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"Open your eyes" hyunjin leaned over the boy's ear and whispered ever so slowly watching his face as he slowly opened his eyes and gasped, his eyes were laid on the most beautiful scenery he could ever have imagined, he couldn't hide the awe in his eyes as they grew wide in surprise. a smile graced over hyunjin's lips as he chuckled "you like it?" felix was too astonished to even utter out a word
"w-wh- I don't-" he was clearly at a loss of words judging by his stammering "hyunjin" he whispered softly turning to hyunjin who was chuckling lightly. he didn't waste a second in wrapping his arms around the tall boy's neck as he pulled him into a tight warm hug. which made hyunjin confused and he didn't know what to do
"This is crazy" felix whispered against the raven-head's neck making goosebumps rise on his skin when the brunette's warm breath aligned with his cold skin making him gulp "is it?" hyunjin uttered as he wrapped a single arm around Felix's waist hesitant of the bodily connection between them, he's never really been a psychical touch guy and felix was all about it
felix nodded happily as he broke the hug turning to stare at the scenery ahead of him, he was standing on the shore, and standing ahead of him was the beautiful glowing ocean that he could only dream of seeing with his bare eyes.
"I'm- I'm sorry I um, get psychical when I'm happy" felix laughed embarrassingly at his actions when he realized how close his and hyunjin's bodies were. how he had clung to the latter like a koala but what was more surprising was how hyunjin had no negative reaction to it, "this is seriously so pretty" he whispered his heart beating so calmly loud that he could barely feel himself existing
he felt as if he was levitating as if he wasn't a human but a simple gust of wind passing by, that's how light he felt right now. the deep blue ocean dancing hand-in-hand with the shore going back and forth as it made sounds of contentment each time it passed by, the moon shining above and the mere clouds painting the sky an odd color of black and blue sure was a sight to die for
felix bit his lip as he took out his phone to capture the beauty but to his luck, his battery had died "oh god" he exclaimed in annoyance "I got you" hyunjin muttered as he took out his phone to take a picture of the scenery "thanks" felix whispered now walking closer to the exceptionally stunning beach, he crouched down sitting on his feet as he ran his hand through the ethereally glowing water
his smile only grew wider when the magical water touched his hand, he collected some water in the palm of his hand getting a closer look at the bioluminescence, he heard the camera click and he assumed it was hyunjin taking a picture of the scenery but little was he aware. it was hyunjin, taking a picture of him
felix smiled turning to look at hyunjin who quickly shoved his mobile phone back in his pocket "look" felix uttered looking into hyunjin's eyes, the glow from the water lit up Felix's face so beautifully it was hard to not stare, felix looked like an angel and hyunjin was nothing but a human
"so pretty isn't it?" felix asked and hyunjin hummed not even sparing the water in Felix's palms a glance, he was captivated by the beauty in front of his eyes instead
felix giggled as he let the water flow from his hands meeting his home and washing away in the sand, the latter sat down on the wet shore sinking his feet deep in the glowing water not caring about drenching his clothes at the moment. and hyunjin did the same sitting beside the brunette boy with his knees up just like felix
felix wrapped his arms around his knees closing his eyes as he felt the wind blow against his face in the calmest manner, hyunjin rested his hand behind his back on the sand as he stared at felix who was enjoying the wind. he turned to stare at the beach letting out a sigh of relief
and they sat there, silently listening to the waves sing and the wind dance the trees in the far distance were harmonizing to the ocean's desires and it all felt surreal "hyunjin?" the silence was put to an end by felix "yes?" hyunjin replied turning his head to felix who was already looking at him
"you've told me your fears...but never your desires" felix muttered hesitant of making the latter uncomfortable, hyunjin nodded sitting up straight as he looked at the ocean before speaking "why do you want to know them?" felix stared at hyunjin "just curious" hyunjin sighed "well...I suppose I don't have many"
felix knew that was a lie, but he was unsure if to push or stay silent "lies" he uttered making hyunjin chuckle "see this is what I hate, having someone know me. you always know if what I say is true or not" hyunjin stated looking at felix "you always know if what I say is true or not too, besides. I don't know you, we're strangers" a beautifully wicked smile danced across Felix's lips as hyunjin stared in awe
he was so charmed by this lad, "we are...strangers" hyunjin replied smiling as he licked his lips "my desire is to be dead" hyunjin muttered as he diverted his gaze from Felix's eyes to the shore playing with the grains on it "you don't desire that" felix felt a pang in his heart when he heard hyunjin say that
"how do you know that? I don't want to be alive, that's what my desire is" hyunjin spoke finally having the courage to look into Felix's eyes "you just don't want to live the life you're living hyunjin, that's all. you can't- you can't just say you don't want to be alive do you even know how many people will kill to be alive right now? do you know how many people will do anything to not have a countdown ringing up their head" felix stated getting emotional at hyunjin words
his voice began to crack when he listened to the boy's ungrateful demands, the 'some people' he was referring to was clearly himself "I'm sorry I don't...I didn't mean to be so aggressive but you should be grateful" felix smiled softly trying to lighten the situation "I don't know what you're going through and trust me I'm not trying to disregard your issues"
felix was beginning to find himself annoying, he wished he had never said any of those. his thoughts were starting to rush past him in a haze as he prayed to the heavens above that hyunjin wasn't offended by his sudden outburst "have you ever thought what um...type of life you'd want to live?" felix stated now calmly as he glanced at hyunjin's eyes trying to find the hatred he felt for himself
but there was nothing of the sort, hyunjin wasn't disgusted by him 'why...why is he looking so calm? is he pretending? why isn't he yelling at me? he hates me now, so why?' his thoughts rang like a siren in his ears "I...never thought of it that way" hyunjin was ashamed of his desires, he had never thought about what felix said
he turned to stare at the ocean too embarrassed to be looking at felix in the eyes "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, did I mak-" hyunjin chuckled to look at felix as he extended his arm to ruffle the latter's soft hair "stop apologizing, you're okay...I don't mind" Felix smiled softly at the comment and at hyunjin's sweet gesture
he always loved having his head pet, "well if you put it that way, I guess I'd like to be happy...and become someone" felix furrowed his brows "someone?" hyunjin nodded "someone, someone that matters and isn't just existing. I want to do something but there's nothing I can do, I suck at everything" hyunjin chuckled at himself "I'm twenty and I haven't graduated yet, It's only a month till I'm out of high school but I most likely will have to take the year again because I'm so fucking...terrible, at everything" he laughed but it wasn't funny
the laugh was just to mask his feelings so he wouldn't look sad, so nobody would pity me. hyunjin bit his bottom lip regretting everything he just said, his heart had never been so open in front of anyone before. he felt so exposed and vulnerable he didn't want to be pitied in any way
"you probably think I'm an idiot now which I am-" "no, I don't think that way and you aren't" felix replied, he could see how the raven head looked so lowly on himself and he did not like that. he admired hyunjin a lot and wished the best for the latter male "I think you're so amazing and cool and wow...I think you can achieve anything you like you just wish to not" felix stated making hyunjin stare at him quietly
"why do you think so highly of me?" hyunjin questioned, he was genuinely confused by felix's shower of compliments "because you are, I've only known you for a few days and I think you're so incredible, I can't wait to know you more and see you flourish into something even more amazing" hyunjin was not sure if felix was saying all this just to comfort him or if he actually meant all that
but judging by the way he spoke of those things made hyunjin believe that there might be a possibility that felix meant all that "do you mean it?" yet he asked, "yes I do, now it's up to you to believe if I do or don't" felix replied calmly, he knew what it felt to be unsure when someone was complimenting you. he knew how it felt to feel so disgusting about yourself
he knew what it felt to hate yourself, and no way in hell was he letting hyunjin fall any deeper into the hell he already was in. he saw hyunjin as this incredible being and he wanted hyunjin to know his worth he wanted hyunjin to see himself just like he saw him
"I'm assuming you haven't done this already, so if you haven't...give life a try hyunjin, there's so much to appreciate out there. even if you're drowning you can always appreciate the water surrounding you" hyunjin wanted to push Felix's words past him, he wanted to not care but he just couldn't, he just couldn't ignore the brunette's words
he couldn't let it be unnoticed how much of an impact the stranger's words had on him, he hated how comfortable he was right now, he hated to be so comfortable in being so open in front of someone. he hated how maybe, just maybe he'd give life another chance all due to this specific boy's words
and the silence fell upon them once again, but it wasn't bad. neither good, it was just silence a silence that calmed your racing thoughts and erratic heartbeat a silence that helped you see the world a little bit clearer
they sat there enjoying each other's company and watching the ocean
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hyunjin stopped the motorbike in the familiar street as he waited for felix to get off, he turned to look at the boy who was standing on his feet now, felix sighed as they stared at each other for a moment before he spoke up "thank you for today hyunjin" hyunjin was silent for a moment and it made felix nervous, he hated when people stayed silent with him. it made him feel as though he had done something wrong
"you don't have to thank me, I do this because I want to" felix chuckled "I still feel grateful" hyunjin went silent again. his expressions were hard to read just like always, but there was a hint of coldness in his eyes which made felix anxious "well, I should get going" hyunjin nodded as the latter bid him a small goodbye before walking away
after a few steps felix turned around to stare at hyunjin who was still there, a shy smile crawled up his face 'why does he always do this?' he wondered in his mind, hyunjin stayed back watching felix walk away from him until he was completely out of sight
he sighed before turning on his engine and driving away, but his mind was stuck on one thing...Felix's words
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omg such a long chapter, and can we talk about the consistent updates like material gworl moment 🤪 also didn't wanna give a spoiler in the chapter name but had to
not proofread pls ignore mistakes <3