Malaking puting kwarto, may pitong tao na nasa loob at ang isa'y nakahiga sa hospital bed.
Umiiyak si Avabella habang ang iba ay namumula pa ang mata kakaiyak dahil sa hindi malamang dahilan kung bakit biglang nawalan ng malay si Naja.
"Maya-maya gigising din siya." Pahayag ng doctor na nagpaginhawa sa anim pero naroon pa rin ang pangamba nila.
NAJA'S POINT OF VIEW
I can feel it.
I am breathing.
No..
Hinay-hinay kong binuka ang aking mata at ilaw sa kisame ang una kong nakita.
"Naja!"
May Doctor na lumapit sa akin at makikita sa mata niya ang pag-aalala, tinitigan ko siya pabalik at palihim siyang inilingan.
Bumuntong hininga siya't pasikreto tumango.
"Is she okay?" Tanong ni Avabella kay Doctor Agustos.
"Y-Yes she is, mamaya ichecheck namin siya ulit."
"Do everything this hospital can." Zarden command.
Dr. Agustos looked at me before answering. "Yes, we will.."
I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes again.
Bakit nagising pa ako?
Ang bigat na at mas lalo pang bumigat nang makita ko si Avabella na walang tigil sa iyak at mga namumulang mata nila na alam kong galing din sa pag-iyak.
Wala na si Dr. Agustos kaya isa-isang naglapitan silang lima.
I can't look into their eyes, I cant.
"Naja.."
I closed my eyes.
"Sorry.." rinig kog sabi nila.
No.
It's not their fault.. I'm the one who needs to say sorry.
"Hindi..wala kayong kasalanan." Sagot ko sa mapaos na boses.
A stubborn cough escaped from my mouth. I don't like this. Ayokong makita nila akong naghihirap.
"The result is coming Naja, at kung ano man 'yon tutulong kami." Archer said willingly.
"Oo, gagawin namin lahat.. diba guys?" Saad naman ni Gael.
"Kaya magpalakas ka Naja ha.." hinawakan ni Avabella ang kamay ko.
I nodded but with tears falling from my eyes.
I'm sorry..
As time pass by.. more pain penetrated to my chest.
Kakarating lang nina Avabella, Gael, at Flynn. May binili raw sila.
"Naja nandito na kami!" Nakangiting bati nila pero kitang-kita ko sa mga mata nila ang sakit na makita akong nakaupo sa kama, may dextrose ang kamay at maputla ang mukha.
Nanlumo ako nang makitang halos isang komunidad ang papakainin nila dahil sa rami ng dala nilang prutas at mga pagkaing pwedeng kainin ng isang pasyente.
"Ang rami niyan.."
Dahilan para lumingon sila sa akin.
"Ito marami? Kulang pa nga ito eh! Kailangan kang kumain ng marami ngayon, Naja. Sasabayan ka rin namin."
Isang malakas na ubo na naman ang kumawala mula sa'kin at na-rattle sila at agad akong nilapitan. Ngumiti ako nang pilit.
"Ano ba kayo.. okay lang ako," I said with an assuring smile.
"You are breathing noisily Naj.." naiiyak na sabi ni Avabella.
Hindi nawala ang ngiti ko.. pero umiiyak na pala ako. Isa-isa kong hinawakan ang kamay nila.
I roamed my eyes to them, they are smiling but I know deep inside they aren't good. They are just acting like they're okay, so that I'll assume that I am not weak, that I can do this.
But, I can't anymore.
"Mahal na mahal ko kayo ha.." my voice shuderred.
"Hey.."
Inilingan ko sila.
"Gusto kong sabihin na mahal na mahal ko kayo.."
Naagaw ang atensyon naming lahat ni Zarden na tumayo.
He is staring at me, mad. And at the same time, he's crying.
"Naja sabihin mo nga, may tinatago ka ba na hindi namin alam?"
I stooped my head and closed my eyes.
Hindi niyo pwedeng malaman.
"Naja.." diing tawag ni Zarden sa pangalan ko.
Umubo ako kaya inalayan agad ako nila para humiga.
"Zarden 'wag muna ngayon, " Avabella pleased.
"I'm sorry.." he just stared at me.
Dumaan ang ilang minuto ay bumalik si Dr. Agustos.
He checked my temperature.
"How about the result?" I can feel the infuriating coming from Zarden's voice.
"Don't worry Mr. Darwell ang result ay hindi mauumagahan---"
"Don't worry? We need it now! Kasi aalis na kami rito sa hospital na ito."
"Zarden stop.." pigil nila.
I just closed my eyes and the tears kept on falling from my eyes.
"Sana hindi ko nalang siya dinala rito eh. Tangina." Zarden mumbled but all of us heard that.
This is all my fault.. I am the reason of their frustration right now and the sacrifice of Dr. Agustos.
Ayoko na! Kaya nga gusto ko nalang hindi na magising kanina! Ayoko silang makitang nagkakaganito!
Gabi na, nasa gilid ako ng bintana ng kwarto, tanaw-tanaw ang buwan at ang ibaba na punong-puno ng ilaw mula sa mga buildings.
Si Avabella at Zarden ang narito dahil mamimili pa raw sina Archer, Gael at Flynn kahit ang rami na ng pagkain na narito.
"Hey Naj.." I turned my head to him.
I smiled.
"You doing fine?"
I gulped.
"Gotta be fine."
His face went worried.
"Yes you need to. Kasi bukas na bukas aalis na tayo sa hospital na 'to. Dadalhin kita sa mas aasikasuhin ka."
I just stared at him.
I'm very sorry Zarden.
I'm very sorry to all of you.
He hold my hands and squeeze it while his stare at me didn't budge.
"Pupuntahan ko si Dr. Agustos, I will get the result."
Hindi.. hindi dapat nila pwedeng malaman.
But it's too late, nakatayo na siya.
Pinanood ko lang siya hanggang sa makalabas na siya ng room.
Ngayon ay si Avabella naman ang lumapit sa akin.
She is smiling. "What was that? Hmm?" She chuckled softly. Halata pa rin sa mga mata niya ang pamamaga.
"What?" I ask.
"Hmm? Kayo na ba?"
Napalaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya.
"Anong kami? Wala 'no."
She smiles at me but there this side of worriedness in her face.
"Kahit ano pa 'yan basta masaya ka.. okay na ako roon. You know.. besties!" Natawa ako sa sinabi niya.
I'll miss this girl.
I'll miss them all.
We talk and talk some random things.
I looked at the clock and I let out a sigh without her seeing.
"Avabella, pwede mo bang kunin 'yong panyo ko sa cr? Naiwan ko kasi." Agad namang tumayo si Avabella.
"Ofcourse!"
ZARDEN'S POINT OF VIEW
Nagdadalawang isip niyang binigay sa akin ang isang envelope. "Iyan ang record and results ni Naja."
Ang unang bumungad sa akin ay ang petsang nakalagay. Last year?
Tiningnan ko naman ang iba.
10 months ago.
8 months ago.
6..
4..
2..
And today.
Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko, sabi ko na nga ba.. may tinatago siya. I started to read it and I stopped at the two words. The two words that made me uncomfortable. Two words that made me shuddered. Two words that made my heart ache. Two words that made me sob.. right now. But I shooked my head.
This is wrong.
This is fucking wrong!
Pabagsak kong nilagay ang mga papel sa mesa at tumayo.
"T-That is not her. You're wrong! You are.. wrong! N-No.. it's not her.. no.." napaluhod ako dahil sa panginginig.
"Isang taon niya iyong kinimkim mag-isa at ayaw niyang may makaalam."
No.. please..
Not her!
"Her disease already spreads to her bones, brain, liver, adrenal glands and especially to her chest. She is carrying a Pancoast's Syndrome."
Sinabunutan ko ang sarili kong buhok dahil hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.
No! Please! Not Naja!
"For a year hindi siya nagpatherapy dahil ayaw niya, kaya ngayon sa result niya ay may hypercalcemia siya."
Nakaupo ako sa sahig at hindi alam ang gagawin, para akong nabingi sa mga sinabi niya.
Naja..
Hinawi ko ang luha sa mata ko at tinaas ang ulo at tumingin papunta kay Dr. Agustos pero ramdam ko ang patuloy na pagtulo ng mga luha ko.
"T-Treatment.. ipapasok namin siya sa treatment." Kahit nangatog ang tuhod ko ay tumayo ako.
He let out a sigh and walk towards me.
"The treatment of lung cancer can also result in serious complications..---"
"Just tell the fvck what you're trying to say!" Napahawak ako sa sandalan ng upuan dahil hindi ko na kaya.
I know what he was trying to say. I just want to clarify it 'cause I am still hoping.. I am gripping the hope.
"Her body can't make it already. She is lifting this disease for about a year.. she can't do the treatment."
Para akong mawawalan ng
Naja.. why are doing this to me? To us?
Her name keeps running in my mind but someone entered the room.
"Zarden! Si Naja nawawala!"
NAJA'S POINT OF VIEW
Nang tumayo na siya at pumasok sa cr agad kong inalis ang dextrose at dumugo pa ito. Pero tiniis ko nalang.
Tinaggal ko ang hospital dress na suot ko at agad na lumabas ng kwarto.
I'm very sorry.
ZARDEN'S POINT OF VIEW
I immediately stood up and face Avabella with an anxious look.
"What do you mean?"
"Sabi niya k-kunin ko raw 'yong panyo niya sa cr, hinanap ko.. lumabas ako ulit para tanungin siya kung saan niya nilagay pero pagtingin ko w-wala na siya. Inalis niya rin ang dextrose.." may luhang namuo sa mata ni Avabella.
Umawang ang bibig ko't hindi alam ang sasabihin.
"Z-Zarden sorry.. I'm very sorry..--"
I immediately shook my head.
"No, it's not your fault.."
Both of us turned our head to Dr. Agustos when he said something.
"Plano niya talagang umalis."
Napatulon ako ng laway at agad na hinarap siya.
"B-Bakit alam mo lahat ng 'to?!"
"There is no time for that---"
"Is she going to die?!" That question keep torturing my mind. Kanina ko pa ito gustong sabihin at ngayon ko lang nabigyan ng lakas.
I saw him gulp.
"The chance of survival for lung cancer.. is low."
I heard Avabella sob.
Dr. Agustos looked at his wrist watch.
"She has one hour left."
Those words, made me stop.
But no, I need to find her, without doubt I skedaddled the room but I stopped when someone hold my wrist.
I turned my head to him.
"She's at her favorite place. She told me not to tell all of you but I can't. Go." He let me go and I ran as fast as I can.
Naja..
Wait for me.
Agad kong inandar ang sasakyan at pinaharurot.
I can feel my teardrops fell on my lap.
There is hope, and there will always be.
I'll bring her to the most great hospital and doctors.
I'll bring her.
I looked at my wrist watch and I scream in infuriate when five minutes already passed How I wish the time will stop! Forever!
Naja.. wait for me.
I immediately stop the car and jump out the car.
A whistling wind welcome me.
My lips trembled when I saw her sitting alone on her favorite metal bench while staring below.
Every step I take, my heart grip.
"Naja.." I cried her name.
She was shocked when she saw me and a tears started to loom around her eyes.
"Zarden, b-bakit ka nandito?
NAJA'S POINT OF VIEW
I bit my lower lip trying not to cry out loud.
Bakit siya nandito?
Bakit?
Zarden naman oh..
He slowly step towards me.. the worst is. He kneeled infront of me and hold my hands. I don't know what to do.
"Hey.. come with me. I'll bring you to the best doctor.. j-just come with me Naj.. ako na bahala sayo.." he forced a smile even though his lips was trembling.
I immediately shook my head.
I'm sorry Zarden, I'm sorry to all of you.. for slapping the reality.
He squeezed my hands.
"There is hope and it will always be.. please let's go, dadalhin kita sa pinakamagandang hospital.. gagaling ka.." he caressed his hands on my face that made me sniff.
Alam na niya pala.. alam na pala nila.
I shook my head again. I don't know how to talk about this.
Kaya ako tumakas ay dahil gusto kong walang makakakitang mawala ako, ayokong makitang pinipilit nila akong mabuhay. Ayoko.. ayokong habang humihinga pa ako ay umiiyak sila sa harap ko. Pero pati rin iyon ay pinagkaitan sa akin. Ang malas ko naman.
"Naja.. please?" Tumayo siya "I-Im gonna lift you up in three seconds, okay?---"
"Zarden harapin nalang natin ang katotohanan.." I cut him off in a hoarse voice.
He shook his head and I can feel his anxiousness. He sat down beside me not letting go of my hands.
"You need to live. W-We want you to live," He cried.
He already burst out crying. I just stared at him with watering eyes.
"We can't lose you Naja.."
"I can't lose you.." he mumbled.
Those words.. made me cry.
Ito iyon.. they can't lose me.. how can I leave when they can't lose me? This is not what I wanted.
Suminghot ako at hinawi ang luha sa mata ko.
Ako ngayon ang humawak sa kamay niya at hinawi rin ang luha niya.
I told him to sit down properly and he did that. Nakatigilid siya at ako rin.
Walang segundong hindi umalis ang pagtitig ng kayumanggi, at malungkot na mata niya.
"I want you to listen.. can you?" I caressed my hands on his smooth face. His lips is still trembling.
Tumango-tango siya at mas lumapit sa akin.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry dahil nagsinungaling ako sa inyo. I'm sorry kung umalis ako sa hospital. I'm sorry kung hindi ako sasama sa iyo. I'm sorry kung pinaiyak kita. S-Sorry dahil hindi ko natupad ang lakad natin ngayon.." I cried again. Hindi ko talaga mapigilan.. basta-basta nalang tumutulo.
He stoop his head and he kept on crying.
"Walang bagay sa mundo ang permanente Zarden.. sana naiintindihan mo." I mumbled.
I lifted his head to meet my gaze.
"Naja I love you.. you know that, right?"
A pain penetrated to my chest. I took a deep breathe even though it's just a tiny air entered my lungs.
"That's why, I'm sorry.."
ZARDEN'S POINT OF VIEW
I can't lose her.
I don't know how to love again if I lose her!
Naja..
Umayos siya ng upo at sinandal ang sarili sa upuan.
Sumandal din ako pero na sa kaniya ang tingin.
"Are you mad?" I ask that made her chuckled softly.
"Me? Ofcourse no.. I am thankful." A frail smile twisted on her dry lips.
"Lahat ng bagay na nangyayari ay may magandang rason. Kaya bakit naman ako magagalit?"
"I am so much thankful Zarden."
A soft feeling entered my chest that made my eyes close and a tears fall from my eyes, again and again.
I smiled.
"I am thankful for this friendship we had.." she hold my hands and squeeze it.
"I want all of you to accept it.. that is just what I want." She mumbled.
I nodded, but deep inside I can't.
I can't accept.
She smiled again.
Inayos niya ang buhok ko kaya napapikit ako.
Her touch is making me insane. It tells me that I dont want to lose her, just stay by my side and I'll be happy.. forever.
A stubborn cough escaped from her mouth again, something gripped my chest. It hurts really bad.
"I-I'm sorry..okay na Naja. Naiintindihan ko na.."
Kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, papalayain mo siya sa isang bagay na ikahihirap at ikakasakit niya. Mahal na mahal ko siya. kaya pinapalaya na kita, Naja.
The truth is I don't want to. I don't want to let her go but when I saw her suffering so much. I surrender.
"Ang saya ko Zarden. Kasi naman.. nakilala ko kayo even though.. it's just a taste of friendship."
A pain keeps penetrating to my chest. I touched her soft cheeks, and kissed her forehead. I put my other hand on the back of her neck to pull her closer.
"Just put your head on my shoulder if you are already at the point, love."
She nodded but she furrowed her brows.
"Love?" Napangiti ako sa tanong niya
"Yeah.. love."
She chuckled softly for about a seconds.
My lips trembled when I see her breathing hardly.
"Are you really tired?" I ask.
"I am.." pati ang boses niya na parang tumatagal ay hangin nalang.
"Okay.." I hold her hands and put it on my lap.
We sat properly and looked above. Only her breathing I can hear in this cold breeze. She cough that made my heart in so much ache.
"Z-Zarden?"
"Yes?"
"I love you.."
I closed my eyes and a tears started to fall, again and again.
"I love you.. more."
Silence.
The strength of her hands, fade. She's not already breathing and moving. She is gone.