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𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘛𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.
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『𝙔𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
As soon as I came inside my room, I took a shower right away to calm myself down, remembering the way he looked at me earlier making me so crazy and please don't ask me what I imagine in my mind.
I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes after a shower, trying to cool down myself but the image of him kept repeating in my mind.
His eyes.
His lips.
His cute dimples.
His smooth cheeks.
My heart started to pound hard again. Remembering the way we kissed each other a few weeks ago and I pulled him until our body became glue, giving me sensation around my body. I let out a gasp and touched my lips when the memories of feeling his sweet lips sent me shivering. The way our tongues fought and explored each other's mouth made me imagine something I supposed not too and I bit my bottom lips, trying to remember every moment when our lips explored with each other.
His soft, pink cheeks always made me want to kiss him and when he smiled, his dimples made me want to keep him all by myself, so only I can see him, no one else. The feeling when his soft hand landed on my skin made my heart beat so fast and the memories of our face being so close made my body start to react and I let out a gasp again.
"Fuck!" I changed my position to sit and wiped the sweat that flowed down on my face.
'What are you thinking of, bastard?!' I cursed myself, trying to control my breath to become normal again.
Atid opened the door and I just looked at him with my half open eyes before laying down again on the bed and forgetting my dirty thoughts.
"Are you okay? You look like you just ran a marathon," he said.
"Yeah, a bad marathon," I answered and covered my face with a pillow because my heart was still beating like crazy.
∘✧──────✧∘
It's already night now and I'm doing nothing other than playing games on my phone, wasting my time lying down on the bed but not thinking about moving my ass and going to study.
Ding Ding Ding
"Why are you leaving me this evening?"
My eyes widened when I read a message from War. How could I tell him?! I walked away as soon as possible to avoid myself from kissing him. I didn't want everything that happened before to repeat and he would distance himself from me again.
"I have something to do," I gave an excuse.
"Is your roommate in the room?"
"He's not."
He read my message and didn't reply. I waited for almost 20 minutes but still there was no reply from him.
'Is he already asleep?' I monologued with myself and not long after that, there was someone knocking on the door.
I looked at the watch on my phone as Atid usually comes back in the morning if he went out to the club but why did he come back tonight? And did he really need to knock on the door?
Nevermind maybe he's drunk.
I opened the door but was startled to see War in front of my room, wearing a sweater that covered his head.
My mouth opened slightly as I was too shocked and he looked at me with his puppy eyes.
"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" He said, making me choke on my own saliva.
"Why...why did you ask me to go to your room?" I asked while following him who walked to sit on my bed and then lay down, hugging my pillow.
"I'm worried if you didn't come. You're still mad at me."
"I'm not"
"So why did you suddenly leave me like that?"
I gulped my saliva roughly. How the hell could I tell him I really wanted to kiss him early?! Oh God, that's why I immediately ran away. I didn't want him to hate me anymore.
"Yeah...it's...late"
"Really?"
"Yeah..."
He looked at me without saying anything and took off his sweater, making me immediately change my gaze to another way as my heart beat like crazy.
Shit. What a rollercoaster of emotion I experienced today?
Did he purposely want to kill me?
"I'm wearing a t-shirt inside. You don't need to worry," he said and threw away his sweater at me, then continued to lay down on the bed.
With my suspended eyes, I stared at him while he was still hugging my pillow. I put my hand at my waist as I know something wasn't right.
"What?" He asked like an innocent child.
"Change your t-shirt."
"Huh?" He was shocked by my sudden request and I walked to my closet, then took my shirt and gave it to him.
"Change it now."
"I don't wanttt"
"Since when do you love to wear long sleeve clothes 24 hours?" I asked coolly as I noticed the past few days he always wears long sleeve clothes and even when he goes to the field, he wears a t-shirt like that.
Of course I felt weird because that's not the way he always dresses up and now, he also wanted to sleep wearing clothes like that.
He changed his position to sit and bowed his head before walking away to the door. "Where are you going?" I inquired.
"I want to go back."
"War"
He ignored me and kept walking, making me grab his hand and force him to sit on the sofa.
"I want to go backkk"
He stood up again and I pulled him until he sat on my lap, then pinned his hands around his tummy, so he couldn't move.
"Yinnnn, let me go"
"War"
He still tried to stand up from my lap.
"War Wanarat," I called him using a stern tone, making him fall silent and not moving.
"Show me," I said.
"Yin..."
His eyes started to watery and he bowed his head. "Don't be mad at me. I'm sorry," his voice started to shake.
"I told you I already forgive you. Stop apologizing to me, War."
I'm not sure how many times he says "sorry," despite the fact that I've already told him I forgive him. That's not entirely his fault. I mean, I started it because I kissed him, then he became mad and this matter continued. So, I couldn't really put the blame on him 100% because it all started from me.
He kept bowing his head and a drop of tears fell from his eyes making me cupped his face and looked into his eyes. "Show it to me, War," I said, using a calm tone to convey that I really care about him.
He pulled up his sleeve slowly and after I looked at it, I let out a deep breath before returning my eyes back to him and slowly rested my forehead on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Why...why are you doing that, War?" My voice trembled when I asked that.
I didn't know how and why he thought of cutting and scratching his arm. The scar isn't as noticeable anymore and it may fade away in a week. Looking at it, I think he did it more than a week ago when he became too quiet and always avoided hanging out with us, giving the reason he was tired and busy.
Whatever the reason is, I couldn't imagine how he dealt with all of the suffering on his own and I had no idea about it. It made me feel terrible because I was supposed to protect him and always be by his side but I only know about it just now.
"I hurt you, Yin."
"I should get hurt more than this,"
"War..."
I lifted my head with the tears streaming down and caressed his cheek. "Please don't hurt yourself, War."
"Please..."
"I...I plead you." My tears flow faster than my pulse and seeing the scar make my heart break into pieces.
"You hurt me more if you hurt yourself."
I couldn't express how disappointed I was with myself for not being more aware of how he felt at the time. When he came to my building and gave me breakfast, I grabbed his hand and he made a pained look but I just slid it at the time, thinking maybe it was just my feelings.
"I deserve that," he replied in a trembling voice, making my heart ache more. I could handle the hurt, sorrow and sadness feelings by myself as long as it's not him who got hurt. If I could transfer all the sad feelings he felt in the past and the rest of his life to me, I gladly wanted to do it because nothing is more important than seeing him smile.
"You're not deserve that, War..."
"Please..." I put my forehead against his.
"Promise me you will never do it again." The tears streamed down on my cheeks seemed like it didn't want to stop.
I cupped his face and wiped his tears. "Promise me, War."
He nodded and squeezed his eyelids to let his tears flow down.
∘✧──────✧∘
I was woken up in the morning by the light from the window. As soon as I opened my eyes, Atid was staring at me with his mouth slightly open.
"What..is...this?" He asked and pointed to War, who was still sleeping soundly in my arm, his hand wrapped around my stomach.
I looked at War for a second and changed my gaze back to Atid that was still looking at us with widened eyes.
He wanted to open his mouth again but I put my finger at my lips, signaling him to not make noise as War still slept and he just made a sign 'okay' using his fingers.
He then pointed to the door, telling me he wanted to go to the class while his face still seemed surprised and I just nodded.
I changed my attention back to War after Atid came out from the room, his eyes were still swollen from crying last night. I sighed when remembering the scar that he showed me last night, hoping this will never happen again because the pain of knowing he did something like that is too much for me to bear. It hurts me so bad knowing that he did that because of the regret and guilty feeling he felt towards me.
I moved a little to change my position to face him and he made a sound but his eyes still closed and he moved closer to me.
I took his hand slowly and looked at the scars. "Please don't hurt yourself again, my boy," I said in a low tone as I didn't want to wake him up. I caressed the part gently, hoping that it will disappear soon.
"I love you so much."
"Do you love me the way I love you, War? Not as best friend but more than friend should," I chuckled with my own question and stroked his hair gently while staring at his calm face.
∘✧──────✧∘
THREE WEEKS LATER
『𝙒𝘼𝙍 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
It has been three weeks since I apologized to Yin and our relationship is getting better day by day. I never say the word 'I love you' or even 'I like you' but my action truly said I have the same feelings as him, everyday I really showed him I regret everything that happens.
"I'm waiting for you in the coffee shop :p"
I smiled when I read Yin's message.
"War, what are you doing? Focus," Bonz said when he saw I smiled while playing with my phone during our class.
I took a glance at him and then I noticed Pack was staring at me. I said nothing and then changed my attention back to my phone to reply to Yin's message.
"Okayyyy, I will meet you in 10 minutes :p"
"Can you meet me now? I miss you T_T ," he replied.
"I miss you too T_T "
He just read my message, not replying and I know because he didn't expect I would reply like that. I smiled and shook my head, then changed my focus back to the lecture.
∘✧──────✧∘
"War, wait," Pack grabbed my wrist while I was walking to the coffee shop.
I let out a sigh when I looked at him because this is not the first time he's been like this. I already told him I didn't have any feelings towards him and I just thought of him as a close friend since a long time ago but he was still trying to persuade me.
"I already told you, Pack. My answer will never change," I said.
"War…can you please try to open your heart for me?" He pleaded and I removed my hand from his grip.
"I already tried it but I can't."
Yeah, I already tried to like him since the first day we came to this university as I wanted to deny my feelings towards Yin but I couldn't. My heart still wants the same person and no one can make me feel butterflies in my stomach other than Yin.
"We should stay as close friends, Pack."
"You need to find someone–"
"I don't want anyone else, War. I just...want you."
"I can wait for you as long as you want," he said, trying to tell me that he really loved me but I really couldn't return his love. Even with how much I try, nothing could change my love for Yin. I only want him, no one else.
"Pack, I really can't fall in love with you."
He tried to hold my hand again but I dodge.
"I'm sorry I need to go," I said and walked away, not waiting for him to reply.
∘✧──────✧∘
I came inside the coffee shop and I saw Yin already waiting for me but he didn't see me with his back facing me, so I made a naughty plan to startle him.
I walked slowly to him and whispered in his ear who was busy playing the phone. "What are you doing?" I said while poking his waist, making him shocked and he let out a deep breath when he saw it was me.
"Warrrr, you want to give me a heart attack?"
I stuck out my tongue to him while chuckling and sat in front of him. He already bought food for me, so I just sat and got ready to eat.
"Why are you late?" He asked while putting the straw on my matcha latte.
"Why? You miss me too much?" I replied and smiled until my dimples showed.
"You've taken on my role now. I should be the one who always says something like that."
I chuckled at his words because it's true. He always uses the words to make my heart pounded out of my chest but now I also do the same towards him.
"Can you accompany me to the studio after this? I want to take my stuff there," I said.
"Yeah, anything for the little boy," he answered.
"My little boy," I corrected him and he instantly avoided my gaze, focusing on his food.
"Yinnn"
Earn's voice drew both of our attention and she walked over to our table, then sat next to Yin. She gave me a friendly smile before returning his gaze to Yin.
"Are you free tomorrow?" She asked and Yin looked at me. I immediately pretended to focus on my food but I plugged my ears to hear whatever they said.
"Emmm...why?"
"Let's go to the cinema tomorrow." She smiled sweetly while resting her chin on his hands.
"I have two tic-"
"He can't," I cut her off.
"We have a plan tomorrow."
"Right, Yin?" I held his hand that he placed on the table while smiling, making him shocked a bit and his cheeks became red.
"Is that true, Yin?" Earn asked.
"Ah yes. We already have a plan," Yin said and I was still playing with his hand, then I looked at Earn with a smile, trying to tell her with my eyes that Yin is mine. So, she could find someone else to flirt with.
"Oh...okay then. Just tell me when you are free." She smiled before walking away.
I looked at her with a flat expression before changing my eyes back to the person in front of him and I tossed his hand off from my grip.
"Why are you smiling? Don't smile," I said with an annoying voice.
"Someone is jealous," he mumbled while grinning and I just ignored him, continuing to finish my meal.
∘✧──────✧∘
We went to the studio to take my stuff but I didn't talk much as I kept thinking if Yin really didn't have any feelings towards Earn. I mean, I know Yin likes me but I curious if he has a little bit feeling towards that girl when me and him became apart because I saw they hangout together, ride his motorbike together, breakfast together and Earn also fucking kissed his cheek.
"It's been a long time since I came here," Yin said while walking around the studio and I went to the table to take my lens hood and camera gimbal that I left there.
I didn't say anything and pretended to be busy to put all the stuff in my bag.
"I want to accompany you to come here often," he said again but still didn't get any response from me.
"War." He walked towards me and stood behind me, putting his hands on both of my sides at the table in front of me, moving his face closer to my ear.
"Are you ignoring me, huh?" My heart began to race as he whispered in my ear closely but I tried to remain calm and carried on as if he didn't affect me.
"War," he called me again in a low voice.
I turned my body fastly to face him, making him startled and wanting to move back but I grabbed his tie, so we stayed in that distance. So close.
I moved my face closer to him and he swallowed his saliva roughly, making me smile satisfied as his cheeks and ears started to become red.
"Did you ever like her?" I asked.
It took a while before he opened his mouth. "Who?"
"Earn." I moved my face closer to him a little bit again and waited for his answer.
"I'm not"
"Really?"
He tried to move back but I didn't let go of his tie, pulling him back and decreasing our distance more. He looked like he tried to control his breath as his eyes started to become cloudy, so am I.
"Yeah, I never like anyone else," he answered, making me smile.
"Good," I said and let go of his tie, then walked to the exit door, leaving him still motionless there.
Arghhhh Fuck, War!!!
'You're really crazy!' I said to myself while walking to the door and still act like I'm cool.
∘✧──────✧∘
『𝙔𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
Was this little boy serious?
Did he really want me to fall hard with him until I couldn't walk?
My heart melts so much and it goes crazy whenever he's around me but with his behavior lately that seemed like he wanted to seduce me, I need to get ready for my heart to explode.
"Yin, why are you still standing there?"
"Let's go," he called me and I quickly walked out of the studio too, following him with my heart still pounding fast.
Ding Ding Ding
War's phone rang and I saw he smiled widely before answering the call while we were walking back to our college building.
"Hello, my love," he answered the call, making me furrowed.
My love?
Who is it?
Why did he smile widely when that person called him?
And why did he call that person 'my love'?
"Okay okay, I will call you later, my love," he said and ended the call.
Does he already have someone?
But it seemed kinda obvious he likes me or am I misunderstood again?
"Who is it?" I asked him, trying to sound normal.
"My love," he answered while smiling.
"Huh?!" I raised my voice and stopped my step with his answer.
What the hell did he tell me so normally? I mean, I know that's his right but did he really need to sound so normal? He knows I like him but he told me that's his love like it's nothing to me.
He raised his eyebrows, maybe because of my reaction.
"Okay, your love," I said and walked past him.
"Okayyyy," he answered and held my hand, walking while swinging my hand. I looked at him and he smiled at me until revealed his cute dimples.
We walked like that until we reached his room and he just whistled, kept smiling and didn't bother that I was jealous. Yeah, we are just friends but I fucking like him and he know, so he should pretend like he care I was jealous.
"Goodbye Yinyin," he said.
"Okay, bye."
He came inside his room and looked at me, letting his door slightly open. "My love is my mom."
"Don't be jealous of my mom, Anan." He gave me a wink before closing the door, leaving me lost for words.
credit: @a__awp
14/7/2022