"Wow." Scott exclaimed with a nod of his head as he finished off his fries. "I think you guys need to fuck already."
"What the fuck?" My eyes went wide with surprise as I almost choked on my milkshake. The sound of Tyson's laughter filled my ears as I turned to glare at him.
"Actually scratch that." Scott spoke again with a shake of his head. He leaned slightly more forward over the blue-green colored booth on his elbows. "You need to break up with the bimbo first and then go get your man."
"He's not my man asshole and I don't even know if I want to... progress further."
"Why?"
"Fuck you mean why dumbass? Have you listened to anything I've said?" I spoke flatly, suddenly annoyed with him.
"I have and I'll I've heard is bullshit excuses. Look Jackson, you're afraid trust me I get that but you can't let fear dictate your entire life because what you've always known is now different. Change is good, you need to change as you grow or you'll be stuck in the same spot forever. You're insecure, not because of what your feeling per say but because of what everyone will think. You have your head so far up your ass about your image that you haven't even realized that for the past week Oliver has been left in his own thoughts on why you're avoiding him suddenly." Scott claimed aggravated now. Tyson hummed silently beside me and the realization suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.
The feeling of guilty swirled into my stomach at the realization. I haven't even thought about how Oliver was alone this past week. I was so caught up in my own mind about it all, I couldn't imagine how he's feeling. I silently groaned placing my forehead on the palms of my hands.
"I didn't even think of that."
"No shit you bastard."
"Not helping." I snapped at Tyson, I suddenly felt so exhausted I couldn't hold my glare.
"How about I drop you guys back off at your cars at the school and you can put on your big boy pants for once and go talk to fucking the man." Scott spoke, seemingly fed up with my shit and honestly I don't blame him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't do it. I'm currently sitting in my car still at the school after Scott dropped us off and even though they've both already left an hour ago I'm still staring at my phone screen at Olivers contact. What if he doesn't even want to talk to me? I've literally ignored him like my life depended on it.
I saw him at the end of the hall, I booked it down the opposite way. I saw him at lunch? I pulled Summer closer to me. I avoided the art wing at all costs and I made sure to take the fastest showers known to mand just so I knew coach hadn't left yet so he'd still be at the school while I was already leaving. I was being a pussy and I knew it.
Tyson and I only put a front for everyone else and not to each other it was a rule we had. Even then, I don't know how I feel if everyone knew I kissed a guy let alone it being Oliver. None of there opinions really mattered and yet I feel cornered and terrified if anyone else knew about it. I don't even know why I'm dwelling on that fact when I have an entire relationship with someone right now that I've cheated on. I really am an asshole.
I swallowed harshly, my thumb grazing over the contact. Maybe he won't even pick up. I sure as hell wouldn't, I was basically playing with his damn feelings I don't even know what they were really and I almost don't want to find out. Before I could go further into my thoughts I almost threw my phone across the car when I realized I had pressed on the horrifying green button and my phone was now ringing through my car speakers.
"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck." I spoke out loud, curing along the way rapidly between English and Spanish before my heart stopped at the noise on the other line.
"Are you dying?" I hadn't heard his voice in so long. It was still the same quiet one, smooth and timid. I could tell he was painting hearing the soft strokes of the brush after his sentence in the backgrounds. One hand was gripping so harshly at the steering wheel my knuckles turned white while my other held my phone just as deadly.
"Um hello?" The second time he spoke struck me out of my trance as I inhaled a sharp breathe audibly.
"Hi." I closed my eyes scolding myself. Fucking 'Hi' that's it? What the fuck is wrong with me who the hell says that after avoiding someone.
"Hey." I heard the faint sound of the brush thudding against something as the sound of shuffling got closer to the phone.
"Are you um busy right now? Cause I can call you later unless you're busy then too or maybe Ill just wait for you to call me if you're not busy and if you are that's like totally fine, better yet I shouldn't have interrupted you I know your painting for the gallery taking place so you're totally busy oh Jesus I'm sorry I interrupted something import-" I rambled almost of breathe when I heard a soft laugh. My lips tugged upwards into a smile as I couldn't contain my own chuckle.
"Im literally mouth vomiting, I'm sorry."
"Im not busy, I'm surprised you're not." I cringed slightly, shifting in the drivers seat uncomfortably. He sounded almost bitter but I knew even if he was I couldn't be mad about it.
"I didn't want to do this over the phone but I'm sorry Oliver for avoiding you the past week I just.." I trailed off suddenly unsure of what to say. 'I just have a girlfriend' or 'I don't know if I like dick.' Better yet hit him with, 'I don't think I have feelings for you even though we've made out twice, I just don't know what I want you're presence makes me feel different.'
"Can you come over?" He asked suddenly which almost made me honk the horn by accident when my hand slipped down.
"Sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The feeling of discomfort shot all the way through me down to my toes seeing the coach with just a towel wrapped around his head, a fluffy pink bath robe and bunny slippers on the moment he opened the door. I eyed him wearily almost in question when he lifted his hand silencing me.
"You have no right to judge me just because my outfit is more awesome than you will ever be Jackson." He stated as a matter-of-fact, shifting to the side to let me through the door. Ow, that's a blow. I took off my shoes leaving them by the door as I made my way up the stairs after coach told me he was in the art room. Not that I knew where that was in this house but I guess I'll find it.
I heard the faint sound of classical music and hummed to myself following it down the corridor. I lifted my hand to knock twice but before I could it swung open and I almost knocked my fist into Olivers pretty face. His eyes widened as he stumbled back quickly as I gave him a look of horror gripping onto my own wrist.
"Jesus Oli, I could have knocked your teeth out."
"Says you! Why did you look so mad when I opened the door? It was almost like you were constipated." He mumbled out relaxing himself with deep breathes.
I took the time to dwell in his appearance. His glasses had a black smudge, his hoodie drenched in purples and greens. His neck had a streak of yellow and even his pants down to his socks had some blotches of paint. His hair was disheveled but in a cute way as it stuck up all over the place. My eyes glanced around the room. It was a good size, the walls themselves were white but the flooring had a clear plastic over it and the sheer amount of canvases were lined up along the walls one after the other. In the middle had the easel along with what he was currently working on which seemed to be a women in distress, a gown looking from many centuries ago torn and dirtied as the black spots of makeup ran down her face with her tears. What mostly caught of attention was a larger canvas but it was draped over with a white sheet blocking out it's piece behind it.
"Let's go to my room." I turned my attention to him with a nod as I shuffled out his way to follow him. He opened his door, letting me pass and I was slightly disappointed at seeing how his room was.
It was bland. The room itself was neat and clean, a desk lined up against the wall with a small bookshelf to its left. His full size bed with grey sheets to watch the color of the walls and a separate door to a bathroom and another to his closet but that was it. No paintings, no drawings. I was expecting his walls to painted or even the splatter of paint somewhere in here but there wasn't anything.
"I imagined your room to be different if I'm honest." I said calmly, going over to the desk and peering over the French book that I couldn't read the name of for the life of me.
"I'm mostly in the Art room." I hummed in response as I took a seat on the bed, he went into the bathroom briefly and when he came out he wasn't covered in paint anymore with a new pair of sweats and a different red hoodie. His glasses were cleaned off and his hair was combed through this time. Was he trying to look good for me? That's cute. He shuffled his way over and hesitantly took a seat next to me.
"Oliver I'm sorry-"
"No I'm sorry, Jackson. I shouldn't have pushed you like that if anything." He spoke quietly, twiddling his thumbs over each other as he looked down at his hands. I watched him do it with a sigh as I shifted to prop one leg up on the bed scooting slightly closer.
"You didn't push me Oli, not really. I wanted it to happen honestly I just don't know. I'm with Summer for one, I've never been attracted to guys at all until... you and I don't know what it means for me or my sexuality or if I should tell my parents but my dads homophobic- it's just a lot." I rambled, my breathing erratic as he looked over at me.
"Ya I know." He spoke, gently placing his hand over mine that was resting on my knee. We sat there in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "You know, I first felt attracted to a boy in one of my foster homes. I was about seven, he was ten and had been placed in the family a year before me. The foster parents locked the fridge and would only feed us once a day. Our foster dad was always drunk and all six of us would share one room." His voice quieted down even more to a stop as he looked to be struggling with himself as his grip tightened.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want too Oli." I soothed, biting the inside of my cheek as I watched hun shake his head.
"No it's okay, it's the past. He would sneak food from the cabinets that were open when he did the dishes. He would give them to us night and when our Forster dad was angry with me because I would cry when he yelled, Zack would hold me all night and apologize. One day, we were still in the same bed from the night before both parents came up and screamed at us. They said terrible things, worse than what the kids at school say about me and how one day I'll wake up and realize that not even god will love me for being the way I am. They sent me back to social worker that day to relocate me and I never saw him again but I still remember the way he made me feel." His expression was sad and it was almost like he was off in another time. I leaned closer with a sigh, wrapping my arm around his shoulder and gently placing my head against his. The smell of vanilla warmed me and I felt him lean closer.
"I'm sorry Oli."
"It's not your fault, I was in a lot of different homes and all of them more or so the same way. It wasn't until my Dad and my Mom adopted me that I realized someone will love me, no matter what and it's those people who matter most in your life than those who judge you for just being you. When my mom died..." I felt him take a large inhale of breathe, clearing his throat and I encouraged him by squeezing his arm. "I was afraid my dad would become like some of the people I stayed with or revoke my adoption but it was the complete opposite. He held me closer than ever and I couldn't imagine my life without him." He turned his head up slightly to look at me as I leaned slightly away to let him.
His green eyes met mine and small sad smile tugged on his lips and I instantly melted giving him a smile of my own. "What I'm saying is that it's okay if not everyone accepts you and you don't have to rush to know what your sexuality is, you're you and that is all that matters. People love you now not because of your sexual orientation but because you're Jackson. The whole Summer thing, what we did to her is wrong and I'm sorry I put you in that position. If you're happy then-"
I've never heard Oliver talk this much, this deeply before and the way he spoke with so much meaning made my heart flutter. Oliver was everything I wasn't. He was smart, loyal and so compassionate about everything. He sounded so sure that no matter what someone would love me and I knew that was true. He made all my doubts and worries go away every time I was with him and in the moment I knew.
Before he could finish I leaned forward and very gently placed my lips against his. I needed to feel him, show him how much I appreciate him but more than anything have him feel how happy he made me. I felt him lean into the kiss, a smile tugging on both of our lips as we smiled into it. A small laugh broke out between us that left me doubling over in laughter as he placed his head onto my shoulder, his hands reaching up to my biceps to steady us as we laughed in the echo of his room. Ya, I'm glad I called.