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𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘯𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘥.
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『𝙒𝘼𝙍 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
I stood at the edge of the field while pointing the camera towards Yin. I don't know how many of his pictures I have already snapped since the football tournament started but all I know is my eyes are just locked on him.
The screams of all the students there nearly blew my eardrums out and the cheering team that was also on the field created a really raucous atmosphere.
I smiled looking at his pictures that I snapped. Yin didn't talk much when I came to his room last night and this morning as I could see his shock reaction. Maybe he's still curious why I suddenly became like this because before this I never told him that I was also suffering with my own wrongdoings.
"Warrr"
I looked at Off that walked towards my direction and Earn also there, giving me a smile.
"I thought you were going to the hall."
"Hall?" I looked at Off, furrowing.
"Pack has a debate competition today, does it?"
"Oh, yeah."
I remembered Pack told me a few weeks ago to come to his debate competition and give him support but of course I chose to come here because starting for now, I wanted to be honest with my feelings. So, it means I will prioritize Yin in everything I do. I didn't want to waste any time to make both of us suffer. I want to show him I also have the same feelings as him even though I'm not sure if his feelings towards me are still the same as before.
"I want to come here," I answered while looking at Yin, who didn't stop running and chasing the ball here and there.
"Aren't you hot? Why are you wearing a long-sleeved shirt?" Off asked, making me give him an awkward smile.
"It's so fucking hot here," he added.
"Eeerr, I'm cold...yes I'm cold," I replied awkwardly as of course it's so freaking hot here but I need to cover my arm because the wound is still not gone and they would definitely not stop asking if they saw it.
He just shook his head and we changed our attention to the field again.
"Goalllll!!!!" Me and Off screamed so loud when Yin scored before time ran out and we both jumped while hugging like a child.
"That is my best friend!" Off shouted, telling everyone near us and I chuckled looking at him before I changed my focus back to Yin and he also looked at our direction. I smiled at him and he also smiled back at me.
The match ended with our university winning thanks to Yin's last-minute goal. I continued to photograph him with my camera when his team celebrated their victory.
As I noticed Yin running towards us, I also walked towards him while my camera was hooked around my neck but before I reached him, Earn had already run to him and hugged him, making me stop.
"Congrats, Yin!!!"
"You're superb!" She said while hugging him and her next action made me immediately bow my head and acted like I was busy with my camera.
She kissed Yin on the cheek.
She fucking kissed Yin's cheek.
I'm not sure how Yin reacts because I'm still pretending to look at the photos I took while biting my bottom lips so hard, trying to keep the heartache away. Of course if I follow my heart, I want to snatch and throw her away from Yin but I can't do that because Yin didn't tell me what he feels towards me now.
Maybe he already changed his heart? I don't know...but I hope he doesn't.
"Warrr"
She called me and I lifted my head slowly, looking at them and Yin also locked his gaze on me.
"Can you take my picture with Yin?" She asked while smiling widely and I simply nodded with a tiny smile.
"I,2—"
She hugged Yin's arm and it made me lose focus for a while before continuing to take their pictures.
"Is that okay?" I showed a few of their pictures that I already took.
"We look like a sweet couple, Yin!" She said while hitting Yin's shoulder gently and Yin didn't respond, instead he just kept looking at me without saying anything.
"Don't forget to share all these pictures with me, okay?" She smiled at me and I also returned her smile, just a tiny smile but obviously I forced myself to smile.
After that, we walked to the parking lot and I had no idea what they were talking about as I walked quickly in front of them. Off already returned with his motorcycle and stupid me, I should ask his help to send me back because I didn't bring my car and the distance between field and our college building a little bit far.
I'm with the dumbest plans of mine again. I didn't come here with my car because I wanted to go back with Yin but seeing him with Earn now, for sure he will send her back.
"War, wait," Yin grabbed my wrist and made me stop walking. I also didn't realize he was already near me as I kept walking without care about my surroundings.
"You didn't come with your car, is it?" He asked.
I nodded slowly.
"Go back with me," he said before changing his eyes to Earn that stood beside him.
"You can go back on your own, right?"
"Actually...I want to ask you to send me back but–"
"Nevermind, I will call my friend to pick me up," she said.
"It's okay, Yin. You can–"
"Let's go," Yin pulled my hand to go to his motorbike without waiting for me to finish my words.
We arrived at his motorbike and he gave the helmet to me but before I took it, he pulled it back and helped me to wear it. I bit my lips trying not to smile as with our distance close like this, I felt like I wanted to hug him.
"We went back to my room for me to take a shower and after that we went out to eat," he said while patting my helmet.
I then sat at the back.
"Okay," I replied.
"Okay?" He asked back and stopped his action to start his motorbike. He looked back at me and raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah. Why?"
I put my chin on his shoulder, making him quickly change his attention to the front again.
"Emmm...Nothing..."
I wrapped my hands over his stomach and smiled at him. "You feel weird I didn't argue?"
"A bit," he answered briefly, making me smile more.
He cleared his throat as I hugged him tightly and he started to ride to go back to his room.
∘✧──────✧∘
As soon as we got back to Yin's room and he took a shower, we went to the restaurant nearby and after we finished ordering the food, I rested my chin on my hands, staring at him without saying anything and I couldn't help myself to smile when his cheeks blushed when he noticed I locked my eyes on him.
"Stop it, War."
"You make me scared."
I grinned, smiling still on my face. I don't know how many days have passed and how long I didn't smile like this but now, I could feel my lips couldn't stop turning into smile every time I looked at him.
"Why?"
"You didn't like me looking at you?" I asked.
"I'm not...I mean you can look at me but—"
"You suddenly change like this makes me feel worried," he said, almost inaudibly.
The order arrived and Yin wiped the metal chopsticks before giving it to me. He still didn't change his behavior as he kept showering me with the warm treatment and he also took the sky water before I started to eat, worrying if it was too spicy.
"I'm not changed," I looked at him.
"I'm just being true to myself, to my feelings."
Silence.
"Do you really...not like him?" He asked.
"I'm not."
"So..."
He stopped, making me look at him and raised my eyebrows.
"Do you already have someone that you like?"
I smiled. "You know the answer," I said and handed him a meatball cheese using my chopstick.
"Open your mouth, monkey," I fed him and he gladly accepted it while his eyes didn't blink looking at me.
"It tastes good, doesn't?" I asked and he simply nodded with his blush cheeks, making me smile wide.
"Because I fed you?" I asked again.
"Yeah. I couldn't deny it," he answered.
∘✧──────✧∘
After we arrived at my college building, Yin helped me to take off my helmet like he always did and instead of walking away, I stood beside him, unmoving.
"Is there anything else?" He asked.
"Emmm"
"Nothing," I said, scratching my non-itchy head.
Did he not want to send me to my room's front door? Before this he always said I was a child and there were a lot of dangerous people around, so he needed to make sure with his own eyes that I safely entered my room but now he is just sitting on his motorbike, asking me why I'm still standing there.
Am I now suddenly not a child anymore for him?
Are there no bad people now?
What if I get kidnapped?
"Thank you for today," I said with my sour face and waved weakly to him, then walked away.
I entered the elevator like a zombie and pouted my lips.
I hope he regrets not sending me to my room's front door and I show up in his dreams every night, so he misses me so much until he can't sleep.
I sighed and before the elevator closed, there was a hand blocking it and Yin entered, making my eyes widen.
"Yin? What are—"
He pressed the close button and and circled his arm around my shoulder. "I want to send you like I always did."
He looked at me. "I miss doing that," he said, making my heart beat like crazy and my lips instantly turned into a smile and when I looked at him, he still looked at me with a smile.
"Thank you for coming to support me today," he said when we reached in front of my room.
"I already promised you, right?"
"Yeah but...I thought you would not come."
"I will never forget about our promise," I replied and took his hand to hold it. He also didn't say anything and let me caress his hand.
"Yin"
"Hm?"
We stared at each other but no words came out and I slowly decreased our distance and hugged him, making him startled but after a moment, he also hugged me back.
"Congrats for today. I'm proud of you," I said and I didn't look at his face but I knew he smiled.
We stayed like this for a while and after that, I broke our hug. Without thinking too much, I gave him a brief kiss on his cheek, causing his eyes to widen and his face became red and with our distance close like that, it felt like I could feel his heartbeat.
"War..."
"She kissed you earlier. I didn't...like what I saw."
"You also didn't answer my question this morning," I said as I reminded him about the thing he said to me during our first day we met again but his response was just silent and bowed his head down.
I put my palm on his chest, feeling his heartbeat."Your heart beat so fast right now."
I saw he swallowed his saliva roughly but no words came out from his mouth. He just stared at me like a statue but his heartbeat already proves what he feels towards me.
I also felt the same, my heart felt like it wanted to jump out from my body but I tried so hard to act cool. Only God knows how I felt right now.
"Your heartbeat already gave me the answer for my question," I said almost inaudibly.
"Thank you for today," I smiled a little looking at his reaction and walked to unlock my room door, leaving him still not moving there.
"Goodnight, Yinyin," I said and came inside the room.
I ran to my bed as soon as I closed the door and bit my pillow, screaming.
'You're crazy, War!'
'You almost died because of a heart attack!' I said to myself with my palm on my chest, feeling my heart pounds like a hummingbird's wings.
∘✧──────✧∘
『𝙔𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙊𝙑』
I came to my room while my hand was still holding my cheek after War kissed me, my heart was beating so fast.
Did he really plan to kill me?
Shit.
He hugged me.
He fed me.
He caressed my hand.
He fucking kissed me. I mean, he kissed my cheek but it's still a kiss.
My cheeks instantly started to become red again and I don't know how many times I slapped myself today but I did it again. My heart started to race like crazy over and over. It couldn't stop because he was always in my mind 24 hour and with his behavior like this today made me almost gone insane.
Does this really happen?
We're okay now?
Is he not mad at me anymore?
I couldn't stop asking all these questions as just remember I could be so close with him today making my heart almost explode.
I know last night he already apologized to me and of course I already forgive him. People may ask why I can forgive him so easily, how I can just forget the pain I felt and things he put me through these past few weeks but everything I did right now because I learn from our past.
He has been patient with my behavior for almost three freaking years, so how could he not deserve my forgiveness if he also can forgive me in the past even how badly I treated him. Even though at times I was always mad and talked rudely at him in front of our friends, he still stayed with me and never talked bad about me.
Hating and keeping blaming each other wouldn't have made it easier.
I love him.
I love him for our good moments before and now. I love him for the person I know he is, even if he isn't showing me that the whole time.
Hating him would have been far more painful. I recognise that hatred and rage are simply masks for grief. And the more you try to hide your pain, the more difficult it will be to recover. Being enraged at him would have made absolutely no difference. So I chose not to be.
And I miss him.
I often thought about him throughout the time we didn't talk. I missed the little things like spending time with him and having conversations with him throughout the day.
It was in him I found a second self.
Ding Ding Ding
An upcoming message from War popped up in my notifications and I'm not sure when the last time he sent me a message but today, he sent me a message again.
"Let's have breakfast together tomorrow :)"
I instantly smiled when I read his messages and rolled on the bed, punching my pillow a few times.
Ding Ding Ding
A new message coming from him again.
"Why did you just read my message and not reply?"
"I'm sad :("
Shit.
This little boy really planned to kill me. Why is he so cute like this? He could make me go crazy in less than 24 hours!
I pity myself if I already tried to move on from him because for sure I will keep falling in love with him over and over again and this isn't gonna end. I will never be able to move on from him because he just needs to snap his finger and boom, I already fall hard.
"Okay, I will come to your room tomorrow :p," I replied to him because I always came to his room first before we were going to have breakfast together.
For God's sake, I miss doing all that.
"I'm waiting for you!"
"See you tomorrow my Yinyin. Goodnight♡"
Fuck.
I immediately tossed my phone beside me after reading his messages.
Is this really him?
He called me 'my Yinyin'.
He sent me a love emoji.
This is not a dream, right?
I'm still alive, aren't I?
Because I feel like I'm in heaven.
credit: @0Q6vKTVf8AqFaaA
9/7/2022