where i felt that song ju was cold, the air began to become thin, making it difficult for people to breathe. (the best experience of reading the novel is in []) he calmed himself down and said in a deep voice, "how did you get in?"
"someone to bring in is like a thief." song ju's cold breath was not very good, and the whole person revealed a bit of yin, as if there was something hidden in his body, eager to explode.
it is understandable that a person like song juhan, who wants something at birth and thousands of pets, must have never tasted such a setback, so he was extremely angry.
but in the whole thing, the person with the most reason to be angry is not himself? on the contrary, in the face of song juhan, he could not get angry, he only felt helpless, deeply helpless, because even if he was angry again, song juhan would not admit his mistake, and anger was meaningless.
song juhan saw that he did not speak, walked over, and naturally held out his hand.
why don't you open your face: "what are you going to do?"
song juhan looked at his hand frozen in mid-air, and his expression flashed a trace of displeasure: "what to do?" coming to see you, of course! i came out of the detention center and went to another ---, and my dad locked me up. i was able to see you today in exchange for an apology press conference. why
looked at him: "you see it now, you go back."
"ho, why." song juhan gritted his teeth, "i've never seen anyone with a harder temperament than you in my life." why
was there silence.
song juhan stared dead into he's eyes: "why did you agree to carry the black cauldron for me?" are you stupid? wwant to go to jail? his
lips trembled, his fists clenched behind his back, and he wanted to give a reason that didn't sound very humble, but he couldn't think of it for a moment.
why? why would you be prepared to sacrifice all your possessions to agree to such a request at the expense of a crime? how can he answer this? in the end, he had to say, "not why." that's right, not why, because even if he was
given a million chances, his choice was the same.
because it is song juhan, it is not why.
"fuck you 'no why'!" song juhan grabbed he gu's arm hard, and the deep eyes seemed to hide the energy of the entire starry sky, able to penetrate people from the inside, "why, you tell the truth, why."
he struggled twice, but he couldn't get rid of song juhan's clamps, he pushed song juhan hard, and he simply roared in annoyance and anger: "you let go!" song juhan
squeezed his shoulders, pressed him against the wall, and said with great clarity, word by word: "tell me, why, what!" "why
?" why the eye sockets were bloodshot, he clenched his back teeth and looked at song juhan without flinching.
the two of them looked at each other like this for a few seconds, and then suddenly laughed, and the laughter was mixed with a poignant choking.
song juhan looked at him without a word.
"why? hhahahahaha, why? "why are my eyes blurred," my name is 'why,' as if my life is destined to be related to many unsolvable problems, such as why i met you, why i slept with you for six years, why i wanted to involve myself in your bad heart. song juhan, these three words i also want to ask you, why do you say? don't you really know?! song juhan's
breathing was a little short, his eyes were shining and his eyes were like a torch: "you like me, don't you?" you haven't answered me that day's question. do you like me?
why bite your lip so hard that you try to numb yourself with pain to avoid shedding tears again, that's a shame.
he thought that as long as he didn't say it, and song juhan didn't say it, he could take this secret to the grave after bidding farewell to song juhan, but in fact, he had always suspected deep in his heart, didn't song juhan really not know?
song juhan tapped his teeth with his thumb, caressed his soft lips, and then couldn't help but kiss it and said softly, "why don't you say it?" after so many years, why not say?
why did he only feel that every word that song juhan said was like a sharp knife piercing into his heart, and he trembled: "say? do you remember, when i went to question you six years ago, you laughed and said i couldn't afford to play. song juhan
frowned, "i was... i was young, and i didn't think you were real..."
"you didn't expect that someone who met two or three times and sing a song to hook up with a bed would really like you, right?" wwhy did he realize that in this world, no one would reveal his own scars more than him, he remembered every sentence and every detail of that year, he understood his own unbearableness, he understood song juhan's contempt, he understood everything, but he couldn't get out.
yes, at that time, song juhan was only 19 years old, and even cruelty was not very smooth to hide the age.
song juhan was silent for a moment: "at the beginning, my purpose of approaching you was indeed not pure, but over the years, you have become more and more important to me, and i am really not used to it without you." this was
the first time that song juhan had spoken softly, but he didn't feel half happy, only to feel that his cheeks were hot, as if they were all swollen. after so many years of companionship, it has finally played a little role, that is, habit. yes, song juhan is used to him being on call, obedient and patient -, and he is even used to such a life, he is even a little confused, leaving song juhan, the most painful thing is to lose what he loves, or to break the habit.
why did he say in a dumb voice: "sooner or later you will get used to it, now let go of me, let's go." "are
we still as bad as we used to be?" am i bad for you? song juhan was a little anxious, he was repeatedly rejected by why, he had turned from anger to panic, he did not think about why he would really want to leave him.
there is no longer any reason around? how does that work?! he couldn't imagine.
why did his heart hurt sharply, trembling and saying, "song juhan, do you know what you like?" song ju
was stunned and did not speak.
"like is... i don't know what liking is, but it's not like watching you sleep with someone else and not reacting. yyou make us still the same as before? why every word he said, it hurt, "you know me... i like you, and let me watch you hug you left and right as before? "in the past, he might be able to do it, but now he can't, since he knew that song juhan played him like that for feng zheng, he really couldn't do it."
he thought that knowing his "likes", song juhan would be somewhat touched, and sure enough, his "likes" were not worth anything to song juhan, and even could not arouse a few waves, and disappeared into the vast water.
"you want me to stop sleeping with others?" song ju looked at he with a cold and fixed look, "this is like?
he only felt the blood in his chest surging and he could hardly catch his breath, so he finally choked uncontrollably: "song juhan, do you have any heart?" song juhan
looked at why he was sad and aggrieved to the extreme, and his heart was faintly blocked.
he was indeed touched to hear that he was willing to risk jail time carrying such a black cauldron for him. there were too many people coming and going around him, but no one had ever done anything to him like this, saying nothing in his mouth, but willing to do anything for him, and no one like this, just looking, holding, or even just putting it around, could make him feel peace of mind.
for him, it was a place where he was tired and could go back, and even his family could not let him have such a sense of belonging. he couldn't let any reason leave him, even if it was just imagination, why would he be intimate with other people, would put his kindness to others, he wanted to kill people.
when we first met, he really didn't take this person to heart, but he didn't know when it started, he felt that this person belonged to him by nature, only to him. hhe paused and said clearly, "i promise you, why, i promise you not to touch anyone else again." stay with me, this time it's real, not a play.
why did he look at song juhan in disbelief.
song juhan wrapped his arms around his waist, pressed his forehead against his forehead, and said softly, "i promised you, i promised you, so don't mess with me, i really miss you." why the
body is stiff as iron, and the brain is too slow to think.
what did song juhan promise him?
song juhan kissed his lips lightly: "don't you like me?" keep liking me, i'll be nice to you, i'm not going to look for anyone else, we're good together. he
turned back to god, slammed his eyes straight, and pushed song juhan away fiercely.
song juhan was still warm a second ago, unguarded backwards several steps, almost sitting on the ground, he was angry, feeling that a passion had been poured with cold water, coupled with the countless insults and sneers suffered during this time, it was simply adding fuel to the fire, he clenched his fists, and stared at him in shame.
why stood against the wall, only in this way would his legs not be weak, he stared at song juhan without blinking, for half a day, before he trembled and said: "song juhan, do you know what you are talking about?" song juhan
said angrily, "of course i know." don't you like me? don't you want to be with me? nnot
a day goes by that i don't want to.
in the past two thousand days and nights, why have i fantasized countless times, song juhan will have a long-term affection for him, will be him, he did not expect that in this relationship to the end of the oil today, he will hear the words he once wanted to hear the most, in this, he is tired today do not want to go on.
he thought he was going to be ecstatic, he thought he was going to cry and weep, but there was nothing, he just felt dazed. he looked at song juhan and felt familiar and strange.
song juhan exhaled heavily and said patiently, "why, i know that you are good to me, i once said that as long as you open your mouth, i will give it to you." you want me not to look for anyone else, i promise you, so you stop making trouble?
why did he show a bitter smile: "you think i'm messing with you?" i look very pretentious? "so
what are you trying to do?" song juhan's breath was unstable, you said you wanted to separate from me, and promised to give me a black pot, if i hadn't agreed with my father, you might have gone in!
"then do i have to thank you?" why whispered, "you brought people to my house, you ruined me, i was stripped naked and thrown on the internet, and then i should thank you for not agreeing to let me carry the black pot for you, right?" song juhan's
face changed: "i didn't let you thank me." he paused, "everyone approaches me for a purpose, only you are so good to me, why, i really care about you, let's start again, this time i am serious." ssomehow
the brain can't think anymore.
song juhan's proposal was tempting, but he didn't feel joy. what he had been pursuing for so many years, when he no longer thought about it, suddenly fell in front of his eyes, so perfunctory, so contemptuous.
he was obviously already covered in blood, and he didn't dare to reach out again, but he felt that he was not willing to take him. he had been begging for something for almost seven years, and it was within reach of his eyes, and if he didn't take it, would he be worthy of the time he had wrongly paid?
"i care about you", "start over", "seriously", these words he has thought about for almost a century, really came out of song juhan's mouth, he didn't know how to be good.
why throw out the fruit of the fatal temptation when he has already decided to give up?
song juhan took advantage of the reason why he was stunned, took him back into his arms, buried his cheek into his warm neck socket, and muffled: "i really miss you, only you are good."
why did he experience song juhan's fragility and sadness in that instant, and everything he experienced during this time was definitely a heavy blow to song juhan, but he was extremely face-saving and would not easily reveal half a point in front of people.
therefore, song juhan needed him now. only when he is needed will he want to reconcile with him in such a dignified and dignified manner.
after trying to understand this, all of song juhan's abnormalities were explained, and he suddenly felt relieved. ooriginally, song juhan could not suddenly like him, but he was moved by the sacrifices he wanted to make, remembering his efforts, and in this rare low tide in song juhan's life, his existence value was highlighted.
nothing more.
"i'll compensate you." song juhan continued, "i will compensate you for your loss, you don't have much money for that job, don't do it, the news heat has passed, soon no one will remember you, you don't have to be afraid." i'll be nice to you and i'll let you want something and what'. he's
gaze crossed song juhan's shoulder and looked at the wall hollowly, unable to tell what it was like in his heart. he was silent for a moment and slowly pushed song juhan away: "... let me think, you better go back. "he's almost unable to think.
song juhan frowned: "i can't get out easily, so you will drive me back?" "my
mom will come at dawn."
"what's the matter, your mother still can't guess our business?" song juhan kissed he's hair, "why, i really miss you, i want to listen to you, listen to you comfort me, think..."
why did he tilt his head and said in a deep voice: "my mother can guess, but she doesn't have a good feeling for you, you still go." song juhan
was a little dissatisfied: "i don't go."
why did he look at song juhan fixedly, half-dazed, and said expressionlessly: "do you want to make --- love?" ssong juhan
didn't speak, but his eyes were already like picking up clothes.
why can't help but laugh a little: "you have been holding back during this time, you have been in the detention center for more than a week, and you have been locked up at home for more than a week, it is not safe to see anyone, it is inconvenient to see anyone, or i am the most convenient, right?" how could he forget that song juhan really "needed" him. it is also difficult for a big star who has a beautiful person to give a hug all day long, and now he is reduced to sneaking to find a person who has long been tired and crooked.
"what are you talking about?" song juhan's longing was instantly beaten to pieces, and he snapped, "i came to you not to get on you, i am really worried about you!"
"yes, i'm fine, you can go back with confidence."
"i'm not leaving!" song juhan said angrily, "i lost so many people just to see you, and you still drove me away?!"
why did he say lightly: "is it my fault that you lost such a big person, then who should i rely on for losing such a big person?"
"you..." song juhan said in a cold voice, he gritted his teeth, "how on earth do you want to reconcile with me?" don't you like me? you like it!
listening to song juhan put the secret that he had been hiding for six years so easily, why did he have the illusion of being slapped in public, as if he had been shaken off some of the most shameful secrets, and the other party was still joking with indifference.
filled with a sense of powerlessness, he sat down on the couch: "i'm confused right now, i beg you to go." <
"i'm not leaving unless you promise me." song juhan came over and half-crouched in front of him, his dark eyes looked at him without blinking, and he revealed a little innocence, "why, i seem to like you too, let's start over, okay?" he looked
at him deeply, and his heart tingled inexplicably. he couldn't describe his current mood, as if what he had treasured and pursued was casually rewarded to him by song juhan, just like giving him a car, a house so casual, so careless, and if he didn't accept it, wouldn't it be pretentious, after all, that was what he wanted.
however, he originally thought that "like" was equally precious to song juhan, and he wanted to keep it for better people, so he couldn't give it to him, and as a result, for song juhan, "like" was just the same ordinary mood, neither rare nor solemn. for the first time, he knew that not everyone valued pure "likes", and it turned out that the feelings he had paid for his youth and suffered for many years were cheap for song juhan.
how he was going to tell song juhan what he was hurting, what he was hating, what he was rejecting.
song juhan would never understand, even if all the words he had said in this life were reduced to countless sentences of "like" and "love", and repeatedly told song juhan his heartfelt words, song juhan would not understand.
it turned out that the most distant thing between them was not the external things of family lineage, ability, and status, but the heart.
what a sense of desperate powerlessness.
why does he take "like" so seriously? why would he ask others to look up to him the same way? just like someone loves money and he doesn't like it, why can't someone not care about any ridiculous "likes" at all.
there is nothing wrong with song juhan, he just gained too much "like" in his life, so he never felt precious.
so, what else is he struggling with? he wanted to monopolize song juhan, and song juhan was sent to his mouth, so why did he bother to push it out? why should he be pretentious?
he hollowed out his "likes", and didn't he want this? the result? song juhan easily gave it to him.
different means to the same end.
it's just that he cut through thorns all the way, broke his head and bleeded and did not give up to ask for a "like" that song juhan didn't care about at all, which was really a big joke.