Reagan and I were walking along the beach when we both finally found the time to escape the crowd together. It was a great relief to feel a breeze on my skin and not be ambushed by faces I'd never seen before. I'd barely seen anyone of my pack at the event, safe for Kendra who'd wished me luck shortly before I was roped into another conversation with someone from Illios Valley.
"Did you hear the voices?" I asked Reagan, who'd been silent all the way down here. I'd done a lot of venting, since I'd realised that social gatherings of this magnitude were something I would try to avoid in the future if it was possible.
Reagan nodded, black locks falling into his eyes. His gaze remained on the path before us. I lowered mine to my feet as well, seeing my toes disappear in the dark brown sand.
"Yes. I heard you, too. Have you heard the voices before?"
I nodded.
"Parting gift from my father," I announced, speaking of him for the first time in Reagan's presence. He turned to me with an expressionless face.
"I've come to realise that he is not your usual topic of conversation. Would you like to explain?"
For some reason, I did. "He is who Dante thought. He is on the Sermin. And he is also one of you."
Reagan's expression changed then, even if only subtly. A frown made its way onto it––a rare sight.
"Well I mean I expected as much but it strangely still comes as a shock to me that it's true," he said slowly, his brows knitting together in such an adorable way. I barely ever saw him like this; confused. It was oddly sweet. "How did you find out?" Just as the question left his mouth, it formed an 'O' and his eyes grew double their size. "He's in Polla'Nisia?"
I gulped at his quick piecing together of what little I'd revealed to him, dreadfully aware of how delicate the situation was becoming. His mother, Queen Amalfi, already knew of my heritage but she couldn't know that it was Feiran in particular who, in truth, was named Xenon Fentya.
I wasn't even sure how far I would go in telling him.
"I used my gift on him," I said and Reagan knew right away without me needing to voice it.
Dishonesty had no room in the Promised Bond and I wasn't going to start lying now.
Reagan nodded, shock still etched into his handsome, sharp features. His stubble had grown the past weeks, as I noticed. "I suppose it does not matter really who he is at this point," he muttered and I nodded in agreement. "No, I suppose it doesn't."
Reagan offered me a small smile. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Leiirin. I know in what kind of a position you are in. It means a lot to me that you trust me."
Returning his smile, a wave of warmth filled me. "We should return to my chambers. Your day starts early tomorrow, as does mine."
I sighed. "I wish I could put off training."
A laugh bubbled out of Reagan, a sound that made my head snap to him and my mouth hang agape. Hearing Reagan laughing like that was such a rarity that I cherished every second of it. "I wish I could put off a great many things. Unfortunately, we are not living in a time where it is a luxury we can afford. Just kick him where he is softest," he said with a snicker and I stared at him, wondering what had gotten into him.
"Nothing about him is soft," I stated.
Reagan's grin widened. "Nope, not that part."
And when I finally realised what he'd meant, I smacked his arm and guwaffed at his insinuation.
"If you want to best a man, leiirin, you go for that part. It'll hurt him the most, trust me."
We returned to the palace in good spirits, laughing together for what felt like the first time. The mood between us was so light that I nearly forgot about everything that was going on, just for a little while.
☼
There were barely any interactions between me and Reagan for at least a week after my reception. We spoke briefly through the link throughout the day, but only fleetingly to make sure the other was catching on alright. All my hours were spent training with Feiran or speaking to the higher ranked officers in my battalion on strategies. A lot of what we were to do came from Dante, however, and just passed through me.
Feiran, on the other hand, kept up his charade and never spoke to me about personal matters during training or the war. As soon as both the physical and mental part was completed, however, there was time to reminisce and talk about everything that had transpired since he'd met his sons.
I had just told him about the fact that I didn't have a single memory of him when he revealed that that too had been a security precaution before he left.
He touched my temples and just a breath later, a bolt of lightning surged through my body, causing me to convulse as a memory flooded my mind.
I watched myself impatiently listen to a story that the same man explained, who was now sitting in front of me in an entirely different setting.
My mother had a smile on her face, which somehow made my eyes water instantly, tears streaming down my face. She was pregnant with Emmet.
"Papa, I want to know! Please," I whined, pulling on my father's sleeves. "Mother won't tell me––you have to!"
"Please, please, please!" I continued to whine. Still, a warm smile lit up Xenon's face as he grabbed me and placed me on his lap. My mother sat just across from the two, on a bench pushed against a weathered, wood plank wall. The only thing between us was a round, oak-based table as we sat in the kitchen.
"Calm yourself, little one. Or else Papa won't tell you!" Xenon said.
I watched myself throw my head back and groan.
My mother suddenly made an unearthly sound and I gasped when I heard it. She chuckled, reaching across the table to run her hand through my unruly hair. Her soft eyes reflected the warmth of her love. She tried smoothing out the tangled mess but to no avail––it was uncontrollable and couldn't be tamed. Tears continued to stream down my face as I watched the memory enfold and envelop me, consuming me. Reece came to join us in the kitchen.
"Alright, who would like to hear the story?" Xenon asked.
My pregnant mother stood up from the table's bench and took a few steps closer to where her promised was sitting. Her hands cradled her womb. Reece placed his small hand on her stomach. When Xenon cleared his throat, Reece snapped his attention back to him.
"There was once a magical creature," the man began. "And that magical creature fell in love with a beautiful woman."
"What creature and what woman?" Little me interrupted.
A warm chuckle rumbled through him. "Patience, daughter of mine. You mustn't be greedy for more." Xenon chastised. "However, their love was strictly forbidden. You see, the magical creatures had rules. And those rules had to be followed." He glimpsed at his promised then.
I stirred, pulling his attention back to me. "What rules?"
"No magical creature was allowed to speak to anyone but his own kind."
"Why?"
"Because, Catherine, rules always have a reason for existing. Without them, there would be chaos and destruction."
Reece spoke up. "So, what happened to them?"
"The magical creature fled his home to be with his promised. He disregarded the rules to be with the person he was meant to spend his life with." He paused, clearing his throat. "Together, they searched for a place that the rest of Espheros couldn't reach easily. After years of searching, they found Everett Valley. And do you know what makes Everett Valley so special?" Xenon tilted his head, waiting for me to give him an answer.
"The mountains. I know, Papa! You and Mama tell us this every day," I said. I wiggled on my father's lap, causing him to grunt.
"And why are the mountains important?" he asked.
I stopped bouncing around and instead grew quiet. "I don't know. Because they're big?"
Xenon moved his head to look at his son. "I know! Because Everett Valley is hidden behind the mountains. They surround us, like... like a barricade!"
"Exactly. Now, once they found Everett Valley, the creature and his love had a family. They wanted to grow old and wrinkly together."
"But after a while, his queen needed him." He paused, taking a deep breath. "And he had to go back home."
And then I was pulled back into reality, with Feiran sitting in front of me, rather than Xenon, with his white balls ghostly staring at me, waiting for me to make sense of what I'd just relived.
Gasping, I tasted the salt of my tears, feeling them burn my heated cheeks and all I could think about was my mother.
"Why did you keep that from me?" I asked, anger gradually sliding into me as I wondered if my life had been any different, had I access to that memory much sooner. Would I have forgiven my mother? Would I have behaved differently? Would it have changed my mindset?
"Because, it was supposed to come to you when you needed it most. I wasn't certain I would be alive to trigger it for you."
Shaking my head, I tried to take in a deep breath. "Why did you show me now?"
Feiran tilted his head lightly. "Because you said you didn't have any memories of me. You do. And now you know that what I told you the other day, why I left, is the truth."
Nodding, I tried to internalize everything I'd just learned. There was barely any doubt that Feiran was dishonest. His intentions had been purely out of his care for his children, so much, that he'd even given up the Promised Bond.
"You left mother because you rather break the two of you than have us endangered. But isn't the breakage of the Promised Bond a fate worse than death?"
Feiran didn't look right into my eyes, slightly off, which felt strange. I found myself wishing to speak with him without this facade but doing so out in public would defeat its purpose.
"Your mother and I have lived through most of our lives. You were barely five years old, Emmet not even born. I wanted you to have a life, not be killed or one in isolation."
"Instead, we grew up with her," I muttered under my breath, not really intending to say it to him, but more thinking out loud.
I tried to understand his reasoning, but my resonating hatred for a person that physically tortured me... It was hard to let go of.
Feiran tilted his head. "What is it that you went through, Catherine?" he asked, and his question made the blood in my veins freeze.
Did I want him to know what she'd done to me? What she'd made me go through? I wasn't even sure he really wanted to know.
"Maybe one day Reece can show you," I said, deciding that now was not the time to dwell on the past, especially since my mind needed to be clear for the days to come. I needed every ounce of strength that I possessed for what Reece, Emmet and I needed to do, and having my thoughts preoccupied with things that could never be changed, would not serve me at all.
Thankfully, Feiran respected that, and I thought to myself that maybe, after this whole war was over, there would be time to truly deal with what had happened. A part of me wanted him to know––maybe he would finally be the parent I'd wished to have all my life. Maybe there was still a sliver of a chance that our family could be whole, even if it did not involve our mother.
Feiran and I continued our training until well into the night.
It consisted mostly of me practicing my gift on him, making him feel all sorts of things. I even made Feiran cry or, whenever I felt like humoring him, making him want to listen to me mostly resulted in his limbs moving in an entertaining dance.
It was hilarious, really, especially since his whole persona didn't exactly scream childish monkey-dancing.
By the end of it, we were both utterly exhausted, him probably more than I was. It was kind of him to be my punching bag, for he dealt with every single emotion the best he could. He fought hard against it sometimes, but my power prevailed. Ever since I'd figured out how to use the currents and channel the emotion fueling me, using my gift came with a terrifying ease.
No one but Feiran was aware of it, however. So far, everyone just knew that I was more in control. But that I could make them listen to my every command without possessing the mantle... I didn't want to cause a rift and make people afraid of me abusing that part of my gift.
It would show in the right moment when the time presented itself.
And something in my gut told me that that time would come very, very soon.