I sigh in relief, pulling my hands out of my underwear.
My legs felt numb but it was all worth it. The more I continued playing with myself, the more I began to learn the spots that take me to a place that has me feeling on a cloud. Inhaling, it didn't take me long to go take a quick shower and change into a pair of sweats and a sweater.
It was a late Saturday night and I was home alone once again but I put this time to use and continued doing my research on sex.
Sex. An intimate action between two people that really like each other. Maybe even love.
I understood the meaning perfectly clearly. It's the idea of being desired. Especially in forms that turn me on the most. What are my likes and dislikes?
Personally, I like it when Mercer tells me how good I am but he'll never, ever hear me admitting that to him.
I was still learning the many kinds of positions that involve sex. I even looked up the different kinds of kinks that are known and thanks to the internet, I think I knew the meaning behind Mercer's actions toward me. Mercer was aggressive and sometimes he'd be gentle, for my benefit, but I couldn't help but feel that he was holding back a lot more from me than he was willing to give.
He had a fetish for grabbing my neck and recently, biting on my lip.
It was obvious but I didn't understand it so clearly.
He also did it to me before we were even official. When he was threatening me with his petty words the time he was my bully.
Pulling out my phone, I scroll to Mercer's name and tap the chat. I let my question flow through my fingers.
Me: I have my questions. My first one is why do you like to grab my neck?
I sent it without hesitation or embarrassment. A few moments later, my phone chimes.
Mercer: Because I like control.
Control?
I go to type my response, still in need of questioning when he sends another message. One that makes me frown.
Mercer: My fetishes and kinks are different and I don't want to tell you just yet.
Me: But why? Are you sadistic in certain measures or dominant? *emoji thinking face*
The bubbles appear like he was going to respond and then the bubbles disappear. Was I crossing a line with this one? Is it bad that I wanted to know his limits? His likes and dislikes.
My nerves began to go wild with anticipation. He was taking a minute to respond and I almost believe I actually did cross a line when suddenly, my phone begins to ring and Mercer's name is flashing across the screen.
I grabbed hold of my phone, answering it before placing it to my ear. "I'm sorry." I say quickly not giving him the chance to reject.
My brows push together at the sudden chuckles coming from Mercer. What was so funny?
"W-Why are you laughing?"
"No reason, Red. Why are you so nervous?" The amusement in his voice was obvious.
"I-I'm not nervous." I stammered, sitting up in my bed and playing with my fingers.
"Then why are you apologizing. You do something I don't know about?" He teased and I nearly hang up on him.
"I thought I crossed a line with my question but if you're calling to just tease me then I should end our call." I played back and he speaks quickly.
"I'm just fucking with you."
I don't respond.
"Red?"
He plays too much.
"I know you're there."
I got something for him.
"Don't make me come over."
"Mercer?"
"Red-"
"I can't hear you anymore. Something is wrong with your phone." And just before he could respond, I end the call.
Sighing, I take my hands through my hair and go to do some more research when I see Mercer trying to facetime me. Purposely, I pressed declined and just seconds later, he calls back. Placing a smile on my face, I answered as if I didn't decline his call.
His handsome face enters the screen and he doesn't look too happy. I didn't care. He started this.
"I got something for your ass." His narrow eyes stare at me and I could do nothing but let my smile grow.
"What are you talking about, baby? I did nothing wrong. You need to get your phone checked out."
He opens his mouth to respond but it snaps shut as a smile replaces his frown. My brows pushed together at the sudden smile.
"What did you just say?"
"You should get your phone checked."
He shook his head, the smile on his face remaining. "No, before that."
"When I say I did nothing wrong?"
He stares at me for a long moment and it wasn't until then that I realize what he was talking about. Heat rushes to my cheeks at the realization of what I called.
"What did you call me?"
"I-I..." I swallowed the thick lump in my throat that was preventing me to form a sentence. "I said your name."
"So baby is my new name for you, Red?"
"C-Can we go back to what I first wanted to talk to you about?" I stuttered.
I was still in disbelief that I actually called him something other than his name. Mercer was rubbing off on me way too much.
"Only if you say it to me one more time. Matter of fact, ask me a question."
I stared at him, the determined look in his eyes was obvious. I cleared my throat as I tried to come up with a way out of this web I got stuck in. But there was nothing. I shouldn't be afraid to call Mercer out of his name, right? Sweet endearments.
"C-Can you explain your fetishes to me, baby?"
I tried not to cringe at the word meant to be beautiful but it was hard not to. Mercer thought otherwise. Instead of making fun of me like I thought he would, he looks at me with that familiar look I could never interpret.
"I'm going to be honest with you, alright?" The teasing in his voice was gone. A serious tone replaced it. "And I want you to listen and not overthink my reasons."
I studied the look on his handsome features and though subtle, I could see that he was nervous. Was it something bad? Did I really want to know about it now?
"Okay." I nod, giving him my full attention.
"My first time having sex was...different." His voice deepens and I begin to worry.
What did he mean by different? Different as in strange or bad different? I stayed quiet and listened.
"My family and I went to visit my grandparents in Colorado for a few weeks over the summer. I was a venturous kid and I did some stupid shit way too early. My first real taste of alcohol was twelve."
Both my brows shot up in surprise. "Twelve?"
He nods, sighing. "I went to some party with a group of friends. Somewhere in the hills where cabins are located. I don't know but I tell you I shouldn't have been there."
I shift on my bed, getting comfortable. He was telling me a story. His story on his first time having sex and to be honest, I was glad he was telling me. There were so many reasons why.
"I wasn't completely sober but I was aware of my surroundings. I was having the time of my life when I met this girl named Abby. We sat down somewhere away from the crowd and talked about random shit. She was sixteen and wasn't ashamed of her sexuality. Me, I didn't know a damn thing but that didn't stop her from wanting to have sex with me."
My nerves rattle as I tried to prepare myself for where this story was going. As he explained it, I watch his facial features and he almost seemed embarrassed about something I didn't know.
"She grabbed my hand and took me away from other people to an empty bedroom and locked the door. The next thing I know, she was getting handsy, tugging at my shirt and pants. I tried to tell her to slow down when she pulled out the condom and got naked but she was eager."
I really didn't like how this story was going.
"So, I went with it and let her have her way. Sex with her was pretty fucking awkward and uncomfortable. Especially when she had all the control and didn't let me do anything but just lay there."
I swallowed thickly as a ball of emotions consumed me. Tears brimmed in my eyes. The girl rushed into it and he just went with it. Now, it was starting to make sense when he told me he didn't want me to just go with it and it didn't sit right with him.
"H-How old were you?"
"Thirteen."
My mouth drops in shock and my skin chills. He was too young. I know there were worse ways for one to lose their virginity but hearing Mercer's story sends an ache to my chest.
"So after...?" My unfinished question trails, breaking the brief silence between us.
"I did my research and talked to a few people over the passing years. I got to experience many things and I won't lie to you, Red. I had a lot of sex." His eyes flicker across my face, reading me. "I like control and ever since that night, I never let a girl be in control nor did I stay past my own release."
I don't say anything as I take in everything he says. I wasn't trying to overthink but I couldn't help but wonder. I was new to all of it but I knew one thing for sure. Mercer wouldn't hurt me.
"Red?"
"Yes?" I answered softly.
He opens his mouth to speak but closes it as he watches me. "You know you're different, right?"
"I-I know," I sighed. "I just hate that you went through that. Everyone's first time is supposed to be special, right?"
He gives me a sympathetic look. "Not everyone's first is special, Red, but I can guarantee yours will be."
Just as I was about to respond, the sound of the front door opening and voices meet my ear. Sighing, I knew our conversation was going to have to continue another time.
"You promise?"
"I promise." He gives me a genuine smile that causes one to form upon my own lips.
I really like him.
"My dad is home." I tell him, the disappointment in my tone apparent.
"Bummer," A wicked smirk forms on his lips. "I was hoping you'd tell me about your kinks."
My cheeks flushed red. "I don't think I have any kinks."
"We'll find out one day."
My dad's voice gets closer but he's not alone. It sounds like a woman is here with him. Probably that one woman from the other day. Shanice, was it?
"I have to go." I say sadly.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay. And, Mercer?"
"What is it, Red?"
"I promise you that our first time will be something special." I smile.
I hated how his first was rushed. It made me want to replace every bad happening with good memories but I knew it wasn't possible because that reminder will always be there. But, good memories held great power.
"I'm counting on it, baby."
"Talk to you tomorrow."
"Alright."
I end the call and stare at his name. Biting my lip, I think about what our first time would actually be like. Something I believe will be happening very soon.
It was going to be special and it was going to mean everything to me because my feelings for Mercer were growing out of control and I was no longer afraid to believe that our relationship will grow into something unique.
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Thoughts?
The chapter was a little heart-opening but necessary.
Also, if you see changes in some chapters, I've been going through and editing them.
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