to subside. However, it didn't. The floor suddenly became closer and closer. I realized that my knees gave out and now I'm falling. I braced myself for the impact but it didn't come. In the midst of passing out, a muffled voice reached my ears. But I didn't quite hear what it is saying as the darkness pulled me in. I was too weak to fight against it.