When we went back to the hotel it was almost time to leave for practice. I changed to my practice clothes quickly but for the first time I really didn't want to go to practice. I felt as if I didn't have the energy, not to run and play football but to face everyone.
I called Rafaella once again, I must have called her a hundred times since Alex left and she never called me back. I was starting to think that she avoided me because she was mad at me too. She would be justified if she was, but I still wanted to check in on her.
But this time, to my surprise she picked up on the second ring.
"Hey Liv." She said. "Sorry for not calling back."
"No it's okay. I thought you were mad at me."
"At you? No."
"Where are you? Are you coming to the game?"
"Not this time."
"Are you sure? You've never missed important matches before."
"Yeah I'm sure. I just can't..." She started.
"No, I get it." I told her.
"Tell my brother..." She started again, "Tell him good luck."
I hanged up the phone and headed for practice, hating the fact that I would have to break the newsto Neymar that his sister wasn't coming.
"I didn't expect her to." Neymar said as he emptied his water bottle. We had just finished practice and I took the opportunity to tell him before me, him and Oscar would have to continue with a session with coach Coto.
"Just give it a little time." I told him. I didn't know what I could do to help but I suspected I couldn't do much.
"What, she's gonna stop thinking this is all my fault somehow?"
"No but once she's not angry anymore she'll understand your reasons."
"Have you?" He turned to look at me.
"I understand why someone would react the way you did. I just never expected you to be that somebody." I said truthfully.
He nodded but he had a sour expression on his face. "There's some—" He started saying when coach Coto yelled from across the stadium for us to join him.
"Later." I said to Neymar but he didn't show any signs of acknowledging me.
After finishing our session, which was one of the worst we ever did and showering at the locker rooms, we headed back to the hotel. Since the rest of the team had already left, there was a car to take the four of us back.
"Nothing seemed to be working today." Coach Coto told me as we waited for Neymar and Oscar. "It's this Alex business, isn't it? It's got everyone mixed up."
"Yeah." I agreed. It wasn't just Neymar and me, it was everyone.
"I told Scolari, I told him, don't send away the kid. Did he listen?" Coach Coto continued. He took a deep breath and as Neymar and Oscar appeared he added in a low voice: "I hope it doesn't impact our game vs Mexico."
So do I.
When I reached my room at the hotel my phone rang. It was a text message from Neymar. We had ridden the elevator together but couldn't talk in front of the coach and Oscar.
"Wanna come?" The text read. I hesitated for a moment before answering and then I hated myself for hesitating. And then I heard a knock on the door and put the phone down, relieved for the distraction. I opened the door and came face to face with David.
"I saw Oscar on the hallway." He said as I stepped on the side to let him in. "He didn't seem too happy with how your practice went."
I shrugged my shoulders. "It was awful. Even if we were actively trying to mess it up we wouldn't have succeeded like that."
"Awesome. That's what I want to hear less than 24 hours before the next game." He said as he hopped on my bed.
"Is there a particular reason you are here?" I asked him. I glanced at my phone which was on the bed next to him; the screen had just gone black again.
"What I can't just come here whenever I want to?" He grinned. I sat next to him and took the phone in my hands. "But there is a reason I'm here." He said and his face turned serious again.
"I don't like the sound of that. Can it wait?" I asked. I knew that avoiding things and pretending they weren't happening wasn't a good way to go, but I felt like I couldn't handle any more.
"I don't think it can. I struggled with this, because he doesn't — for some reason that is beyond me — want you to know. But I think you should. And I think that if you knew you'd agree with me."
"You are talking about Neymar, right?" I asked. "If he doesn't want me to know then maybe—"
"Stop acting like he did something horrible and he's horrible and you can't bear to know it!"
"I..."
"He didn't, okay?" David said. "That night..." He started. "He called Alex."
It took me a second to process what he was saying. "Wait, what?"
"He called Alex. He was so freaked out, not knowing where you were, he called him."
"Alex never said." I whispered.
"Yeah, I kind of guessed that part." David said quietly. "And he also didn't tell Neymar you were with him and Rafaela."
"And when Neymar saw us coming back together he—"
"He lost it." David finished my sentence. "Yeah."
I took a deep breath. "But why would Alex...?"
"I suspect he wanted to punish him. I don't know." David said, looking down at his intertwined hands.
"Before he left, Alex said it was both their fault." I told David. "I didn't take him on his word; I was so sure that Neymar had overreacted for no reason because he was jealous."
"Jealous and lied to." David clarified.
"And how do you know this?"
"I was with him when he called Alex. We were at the stairs by the entrance, waiting for you. We fell asleep and next thing I knew you came down from the bus, Alex right behind you."
"Crap." I said, burying my head in my hands. "But Neymar... he could have defended himself, to me, to his sister, to everyone really. He just stood there and took it. And everyone was so angry at him."
I heard David take a sharp breath but he didn't say anything. "You were right to tell me this." I told him. "I have to talk to him." I said standing up. "And I have to talk to Rafa and Peter and Alex. And then we have to tell everyone."
"What? Why?"
"Because people are giving him the cold shoulder! Because once again everyone operates with half-truths and it's not fair!"
"It doesn't matter to him." David said. "He doesn't care. If the people he cares about know the truth, the rest doesn't matter."
"It matters to me. And I finally want to put this behind me." I told David and walked towards the door.
I reached Neymar's room and knocked on the door. He opened a few seconds later and seemed surprised to see me.
"I didn't think you were coming." He said. "I texted you."
"Oh that. I'm sorry. I got distracted." I said realizing he must have thought I chose to ignore him. Which I almost did, before David came in and told me the truth. And I felt terrible about it.
He looked at me quizzically.
"Distracted by the truth David finally decided to tell me. And wondering why you didn't do so yourself."
He let out a tired breath as he stepped aside to let me in. "I was going to. For the record I already tried a couple of times." He said and I remembered that he was trying to tell me something just a few hours ago when coach Coto called for us. And even before that, the night it happened, after doctor Runco had tented to his injuries.
"Well you should have tried harder!" I snapped at him. He looked surprised by my outburst and I cursed myself for getting so angry. "You let everyone blame you. And worst of all? You left me trying to understand why you did what you did, trying to justify it all by myself. You could have come clean! I would have understood!"
"I'm sorry." He said, taking a step towards me.
"Stop." I said, putting my fingers on his lips. "Stop." I whispered before I reached up and pulled him down to me, kissing him hard. He responded right away. It felt like trying to make up for the lost days when we already knew we had so little time left. At least that's what it felt like for me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and forgot about everything. It was like Alex and the fight were so far away from me, I couldn't even grasp them.
When we finally pulled back we were panting and had somehow ended up on his bed. The momentary pause brought everything back to my mind. "We have to call your sister." I told him.
"We don't need to do that." He told me.
"She's mad at you when it sounds to me that she should be mad at her boyfriend."
"I don't want them to fight because of me. Let's just put it behind us."
"No. What Alex did wasn't right. And Rafa has a right to know." I argued.
"I told him I wouldn't say." Neymar said quietly.
"You made a deal with Alex?" I said, raising myself to look at him.
"We sort of apologized to each other before he left."
"Wow." I muttered.
"And anyway, what would be the point? He's miles away, he isn't coming back. And he's more than punished for it."
"Well yeah, but he's still her boyfriend, isn't he?"
"As far as I know."
"Then she has a right to know."