AN: this book has more chapters than I thought it would
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Warning: self-harm
New Rochelle, NY
Liegth Mansion
Landon's bedroom
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"Are you gonna tell me what it is?" Landon asked, laying on his bed and looking over at Ryojin who was looking around his room.
"I told you to drop it cookie, you're disobeying." he warned the teen, glaring over his shoulder to give Landon a threatening look.
Landon rolled his eyes, "I don't care, you can spank me later. I want to know what happened, 'cause I really hope it isn't what I think it is."
Ryojin sighed, "And what do you think it is?" he asked, walking back over towards the bed and sitting down on the edge.
"I think it's self-harm and I think you might be a cutter or something." the teen answered, shifting so he could comfortably see Ryojin while still laying down since his bottom hurt.
"Then you'd be right." Landon sat up quickly, "Calm down, I'm not suicidal or anything. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism, that's all." Ryojin shook his head, trying to ease Landon's worries.
"A coping mechanism for what?" the redhead asked with a worried frown.
"This is gonna sound ridiculous to you but," Ryojin sighed, "when I don't have sex, I get stressed."
"On top of that, I have a hard time calming down and focusing at work becomes difficult; cutting is a temporary solution." he informed the teen who held a worried and confused look the whole time.
"S-so when you don't have sex, you cut?" Landon asked slowly, furrowing his slit and half-dyed eyebrow.
Ryojin climbed further onto the bed and laid down beside Landon, "Only when I'm deprived for so long. It was almost a week, that makes doing almost everything miserable." he answered.
"My disorder isn't just sex, y'know, being deprived is shown to cause physical and psychological damage." the brunet sighed, looking over at Landon with his small dark brown eyes.
I can't be selfish anymore, he's suffering because I can't handle a little pain, Landon built up the courage to move and shifted on the bed so he was now straddling Ryojin's lap.
Ryojin sat up, giving Landon the opportunity to wrap his legs around the teacher's torso, "What are you doing?" the brunet frowned.
Landon wrapped his hands around Ryojin's nape, "I'll give you all of me, just please, don't cut anymore." he whispered with pleading eyes before kissing Ryojin before he could respond.
"Are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you." Ryojin stared into Landon's silver irises.
The teen shook his head, "I'll be fine, I have my safeword, remember?" he gave a reassuring smile.
Although deep down, he was scared.
He was scared of how much discomfort he was already in and how much pain he would be in later.
He was scared he wouldn't be able to say no when the time came and Ryojin wouldn't know to stop.
But he smiled once more before messily kissing his boyfriend; Ryojin grabbing his waist and flipping them both so Landon was now underneath him.
the next day,
New Rochelle, NY
Liegth Mansion
Landon's bedroom
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"Lanka? Are you awake?" Ace called, knocking on the door.
"Y-yeah, come in." the teen replied, pulling the blankets up to his neck as the blond entered the room.
Ryojin had left for work earlier this morning but Landon wasn't feeling good enough to go to school.
Ace came in and sat on the foot of the bed beside Landon, placing a hand on the teen's blanket-covered leg, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Landon gave a convincing short laugh but his best friend saw right through that.
"Because you've never missed a day of school, ever. Ryojin said you might not be feeling good, what's up?" the Russian looked at him sympathetically.
Landon huffed before pulling the blanket down so Ace could see the hickeys and marks that littered his neck and chest.
Ace clicked his tongue with a chuckle, "You remind me of your dad." he admitted.
"How?" Landon frowned.
"When I first met him, he was covered in so many hickeys I couldn't see any unmarked skin." he shook his head with a smile, remembering the months they shared in Liegth K.
"Was he always like this? Gone?" Landon asked, "I mean, I remember he used to only visit during Christmas before he adopted me."
Ace sighed, "It's been like this since I met him. At first I hated it; well I still do, but I guess after so long you just get used to it. Your dad loves traveling, I just wish we could go with him." the blond responded, tapping his fingers against the mattress.
"How about my real dad? Did you know him?" Landon sat up, wincing under his breath as he moved.
Ace seemed to get visibly uncomfortable at the mention of Landon's biological father.
"No, he died way before I met Light. But from what I know, he wasn't the best person." Ace replied honestly.
He must know whatever happened, Landon thought, "Light said he used to hurt him, do you know what happened?" he frowned.
Ace sighed before shaking his head, "Yes, I know. But I can't tell you."
Landon bit the inside of his cheek, "But we tell eachother everything." he mumbled.
Ace gave him a sympathetic look, "I know Lanka, but it's not my story to tell. How about this, next time you see your dad, I'll help you ask him."
Landon nodded before huffing, "I'm kind of tired still, I'm gonna go to sleep." he said, flipping onto his side painfully slow.
Ace stood up and pushing the red strands of hair from Landon's face, "I'll let you get some sleep. Take some ibuprofen and be careful, da?"
Landon nodded, "I'll take some when I wake up." he yawned, waving slowly as Ace left the room.
You wanted this, you don't get to cry. It doesn't hurt that much, you'll survive, he told himself, breathing heavily in pain into his pillows.
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bc I started listening to SHINee