Neoma walked into the library at her usual Friday time and went to her favorite spot. Classes had officially ended, Saturday was the big game, and N.E.W.T.s would be starting up on Monday. It appeared that her time at Hogwarts was rapidly coming to a close.
She didn't expect her last couple of weeks to be so lonely, but they were. After her (very confusing) confrontation with Remus in Potions, he seemed to ice her out of his life completely. Lily also didn't make the greatest effort to speak with her, nor did James or Peter.
Sirius and the other girls seemed to be the only ones that would look in her direction. Marlene would invite her to things, but Neoma politely declined each time. It seemed like she, Dorcas, and Alice were also left out of the conversation where Neoma was once again reduced to the daughter of a death eater, leaving them just as lost as the Slytherin.
Remus, on the other hand, was swimming in self-pity and regret. As soon has he opened his mouth about Greyback, he wished he hadn't. Neoma really didn't know any better - he had to stop taking her comments to heart. He, however, knew exactly what he was doing when he threw her dad's affiliations in her face.
Lily wasn't so forgiving of Neoma's comments. She learned about Remus being a werewolf shortly after Severus figured it out, and had witnessed the hardships that her friend had to go through with the condition. Even though she knew Neoma wasn't directly talking about Remus, she found the girl's commentary on werewolves to be "ignorant" and "uninformed".
James, of course, was quick to agree with Lily, forgetting all about his desire to get Neoma and Remus together. Peter also made it clear that Neoma had no right to speak so adamantly about something she had no personal experience with.
Sirius wanted to yell at all of them - Neoma included - but his hands were unfortunately tied, and all he could do was cross his fingers and hope that the truth would be revealed sooner rather than later. Neoma Nott wasn't going to disappear from their lives - she would be fighting alongside them in the war. The longer the silence lasted, the worse it would get.
He even tried to help, giving Remus a severe case of whiplash when he suggested that the two should talk to clear the air. At one moment he was saying to give up on pursuing Neoma, and the next he was telling him to try and save the friendship.
Remus decided to ignore the advice of everyone - "talk to Neoma", "don't talk to Neoma", "stop being such a dick to Neoma" - and take his own course of action.
Neoma tried her best not to smile as she looked down at her usual study spot. Neatly folded on the table rested a grey Gryffindor tee.
--
On Saturday morning, Neoma put on Remus's t-shirt. It was far too big on her, but she tried to tuck it into her skirt to make it less obvious. She braided her hair, tying two green ribbons on the end of them (just to piss Remus off).
Narcissa wore Slytherin colours with blue-streaked cheekbones. She rolled her eyes at Neoma's shirt, but kept her comments to herself.
"That your boyfriend's shirt?" Ernest sneered as Neoma pushed through the Slytherin common room. "I thought you guys broke up."
"I don't believe they were ever together, actually. She was just pining over him, but the halfblood got bored. Pity." Lucius snaked his arm across Neoma's shoulders, which were stiff as a board. "And now she has no one. Poor thing."
Neoma jerked out of his grasp and continued walking toward the exit, ignoring the jeers of her peers.
She finally took Marlene up on her offer to sit at the Gryffindor table, knowing full well that sitting with a group of Slytherins while wearing the enemy's t-shirt would be a nightmare. As she slid in next to the blonde, she avoided all eye-contact with Lily, James, and Peter.
She did look at Remus, though, who was inspecting her bows from a few seats down, shaking his head in disappointment. She smiled.
"Isn't that your t-shirt, mate?" James whispered to Remus. "Why is she wearing it?"
"I gave it to her."
"When?"
"Yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"Yup."
James shook his head, taking a bite of his apple.
"Neems, the lion on that shirt brings out your inner beauty. You no longer look like a slimy hag," Sirius reached into his bag, pulling out a foam finger. It read: "SIRIUS BLACK CAN BEAT MY BLUDGER ANYTIME".
"Pete has always been the one to don this finger, so I want you to treat it with respect -"
"Padfoot what the hell? This is the last game of the year, I should be holding -"
"Peter, you can take it -"
"No! Neoma you will be wearing the finger and that's final." Sirius thrust the object into Neoma's hands, knocking over a cup of pumpkin juice in the process. "It'll draw people's attention away from those hideous green bows."
"They are pretty hideous," Remus agreed, catching most of the group off guard. He ignored their reactions and simply offered a smile to Neoma, who returned it shyly.
About half an hour of small-talk ensued until Sirius, Dorcas, and James had to leave to start warming up. Shortly after that the rest of the group finished their breakfasts and headed off to the pitch, with many other students following suit.
The tension between Remus and Neoma was thick. They made a lot of awkward eye contact, but kept at least one person between them at all times. If Neoma started talking to Marlene Remus would start talking to Peter, and if Remus started talking to Marlene Neoma would start talking to Alice.
It was no accident that Remus and Neoma sat on opposite sides of the bench, with all of their friends sandwiched between them. While they waited for the game to start, Alice undid Neoma's hair so she could rearrange it into a single fishtail braid. "Want some red ribbon?" Marlene asked, digging through her bag. "I also have gold."
"I think I'll stick with green," Neoma replied cheekily.
Mentally Remus chuckled, but on the outside he was just counting up the number of pennants that hung on a nearby string.
The game eventually started, much to everyone's excitement, but unfortunately slow couldn't even begin to describe the first twenty minutes. Ravenclaw's reputation of having a tight defense proved to be true, especially against the offense-forward Gryffindor team. James, Dorcas, and Ned Wood could barely make it past the centerline without having a bludger shooting off in their direction. Sirius and Amelia Bones had an easy enough time fending off the weaker Ravenclaw offense, but that left the two teams in a deadlock.
"If Gideon and Fabian didn't graduate last year we would have already won!" Marlene complained. "Dorcas would still be a beater, and then Gideon would absolutely be able to get through Ravenclaw's defense. Fabian probably woulda caught the snitch by now, too."
"Benjy is a decent seeker!" Remus argued. "We've just gotta give 'em all time to warm up."
As soon as the words left his lips, one of the Ravenclaw chasers dodged Sirius's bludger and sent the quaffle flying through Gryffindor's left hoop. Half of the stadium erupted into cheers.
"NOOOOO!" Marlene wailed, grasping Peter's shoulders. "Pete you coulda caught that! Did you see that?! HOW DID MERVYN NOT BLOCK THAT!?!?!! HE'S THE BEST KEEPER WE'VE HAD IN YEARS!"
Alice cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled out "Booooo Mervyn!", which a couple of other Gryffindors did not appreciate. They yelled back at her, capturing the attention of Marlene, who stuck her tongue out at them in return.
"Real mature, Marlene!" Gracie Vance - girlfriend of the keeper in question - rolled her eyes.
Marlene was about to bite back, but the sight of Dorcas whizzing by quickly caught her attention.
As Ravenclaw's beaters both sent a bludger in the girl's direction (making Marlene cover her eyes), Dorcas masterfully dipped downward, causing the two projectiles to slam together forcefully. Dorcas tossed the quaffle over to James amidst the chaos, who pegged it through the top hoop. While Ravenclaw's keeper almost made a successful block, James managed to throw the quaffle with enough force to push his hand through, making it a technical score.
Gryffindor went crazy. Marlene was singing Dorcas's praises, and the rest of the house started up the Gryffindor cheer. Remus threw his arm over Peter's shoulders, who was waving a foam finger (not Sirius's, unfortunately) madly in the air.
The game picked up after that. Benjy Fenwick almost caught the snitch twice, but it managed to escape both times. Sirius sent the Ravenclaw captain flying off of his broom, causing quite the ruckus, but Neoma made sure to put her gift to use as she cheered on the Gryffindor beater.
Two hours and fifty-six minutes after the game had started, it ended. By some divine intervention, Benjy Fenwick just barely managed to beat Ravenclaw's seeker, Fergus Davies, to the snitch. The bleachers sounded like they'd crash to the ground as Gryffindor jumped up and down, screaming and hollering to each other. Neoma joined in on the action, the enthusiasm contagious as she accepted a big hug from Alice.
--
"Miss Nott and Mr. Lupin, a word?" Slughorn took a couple of steps toward her as the rest of the class filed out, thrilled to be finished with Potions once and for all.
"Yes, Professor?" Neoma awkwardly clasped her hands behind her back, sneaking a glance at Remus. They still hadn't properly spoken, but his shirt gesture at least proved he didn't hate her.
"Well, I just wanted to say congratulations to you both on completing your first N.E.W.T. - you're almost to the finish line!"
"Thank you, Sir...hopefully we did well!"
"Oh Dear, you're so modest. You know full well that you're one of the best students I've had in my teaching career."
Not good enough to be asked to a Slug Club dinner, Neoma thought bitterly. Her family's reputation likely disqualified her from Slughorn's list of potential 'winners'.
"So the woman looking over everyone's final reports actually reached out to me about both of yours..."
Neoma and Remus exchanged nervous glances.
"Both potions were able to be brewed to perfection. Of course this doesn't mean that they actually work, but they did not produce any undesired byproducts, they did not explode, and they also resulted in the colour you both predicted. Very good job."
Remus would be lying if he didn't say that the news made him instantaneously hopeful. Neoma was obviously gifted in the subject, and her Wolfsbane potion didn't explode. That had to be a start, right? Maybe she was onto something.
Her hard work also reflected well on him, seeing as she practically formulated his potion herself. Slughorn seemed to pick up on this, seeing as most of his compliments were directed toward the Slytherin girl.
"Miss Nott, have you considered a career in potion making?"
"...Just a little bit, Sir. I don't know if it's in my future, though."
Remus knew what she meant, thinking to the war that was waiting to greet them as soon as they graduated.
"Well I do hope you reconsider. I would love to grab some tea once you find your footing - to see how you're doing. I'm sure you'll do very well for yourself."
"Mm. Tea." Remus interjected, amused by the fact that Slughorn was completely disregarding his presence. Neoma's eyes widened.
"Have a very nice summer, Professor Slughorn," Neoma managed to maintain her composure as she spoke, avoiding any eye contact with Remus out of fear that she might start laughing. "Thank you so much for these past seven years."
"It has been a pleasure teaching you - the both of you!" Slughorn sent a pointed look toward Remus. "I wish you two the best of luck."
"Bye, Professor. Thanks." Remus shook his fleshy hand before following Neoma out of the classroom.
"You did it, Neems!" Remus grinned. "Got us looking all good for the Ministry."
Neoma almost engaged in his lighthearted banter, but stopped herself. She still had no idea why he acted the way he did during (and after) her Potions presentation, and the fact that he was suddenly paying attention to her again didn't sit well with her. Having different views on werewolves and debating about it? Fine. That didn't mean she deserved being ignored by him and half of his friends for weeks.
"So now you talk to me." She mumbled, slowing down her pace.
"Neoma, I'm really sorry about all of th-"
"No, Remus. You don't get to...throw that in my face, especially in public! I don't even know why you got so worked up in the first place! You out of all people knew my potion the best ... none of what I said should have come as a surprise."
Remus glanced around, making sure that they were alone. He didn't fancy having this conversation in front of an audience.
"Well you were much more vocal about your distaste for werewolves than usual."
"Merlin, Remus - again with the werewolves? Look, I'm just trying to help them, alright? I might not be as ... supportive ... of them as you are, but you just don't get it, yeah? You don't know any werewolves - I'm sorry if anything I said offended you, but I have a real reason to want to help them and I don't understand why you keep getting so defensive whenever we talk about this!"
"Just because the werewolves you know from Voldemort's ranks are shitty doesn't mean that they all are, Neoma. Just keep an open mind - they're just people," he pled, as if this would make her accept him.
"You don't understand what they did to my family, Remus," Neoma shook her head. "I can't just ... be as ... nice as you, y'know? I can't always see the good in people."
Remus tilted his head at this new information. "What did they do to your family?"
"I don't feel like talking about this right now - we have to take the Transfiguration exam in an hour and I need to look over my notes." Neoma shook her head. "...Ask Sirius if you really want to know. Tell him I said it's alright - y'know what, I don't even care who knows anymore. I'm sure it'll get out sooner than later."
"Wait - Sirius knows? And I don't?"
"Sirius also didn't completely ignore me for the past couple of weeks, so good thing I trusted him and not you -"
"Merlin Neoma I really am sorry, but you just don't understand, alright? This isn't just me trying to be nice - I just ... feel strongly about the topic, y'know?"
Neoma sighed, staring down the hall as she heard the distant sound of footsteps. "Just ... talk to Sirius if you really wanna know about my family, okay? Hell, even ask Snape, it seems like he was told by some of my asshole housemates."
"I thought you'd feel comfortable enough to tell me yourself, Neoma ..."
"Well I clearly can't have a normal conversation with you about werewolves, so I'd rather not." She muttered. "I'm gonna head off. Good luck with Transfiguration."
"Yeah, you too." Remus watched her leave dejectedly.
--
"Pads, you available for a chat?" Remus asked, ruffling his wet hair with a towel. Peter was fast asleep already, and James was out on Head Boy duties.
"...Yes?"
Remus sighed, pulling on a pair of briefs and then pajama pants before throwing himself onto his bed. "Sooo I talked to Neoma today."
"Hm. About time."
"You're the one who wanted me to end all of that in the first place."
"No, I just wanted you to stop fantasizing about her ... naked body or whatever. Relationship - bad. Friendship - good!"
"Are you into her or something?"
Sirius's eyes widened, especially after he realized that Remus was being entirely sincere with the question.
"No Moony, I am not 'into her'. She's pretty, but she's a little ... shy. For my taste, anyways."
"She's not shy, she just takes a little while to open up to -"
"Ah! See? Neems is much better suited for you than me. Case and point."
Remus's face turned red, but he ignored the comment as he tried to keep the conversation moving forward.
"Anyways, her and I got into a teensy tiny disagreement about the whole ordeal. She didn't want to talk to me about it anymore, but said you had some more information ..."
"More information on what?" Sirius rose a brow.
"She said - uh - that werewolves did something to her family? And that you know about it? And ... Snape does too? And the rest of her old friends?" As he said the list out loud, Remus frowned. A lot of people not named Remus John Lupin seemed to know about this big secret of Neoma's.
"Oh Merlin, so I can finally tell you!?" Sirius looked up to the ceiling. "Praised be! There is a God and he is so, so good! Thank you, oh holy one, for I am -"
"What the hell are you going on about? What's the big deal?" Remus chucked a pillow at Sirius's head. "Can you just tell me?"
Sirius calmed down, and he almost sighed out loud as he felt the imaginary weight of Neoma's secret being lifted off of his shoulders. He glanced over toward Peter, who was still snoring away.
"How much has Neoma told you about her mum?"
"Well she ran off with a muggle, right?"
"Mm. Not so simple," Sirius shook his head. "That's what I thought too. Her mum had an affair with a muggle man, yeah. But instead of - I dunno - divorce, her mum was killed, mate."
Remus's brow furrowed. "Her mum was ... killed? By who, her dad?"
"No ... ah, Moony, I'm so sorry -"
"What're you sorry about?"
"Well, it's just that ... her mum was killed on Voldemort's orders. And ... well .. he just kinda ... stuck her outside with a bunch of ... werewolves ... on the full moon."
Remus's stomach immediately twisted into knots.
"And Neoma she - well, she had to ... eat breakfast ... with her mum's dead body all mangled up next to her. And all of her friends were there ... and the werewolves who did it. And Voldemort. And her dad."
"...I think I'm gonna be sick," Remus breathed. A heavy silence fell over the two boys. Thoughts were flying through Remus's head at a rapid pace, but one stuck around for a while: he was a massive prick.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me, Sirius?" Remus ran a hand over his face. "Whaaat the fuck. Merlin I'm an arse - I should have stayed far, far, far, far, far away from her - why didn't you step in earlier? How long have you known about this?"
"I didn't realize it was actually gonna go anywhere until you two were all over each other at the party -"
"Well as soon as you realized it you should've just ... told me she was in a secret relationship with Snape or something. That woulda kept me far away."
"Well I was gonna step in but then it seemed like you two managed to screw it up all on your own."
Remus could feel the pressure behind his eyes building, and his throat was starting to constrict. It seemed like some cruel twist of fate that the girl he'd grown quite fond of happened to be the daughter of a death eater whose muggle-loving mum was mauled to death by a bunch of werewolves.
"I'm going to sleep," he managed to choke out before drawing his curtains around his bed - something none of the boys really ever did. He cast a quietening charm on himself before pressing his face into his pillow.
For the first time in a long, long while, Remus Lupin cried. He cried for Neoma's loss. He cried about ignoring her for all of that time. He cried about his own misfortune - about how unfair it all was - and he cried at the idea of Neoma ever finding out that he was the thing that killed her mother.