But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive
- Ordinary World • Duran Duran
There were some things that didn't feel like they should be believed. It's the calm after a storm, the sunshine on a cloudy day. For some reason, winning didn't feel as good as it should have this time for James.
Though he'd been there, he didn't help. It was so unlike him, but there was nothing he could have done- and the guilt was going to eat away at him for quite some time.
James and Caspian were stood together when they heard it. Lucy was excited, and for good reason too.
"The spell... it's lifting!" She exclaimed. "Edmund! James! Caspian! Look!"
Rowboats filed out of the mist, Narnian's of all shapes and sizes revealed in the sunlight. They'd been lost for so long, and now they were home. James and Caspian were going to make sure they went home.
"Narnian's! Narnian's!"
Gael and Rhince were stood at the edge of the boat, just like everyone else, watching them emerge. That was when Gael saw her. "Mummy!"
Rhince's eyes lit up, like magic. "Helaine."
The two of them jumped into the water, swimming as fast as they could to see their family. James knew the feeling better than most, and his heart began to swell.
His arms wrapped around his younger brother and sister, and hugged them tightly. Sometimes he forgot that they were still children, at least in England they were.
"I love you both very much." James kissed their foreheads, Edmund squirming slightly at the touch, but he just smiled anyhow. "And I'm so proud of you."
"I'm proud of you too." Lucy squeezed his hands as Caspian called out to the group.
"Let's help them on board, clear the decks."
After that, Caspian joined the siblings, and smiled contently at James. He wrapped the boy in his arms, holding him tightly, never wanting to let him go. The truth was, he wouldn't if he didn't have to. He'd never leave James if the world let him.
"We did it." Lucy beamed, knowingly. "I knew we would."
"It wasn't just us, though." The blonde looked up, knowingly.
"You mean-"
"Where's Harvey?"
From below deck, a body emerged, black hair swaying. It was the Gallagher boy, and he looked much less than happy.
"Someone had to take care of the senile old fool." He rolled his eyes, frustrated. "Clearly, it had to be me."
Running from Caspian to Harvey, James engulfed him in a warm hug. It was sorely needed. "Thank you, so much."
"Hey, it kept me out of the action." He smirked, gladly. "I'm grateful for it. I'm not sure how you Pevensie's keep doing it."
"It's a talent." He smiled.
"Where's that dragon of yours?" The Gallagher boy asked, making everyone wonder. Where was it Eustace had disappeared to, and more importantly, was he okay?
Then, from the water, they heard a noise. "Hey! I'm down here, James! Over here! Hey, James I'm in the water! James!"
"Eustace." James' lips curled upwards at the sight of his cousin, human and unharmed.
"I'm a boy again. I'm a boy!"
"Whoop de doo Pinocchio." Harvey groaned, rubbing his eyes due to tiredness. He hadn't slept in two days: none of them had.
"Eustace!" Reepicheep popped up from the bowels of the ship. "I see your wings have been clipped." The rodent jumped in the water and started to sing a happy tune they had all heard before. "Where sky and water meet, where the waves grow ever sweet." Curiously, his paw dipped into the ocean and drank the water. "It is sweet. It's sweet!" This caused them all to laugh, shamelessly. "Look! Look!"
But Reep wasn't telling them to look at him. He was telling them to look at the approaching waters on the horizon. The most beautiful sigh in white some time.
"Aslan's country." Caspian murmured, pulling James close to his chest once again. "We must be close."
"Well, we've come this far." Edmund shrugged, but the blonde could feel his heart beating fast by the second.
"I need to see him." James whispered, and Caspian nodded, running his hands through his lovers hair. "I have so much to say."
It became the mutual decision that the Pevensie's, Caspian, Harvey, the Scrubb boy and Reepicheep would go on a small rowboat to Aslan's country. They, more than any others, wanted to go there, and they knew it was well overdue.
James more than anyone needed to talk to Aslan. There were a lot of things unresolved, and he needed to get a few things off his chest.
The waters weren't clear anymore, but filled with white lilies. They were beautiful, the whole place was beautiful, and they'd never seen anything like it. How could they? This was a place unlike any other.
Caspian and Edmund had divvied up the rowing between them, letting James navigate them as he'd the best sense of direction. The boat was probably too small to fit them all in, but they did it anyways.
"So what was it like when Aslan changed you back?" Edmund asked Eustace, quizzically. It was a question he longed to know the answer to, that they all longed to know the answer to.
"No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it myself." Their cousin started, a pensive tone overtaking his words. "Then he came towards me. It sort of hurt, but it was a good pain. You know, like when you pull a thorn from your foot. Being a dragon wasn't all bad. I mean, I think I was a better dragon than I was a boy, really. I'm so sorry for being such a sop."
"It's okay, Eustace." Edmund grinned, cheekily. "You are a pretty good dragon." His comments made them all grin.
"If it's any consolation, Eustace, I understand what you mean perfectly." The eldest Pevensie stated, sheepishly. "When he changed who I was, as a panther, I feel that pain every time."
"How do you live with it?"
James though for a moment. It had been a while since he'd contemplated his physical deformities. There wasn't a reason to. The eldest Pevensie had come to terms with himself a long time ago, and Caspian had never queried him for who he was. Therefore, none of it mattered anymore.
"It's a curse and a blessing." He said, finally. "I had to come to terms with the fact that I was no longer human, but I knew there was a reason why he changed me. I knew he wanted me to protect the people I love, and I guess that helped me cope."
The knowing looks from his family and friends was enough to make him feel welcome. They made him feel loved, and appreciated, and known.
"My friends," Reep grinned, proudly. "We have arrived."
Not too far from them was a beautiful beach with golden sands. There was a wall of water, curling like a wave, rising vertically.
The boat mounted on the edge of the sands, allowing them to step away from the ocean, and closer to the shore.
Eustace was the first to notice, and the first to speak up.
"Aslan."
James topped in his tracks, and turned to face the lion, who had yet to change in all of the time they had known him.
"Welcome children, you have done well. Very well indeed. You have come farm and now your journey is at its end."
Lucy looked to Aslan, wonder filling her eyes. "Is this your country?"
"No, my country lies beyond." James gripped Caspian's hand. He had always wanted to visit Aslan's country, but knew that he couldn't. He couldn't give up his family like that.
"Is my father in your country?" The Telmarine found himself asking.
"You can only find that out for yourself, my son." Aslan informed them. "But you should know that if you continue, there is no return."
Caspian let go of James' hand, and out of curiosity, stepped forwards. His fingertips ram through the water-like wall for only a few moments before moving away. "Then I cannot go."
James didn't think Caspian was truly considering it, but now he knew this must have been harder than he first thought.
"I can't imagine my father would be very proud that I gave up what he died for. I spent to long wanting what was taken from me and not what was given."
The emotion pouring from his voice made James just want to hug him. But he couldn't. This was his moment, and James would not take it.
"I was given a kingdom. A people. The most wonderful man I can say I love." His tracks lead to Aslan, and he stood, proud and tall. "I promise to be a better king."
"You already are." The lion promised, letting the Telmarine feel at ease with himself. "Children?"
There was a silence. No one wanted to be the one to say something first- but someone had to.
"Can I ask you something, Aslan?" Harvey quizzed, an unnerved expression crossing his features.
"Of course."
"What happened to Alfie?"
It was a question they all wanted to know the answer to. Maybe Aslan wouldn't know. Sometimes he didn't. James had lived through quite some time of Alfie's letters, and all of the emotions he'd been feeling. Maybe something else should've been done, or said, but James hadn't been able to do any more than he already had. That was the truth of it all.
"It's just, James said they hadn't heard from him in quite some time, and, well, I'm worried for him." His voice cracked. "Did he end up in Narnia?"
"Your brother had enlisted in the Royal Navy," This, James knew. "aboard the HMS LST 429 of the coast of Libya."
"Had?" Harvey breathed in, heavily.
"I regret to say, dear one, that your brother is dead."
Harvey didn't miss a beat. The tears dropped from his eyes, but he still had so much to say. It was a punch in the gut for the eldest Pevensie too. He had unresolved things with Alfie, and now, they would stay that way.
"Will he be there?"
"I cannot say."
That was all it took for Harvey to make his decision. He turned to his friends, and went down the line from Eustace to James, hugging them all individually. When he reached the blonde, he smiled weakly.
"Tell my mother I love her, won't you?"
"Of course." James nodded because there was nothing else he could do.
"Thank you. You've been the best friend I could've asked for."
With no more goodbyes to say, Harvey smiled. They knew then that he would have no regrets, and watched him disappear through the water.
It took them all a while to process the fact that Harvey had gone, but they knew it was a better place. It was a place where he could stay with his brother, and they would never be able to see him again.
Aslan had to be the one to cut the tension. No one else would dare to.
"Children?"
Edmund looked guiltily from brother to sister, before speaking. "I think, perhaps, it's time we went home, actually Lou."
"But," Lucy began to fret, eyes wide, filling with tears. "I thought you loved it here."
Lucy wasn't the only one to start getting upset: James felt as if his heart was going to break. He knew exactly what was going to happen. He'd known it from the start.
"I do." Edmund reasoned as best he could. "But I love home, and our family as well. They need us."
At that, Reep cleared his throat and all attention was on him.
"Your eminence, ever since I can remember, I have dreamt of seeing your country. I've had many great adventures in this world, but nothing has dampened that yearning. I know I am hardly worthy, but with your permission, I would lay down my sword for the joy of seeing your country with my own eyes."
"My country was made for noble hearts such as yours." Aslan breathed, happily. "No matter how small their bearers may be."
Bowing, Reep thanked. "Your Majesty."
"No one could be more deserving." Caspian grinned, sincerely.
"Well I-"
"It's true." Edmund agreed.
Stepping forwards, tentatively, Lucy held her arms out. "May I?"
"Well, I suppose. Just this-" Reep was cut off, engulfed in the young queens arms. "goodbye Lucy." Eustace was next to say goodbye, but cried before any words could leave his lips. "Don't cry."
"I don't understand." The Scrubb boy blubbered. "will I not see you again? Ever?"
"What a magnificent puzzle you are and a true hero. It has been my honour to fight beside such a brave warrior and a great friend."
When Reep dropped his sword into the sand, and they knew that he was going to leave. James took a step forwards, holding out his hand for the mouse to take.
"If you'd allow me, Reep, I would like to walk you to your new home. After all, you are the most worthy knight Narnia has ever had."
The small paw was encased in James' scarred flesh as they strolled over to small boat. It had appeared by the wall of water, especially for him.
When James let him go, the boat drifted over the water, and Reepicheep was officially gone too.
Everything seemed to hit the Pevensie's all at once, as none of them were left with dry eyes. James kept himself close to Caspian, needing to feel his comfort. He knew. They both knew.
Lucy whimpered. "This is our last time here, isn't it?"
"Yes, you've grown up, my dear one." Aslan elaborated, softly. "Just like Peter and Susan."
"Will you visit us in our world?"
"I shall be watching you, always."
"How?"
"In your world, I have another name. You must learn to know me by it. That was the very reason you were brought to Narnia. That by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."
"Will we meet again?"
"Mm.. yes, dear one. One day."
Aslan roared softly at the waves, and they shifted at the noise. That was the path back to England, back to Cambridge.
"You're the closest thing I have to family." Caspian told them, sincerely as always. "And that include you, Eustace."
"Thank you."
Caspian wrapped his arms around Edmund, and then Lucy as they waved goodbye to Aslan. It was a heartbreaking scene, but what was worse, when they noticed the blonde was stood by himself.
"James?" Edmund whispered, causing the boy to turn on his feet.
He didn't reply to his brother, but walked to Aslan, with a purpose. "I've always known your name, Aslan." James mumbled, just loud enough for them to hear. "And yet, you still brought me here. More time than any of my brothers or sisters, for more years, I have lived here, and you've allowed it. But I always knew who you were."
"You are right, dear one." The lion agreed.
"Why?"
"Because your path in life was never straight and narrow. You are one of the few born for this world, and not your own."
"James?" Lucy's voice cracked under the weight of her words. "Aren't you coming?"
Guilt seeped into his gaze as James' eyes skip from person to person. Lucy's dark eyes and freckled face to Edmund's raven locks, to Eustace's sandy hair. Then, to Caspian, who did not have a look of despair, but something of discretion.
"You have to tell Mrs Gallagher that Harvey loves her, okay." James smiled, softly, though no regret came through at all. "You two are the best things that have ever happened to me. Lucy, you're so grown up, so clever, and so very beautiful. And Edmund, I remember you being small, and clinging onto me when you were in trouble- but look at you now. And tell Susan that she is more than just clever, she is charismatic, and beautiful in every way. And tell Peter..."
He was a sore subject still, but he knew this wasn't the time to hold grudges.
"please tell Peter that I forgive him."
"James-" Lucy hugged him tightly, grasping at him, wanting him to stay.
"You mean more to me than anything else over there, but this has always been my home, and I can't leave Caspian here alone."
"We understand." Edmund nodded, knowingly. "but Peter won't compare to you."
"Of course he won't." James couldn't help the cheeky grin, despite the rolling tears. "No one can compare to the one and only James Thomas Pevensie. He's one of a kind."
Kissing his cheek farewell, Lucy faked a smile. "Definitely one of a kind."
"Eustace-" James calls out as his family walked away, and into the distance. "We'll see you again one day. I'm sure Narnia could still do with someone like you."
Seeing them walk through the gate was painful. He knew that they would be happy, eventually. But it was was hard knowing that they would be happy without him.
"It's just me and you then." Caspian offered a sad smile, wrapping James in his arms, and kissing his forehead.
"If it was always going to be this way, then I'm glad it was you."
ᴀ/ɴ
ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛs ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ,
ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴍs ʟᴀsᴛ 429 ᴡᴀs ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟ ᴡᴡ2 ʙᴏᴀᴛ.
ɪ ᴅɪᴅ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀᴇsᴇᴀʀᴄʜ sᴏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀs ʀᴇᴀʟɪsᴛɪᴄ ᴡᴀs ᴘᴏssɪʙʟᴇ.
-ᴇᴍᴍᴀ
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Disclaimer!!!!
I don't own anything to do with the Narnia book series or film trilogy. These predominantly belong to C.S. Lewis. However, I do own James Pevensie, Alfie and Harvey Gallagher, and their respective alterations to the storyline.