I don't know if we are being followed, I don't know what is happening behind us. All I do is run after Novak. People have to jump aside in front of us, stuff falling out of their hands. I have seen piles of clothes falling from a woman's arms into a pool of water. Here and there, a chicken runs across the street, fluttering wildly, jumping away from us. The street is littered with puddles of water, the sky grey and drab. The roof tiles are still dripping from the rain that, apparently, has fallen. This is the first time in a month that I am outside the shop.
Street after street flies past me. The streets are anything but equal. Here and there a stone sticks out that we have to be careful not to trip over. The old stone houses pass by so quickly that I cannot take in the details. People look at us as if we had lost our minds, as if we were crazy.
I try to resist the temptation to look back, knowing it won't help. I manage until Nelly appears in my mind. She helped us, she is an accomplice. The hatch is still open as far as I know. If Willem survives, there is no way for her to deny Christiaan will not spare her and I don't even want to imagine what her fate will be. That sweet helpful old woman in the dungeons, on the stake, hanged or beheaded. I feel nauseous just thinking about it.
I turn my head and look behind us. I'm relieved when I don't see any guards coming up behind us. We're already too far to catch a glimpse of Nelly. I look at Novak, who is looking ahead of us with a focused gaze.
'We have to help Nelly, if they get her then...' my voice dies away at the end of my sentence, unable to pronounce the horror. Novak grabs my wrist more tightly, starts pulling me harder through the streets.
'There's no time,' he replies as if it's the most normal thing in the world. As if Nelly hasn't been looking after us for the past month.
'We can't do that. She will be killed if we don't do something.' I can't and won't believe that Novak wants to leave the dear old woman like a piece of rubbish. I want to stop running and force Novak to go back to Nelly. As soon as we turn a new corner, I stop running. Novak almost pulls me over. He stops abruptly and looks at me irritated.
'We have to go back, I won't let anyone else die,' I say convinced of my own case. He sighs irritably and grabs me by my wrist again.
I am pulled into an alley a few metres further down. The alley is narrow and dark. Less than ten metres from the beginning it ends in a wall. To my surprise, there are two doors on the right side. Almost the entire alleyway is covered with puddles of water. I stand with my bare feet in one of those puddles, the cold water against my chilled skin. Novak stands before me. His body shrouded in black trousers and shirt.
'Cell listen to me. If we go back now you will be arrested. Either you go back to life as Christiaan's slave or you get killed, both options ending badly. I am an accomplice and will most certainly be hanged for treason. If we are lucky, Nelly hit the man well enough that he is already dead before the guards come in. In the worst case, she will be prosecuted for manslaughter or murder within the pack. Asa will then decide her fate and spare her. We can't go back, for our own safety, for Nelly's and Asa's safety.' When he says it like that it sounds a lot more logical than in my own head. He is right and I know it. There is nothing more we can do for Nelly, however much I hate it.
I let my head hang down. I grab my nightgown, which is covered in wet dirt, between my fingers. We have to go now.
'On the right side of the village, Asa has set up an escape route for us. If all goes well, Rave will be there too but we don't have much time,' he says. I clench the bag I've been dragging along with me tighter between my hands. I nod. Novak holds out his hand to me. I take his hand and let myself be pulled along through the streets again.
I am happy when we reach the metres high wall of the pack. My breathing is high, my energy low. In the time I have spent here, I have been to this wall twice. Once to get in here, which was through the main entrance, and once when I went to find the stuff for my first poison with Novak in the forest. Where we are now is both different from the other times.
There is a guard in front of a small wooden door. A blue suit with the colour of my father's army hangs around his body. His brown hair is slicked back with gel. His arms hang statically around his body, a pistol in his right hand. When I become aware of the man's presence, I want to shout at Novak, ask him why he brought me to a guard. Then i realise who it is, Floris. The boy that helpt me stands before me.
Novak puts his hand in his pocket. Floris silently holds his hand open. Novak silently places four gold coins and a white stone in the man's hand.
'The word.' Is the first thing he says. His posture remains static and unchanged. He seems to ignore the fact that we have met before. He does not pay me any attention. I don't know what to do or say so I don't say anything
'Strelitzia,' Novak answers. Behind us I hear shouting. When I turn my head, I see dozens of guards running in our direction at a rapid pace.
'Out of the way,' they shout to the civilians who have to jump aside. Floris in front of us stands as he has been standing all this time. He opens the door while I look around nervously.
'Thank you,' Novak says to Floris before pulling me through the door. Before I fully realise where I have ended up, Novak pulls me into the forest. Behind me I hear screams, banging on the door and groans of pain. A heavy feeling of guilt towards the guard creeps up on me, knowing for sure that it is him who is moaning.
An intense feeling of guilt towards Floris creeps up on me, knowing for sure that it is him who is groaning.