'HERE' if you're hereeeee!
Soleil sat crisscrossed on the bed, her eyes following Siraj's movements as he maneuvered around the room, gathering his things to leave.
After the night they spent together, she wasn't quite ready to depart from him just yet. The way he catered to her body last night as they had sex, had her on a high that she didn't want to come down from.
Knowing that she was now Siraj's girlfriend, left a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of her. Someone who truly loved her, and wasn't afraid to show it or tell her.
Soleil tugged at the sleeve of the hoodie she wore—the hoodie that Siraj gave to her. She could smell his cologne on it, a scent that was comforting to her.
Siraj zipped up his suitcase and stood up straight, he let out a heavy sigh, glancing around the room to make sure all his belongings were packed away in his luggage.
As he did, he locked eyes with Soleil. The visible look of weariness on her face. He sat his suitcase down, as he approached her, placing his hands on the bed as he invaded her personal space.
He leaned in, their lips connecting. He slowly, yet sensually kissed her a few times. "Are you sad?" he paused to ask her, she nodded a bit, rubbing her thumb over the fabric of the hoodie. "Don't be baby, it's just a few days."
Soleil poked her bottom lip out a little, folding her hands in her lap. He leaned in again to kiss her bottom lip, finding it adorable that she wasn't ready for him to leave. "I'll come get you once you touchdown Sunday—y'all are coming Sunday, right?" he tilted his head, raising a brow.
"Yes," she answered him, hearing her phone go off as a notification came through. She reached into the pocket of the hoodie, and grabbed her phone, seeing that Selah texted her to let her know she was downstairs. As Soleil started to get off of the bed, Siraj took a step back, giving her space. She slipped her feet into her boots, then grabbed her overnight bag along with her Christmas gift.
Before they left last night, Selah agreed that she would take Siraj to the airport so he didn't have to waste money.
Both headed towards the door, Siraj letting Soleil walk out first, then following behind her into the hallway.
The two stepped onto the elevator, another couple stepping on as well, they greeted each other with a head nod as they began to descend down to the lobby.
Another minute, the elevator doors slid open as they finally made it to the lobby. They stepped off, Siraj departing from Soleil to walk towards the front desk to check out.
Soleil walked out of the hotel, seeing Selah's car parked a few cars down. She approached it, opening the passenger door and getting inside, sitting her bag down on the floor while her gift sat in her lap.
"Hey Boop, how you feelin'?" Selah asked her, watching her get settled in.
"I'm okay," she started to yawn, stretching her arms out in front of her. "Just really tired, do we have any plans for today?"
Selah hummed, shaking her head in response. "Nah, we just chilling today. I know we'll be busy tomorrow once we go over mama's house—you look like you need rest anyway." she snickered, a small smirk on Soleil's face as she leaned her head against her hand, as her arm rested near the window.
The girls heard three taps from the back of the car, Selah looking in the rearview mirror. It was Siraj standing at the trunk. Selah pulled the lever to open it, Siraj putting his luggage inside before shutting the trunk back.
He opened the backdoor and slipped into the backseat, "What's up, sis?" he spoke, shutting the door behind him, then grabbing the seatbelt to put on.
"Hey, Raji." she looked back to smile at him, she shifted the gears and looked in her side mirror, before pulling onto the street. "So, is that the gift she has to wait to open until tomorrow?" Selah looked at Siraj in the rearview mirror.
Soleil sucked her teeth, whipping her head over to look at her sister. "Oh yeah! Bitch, speaking of that! You traitor!" Soleil playfully hit her arm, as Selah started to laugh.
"Girl, he paid me," Selah confessed, gesturing her hand back at Siraj.
Soleil's mouth fell agape. She turned around in the seat, shooting daggers at Siraj. "Now nigga, you ain't tell me all that! You bribed my sister? You definitely ain't shit." she started to mug him, Siraj simply grinning as he texted on his phone.
"Selah, you wasn't pose to tell her that, you know?" he pulled his attention away from his phone, to look at Selah.
"Oop, my bad." Selah laughed, turning on her blinker to turn left onto the street. Siraj shook his head, tucking his phone back into his pocket.
"I should open it now," Soleil cut her eyes at him before she turned back around in her seat. She rested her hands on top of the gift, fiddling with the bow.
"Then you would be breaking your promise—I didn't take you for the type to be breaking promises, Anaïs," Siraj said, Selah beginning to laugh once again as Soleil rolled her eyes.
"Oop, not the middle name."
"Relax, ain't nobody breaking promises—Keanté." Soleil snapped back, continuing to pick at the bow on top. Selah shook her head as she focused her attention on the road, listening to the two bicker back and forth. In the midst of them doing so, Selah's phone began to loudly ring throughout the car on the Bluetooth.
Soleil pressed the green phone icon on the touch screen, to answer the call. "Hi, mommy!" Soleil answered, with a big grin on her face.
"Hey, mama!" Selah greeted her as well, stopping at the red light.
"Hey ma," Siraj spoke, both of the girls starting to snicker as they heard Vanessa hesitate for a moment.
"Who is that? That sounds like Siraj," Vanessa said, Soleil shooting Siraj a quick look.
"It is," he replied, rubbing over his goatee.
"Oh...well shit, I didn't know you were taking Siraj with you, Soleil. I thought you were going there by yourself." Vanessa recalled, a little confused about what was going on.
"Well, yeah. I did come here by myself, he flew out because of a gig." Soleil explained, biting on her nail.
They heard Vanessa hum in response, "Oh okay, that's nice. You're celebrating Christmas with them, Siraj?" she questioned him.
"No ma'am, we on our way to the airport right now actually," he told her, staring out the window at their surroundings. "Semaj will beat me up if I miss Christmas with him,"
"Aw my pumpkin, you're going to bring him to our New Year's Eve celebration, right?"
"Yes ma'am, I'm pretty sure he'll be happy to see his buddy, Kinsley anyway. I told Selah he be asking about her," Siraj chuckled.
"Awww," Vanessa cooed, "Y'all should set up weekly FaceTime calls for them or something," she suggested, Siraj and Selah exchanging looks.
"That's a good idea,"
"How's Poppy?" Soleil questioned, remembering that her parents had flew to Alabama to spend Christmas with her dad's side of the family. "He better be taking his meds and keeping up with his health like his doctor told him,"
"He is, still round here actin' a damn fool but he's doing good." Vanessa assured her, Soleil softly laughing to herself as she knew her grandfather was quite a character, and a handful to deal with.
"Are they going to Florida for New Years? I wanna see them," Selah pouted, a little saddened over the fact that she wasn't able to see her family when they did go to Florida for her aunt's birthday.
"No,"
"Dang, I'ma have to find some time to go out there. I might fly over there during the Summer." Selah said, merging onto the interstate that took her to the airport.
"I mean, Poppy's birthday is in June. So you can fly out to celebrate, that's what we doing. That man sure do be on the go for someone who's turning 75." Vanessa joked, as Soleil and Selah laughed.
"I told him that the last time we spoke, he move like he's in his 20's. That man don't miss a beat," Selah continued laughing, Vanessa humming in response.
"Mhm, he sure do. Wit' his crazy ass,"
The next fifteen minutes or so, after being caught in traffic, Selah finally made it to the airport. By then, she had hang up with her mom, who was leaving to go visit some of their other family members.
Siraj got out of car and walked around to the back of the car where the trunk was. He grabbed his luggage and sat it down on the sidewalk, he slipped on his backpack before he closed the trunk.
Selah got out as well, holding out her arms to embrace Siraj. "A'ight Raji, I'll see you Sunday. Have a safe flight," she said as they pulled away.
"Thanks, I'll let you know if Semaj wants to FaceTime Kinsley before then—which I know he will, but he'll probably be caught up playing wit' his cousins." he replied, turning his attention onto Soleil who leaned against the car with the same expression as before.
"Baby, you gotta stop with the sad face man. That shit making me feel guilty as hell," he stressed, running his hand over his waves.
Soleil dropped her folded arms and huffed, wrapping her arms around his torso. "I'm not doing it on purpose, I just don't want you to leave," she whined, throwing her head back. Siraj placed his hands on her lower back, leaning down a little to kiss her. "Have a safe flight, okay? Call me when you make it home,"
"I will," he squeezed her tightly, lifting her off of the ground. She giggled, trying to squirm out of his grasp.
"You always gotta do the most," she shoved him away, watching as he grabbed the handle of his suitcase and started to slowly back away.
"I love you," he grinned, Soleil trying her hardest to hold back a smile.
"Ugh, y'all are too cute—it's giving me diabetes," Selah scrunched up her nose, waving them both off as she walked around to the driver's side. Soleil blew him a kiss and waved goodbye to him before she got into the passenger's seat.
Soleil dramatically sighed, plopping back in the seat after she fastened her seatbelt. Selah snuck a glance over at her sister, unable to hold back her smirk.
"That man got your head gone, miss thing. I don't think I've ever seen you act this way with any of your boyfriends." Selah playfully nudged her, as she started to leave from the airport.
Soleil remained quiet, looking down as she picked at the tights she wore. Selah peeked over at her again, furrowing her eyebrows as she took notice of her sister's odd silence. "You okay, Boop?"
"How did you know when you were in love?" Soleil finally broke the silence, Selah jerking her head back a little, taken aback from the question.
"Well..." Selah trailed off, letting of a big sigh. "With Antonio, he made me feel... intense emotions I hadn't ever felt before with any other guy. He made me feel all giddy inside, nervous—not a bad nervous, but like...excited whenever I was around him." she started to explain.
"I feel so, I don't know, secure in our relationship. I couldn't stop thinking about him when we were apart—it's like he took up an amble amount of my thoughts , it's just an agonizing bliss that you don't ever want to escape from. And you think you hate this feeling because you feel so vulnerable, but at the same time you don't want to run from it, because you know they're not going to hurt you. They're gentle with you, they treat you as a priority."
"You crave them—to be in their presence, you're anxious to hear their voice, to hold them, to see them—they give you a high that any other drug in the world couldn't possibly give you. You catch yourself thinking about the future with them—how many children will we have? Where will we live five years from now? What kind of wedding are we going to have?"
"You both know what makes the other feel better. After a long day—a bad day even, they know exactly what to say or do to put you in better spirits. The list just goes on, Soleil." Selah finally finished ranting, she paused briefly glancing over at her sister again, Soleil staring straight ahead as she seemed to be deep in her thoughts. "But most of all, if you're sitting here questioning whether you're in love—then you are baby girl—and it's okay."
Soleil looked over at Selah, slowly blinking. "I think I might've told him last night," she confessed.
"Well, what's stopping you, Boop? Are you afraid?"
"I don't know...maybe?" Soleil shrugged, nibbling on her acrylic nail. "My heart is like, say it bitch. Tell him you love him back, but then my head is...telling me, to wait. That maybe it's lust I'm feeling and not actual love."
"Is possible that you're maybe scared, Boop? I mean, Siraj is very different than Elias or any other guy you've dealt with. He's not afraid to show you that he really wants to be with you."
"I think so..." Soleil trailed off. "I'm just afraid that when I finally do say it, it becomes real. The moment I finally acknowledge these feelings, shit may go wrong."
"Soleil, that's got to be a risk you're willing to take. I know love is scary, but love is also rewarding, especially when you have someone who'd do anything to make you happy. I mean, him flying out to fix the relationship should speak volume." Selah said.
Soleil deeply sighed to herself, her mind wandering back to the night prior.
Soleil adjusted the bonnet on her head, as she laid in bed, waiting for Siraj to be done in the bathroom. Her body was pleading with her to finally rest, from being inebriated, to being worn out by Siraj, she was more than ready to call it a night.
Siraj came out of the bathroom, flicking off the lights before he made his way to the bed. He watched as Soleil struggled to keep her eyes open, sleep desperately trying to take over her body. He got into bed, reaching over to turn off the lamp.
He felt Soleil wrap one arm around his torso, as one leg was thrown over his. He lazily rubbed her back in tiny circles, his eyes closed as he was ready to let slumber take over him.
"Raji..." he heard Soleil's voice softly call his name, his heart slightly racing from the sound of her voice. He never grew tired of hearing her call his name.
"Mhm," he hummed.
"Does...does it bother you that I don't tell you, I love you back?" she curiously asked him, a thought that had been floating around in her mind since the first time he said it.
However, now he was beginning to say it more frequently throughout the day—and even during sex, Soleil was starting to feel bad about not saying it back.
Siraj's eyes slowly fluttered open, he gazed at the wall straight ahead. "No baby," he replied, his hand caressing her naked body. "I know you'll say it when you're ready."
"It's just, sometimes I feel bad when you say it and I don't. It's feels awkward on my end..." she told him, her hand moving up to where his ear was, her fingers beginning to mess with his earlobe.
"Don't feel that way ma, I'm not tripping. If I had an issue with it, I would've addressed it the first time I said it to you and you didn't say it back. I don't want you to feel pressured to say it, especially if you don't even feel that way yet. When you say it, I want it to be genuine." he assured her, grabbing her hand and kissing it.
"Okay," Soleil uttered. "Thank you for that,"
"Soleil..."
"Yeah?"
"How do feel about me?" he questioned her, his curiosity peaking. Soleil hesitated for a moment as she thought to herself. He heard her clear her throat, as she shifted a little. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push. I was just curious," Siraj said, after noticing she became strangely quiet.
Soleil slowly lick over her lips, as she looked up at him. Half of his face fluorescent under the moonlight twinkled into the room, due to the curtains being pulled back from the window. "I...genuinely love being around you. I don't mean to compare you to him, but you have made me happier than Elias. I admire a lot about you." she started to say, Siraj finally meeting her gaze.
"When we're together, you're not always on your phone. You go out of your way to spend quality time with me, even if you have been working all day—and when I say quality time I'm not talking about sex. You make sure everything is okay with me before you even think about going home for the night. Even during our dating stage, you never made me feel as if you had or have something to hide, or if you're playing me. Even though I don't check phones, I will never feel like I have to because you set boundaries when it comes to other women—whether it's in person or on social media." Soleil went on, as Siraj listened intently.
"You don't let your pride get in the way of your relationship and you're big on communication. The times I've avoided you, you still found a way to talk to me and fix whatever the issue was. You aren't afraid to love me out loud, and not only behind closed doors. The fact you flew out here, despite me telling you that we couldn't be together until that situation was resolved, it means a lot. You hold women on a higher pedestal than men, because you've witness the women in your life get it by all means."
"You don't tolerate problematic men being apart of your circle, whether it's your family or friends, and you would never let one of them disrespect or abuse the women in their life—because that's how you were raised. Which is also why you still haven't come out of character with Ximena, because you will always respect the mother of your child, even despite her making your life miserable for the past couple of months,"
"You make me feel emotions that I haven't experienced in none of my relationships. And as much as I hate it sometimes, I don't want this feeling to go away—which I don't think it will, because you're all about pleasing and keeping your woman happy."
Silence fell upon the room, as Soleil finally finished. They both stared at each other intently, she watched him as he shifted a little, his eyebrows raised in awe. "Well, just read the fuck outta me then." he scoffed, causing her to softly chuckle.
"You're not the only one in this relationship who's observant, Siraj. Everything that I just listed off, is why I l—feel the way I do about you." Soleil cleared her throat, switching positions so that she was now laying on her back. Siraj narrowed his eyes at her, a subtle smirk on his face.
Christmas day finally arrived, the snow was coming down quite a bit in New York, making the day a bit more festive. Soleil sat in the living room with Selah, Antonio and Kinsley.
Wrapping paper torn and spread all over the floor, the different toys laid out as Kinsley played with each. They all recorded her, her joy warming their hearts as she continued to open the different presents that were for her.
Soleil went out this year for her niece, especially since she hadn't seen her in months. Nothing made her happier than seeing the huge smile on her face, as she jumped up and down in excitement, discovering another gift from her aunty.
Christmas was one of Soleil's favorite holidays, simply because she loved spoiling her family. Throughout the year, she made a list of things her family mentioned wanting for themselves—wanting to surprise them on their birthday or on Christmas.
"Thank you, TT!" Kinsley ran up to Soleil, wrapping her small arms around her neck. Soleil grinned, rubbing her back.
"You're welcome baby," she replied, Kinsley pulling away and grabbing the remote that controlled the purple Barbie doll car that Soleil had gotten her. As Soleil watched Kinsley sit the Bratz dolls inside of the car, making her snicker.
"Okay sissy, here you go," Selah passed the gift over to Soleil. "Merry Christmas!"
Soleil gently grabbed the present out of her hand, and gave the box a light shake as she placed her ear to it. She ripped wrapping paper, a wide smile stretching across her face as she saw burnt orange Louis Vuitton box tied with a pretty white bow.
"Ooh! No you didn't, Selah!" Soleil exclaimed, clapping her hands in excitement. She untied the box and opened the box, she took the purse out of the cotton package it was in, revealing the white handbag. "I'm definitely bout to stunt on hoes with this,"
Soleil got up, sliding the handbag on her forearm, beginning to pose as Selah started cracking up. "It smells like broke in here! Oh—I'm sorry what you say? I couldn't hear you over that hideous purse on your shoulder." Soleil curled up her lip in disgust, pretending to point at someone.
"You are so stupid, Boop!" Selah wheezed, as she recorded Soleil. "You better work! I know that's right, flaunt it miss girl!" she hyped her, as Soleil started to strike different poses with the handbag.
"Let me stop playing, cause I'll still rock me a good Betsy Johnson bag." Soleil snickered, sitting down on the floor again. She reached over to hug her sister, "Thank you Sé, this is so cute."
"You not gone open the purse?" Selah grinned, pointing at it, Soleil eyed her suspiciously before opening up the purse. She saw that there was an Ulta Beauty gift card inside.
"I-" Soleil paused, grabbing the gift card. She got up again, now pretending to shout.
"Soleil, stop!" Selah begin laughing once again.
"Biiitch! I was just telling Keia, how I needed to buy me some new makeup! Oh my gosh!" Soleil danced in joy, "I don't know sis, your gifts might be touching mine."
"Nah, yours definitely touching mine. Antonio and I definitely need that weekend getaway, Kinsley be wearing us out, chile." Selah waved her off, she eyed the present from Siraj that was a few feet away under the tree, still waiting to be open by Soleil. "You ready to open your gift from him, now?" she smirked, nodding her head towards the present.
Soleil took a deep breath and then nodded her head, she walked over towards the Christmas tree and reached down to grab the present. She walked back over to her spot, sitting down on the floor. She tucked the gift card away in the handbag, before she started to rip open the wrapping paper.
It was a blue, medium sized box wrapped with a ribbon. She untied the ribbon and opened the box, revealing a red rose inside of the glass container, with a small pull out drawer below it. She pulled out the drawer, gold locket necklace inside. She lightly gasp, gently pulling the necklace out of the box. The locket was a diamond encrusted shaped heart, that mimicked angel wings that spread outwards when you opened it. Inside of the locket was Soleil's favorite picture of her and Xahir.
(For my visual people, again. 😂)
"Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful, Soleil!" Selah cooed, placing her hand on her chest as she saw the locket. Soleil felt her eyes immediately burn with tears, she paused for a minute as she threw her head back slightly, a lump growing in her throat.
She tried her hardest to keep her composure, but she was overwhelmed. A few tears fell, as she sniffled. She fanned her eyes, feeling as Selah soothingly rubbed her back. "It's okay, Boop—that was really sweet of Siraj."
Soleil nodded in agreement, as she began to cry. She turned the locket over, to examine it some more. On the back, there was a message engraved on it.
His keeper, my protector.
The caption that was posted with the picture on her Twitter account. After Xahir died, she pinned that specific tweet to her page, as a reminder to herself—despite her brother being physically gone, he was still her protector spiritually.
The picture itself, was Soleil with a huge smile on her face, poking both of Xahir's cheeks as he looked at her with a funny expression. She thought the picture perfectly represented how their sibling relationship was.
As Soleil was more of a goofy person, that loved messing with people. Xahir was more of a serious, reserved person, that occasionally entertained his sister antics.
A few weeks ago, Soleil caught herself on twitter looking at the picture. She quoted the tweet, saying how she missed her brother and that it was her favorite picture of them.
The fact that Siraj had taken time out to do that for her—to pay attention, meant the absolute world to her.
Soleil grabbed her phone and got up, she went to her call log and tapped on Siraj's contact to FaceTime him. She walked into the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
"Oh, y'all gone jump me!?" Siraj covered his head, as Semaj and his cousins started to beat him up with the boxing gloves that Semaj's uncle bought them. "Y'all li'l niggas ain't right! Maj, I thought you loved me man!"
"Get em' Maj!" Ximena laughed, along with her sister. They recorded the boys as they continued to beat up Siraj on the floor. Siraj heard as his phone started to ring from the coffee table.
"A'ight, a'ight! Y'all got it!" Siraj gave in, he stood up and quickly grabbed his phone from off of the table, seeing that it was Soleil.
He walked away, stepping outside on the front porch, before accepting her call. "Merry Christmas ba—what's wrong?" he instantly frowned, quickly taking notice of her wiping her eyes as she sniffled.
"You're really sweet, Siraj." She said, looking into the camera. "I definitely wasn't expecting that as a gift, thank you so much."
"Oh, you're welcome baby. I'm glad you like it—don't be scaring me like that, thought I was gone have to fly back out there and whoop someone ass." he replied, causing her to giggle and shake her head.
"Of course not. But um, how did you know what to get me?"
"Well, I was on your Twitter looking for some type of clue as to what to get you. You be liking a lot of shit by the way," he paused, giving her a funny look, as she playfully rolled her eyes. "But I noticed the tweet you had pinned on your page, and after scrolling through your tweets for a li'l while, I saw that you said it was your favorite picture of y'all. Then I kind of thought, I wanted to get you something meaningful, because I know how much you miss him."
"Well...thank you, Siraj. I love it a lot, they'll have to rip this necklace off of my cold, dead body before I take it off now." she joked. "But how's your Christmas so far? How's Semaj doing?"
"It's going good, and he in there having a ball right now wit' his cousins. They was just beating me up, I feel kind of betrayed though cause I thought we was niggas."
"He beating you up because of me, 'and this one for Soleil, nigga!'" Soleil started cracking up, Siraj joining in as he shook his index finger.
"You know, I think so too, cause he was really throwing them hoes! I looked up and he looks mad as shit, that man wasn't playing with me!"
😊 hi y'all. I don't have that much to say.
I hope y'all week going good so far!
y'all be easy,
Thanks for reading guys,
see y'all in the next chapter - Springs Notebook. 💙